Bride to be... (880 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.32 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MrsKitty (View user info) at 2008-04-14 10:30:26 EDT
As I am sure you are aware I am pretty new to this "Uber" thing. But after eagerly drinking in a lot of your work and a lot of your comments on other peoples work I thought it would be entertaining - and perhaps even enlightening - to ask you for some advice.
In less than 5 days I will be getting married. The title "Mrs." will be official. Now I don't know how many of you are married, are getting married, have been married or completely oppose marriage but I would love to hear any words of wisdom you might have for a soon-to-be-wife.
Before you start hurling your well-thought-out-nuggets-of-insight there are a few things you should probably know about me first.
1 - I am 25 years old.
2 - I am a Christian. Not a real one, mind you. I don't believe everyone will go to hell for not worshiping the everlasting-gobstopper that is Jesus but I do adhere to basic Christian beliefs such as being good to your neighbors, buying overpriced merchandise in the name of Santa, sacrificing multi-colored aborted chicken fetuses, etc.
3 - I have only ever been physical with the man I am about to marry. By physical I mean "intimate" where intimacy is defined as having sex. I have dabbled in the arts of fellatio and cunnilingus in my earlier years but the actual "genital hug" has only been shared with my soon to be husband.
4 - I am 100% scared out of my mind.
I know this has the potential of being a bad idea - opening myself up to some of the sharpest tongues on the internet is hopes of assistance. But to be honest I am willing to do anything at this point that will keep me from climbing the walls in anticipation and anxiety over the next few days.
User Reviews
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2008-05-10 21:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-15 02:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-14 07:47:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not that much older than you but the only lesson I have learned that has proved true 100% of the time, is that in the end, you're on your own. Even your loving spouse will show their inherent self-serving behavior.
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How very mistrustful.
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How very true.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-15 03:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awww not many hits
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-15 02:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-14 07:47:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not that much older than you but the only lesson I have learned that has proved true 100% of the time, is that in the end, you're on your own. Even your loving spouse will show their inherent self-serving behavior.
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How very mistrustful.
Submitted by chitowngirl (user info) at 2008-04-14 23:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the genital, hug oh i how miss thee.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-04-14 19:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All alters pale in comparison to Jewtoast.
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-04-14 19:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kill Yourself
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-14 19:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love the hat darlin'
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-14 18:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh and the fact that she has only had sex with 1 guy and yet isn't a fundamentalist who believes in abstinence proves that she is even fuglier in real life than in that probably intentionally blurry photo.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-14 18:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fat, religious, ugly as fuck, wears glasses, has a retarded name... Does this person do anything RIGHT?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-14 18:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:57:22 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
marriage is dumb as fuck.
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Not when you marry a swinger, babycakes.
You become partners in crime.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-14 18:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Doubtful, but I am not one to get too worked up about the existence or uncanny proliferation of so-called 'alters'.
You seem nice, I dig that so even if you are make-believe it makes no difference to me.
Keep on keepin' on. good luck with the whole marriage thing - sounds like you might need it.
I wasn't scared in the least, after all where is the fear in spending the rest of your life with the person you adore most in the whole world?
To each their own.
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-14 14:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the idea that people like you exist.
I know you don't really, but I like where your head is at.
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I exist... at least I think I do. How does one really know if they exist, anyway?
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-14 13:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am a Christian. Not a real one, mind you. I don't believe everyone will go to hell for not worshiping the everlasting-gobstopper that is Jesus"
I am not a Christian, but that did make me giggle.
My friend is getting married in a month. She's gone from Bridezilla to Buddhist in the last two weeks, and if there were a sweet and fluffy lord up there I'd thank him for that little transition.
Good Luck, and I really mean that.
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Thank you so much! I'd like to think I'm not a bridezilla... my maid of honor though? BIG TIME Maidzilla.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-14 14:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the idea that people like you exist.
I know you don't really, but I like where your head is at.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2008-04-14 13:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Punkin, you're not ready to be a wife.
GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN.
RUN. FOR. YOUR. LIFE.
RUN. RUN. FAR. AWAY.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-14 13:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I am a Christian. Not a real one, mind you. I don't believe everyone will go to hell for not worshiping the everlasting-gobstopper that is Jesus"
I am not a Christian, but that did make me giggle.
My friend is getting married in a month. She's gone from Bridezilla to Buddhist in the last two weeks, and if there were a sweet and fluffy lord up there I'd thank him for that little transition.
Good Luck, and I really mean that.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-14 11:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marriage changes things. It doesn't matter how much you both promise it won't. It does. I don't know how, but it does it like magic.
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 11:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is that thing on her head?
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I think it's a shot from her bridal shower when they make the bow hat.
--
I guess we should be thankful that she has been washed then.
What the hell is a bow hat?
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It's when you take all the bows from the presents you receive at the bridal shower and tape them to a paper plate and make the bride wear it.
Thankfully no pictures were taken of mine - it was scary.
Submitted by Titus (user info) at 2008-04-14 11:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fat and ugly, you're quite the catch
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is that thing on her head?
-----------------------------
I think it's a shot from her bridal shower when they make the bow hat.
--
I guess we should be thankful that she has been washed then.
What the hell is a bow hat?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
marriage is dumb as fuck.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll play along. First off, seriously, look at the sheer number of cola bottles behind you. Of course you're going to be all nervous and bloated and shit after that much caffeine. Second, THAT hat with THAT sweater? No no no. To make THAT hat work you'll need one of those Marie Antoinette wigs and one of those Georgian period dresses that make your ass look big.
People will call you on the anachronisms, of course. "They didn't have acrylic bows in the early 1800's," or "what in the hell is that thing made of, paper mache?" at which point you, as the alter of the bride (good movie title btw), have the absolute right to throw a major hissyfit PROVIDED a video camera is present. Said hissyfit has to be in good taste, of course. Mention at least five times that YOU are the bride, that THEY are not, and as such THEY and EVERYONE ELSE are obligated to do everything you command AND LOOK LIKE THEY ARE ENJOYING IT.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:41:14 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:40:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
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and lipo
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and a new head
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And some biscuits for the poor bastard's guide dog.
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and implants.
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is that thing on her head?
-----------------------------
I think it's a shot from her bridal shower when they make the bow hat.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IT'S KENT DORFMAN'S SISTER!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You need to change its diet. That is nasty.
So is that the new bride carrying thing these days? Walk down the aisle carrying candy floss just in case you need a quick snack?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm pretty sure it's what my cat sicked up last night.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is that thing on her head?
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at 25 if you are "typical" you've had a few good and bad relationships to learn from. Perhaps you have a decent shot at making this work. Don't go in with the defeatist attitude but hey that 50% statistic for failed marriages is grounded in truth.
Don't go spawning kids right away. Wait. wait until you're 28 or 29. Make sure you're not going to get bored quickly. See the next part for the reason why.
Marriage changes things. It doesn't matter how much you both promise it won't. It does. I don't know how, but it does it like magic.
Your lack of sexual experience is not a factor right now. worry about it later. Right now you're basically training yourself into exactly how to please him and him only. If you split up, then worry about your lack of experience. Also worry about it when you hit a mid-life crisis and you're wondering what you missed out on with that dude you blew when you were 21. Worry about it when your sex life goes into the grave and you're wondering how to spice it up.
Its ok to be scared.
Keep a separate bank account. Stick "rainy day" money in there. You never know what will happen.
I'm not that much older than you but the only lesson I have learned that has proved true 100% of the time, is that in the end, you're on your own. Even your loving spouse will show their inherent self-serving behavior.
-----------------------------------
Wow. Can I +2 this? Lol
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There comes a time in every man's life where he wants to moe to Vermont for a nice gay marriage.
Ok, not every man's. Just the one in your picture's.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
post your own camwhore you rotten tart. pretty sure we've discussed this in length... Crystle and Method, crystle method heh, even affirmed our stance on honest and representative camwhores invovling tits, gash or both.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
2- For the file name then.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at 25 if you are "typical" you've had a few good and bad relationships to learn from. Perhaps you have a decent shot at making this work. Don't go in with the defeatist attitude but hey that 50% statistic for failed marriages is grounded in truth.
Don't go spawning kids right away. Wait. wait until you're 28 or 29. Make sure you're not going to get bored quickly. See the next part for the reason why.
Marriage changes things. It doesn't matter how much you both promise it won't. It does. I don't know how, but it does it like magic.
Your lack of sexual experience is not a factor right now. worry about it later. Right now you're basically training yourself into exactly how to please him and him only. If you split up, then worry about your lack of experience. Also worry about it when you hit a mid-life crisis and you're wondering what you missed out on with that dude you blew when you were 21. Worry about it when your sex life goes into the grave and you're wondering how to spice it up.
Its ok to be scared.
Keep a separate bank account. Stick "rainy day" money in there. You never know what will happen.
I'm not that much older than you but the only lesson I have learned that has proved true 100% of the time, is that in the end, you're on your own. Even your loving spouse will show their inherent self-serving behavior.
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:40:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
========
and lipo
--------
and a new head
-------------------------------------------
That's not very nice! I don't think she's that big of a girl. Sure she's a little chubby, but so am I!
Submitted by MrsKitty (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
---------------------------------
Would be good advice but I don't wear glasses. I stole this pic from a wedding site I'm a member of (I love that she looks SO nervous, it kind of fit how I was feeling)
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Method needs to bring back Jewtoast or CabaretGirl. the alters nowadays are totally weak.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There are really so many things I can say, but it would seem redundant since everyone else is thinking the same thing.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:41:14 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:40:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
========
and lipo
--------
and a new head
--------
And some biscuits for the poor bastard's guide dog.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*facepalm*
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:40:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
========
and lipo
--------
and a new head
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
========
and lipo
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't wear your glasses on your wedding day. Get some contacts.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and congratulations. Saccy is right he will be after bum fun now.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-04-14 15:36:00 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well now you're going to have to let him stick it in your butt, you know.
======================
The truth hurts.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've tried cunnilingus too, I liked it but prefer a good solid pounding really.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
alter x2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
alter
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have some advice for you-
oh nevermind. it's too easy. nothing i say is going to sound witty or funny.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-04-14 10:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well now you're going to have to let him stick it in your butt, you know.