Welcome to the pain. (My introduction to cycling.) (414 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.22 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jollydodger (View user info) at 2008-04-19 10:02:08 EDT
First ride:
Leave house:
... begin pedaling. Almost fall over due to lack of talent and never using cleats before. Manage to avoid embarrassment... continue.
1km:
... not bad. A bit chilly, but otherwise fine. At least it's not raining. Still learning to work the gears, but at least not in immediate danger of falling over.
1.5 km:
Hit "THE WALL". Heart goes into overdrive. Lungs burning. Teeth bleeding. Gonna die. Oh my god here comes a hill...
4km:
My legs and I are no longer on speaking terms. Left testicle gone to sleep. Can't feel my toes.
7.5km:
Heart starts to stabilize. Begin to start breathing normally again. And by that I mean like a normal person would breath if they were hyperventilating and having an asthma attack.
12km:
Settled into a rhythm... hey this isn't too bad.
21km:
Setting a decent pace now. Taxis zooming past every few minutes. I'm usually only used to confronting them in an Audi-shaped safety capsule. They're a lot scarier now. And they don't give you much room.
30km:
Feeling really good, but the wedding tackle is not responding. A bit worrying. That can't be good. But at least I'm not coughing up blood anymore.
35km:
Overtake another cyclist! Ok, she was old and she had a gammy leg. And she was on a vintage bike. But it still counts!
42km:
Arrive back home before anyone wakes up. No one believes I even went riding. Great.
1 hour later:
Feeling returns to the frank and beans.
User Reviews
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-21 16:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There is nothing worse than getting off the bicycle after a ride and realizing your penis is numb. Under no circumstances can that be cause for anything less than utter panic. And the pins/needles feeling of returning blood flow... Don't even get me started on how awesomely painful THAT was.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-21 16:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-04-21 14:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-19 11:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bicycling: blech. Every time I swerve to avoid one of you fuckers I think of that car chase scene in Natural Born Killers where Mallory takes time out from shooting at the pursuing cops to blast the bicyclist. She says, "I always wanted to do that."
I thought you were taking up this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/115780
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-04-19 11:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FRANKS AND BEANS!
FRANKS AND BEANS!
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-04-19 11:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sleeping nut.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-19 11:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Left testicle gone to sleep.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-04-19 10:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i love riding my bike early in the morning.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-04-19 10:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dont believe you either.
Nah I do really