Fur. The Uberotica post too explicit for the internet. (841 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.84 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (View user info) at 2008-04-23 07:30:28 EDT
The creature lay draped across the bed in a shape and position that would make someone who had just come on to the scene perceive great discomfort. In truth, the multiple deformities of the creature were such that it was in the only comfortable position it could possibly occupy.
The bed itself was covered with a lurid aqua bedspread that contrasted sharply with the dark coating of the creature. A pattern of dark blue leaves festooned the bedspread to give an almost hallucinogenic impression of a hawaiian shirt gone wrong. Interestingly, Jeff had used the left over bedspread material to make a number of shirts, but that is straying from the point.
With the lights turned all the way down, Jeff moved from one candle to another with an almost reverential air of seriousness. The flare and spit of each successive wick was reflected in the large, black eyes of the creature.
Jeff sighed.
With a single, sombre motion Jeff zipped his suit up until the soft outer layer covered his entire body. In a shorter, more aggressive movement he unzipped the crotch of the suit and withdrew his penis.
Jeff's approach to sex was somewhat akin to a chimpanzee's approach to a Rubik's Cube. To a reasonable outsider, the principle of what had to be done was quite clear. It was the execution that was problematic.
Had an objective creature been present when Jeff penetrated the creature, they would have been forgiven if they had mistaken the scene before them for one large, furry anaconda twisting through its own coil in an opiate haze.
If they were perceptive, however, they would have realised the true nature of the scene when the 8 track stereo reached its first, soothing chorus;
"We are waining... we are waining through time" The stereo whispered sensually though the perfumed air. "We are waining through time".
The candles sputterred and the furry anaconda writhed. Downstairs, Jeff's mum spooned frozen brown lumps into an oversized bowl.
"We are waining through time,
Things will get better.
We are waining through time,
We will always be together.
We are waining through time.
(echo echo echo echo) "
User Reviews
Submitted by Fat-Sacks (user info) at 2008-05-11 07:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
genius, seriously, why aren't you a billionaire yet?
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-02 03:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-02 03:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-05-02 03:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-02 02:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rob! Phallic hates me too. Can we form some kind of group maybe?
I think there is a few of us!
---
haha
...he does seem a bit disgruntled huh?
I think he needs a hug.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-02 02:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rob! Phallic hates me too. Can we form some kind of group maybe?
I think there is a few of us!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-05-02 02:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116446#2702198
I promise I will never spend that much time on you...
Like EVER.
Does that piss you off even more?
Can you write me a poem next?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-30 14:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116408#2700792
haha.
Does this mean this post is officially quarantined until someone else reviews it?
You fucking spaz.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-29 05:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-04-29 04:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This had potential.
____
If you knew who it was about, you would realise its potential had been realised.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-04-29 04:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This had potential.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-29 01:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is awesome.
Sorry scourge, my delicate flower of the desert, I didn't mean to list you. Out of the entire Uber base, you have been the kindest, sweetest soul, showing me the Uber ropes and helping me feel not only welcome, but beautiful and slim with your stream of compliments.
I hereby request scourge's name be omitted from such a list.
Hey, Phallic, instead of whining and bitching about me behind my back like a little schoolgirl, why not email Bart with your concerns. I am sure if he agrees he will ban me. Otherwise, stop talking as if you are a 'somebody' on a website, it reeks of desperation. So you have a few posts on B@W, kudos to you, your life goal s are fulfilled! Yay!
really.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-04-28 15:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not sure why you list me there, orphelia, as i am a kind and considerate man, always mindful of the feelings of others.
this post was great.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-28 12:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Quick, let's all gang up on orphelia as sometimes she speaks her mind and once she posted a picture of her face and she looked ordinary!'
Yeah, you win Phallic. lol
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-28 12:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-19 02:15:48 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
I mean... is your big brother the playground bully or something!? Why is everyone so fucking tolerant of you laying into other n00b girls? You're fucking BLARF!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The other nOOb girls you speak of are alters, of course, you being such a long standing, respected Uberer, you already know that. Alters do not count, do they? We can be as cruel as we like?
nOOb females I get on with are too many in number to mention.
Oh, and last time I looked, my writing 'skills' on Uber (I use the term 'skills' very loosely) have nothing to do with the way I look.
I like how you target my camwhore but don't bother to investigate what I am about any further.
If any bullying is taking place here, it is your persistant slagging me off at every chance.
And I never once said I was attractive. For a middle aged mum of two (soon to be three!) I look average. Perhaps, if you post a pic of your mum, we can compare. I am sure she must be MILF material, your standards are so high.
Hahahaha, at the end of the day, sweety, I do no more 'picking' on folk than scourge, muddy, bamf, hurty, mathod, toe... See, what you forget is it is a website, supposedly unmoderated, and I can say what the fuck I like.
Your 'I have been here longest, my opinion counts more' attitude stinks, but if tha, and your constant bagging of me, make your life complete, you keep it up dude!!
Good for you! Way to go! :) <3
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-25 05:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-04-14 00:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Electro bashing is so 2006
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-24 23:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So much wasted potential here.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-04-24 23:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fur, now that's a good name for a band.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-24 07:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-24 07:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-04-24 00:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2008-04-24 00:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some days I love the internet. Today is one of those days.
Thank you good sir.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-23 16:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-23 11:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG! STALKER!
i didn't know such things existed :-|
------------------
*scurred*
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-23 11:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-23 11:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:14:20 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
remember, he wrote this for this guy:
http://bowser-owns.deviantart.com/
lol
_____
HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THE PHOTO ON HIS FRONTPAGE
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
==========================
Oh My God
*chokes on candy*
*dies*
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG! STALKER!
i didn't know such things existed :-|
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ubersite. Things like "Active in last 5 minutes" and things.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
logged in on what?
you can tell jeffrey is jerking off to his pictures:
http://bowser-owns.deviantart.com/art/Me-again-81650151
http://bowser-owns.deviantart.com/art/oh-mai-77682225
look at his comments...lol
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just tells me who's logged in and some other basic stats
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what's a user tracker?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol, i know...we used to have that picture only http://fc05.deviantart.com/fs23/f/2007/347/a/5/OMG_im_Blonde_by_BOWSER_OWNS.jpg
but he's evolving
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
remember, he wrote this for this guy:
http://bowser-owns.deviantart.com/
lol
_____
HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THE PHOTO ON HIS FRONTPAGE
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
According to my user tracker Method is online right now. I'm pretty sure he still has it.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've really got to find the audio version now, goddamnit!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the audio version was hilarious...and kinda good! 8-|
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
remember, he wrote this for this guy:
http://bowser-owns.deviantart.com/
lol
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
An audio version? Holy shit. I... I... I never knew!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There was an audio version, hurt
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah method just put the lyrics up
Im sure he woulda kept it on http://www.nymethod.com tho.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here you go Caul: http://www.ubersite.com/m/113776
Legendary.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 10:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't it on Uber some place?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anyone has a mirror of the waining through time song? he took it down :-(
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh come on, Quake 4 was fucking retarded. Easiest piece of shit ever!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no it's the roxor.....*puts ear near case......*
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzitttttzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
ow-ww.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm guessing Quake Six pretty much sucks.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FUCK YOU ANTEC
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck you bloodnut I already HAVE my sata drive, I just felt like complaining. And ANOTHER thing, my ridiculously fast machine just propelled me into May, 2009, so fuck you. I'm playing Quake 6 and Soldier of Fortune 8, that's how fucking good my shiny WaveMaster CoolerMaster case is.
................oops, 'sparks'.
Submitted by Titus (user info) at 2008-04-23 09:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEWS ALert news alert. this is d_r coming to you LIVE, from what's nearly thursday. IF you have recently purchased an Asus P5KC motherboard - beware. It WILL not recognise your IDE optical drive. I repeat. It will not let you format your new kickarse piece of kit on account of it not actually knowing WTF is in your 4 year old burner. You can tappity tap, tap tap tap on the side of your case all you like but the cunt won't work. This is an off beige yellow alert put it out there 10 forty. Do NOT expect to reformat and play games all night if you do not have a SATA cd drive. Not even james bond or tom hanks can save your own private i don't know. On the upside you can buy a pioneer sata drive for 32 bucks at U-mart, but you'd want to live near Milton. I like phallic so plus 2.
----------------------
NUUUUURRRRRRR just get a PCI IDE adapter. They're like $20. Just don't run your HDD off it because they're slow as fuck.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<reads crysis manual...>
oh cool, you get a special suit.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEWS ALert news alert. this is d_r coming to you LIVE, from what's nearly thursday. IF you have recently purchased an Asus P5KC motherboard - beware. It WILL not recognise your IDE optical drive. I repeat. It will not let you format your new kickarse piece of kit on account of it not actually knowing WTF is in your 4 year old burner. You can tappity tap, tap tap tap on the side of your case all you like but the cunt won't work. This is an off beige yellow alert put it out there 10 forty. Do NOT expect to reformat and play games all night if you do not have a SATA cd drive. Not even james bond or tom hanks can save your own private i don't know. On the upside you can buy a pioneer sata drive for 32 bucks at U-mart, but you'd want to live near Milton. I like phallic so plus 2.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fur auto -2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, I stand corrected
we should get together...sounds kinky
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have cooling and swinging apparata as well as leg stirrups.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-23 08:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that doesn't even make sense, a huge bag of frozen peas (huge being defined as larger than normal) would have a hard time fitting between your legs unless you were in straddle and probably wouldn't stay frozen too long with all the handling.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes because for every .01 i get less than a solid +2 on each review I nail myself in the balls with a huge bag of frozen peas.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahah.....this was funny
Phallic gets cuntish any time he gets less than a positive rating.
worth reading
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm... and as I was fervently hoping that you would spell 'disappointed' correctly it appears we have both lost out.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
hmmmmmmm, was hoping for some graphic detail on some kind of beast fucking.
Dissapointed.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha.
Submitted by Titus (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GTFO furfag
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-23 07:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Lord that's funny.