No Excuses, Fatass #2 (NSFW!!...Hydration, Set Structure and some commentary on nutrition that I'm sure will be hotly contested by Ubersite's HUGE nutritionist population) (1705 hits)
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Submitted by OathMeal (View user info) at 2008-04-16 10:30:54 EDT
Because I'm such a useless, slovenly flake in real life who cannot see anything through to its completion, I'm dedicated to continuing on with this series.
It's for that reason and because of the few e-mails I've received so far with praise and actual *gasp* appreciation for my efforts that I persevere through the flurry of hate and (mal-informed) criticism I've been getting so far.
For every one of you who hate, there are three who give me virtual blow jobs for sharing this shit with you. So fuck off Beano, Shlongy, Phallic_Shitholes and friends. You're the exact, stick-thin poofters who need my advice the most.
And so with my half-finished bowl of Frosted Flakes (w/vitamin D milk) at my side, I present you with installment #2.
Today I'll be getting into proper hydration, how your set structure should look within a resistance training regimen and I'll also share some thoughts on how I've used certain foods and supplements to REALLY pack on lean muscle while melting fat.
Oh and here's a BONUS: send an e-mail to me at bretd9.at.gmail.com if you have specific questions about how to incorporate any of this into your own exercise plan, fatass.
(p.s. Sicosemen says hello and blows kisses)
___________________________________________
#7: Put down the Gatorade, Powerade, Grape Rooster Booster Caffeine Rush and (oh my god) Red Bull and drink WATER.
When talking hydration, first things first: drink water. While products like Gatorade and Powerade claim to 'infuse' their beverages with life-giving elements like electrolytes and 'essential vitamins and minerals your body NEEDS to perform', the truth is that electrolytes are NOT, during an AVERAGE workout, depleted at such a radical rate that sucking them down during such exercise is required.
Further, just about every 'energy drink' out there (Red Bull, NoS, etc.) is cram fucking packed with caffeine and sugar, two things that can work against you in the gym if you don't watch your consumption.
(I'll be discussing ECA stacking later...a supplement strategy involving Ephedrine, Caffeine and Aspirin)
Another note on hydration: don't just drink in the gym. Dose on H2O before, during and after your workout. Drink at LEAST 1 liter of (ideally pure) water per hour of moderate to moderate-intense exercise.
Also: consider bringing a bottle with you when you workout. This saves trips to and from the public water fountain (which happens to be a veritable cesspool of germs) and also encourages hydration during your routine.
"But why, OathMeal?"
BECAUSE THE BOTTLE'S RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, DUMBASS.
#8: SETS! Depending on whether you're going for muscle TONE versus muscle MASS, use the following guide as a starting point for crafting your own set structure...
Your body will respond in different ways when it's used to do different work in the gym. For the sake of brevity, I'll be classifying RESISTANCE training (not cardio) as involving weights or machines. There are other ways to use resistance training (isometrics, etc.) but they're not applicable here because I say they're not.
For more TONED, defined, and firm muscles that perform better when doing cardio, do 4-6 sets of 14-20 repetitions PER MUSCLE GROUP (i.e. biceps, quadriceps, chest).
For BIGGER, STRONGER and more 'FULL' muscles that perform better in 'explosive' and 'power' scenarios (smacking your bitch, owning the mosh pit, etc.), do 4-6 sets of 4-10 repetitions.
NOTE: SETS SHOULD BE DONE TO EXHAUSTION. What this means is that you should JUST BARELY be able to eek out that last repetition in whatever set you're doing. That means ADJUST THE WEIGHT YOU USE ACCORDINGLY!
#9: Stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch and stretch some MORE.
This...is...absolutely...fucking...critical. YOU NEED TO STRETCH. If you don't know how to stretch a particular muscle, ask Caulaincourt. He's used to contorting his body into all sorts of strange positions in order to maximize prostate stimulation.
Seriously though, stretch EACH MUSCLE you're working before, during and after your workout. I would STRONGLY suggest at least 60 seconds of stretching before, another 120 during and a final 120 after. Stretching makes it easier for your muscles to get the oxygen they need before and during exercise, and after working out, stretching helps to expedite the flushing of lactic acid (a toxic exercising byproduct that must be processed or else you COULD DIE [srsly]).
#10: Metabolism, food and you: consider eating more, more often.
Once you begin a workout routine, your body will start demanding more energy from the stuff you shove down your pipe. Soon, pizza and bagels won't cut it.
I'm going to BASICALLY refer you to the food pyramid which is a pretty good way to gauge whether or not you're getting what your body needs to work best.
Check it out:
http://www.ohsu.edu/healthyaging/caregiving/images/food_pyramid.gif
YES I KNOW IT SAYS 'CAREGIVING' IN THE URL. I'M THOUGHTFUL OF OUR NATIONS ELDERLY.
It's a fact: when your body is presented with food, its metabolism speeds up slightly to process the nutrients in whatever you're consuming. Even after eating, your metabolism will remain elevated for a decent while (.5-2 hours). While it's not a good idea to workout RIGHT after you eat, consider eating 4 smaller meals throughout the day instead of binging twice (i.e. huge lunch, huge dinner, no breakfast).
This will keep your internal furnace burning at a slightly higher rate throughout the day.
FASTER METABOLISM = FASTER PROCESSING OF ALL CHEMICALS/NUTRIENTS/WASTES IN THE BLOODSTREAM.
#11: Make music your workout partner...not some dude or chick who'll 'conversate' and take focus away from why you're there at all.
[Sidebar...conversate is not a word. I want to fucking punch people who use that abomination of English.]
Music has become an absolutely imperative component of a great workout, for me. It does many things...as we all know, our favorite music can create better moods for us and, when we're doing something physically taxing like working out, it just makes sense to try and keep mentally satisfied while maintaining that mind/body communication I mentioned in part 1.
Also...great music has a way of 'pushing' us when we need motivation to squeeze out that last repetition.
#12: Be prepared for DOMS! IT IS TEH SUXXORZ!
DOMS is a physiological acronym that stands for Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. This is a phenomenon that results in post-exercise PAIN that annoyingly sticks around for up to a week after working out (especially when low-rep/high-weight resistance training).
DOMS typically takes about 24 hours to show up. You'll notice that stretching your muscles during DOMS is a pretty uncomfortable thing to do however it is GOOD for healing muscles. DO STRETCH SORE MUSCLES; just know your pain threshold and flirt with it a bit.
DOMS typically peaks at 48 hours and, for most people, lasts only a few days.
After DOMS has run it's course and you feel very little pain, CONGRATULATIONS. You have just built muscle.
__________________________
That's it, kids. I now leave you with a picture of a pretty fucking awesome picture:
User Reviews
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-17 17:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for hot chick
+2 because shes holding a Paul Reed Smith
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-17 10:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's Part 3, you fat lazy piece of shit?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-17 08:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto fit +2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-04-17 01:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 22:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well, no i can't be right...because look at this perfectly shaped man! http://www2.ubersite.com/m/95611
rofl, WHO WANTS HAM?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-16 22:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone know what model that guitar is?
_________________
WHERE IS SKRAPMETAL WHEN YOU NEED HIM
-----
Cue Mighty Mouse *Here I Come to Save the Day!*
Paul Reed Smith - Modern Eagle Trem in Tiger Maple / Cobalt Blue.
*vanishes to the sound of a Santana solo*
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-16 22:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cauls right you know.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you still said lactic acid is toxic, when it's not.
besides, you were wrong on a number of other things and i only skimmed through this.
i hate juicing obsessed fucktards like yourself in gyms. in your case, you're ginger so i get a consolation in the fact that you won't be able to reproduce with shrivelled nuts.
it's getting ridiculous how in some places, more than half the crowd is using some kind of roids...even teenagers for fuck's sake. clueless pencil necks look up to loudmouthed douches like yourself and ask them advices. it results in lot of old myths, sometimes dangerous ones, being circulated around.
then those kids try to 'educate' you by parroting that shit up and when you try to give them the facts you get the good old answer..."WELL THAT GUY WITH THE ENORMOUS BICEPS TOLD ME IT WAS A GOOD IDEA SO IT MUST BE TRUE!"
then they go back to swinging much too heavy weights around, drinking a 5$ XTREME protein shake that their body will shit back within an hour and popping fat burners like there's no tomorrow.
woohoo!
if there's one thing i learned watching my gf work, is that you have to listen to people and understand where they're starting from so they can adapt to a new lifestyle slowly. as if some couch potatoe will do all of your shit overnight.
double fucktard
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"persevere through the flurry of hate and (mal-informed) criticism I've been getting so far"
Oh fuck off. I proved you incontestably wrong. Just admit you were wrong on THAT point and get on with the rest of it. Unless being a pigheaded egotistical douchebag is part of good fitness, which i wouldn't completely rule out.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh snap! Bad aim. Sorry!
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Retarded gnat with it's penis falling off because of STD's below.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but im not balanced either i'm the other way.
a pure fatass.
i've put on 80lbs since i moved to texas
:(
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2008-04-16 20:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keeps a spare bag of pork rinds in glove box in case of emergency, below.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 20:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-16 18:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:29:10 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
as for lactic acids, the myths surrounding it have been debunked left and right not so long ago (random article among others): http://tinyurl.com/o5s3a
the post work out pain doesnt even originate from it and it actually feeds the muscle, doesn'T make you die...lol
Caul is utterly correct about this too.
_____________________________
Did you guys NOT read the part that said [srsly]?
Apparently I did have that wrong. Huh.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-16 20:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:45:35 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
creatine is useful only if you want to bust through a plateau while you're doing hypertrophia. afterward, its effects won't last. it's really quite useless.
you have to remember one thing when you work out: "will i be able to keep this up all my life?"
you have to keep things balanced. meaning:
everyone eventually gets sick or lacks time to work out 7 days a week because of their career, children...whatever
everyone loses motivation at one point, especially when working out in a gym, which gets boring after a few years
everyone wants to eat like a pig every now and then
no one can sustain a strick regiment of supplements for 20 years (multimvitamins, creatine, glutamin, whatever...), if only for the cost or the hassle of eating up that shit everyday
everyone will injure himself at one point or another
etc...
of course, you have juicers like oathmeal (he admitted it) with no social life who can do it...for now. ironically, a few years later, these people often turn into fat slobs (they call themselves "power lifters"). sometimes because of a long standing injury, sometimes because they lack the or the time to go to the gym and can no longer fit their obsessive workouts into their lives. i've seen more than enough of them. eventually, they just juice more or completly stop working out.
his advice is all fine but you have to consider the source and again ask yourself if this lifestyle will last you for a long time.
so yeah, watch you eat, exercise, but be balanced about it.
and remember that there are outdoor sports and that beefing up is not all that great, if not a little ridiculous when exaggarated.
i'm saying this because i'm in better shape now than i was when i worked out every day, counted every single calorie and took supplements. i look and feel healthier and i don't look like the typical insecure gym obsessed dumbass (even if that's not the case, that's the label you get).
besides, if you're doing it for the looks, being buffed was great...in the nineties.
caulaincourt fucking pwned you on all these reviews.
he's right you know, anyone who's ever used steroids ipso facto isn't a balanced person.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-16 20:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:09:28 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously...fuck right on off.
____________________
Shlongy, if there's ANYTHING I've learned about you it's that NOTHING you type on Ubersite is serious.
For that matter, nothing at ALL in your life is serious. That said, giving you a serious ass kicking is, I think, in order.
It would teach you the harsh reality that IS my superiority over your pathetic, washed-up existence.
I mean, come on...playing poker, golf, selling advertising and swapping insults with strangers on the internet all day?
uuuh.....
sounds like a pretty kickass life to me.
except for the advertising thing.
glass houses though oathmeal, you sell webspace.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-04-16 20:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-17 00:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2008-04-16 20:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-16 18:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 21:29:10 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
as for lactic acids, the myths surrounding it have been debunked left and right not so long ago (random article among others): http://tinyurl.com/o5s3a
the post work out pain doesnt even originate from it and it actually feeds the muscle, doesn'T make you die...lol
Caul is utterly correct about this too.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 17:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pandora...I remember when that was all over the news.
Ultrahydration DOES get dangerous but only when you stuff your body with obscene amounts of water. Drinking a gallon of water in one sitting is NOT going to kill you.
It'll cause a lot of pain I'm sure due to your stomach expanding but other than that...I imagine your kidneys would ache a good bit.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right about Gatorade; they claim to be "better than water" at infusing your body with electrolytes, but you can now buy bottled water which contains added electrolytes, such as SmartWater, etc. (Of course, being bottled in plastic, you'll probably die of cancer, but you'll look fabulous!) I dislike sugared drinks (even coffee or tea), so I'm always glad to see sugarless alternatives like this.
I want to point out that drinking too much water can actually be dangerous:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/6263029.stm
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have you ever eaten Oreos? What is your opinion on them?
I can't think of any other cookie I've heard more conflicting info about. They're delicious, they're good deep fried, the Double Stuff Oreos are an overkill, the chocolate oreos don't tase good, they're not as good as twinkies, but the inhalation rates in 90% of Jgreening-like entities make them more gooder, etc., etc.
So - any thoughts?
________________
Comedy. Right here.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone know what model that guitar is?
_________________
WHERE IS SKRAPMETAL WHEN YOU NEED HIM
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Anyone know what model that guitar is?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at least you were right on drinking water.
it's so obvious you get your info from bodybuilding forums and internet websites with names like "GET A 6 PACK LIKE THOSE GUY IN DA MOVIE 300 AND YOU WILL FUCK HOT CHICKS (like Jeanneee)"
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the high rep (tone) low rep (mass) is a complete myth, the simplistic way you described it. it's one of the most noobish things we hear in gyms.
as for lactic acids, the myths surrounding it have been debunked left and right not so long ago (random article among others): http://tinyurl.com/o5s3a
the post work out pain doesnt even originate from it and it actually feeds the muscle, doesn'T make you die...lol
if you have other questions, feel free to ask. i am somewhat knowledgeable but mostly, i have plenty of books or friends qualified in nutrion, rehalibitation or athetletic performance to answer you.
p.s. you're a fucking joke.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have you ever eaten Oreos? What is your opinion on them?
I can't think of any other cookie I've heard more conflicting info about. They're delicious, they're good deep fried, the Double Stuff Oreos are an overkill, the chocolate oreos don't tase good, they're not as good as twinkies, but the inhalation rates in 90% of Jgreening-like entities make them more gooder, etc., etc.
So - any thoughts?
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, Caulaincourt, did you type something? I'm no longer reading your comments so I just thought I'd ask.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
btw, despite popular belief, stretching before lifting heavy weights is not recommended since it increase your amplitude and raise the risk of injury...basically, going too far in your movement.
warming up with light weights is recommended.
that's an advice from my physiotherapist after a shoulder injury echoed by kins.
way to be a 100% confident.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do not listen to a word of what is typed below.
I am 100% confident that caulaincourt knows nothing about physical fitness, judging from what he's said below and from the inaccurate comments he's made in the past.
His 'experience' with creatine was short-lived and probably ill administered.
Again, the man is completely ignorant.
===
yes, yes, i know nothing.
even though i've been working out for five years now. read extensively on the sujbect.
that the majority of our friends are kinesiologues that my gf employs : she gives training classes outdoor. that i help her write "health capsules" based on studies and actual books for her 500+ clients, which are later approved by her employees who have actual DEGREES.
i guess you'll tell me that sounds gay unlike deadlifting a 1000 pounds cuz knowledge is for fags. you should get that artificially high high testosterone checked.
lol...what a dumbass.
my last comment was not about finding excuses but being balanced. until you prove me that being balanced about exercise, or anything else, is wrong i'll ask that you stfu since...YOU ARE A FUCKING JUICER! and therefore, are oblivious to the meaning of the word "health", just like a chick who takes meth and goes to raves to lose weight.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do not listen to a word of what is typed below.
I am 100% confident that caulaincourt knows nothing about physical fitness, judging from what he's said below and from the inaccurate comments he's made in the past.
His 'experience' with creatine was short-lived and probably ill administered.
Again, the man is completely ignorant.
Regarding steroids and creatine...all will be disclosed in #3.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
creatine is useful only if you want to bust through a plateau while you're doing hypertrophia. afterward, its effects won't last. it's really quite useless.
you have to remember one thing when you work out: "will i be able to keep this up all my life?"
you have to keep things balanced. meaning:
everyone eventually gets sick or lacks time to work out 7 days a week because of their career, children...whatever
everyone loses motivation at one point, especially when working out in a gym, which gets boring after a few years
everyone wants to eat like a pig every now and then
no one can sustain a strick regiment of supplements for 20 years (multimvitamins, creatine, glutamin, whatever...), if only for the cost or the hassle of eating up that shit everyday
everyone will injure himself at one point or another
etc...
of course, you have juicers like oathmeal (he admitted it) with no social life who can do it...for now. ironically, a few years later, these people often turn into fat slobs (they call themselves "power lifters"). sometimes because of a long standing injury, sometimes because they lack the or the time to go to the gym and can no longer fit their obsessive workouts into their lives. i've seen more than enough of them. eventually, they just juice more or completly stop working out.
his advice is all fine but you have to consider the source and again ask yourself if this lifestyle will last you for a long time.
so yeah, watch you eat, exercise, but be balanced about it.
and remember that there are outdoor sports and that beefing up is not all that great, if not a little ridiculous when exaggarated.
i'm saying this because i'm in better shape now than i was when i worked out every day, counted every single calorie and took supplements. i look and feel healthier and i don't look like the typical insecure gym obsessed dumbass (even if that's not the case, that's the label you get).
besides, if you're doing it for the looks, being buffed was great...in the nineties.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If I follow your training advice, will I get the Blonde and the guitar in the picture?
______________________
Yes.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If I follow your training advice, will I get the Blonde and the guitar in the picture?
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have you ever used Creatine? What is your opinion on that?
________________________
I'll be discussing creatine, protein, ECA stacking and *OH NOES* steroids in the next installment.
Stay tuned.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, being stuck in a warzone without pussy is driving me absolutely insane...
==================
you probably can't wait to get home and be without pussy
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:29:11 CDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have you ever used Creatine? What is your opinion on that?
I can't think of any other supplement I've heard more conflicting info about. It works, it doesn't work, the monohydrate form doesn't work, the powder form doesn't work, it's a good thing but the absorbtion rates in 90% of the available products make it useless, etc., etc.
So - any thoughts?
---------------------------
Per the pharmacist on my team at work, there aren't any current OTC creatine supplements that will do jack squat for you. She says to eat your vegetables and protein, and exercise 3-4 times a week.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
While I'm a major supporter of working out and keeping healthy, I do have to say.....
worst series evar
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have you ever used Creatine? What is your opinion on that?
I can't think of any other supplement I've heard more conflicting info about. It works, it doesn't work, the monohydrate form doesn't work, the powder form doesn't work, it's a good thing but the absorbtion rates in 90% of the available products make it useless, etc., etc.
So - any thoughts?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wishes he was in a war zone below
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
about to rape civilians below
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree with absolutely everything, ESPECIALLY the part about drinking water instead of bullshit Gatorade. "BUT IT'S GOT ELECTROLYTES!!1"
all it does is give me heartburn. it's fucking sugar water.
DRINK WATER, PEOPLE. it's all your body needs as far as liquids go. i guess the Jack Lalane juicer is ok though.
oh, and that chick is fucking badass. so is the guitar, but i just got done playing some guitar so it doesn't interest me near as much as that chick. i'm going to fucking jerk off until i rub skin off my dick while thinking about jack-hammering the fuck out of her pussy.
yes, being stuck in a warzone without pussy is driving me absolutely insane...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just for my reference: are you basing this series of helpful hints out of some actual training/education on the subject (ie. degreed curriculum or course sucessful completion certificate or state license, something like that), or simply from your own workout experience? It'll make a difference when the lawsuits come, is why I ask. You needn't worry about one from me, of course, as I'm reading this only for entertainment purposes. On the off chance that someone actually follows this advice and is injured because of it, you may want to make that distinction clear.
---------
um, how would one get injured from putting down the diuretics, hydrating, and stretching?
you can get hurt lifting, but he's not telling you to use your back to lift heavy weights or to lift with sudden, uncontrolled movements.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Most of this is just common sense. "Exercise until you're as tired as possible" is just about idiotically simple.
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v
has never spent meaningful time in the gym
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and again, this series is awesome.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I try to drink tons of water, but I keep interrupting my workout to pee...
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when youre working out, no matter how glazed over you are with sweat, anything more than 8 ounces per half hour is overkill. If you're going through a bottle of water between sets then, as you might suspect by the fact that you can feel waves in your belly every time you move, you are drinking too much.
If you just drink a gallon of water when you wake up and then dont drink anything else all day long, it's not going to help you out. Be consistent. Keep a bottle by you and just take a swig every couple minutes.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah I'm just kiddin'.
: )
Sweet picture of a picture.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How does "ignore" work for you, Bondsie?
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This post needs more hate.
Ltap, Unabonger and Shlongy just don't cut it.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i think one crappy post about this is enough, juicer.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Most of this is just common sense. "Exercise until you're as tired as possible" is just about idiotically simple.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My old guitar teacher had the very same guitar... Ivory doves in the fretboard and all.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I am going over to waste about 4 hours at the Verizon Heritage and watch some of the Pro-Am hackers spank it around...is that what you mean, tough guy?
When I start taking "life advice" from a friendless loser like you, it IS time to look for a tall building.
I'll let you know.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu juicer
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously...fuck right on off.
____________________
Shlongy, if there's ANYTHING I've learned about you it's that NOTHING you type on Ubersite is serious.
For that matter, nothing at ALL in your life is serious. That said, giving you a serious ass kicking is, I think, in order.
It would teach you the harsh reality that IS my superiority over your pathetic, washed-up existence.
I mean, come on...playing poker, golf, selling advertising and swapping insults with strangers on the internet all day?
What a fucking waste of life. Go DO something, dipshit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait a second...do you TRULY believe that I would quiver if I had the chance to proceed into your "10 foot circle of stink"???
Seriously...fuck right on off. You scare me about as much as The Cookie Monster does.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So who the fuck is selling -2's now?
*uberboard dipshit*
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You "WELCOME litigation"?
______________________
Shlongy, if someone is going to hire an attorney to file suit against me because I typed something on an internet website about how to work out correctly, I would laugh. Hard.
Almost as hard as when I think about the idea of you ever growing the nuts it would take to actually be in a 10 foot radius of me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You "WELCOME litigation"?
I would love to have a laugh at the expense of your "highly paid legal team".
You using Matlock?
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SPACE ACCOUNTS
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This all sounds like a terrible amount of effort.
_____________________
It really isn't.
What we're talking about here is 3-5 hours worth of commitment during any given week.
Considering there are 168 hours in a week, that isn't asking much.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
But I do agree with the hydration point. Always good to have water around.
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Especially if you happen to be a fish.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just for my reference: are you basing this series of helpful hints out of some actual training/education on the subject (ie. degreed curriculum or course sucessful completion certificate or state license, something like that), or simply from your own workout experience? It'll make a difference when the lawsuits come, is why I ask. You needn't worry about one from me, of course, as I'm reading this only for entertainment purposes. On the off chance that someone actually follows this advice and is injured because of it, you may want to make that distinction clear.
_________________________
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
If ANYONE is going to SUE me because of getting injured while following my advice, they're goddamned morons and I would WELCOME such litigation.
That said, I offer no guarantees either implied or expressed in delivering this information to the public.
/end cya
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This all sounds like a terrible amount of effort. It is the difference between a man who carefully selects different types of wood, purchases and prepares a wide variety of tools, then spends hours or even days carefully constructing a birdhouse and a man who chooses to live in a house without a garden.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Like... wow man... just wow. You're like the new Jesus.
all hail ginger bollocks.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. And that chick, I believe, is a perfect 10. That is, of course, until she opens her mouth (to talk) at which point she will probably drop to a 3.5. Don't forget your duct tape fellas!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just for my reference: are you basing this series of helpful hints out of some actual training/education on the subject (ie. degreed curriculum or course sucessful completion certificate or state license, something like that), or simply from your own workout experience? It'll make a difference when the lawsuits come, is why I ask. You needn't worry about one from me, of course, as I'm reading this only for entertainment purposes. On the off chance that someone actually follows this advice and is injured because of it, you may want to make that distinction clear.
But I do agree with the hydration point. Always good to have water around.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think porn stars should only pose with instruments they know how to play
_____________
YOU MEAN LIKE MY CO...
nvm.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think porn stars should only pose with instruments they know how to play
hehehe
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i drink at least a gallon and a half of water a day
______________________
A gallon and a half of water per day is about where I top out. I think that's a great volume if you're an active person.
Even if you're not that active...drinking lots of water helps cleanse the body in general and keeps the liver and kidneys in good shape.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-16 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i drink at least a gallon and a half of water a day
of course this is why I have to stop halfway home everyday at the rest stop.....did you know that there are a ton of fags at the rest stops along the NJ Turnpike
a ton
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oops...sorry shadow!
Bad aim.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pasty elf below.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I try to drink tons of water, but I keep interrupting my workout to pee...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 for the shout out!!!
- 4,000,000 for assuming that ANYONE on God's green Earth is going to take YOUR motley advice on ANY subject.
My rock hard abs and stellar pecs and delts were all accomplished without steroids, Fatass.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was much better than the first one. I'm not going to get all nit picky about this, so I shall leave it at that. I think it's great what you're doing here, and on your last post all I was trying to put across was that you needed to be a tad more responsible with the recomemdations.
I have no problem with the concept of this.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd add that people should stay away from bottled water. Specifically if the bottle you are using is labeled with a 1 or 2 in the Recycle symbol.Those bottles have expiration dates....not for the water but because after those dates they cannot determine how much off-gassing the plastic does...all the bench pressing in the world doesn't stack up against Cancer.
Companies such as Sigg and Kleen Kanteen offer Aluminum and stainless bottles for drinking that a guaranteed not to leach and tapwater is often rated higher in taste tests to bottle water.
Also......YOU'RE PAYING FOR FUCKING WATER DIPSHITS!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Brawndo has Electrolites!
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-16 10:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like leaving people with pictures of awesome pictures, thank you very much.