FNN - Fictional News Network (402 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.23 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2008-04-22 21:12:10 EDT
Police responded to calls reporting an intruder who had broken into a local home yesterday afternoon. The Bears family reported that they had gone on a family outing and returned home to find their house had been broken into. A search of the house revealed that the kitchen area in particular had been ransacked and some food items appeared to be half eaten. A further examination of the premises was conducted at which time a 23 year old female named Goldie Locks was found passed out in an upstairs bedroom.
Locks was detained by police for questioning. She indicated she is a heroin addict and that her intention was the steal items from the home to sell in order to obtain more drugs. She saw food laying out on the table and ate some of it as she states she has not had a meal in approximately two days. She then went upstairs and shot up in a bedroom.
She is being transported to the Northern Regional Jail and is facing charges of breaking and entering, trespassing, possession of drugs, and burglary.
In other news, a local man was evicted from his home today by the Health Department. Officials received several complaints over the weekend concerning unsanitary living conditions of Oscar the Grouch of Sesame Street. Officials reported that he was living in a garbage can. When ordered from his home he became belligerent and aggressive. Sheriff's officials were called in to assist in the eviction. He was transported to a local homeless shelter.
The trial of Hansel and Grettle will begin next Tuesday. The pair are accused of murdering an elderly woman by shoving her into an oven. The state is seeking the death penalty in this matter. In an ironic twist, the gas chamber has been reinstated as capital punishment.
"The Cookie Diaries" by Cookie Monster detailing his struggle with addiction during the mid 1980's is number one on the best sellers list.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-23 11:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing to write home about.
Or write about in the first place, really.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 06:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not exactly stellar.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-23 05:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-04-23 03:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This could have been great, but you blew your wad on Goldilocks
--
Who wouldnt? Hot little blonde that she is.
Submitted by jollydodger (user info) at 2008-04-23 03:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This could have been great, but you blew your wad on Goldilocks when the real fun is the Hansel and Gretel story.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-04-23 03:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2008-04-23 01:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oscar stole it for me.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-23 01:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-22 23:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's too obvious to not have been done before, but I'm not intrigued enough to search it out. +1 moMEHntary entertainMEHnt.
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like this
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You wrote something that wasn't execrable! :O
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-04-22 22:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO FLYERS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-04-22 21:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did something like this a while ago.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83022