forget the fucking economy, does anyone have experience with EXPLICITLY SEXUAL dating website? (786 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.02 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandythedog (View user info) at 2008-04-22 07:50:10 EDT
i am trying to prepare myself to advertise myself on an explicitly sexual dating website.
ie, the kind where people post pictures of their gentalia and sprecitify whether they perefer anal or water sports or toys etc etc etc
i must admit, a part of me finds them very VULGAR
but on the other hand, it would be rather nice to meet some nice ladies and go and have enjoyable sex with them withokut any great fuss or drama. what is wrong with fucking????
(apart of course from fucking with a creature like myself, a hideous muddy brown sstreak of diahraea with a pudgy white body and a nervous frightened expresssion on my face - nobody would wish fucking ME on their worst enemy! i am a monster, a gruesome sexual cripple, etc etc etc)
actaully, that's not completely true. i only feel that way sometimes. and I BLEAME SOCIETY!!
sometimes i am a nice relaxed handsome fellow, charming eyes and voice, loverly colouring, sensitive, randy as a goat, fond of milk, etc
anyway, my theory is that if i can present myself in an intersting and honest manner, perhaps i will actually find someone or some number of nice women i can fuck!
that is my new goal!
sexual liberty!
the trouble is, when you start thinking about rooting every woman under the sun, you sooner or later stray from the path set by 'goldunmun' or whaterver his name was in 'nazis and goldfgmen/' by herman heese - the chap who just wandered around the coutnryside rooting women of all kinds in a nice friendly manner in medgiavealy germany or whereverf it was
and instead find yourself on the path of the cool guy who scores heaps of chicks, who defines himself by his scussessexlaul success, etc etc
SANASY
ANYWAY!
the point is, i must work on my spiel for this website, and am curious to hear of anyone else who has used these SEXUALLY EXPLICITY DATTING WEBSITE
when i say sexually explicit websites, and i may already have explained tdhis but i can't be tbotoehr kcheking, i mean as opposed to 'normal' dating website where people talk about how they have good senses of humour and are stable and secure and like going to movies etc
rather than putting up pics of their shaven cunts and syaing how they like to suck cock, etc etc
User Reviews
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-04-25 07:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah man, it's all about adultwork.com!
Only ever used it to swap filthy photos with a chick I know but it's pretty good.
Only problem youll have is that women are picky and they can't resist using sex as a profitable tool so take your fucking credit card! us guys would fuck anything, women would fuck anything that pays!
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-04-25 00:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, but I have done explicitly sexual things with dates from a website!
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-24 21:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-23 12:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I have run out of time to do the thing and have to go watch the football now. Apollo will gladly do it though I'm sure, he is a man of science.
--
apollo is washed up, he no longer has any command over the uber populace
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-24 17:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've never participated on one of those, but i wish you the best of luck in your endeavours, shandy.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-04-24 16:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-23 12:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, I have run out of time to do the thing and have to go watch the football now. Apollo will gladly do it though I'm sure, he is a man of science.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-04-22 15:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
scussessexlaul
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-22 13:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
adultfriendfinder.com
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 12:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wouild also be nice, if, while i slept in your bed, you attempted to bring me to ejaculation without wakint me up
i make what i consider to be deliciious Authentic French scrabmled eggs, althiugh i worry some people might not like them as they are a bit gooey. i worrty that that might consider me a maker of poor quality scrambled eggs.
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 12:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-22 11:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not entirely sure why, but I rather liked this. The candidness in the middle is probably what cinched it for me. Diarhhea in a flabby white body is somehow comedic gold in my opinion.
--
really??
that's great news.
i want to become more comedic
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 12:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-22 11:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've nto got t'internet at home yet. I moved recently and it's all still being sorted out.
Women love you Shandy. I am sure even Forensic harbous jagged lust in her bony loins for you, although I imagine she puts the face of Ewan Mcgreggor over the top.
The only problem would be Muddy et al. squawking OMG WTF and scaring all the birds away from being sincere. Actually that's quite interesting in and of itself.
Regardless, I'll do it tommorow.
---
excellent, let us hope for an interesting and fruitful harvest.
perhaps you could ask about it in the broader context of internet sexual practice. like have you ever fucked someone you met online, which presumably happens all the time.
but i leave that to your discreation and knowledge of the bony loins of creatruses such as forensic girl.
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 12:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi
I wonder if posting an advertisement on this sexually explicit dating site makes me a loser? A sexual, social, economic, physical etc failure? A person with no self-respect?
I certainly feel that way sometimes. Plus all the usual sexual anxieites about performance, rejection, conquest, humiliation, weight loss, dental hygeine, etc etc
I blame society!
At other times, I sometimes do manage to feel quite happy and feel affection and strong sexual desire for all kinds of females. And even to see myself as quite an attractive and charming and sincere man.
In general, i am randy as a goat. I like milk.
In terms of specific sexual preferences, i would like to experience:
-more foreplay for it's own sake rather than just as foreplay prior to fucking. In particular i like a blowjob/handjob that involves the end of my nob (bulging and sticky with pre-ejaculate) pushing against your soft powdery breasts from time to time, plus testicle licking along with appreciative remarks about how nice I taste. Ideally, i would like to finish with a burst of you wanking me so that my bulging sticky nob head bumps repeatedly into your soft flowery breast so that i am just on the verge of cumming onto your tits, at which point you remomve the breast and lower your head and start flicking the eye of my engorged nob with your tongue, so that as I am acatually ejaculating, as the eye of my penis is actually delivering spurt after spurt of jism, your tongue and lips are fiddling delicately with it. This is excruciating and wonderful. If you don't like the taste of jism though, i'm just as happy to cum on your tits or throat.
i also like a very slow and languid handjob, with catty little claws etc, and interesting chit chat in the background
i also like ejacuulating on necks
something i have never done, but would like to, is have the head of my penis used as an external clitoral masturbaztion tool.
i am uncertain about using my famous Limited Male Motion Mutual Orgasm method of sexual intercourse. it seems tied up with love etc to some extent. with jism being squeezed and gulped up by your hungry contracting cervix somewhere deep in your cunt the purpose of creating new life etc.
i would like to work on the repeated total withdrawal/insertion metehod of sexual intercourse. ie, when the penis is removed completely for each thrust of intercourse. i think this has great potential.
i would like to try all kinds of other things, in a friendly manner.
as i mentioned though, like most of us i tend to be inhibited by various horrible fears and anxieties. i might turn up at your house with nothing to offer bu a nervous eye, a bad smell, and a shriveled dick.
on the other hand, i have enjoyed laying in women's arms in the past, and some of them have appeared to enjoy laying in my arms. It can be nice to lay in someone's arms, especially if you are awash with each other's cunt juice and jism.
note: the film 'sideways' seems to deal with all these things.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-22 11:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not entirely sure why, but I rather liked this. The candidness in the middle is probably what cinched it for me. Diarhhea in a flabby white body is somehow comedic gold in my opinion.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-22 11:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've nto got t'internet at home yet. I moved recently and it's all still being sorted out.
Women love you Shandy. I am sure even Forensic harbous jagged lust in her bony loins for you, although I imagine she puts the face of Ewan Mcgreggor over the top.
The only problem would be Muddy et al. squawking OMG WTF and scaring all the birds away from being sincere. Actually that's quite interesting in and of itself.
Regardless, I'll do it tommorow.
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 11:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
also, it's not a case of not being 'already' married
i WAS married
i'm normal!
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can't stand that forensic girl
but seriously bertie, why don't you do a post on this topic, questioning the uber females, in you mild and civilzed manner?
who knows, maybe they have all been thinking about it
OR DOING IT!
don't you think it is an interesting concept
i was actually quite amazed the sites exist, and some of the clientelle appeaer reasonably 'normal'
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not that many middle aged people on Uber who aren't already married. Forensic girl hangs around with bikers so... you know... she's probably the Mother or whatever Hunter S. Thompson said they were called.
She might know though, assuming I've completely misinterpreted her role with her 'biker' friends.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
tg
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how am i supposed to know?
i'm 44 for fuck's sake
maybe these explicit sites are the beginning of a whole new sexual order
perhaps a horrible one, perhas a nice one
it seems almost an inversion of the traditional model:
root, then perhaps fall in love,
rather than:
fall in love, then perhaps root
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
acatually, i notice that so far no one has actually described any experience with such websites
why is this?
i suspect most people have used normal dating website, or psedudo dating sites such as facebook etc
is there a stigma to those expicit sites??????
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hang on a sec
i just said 'nice pretty girls' in the context of ubersite users
the whacko has addled my brains
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2008-04-22 10:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i suppose i'm holding on to the hope, which there is some evidence for, that nice pretty girls also have troulbe finding someone they enjoy rooting
and some of them may reconginse this, without being gross vulgar monsters
i may have to readdress this post to uber women
or get bertram to
they seem to listen to him
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-22 09:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-22 09:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's an intersting though bertram
problem there is: homophobia
perhaps i should try to overcome that?
become bisexaul?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SUGGEST
------------------------------
*shrugs*
Sex with an enormous man worked a treat for Dr. Rhinehart. Plus it may help you better relate to Dr. Pussy.
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-04-22 09:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well good luck on those dating sites dude. There are probably more than 52 million horny guys in your timezone alone and only a few hundred proper dumpster-sluts on the web. You're gonna have to take a number and stand in line.
I think you would do better to concentrate on improving your social skills.
Use it. Don't use it.
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-04-22 09:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well good luck on those dating sites dude. There are probably more than 52 million horny guys in your timezone alone and only a few hundred proper dumpster-sluts on the web. You're gonna have to pick a number and stand in line.
I think you would do better to concentrate on improving your social skills.
Use it. Don't use it.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-22 09:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's an intersting though bertram
problem there is: homophobia
perhaps i should try to overcome that?
become bisexaul?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SUGGEST
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also I should mention that the sexual adventure Shandy's on about there seems based on anonymity, or rather non public enjoyment of Things, and thus could perhaps be achieved by having an orgy with the lights off.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
everyone hates you when your populbus - that's very profound
bertram, i'm puzzled that uoui apparently hold that view. i often see myself as a rather timid fellow
Submitted by Titus (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's just very jealous. You know what they say, everyone hates you when you're popular.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bearing in mind that Shandy is closest living embodiment of my literary hero Luke Rhinehart, it's safe to assume the adventure and exploration of the unknown are the key things here with messy sexy fun times representing merely a pleasant working environment.
Certainly saves me the bother of worrying about such things.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116259 <--- is the answer, buddy.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Depressing.
And I might've known uber's latest lothario, Titus, would have plenty of experience in it.
Sigh.
-
what's so depressing, fj bell?
bare your soul
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Titus (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The women on those things do put out, but they're either fat, wrinkled, or both. You're better off just seeing a hooker, they'll be a lot prettier and probably cleaner.
i can cope with fat and wrinkled, if they are NICE
and not too smelly
a bit smelly here and there is o,k
in fact, the stink of cunt can of course be quite apherocicisldaly
the toher great point here concerns the sualy stuff: don't want to be GOOD and sex, want to be GOOD at sex. as in nice at sex. not good at it. but of course that's not entriely true. aslo want ot be good at it. jnote parraleles with wriging and tryikg to be 'creative'
the main point seems to be something aboujt doing things that you enjoy because you enuoy them, not for the status they bring
which is proably not so easy as it sounds, given our societies obsession with status and the huge stagus you can get by rooting millions of women or being an artist or rich or clver etc
nvertheless! that is waht we strive for abourd the Good Ship Venus
the Good Ship Venus Party
we need a you tube animator of the callibre of the Harry Potter puppets' caliber
can't be too hard.
"last week on the good ship venus:
captain shandy was enraged by rudd's performance over the vital issue of the PUPLIC SUBMISSION FIASCO which was compleley overlooked by the mainstreat media.
sick, as were his shipmates, of writing well reasoned and thojugvyrufdly lewters to the minister and the editor, only to receive literally INANE re;iilies (boit to self, check meaning of INANW) the crew became fired up
dr pussy wanted to burn the ship to ashes, so infuriated was he by the lack of action from the wise and patient 'Old Man'. (as Captain Shandy was oten referred to by his youthful and reverential crew)
apullo was still in teh corner blubbering because he never got to suck osama's nob
the black sheep was stubmling around in his thongs ina drugged confusion looking for his power aid grubby old cooler
mr ed the talking horse was dreaming about sitting naked in apres ski hotsprings in japan, but nevertheless seemed to exert a calming effect on dr pussy
reason prevailed, and with Captain Shandy's steady hand on the tiller, his whiskcy bottle safely tucked away in the safe, his public speaking course progressing triupmphanfy, the Good Ship Venus Party set sail towards the Lodge in canberra, ready to inact the plan which clumilkinated as per the descrbitiopnion abovbe.
this week,
mr ed the talking horse attends a press conference as a representative of the Good Ship Venus party, armed with eth following questeions
(this would be presented in puppet form, of course. although, perhaps given enough beta blockers the talking horse might go and perform the feat in reality. or perhaps two people could peform the feat, hidden inside a talking horse costume!
the talking horse, of course, emablaxoned with the good ship venus youtube www adress of course
anway, steve should get a hobby
soime thing lyou like to do because ou enljoy it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Depressing.
And I might've known uber's latest lothario, Titus, would have plenty of experience in it.
Sigh.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stevo needs a hobby
an interest
letter to rudd re. stfuu about 20/20, ie what the fuck happened to all the written public sumbissions that were called for??????? u gCW;BR I HAVEN'T HEARD THEM METIONED YOU CUNT
my second in command dr pussy will be around to give you an anal rogering that will wipe that smirk off your face my lad!
or i might even see if i can round up that old hasbeen apullo!
he could probabl6 magnage to rub his falcic bellyand smelly english balls all over your poink likttle face you cunt!
whaat about the public submisions now, you little cunt!
[note, prepare an illistrated comic version of the above as press release on you-tube!!!
[captain shandy sits on the brig, making glorius love to julia fillard who is all oiled up and naked, the sun catchy her loverly red pubes to advantage, etc
rudd is chained on hands and kness,
the charges are read
dr upspy and a;uple get to work on him
rudd everntuayl6y confesses to being a cunt
the nation rise up as one!
WHAT ABOUT OUR FUCKUING SUBMISSIONS, YOU CUNT!
Submitted by Titus (user info) at 2008-04-22 08:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The women on those things do put out, but they're either fat, wrinkled, or both. You're better off just seeing a hooker, they'll be a lot prettier and probably cleaner.