Uberotica - Steve and his parole officer (868 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.3 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2008-04-23 21:50:23 EDT
Friday night is romance night in Steve's apartment. He turns down the lights and allows the soft glow of scented candles to wash over him and his warm bottle of baby oil as he gently slide his old stained GI Joe underoos down around his ankles. With a DVD remote in one hand and his slick member Bill Clinton-ing its way to the side from excessive misuse between a ratty mattress and box springs ready for action, Steve pulls the scarred hockey mask from the used sports equipment store down over his freckled homely face. He hits play and enjoys an embarrassing 89 minutes and 54 seconds of explaining to himself that this has never happened before while he lustfully watches that sexual beast Jason Voorhees slaughter actors and actresses that aren't even consider c-list in Friday the 13th part it-doesn't-matter-because-Steve-is-a-sad-pathetic-virgin.
Those poor fools deserve to be slaughtered for how they treat him. As soon as they see him they scream in terror. Never once do they ask if they want him to have a threesome. Steve feels his pain. I feel the same hurt every time the neighbors pull down the curtains to keep me from watching them through their bedroom window while I stare at them from atop my ladder.
I love Steve but he will never know this because he only likes me as a parole officer.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-25 21:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-04-25 06:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, weird but strangely entertaining.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-04-24 22:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fucking genius.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-24 20:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 17:27:29 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 09:36:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-15 17:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-13 18:57:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your username sucks
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-04-24 11:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You people just don't understand jammy's artistic vision -- his unflinching integrity as an eroticist. You just want your masturbatory fiction peopled with chesty blondes and stupid ubersite trollops. Well, nuerotic virgins in hockey masks have to get off too. So do Pee Wee Herman. Even the Muppets -- nay, the entire population of Sesame Street -- have to ejaculate from time to time lest they get blue balls and die.
You fuckers make me sick.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-24 07:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-24 07:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This really happened didn't it? This is you!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nothing to laugh at here, unless you mean laughing at your pitiful attempt at writing.
Submitted by jasumthin (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It never ceases to amaze me how serious some people take things. Lighten up and laugh.
Why so serious?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-24 05:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bewildering. Why did you write this? Where is your head at?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-24 02:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Most of the Friday the 13th films fucking rule.
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-04-23 23:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FTW?
Nothing even remotely erotic. Deserves to be posted on thursday