Canadian Healthcare: 2025 (472 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.56 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2008-04-20 19:32:07 EDT
In the savage land of Canada, there was peace, charming people, lush forests, removable flapping heads, abundant wildlife, cell phones, high literacy rate, universal healthcare, and sodomy.
Universal healthcare was the beginning of their end. By 2009, there were massive cuts in the budget, eliminating most of the services covered, and some of the waiting list got to be years before anyone got treated. Eventually, the system collapsed. The only thing treated for free was "the sniffles" and it took years before you were told to take aspirin and never call them again.
In 2011, an airborne flu-like virus was discovered. The government recognized it as a treatable illness, and allowed it to enter the free healthcare system. An actual cure was found for those who had it and a vaccine to prevent people from catching it to start with.
They flooded the already broken system, and people had to wait for days. The rule was, you can get infected and you aren't allowed to infect others, so you had to be quarantined for three days. After three days without symptoms, you were treated as "not infected" despite the well known twelve day incubation period.
Eventually, the illness mutated, and the previous treatment only strengthened the virus.
The only people who were safe were those in medical professions. Eventually, the country was stricken with illness.
It had long since crossed the border into America, where it was contained, but not stopped.
With almost nobody to maintain the Canadian land, it had returned to the animals. Wild dogs roamed the streets, scavenging on what scraps remained. Walls were constructed around remaining cities and towns for protection against hordes of untreatable sick people expecting a miracle cure on the inside. The people were weakened in both mind and body, so they could not climb over the walls but rather, they would attack them trying to go through them. The guards, who themselves were on the razor's edge between basic fatigue and infection, would fight them off as best they could from the towers.
The country was sealed off from the rest of the world. Only the surviving Canadians and the small portion of Americans who could afford the vaccine early on were safe. The world flew into an economic depression, wiping out large portions of the global population.
Doctors ruled the world.
Eventually, sports arenas were used like roman coliseums, either for single or group combat. They would fight to the death, for both the amusement of the crowd and medical care. The stands would be lined with doctors and nurses, betting with medical supplies. The horns would sound, and the lights would dim.
Drugs replaced money, as you couldn't risk an infection of any kind. The disease would mutate constantly. Some strains would alter a person's genetic makeup, destroying what made them human. Others would do minor damage to nerve or muscle tissue, disabling the host in one way or another.
By 2017, several hordes of semi-humans had bred with those outside the walled cities. They were in the colder and more remote parts of Canada, so they were only partially afflicted. This weakened state allowed them to be overpowered and raped by the horde. The spawn from this were intelligent enough to guide the groups, and had led several successful attacks on the remaining cities. The hazmat-suited guards either were infected or dismembered. Survival was nearly impossible.
It is now 2025. The plan is just to destroy all of Canada by bombing it off the face of the earth, then making new maps to show it's not there. We're making sure to leave fifty miles of land for ground work along the borders. After all, we're not about to destroy America. The remaining fifty miles will be destroyed by hand. If anything is left alive, we will kill it. Killing it with fire is the only safe way. The land will be fenced off, marked as the forbidden zone. We will rebuild and the world will remain intact, but this will serve as a lesson to us all.
Thanks a lot, Canada.
User Reviews
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hairy arms means a lush, full beaver.
so +1 for that
yes, canadian women are attractive and rather pleasant after they get to know you.
writing.
no read.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-04-21 16:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poutine is disgusting
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-21 11:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-21 10:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they tell us the reason why we're safer in large metropolitan areas is mostly because of wealth redistribution. we don't have too much very poor people.
personally, i think it's because we're not infested with niggers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-21 10:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't read the post but lungfish comments was funnay.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-04-21 09:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GROSS THAT CHICK HAS HAIRY ARMS LOL. I WOULDNT FUCK THAT UGLY FAT TROLL WITH YOUR DICK LOL.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-21 09:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Weak, and the hot woman didn't improve it much.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-21 08:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116238
You made it through to the end! Wooo! How complete does your life feel now?
I know!
:)
Submitted by Baxter (user info) at 2008-04-21 07:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this, but I now have a new found respect for Canada.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-04-21 05:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
picture. dont care about the post.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-21 05:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The problem free healthcare systems in both Canada and the UK are the same: old people.
We're all very fortunate in that many years ago there was a big war and so afterwards people did A LOT of fucking, thus leaving us with lots of old people. Hopefully in a few years we will have fewer old people, but we will be old ourselves and now because people have decided we all hate children we will have to be supported by immigrants.
Kind of like we've done today actually.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-04-20 20:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-20 20:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i rode your wife while you were in vancouver lungfish.
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1) gross
or
2) Ah, that explains the enhanced vaginal grip
I couldn't decide which response was better. So you get both. In retrospect, I see that neither response suits my gentlemanly demeanor, and now I feel guilty. Thanks.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-20 20:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-20 20:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This sounds like it came from a boredfourth-grader. But I imagine that was your goal, so good job.
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Any suggestions? Next time I half-ass a post, I'd like to do it a little better.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-20 20:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This sounds like it came from a boredfourth-grader. But I imagine that was your goal, so good job.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-20 20:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i rode your wife while you were in vancouver lungfish.
she handled real well once i got her on the highway
ps you have crabs
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-04-20 19:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Also, there were Asian women everywhere. A definite plus.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-20 19:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-04-20 19:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was in Canada recently. It was very strange walking through the downtown metropolitan area at night and feeling safe. Really friggin' strange.
Other observations: the women tend to be very attractive, everybody's nice and seemingly happy (also friggin' strange), and they have an efficient public transit system. Also not a McDonald's on every block.
I would want to live there (and actually received an offer of sponsorship), but the alcohol and cigarettes were too damned expensive, so fuck that.
In the butt.
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Just can't handle saftey, security, and comfort, especially at the expense of not being able to have any vices.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-04-20 19:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was in Canada recently. It was very strange walking through the downtown metropolitan area at night and feeling safe. Really friggin' strange.
Other observations: the women tend to be very attractive, everybody's nice and seemingly happy (also friggin' strange), and they have an efficient public transit system. Also not a McDonald's on every block.
I would want to live there (and actually received an offer of sponsorship), but the alcohol and cigarettes were too damned expensive, so fuck that.
In the butt.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-04-20 19:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The picture made me forget what I read.
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-04-20 19:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAY YOU