All of the jokes I have ever heard (910 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.08 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fat Sacks (View user info) at 2008-04-24 04:27:00 EDT
Starting with black jokes.
What do you call 30 black people behind a barn?
Antique farming equipment.
What is the most confusing day in the ghetto?
Father's day.
What do you call a black person on a bike?
a thief.
How do you get a black person out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Maybe I'll think of more... on to the rest.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
You would too if your name was AWOOOGAADURRGEFF
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Thier dogs are too afraid.
A little boy comes home from school, he tells his mom "mommy I answered a question today that no one else could answer!" His mom asks "what was the question?" The boy responds "Who farted?"
DEEZ NUTZZ
What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhino?
Elephino (hell if I know)
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
A little boy walks into his bathroom and discovers his father putting on a condom. He asks "what are you doing?" His father responds "uhhh. I am trying to catch a mouse!" The boy says "what are you gonna do when you catch it? Fuck it?"
What does the government call a black woman's abortion?
Crime prevention.
Have you ever tried the dolphin?
It's when you pull a woman's elbow's back in doggystyle position and she goes "EHH EHHH EHH"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheelf wrapped around his testicles, He goes to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "do you know you have a steering wheel around your balls?" The pirate responds "YARRR its driving me nuts!"
I was on an elevator with a woman the other day. I asked her "Can I smell your feet?" She responded "No you wierdo you can't smell my feet!" I respond "oh it must be your pussy then"
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
Two jews walk into a bar. They buy it.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change it, and one to cry and write a song about it.
How many punk kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change it, and one to kick the ladder out from under him and tell everyone how punk that was.
How many black people does it take to chane a lighbulb?
One you racist motherfucker.
I probably know a lot more, but this is getting boring.
If you rate please leave your own joke, about this post or anything else.
User Reviews
Submitted by VileSin (user info) at 2008-05-01 02:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-25 21:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2008-04-25 09:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of these made me laugh out loud. Fuck it--Tasteless ,racist jokes are funny.
Q. How do you starve a black man?
A. Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-25 04:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am going to take a stand against racism today.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2008-04-25 04:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's when you pull a woman's elbow's back in doggystyle position and she goes "EHH EHHH EHH"
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That's probably the most, un-funny, stupid joke I've ever heard. If any one would venture to laugh at that they'd be a fucking retard. If you ever tell such a stupid joke again I'm gonna beat the fucking snot out of you.
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Pity +2 cause this guy's an idiot. The post wasn't that good, but some of the jokes were alright.
Submitted by CobyLlamar (user info) at 2008-04-24 17:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know how they have a rooster, or cock, on top of a weather vane? You know why that is? It's because if they had a cunt, the wind would blow right through it.
Courtesy of Carlin.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-04-24 14:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some of the comments are borderline humorous.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-04-24 13:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-04-24 07:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A penguin had to take his car for engine repair.
The mechanic told the penguin to leave his car with him for about two hours, to find out whats wrong.
The penguin goes across the street to a grocery store, climbs into a freezer and ate vanilla ice cream.
When the two hours was up the penguin went back to the garage to find out what happened to his car.
When the penguin entered the garage, the mechanic looked at him and said, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replied, "NO way, thats vanilla ice-cream!"
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=radqC4aTz0w
The You Tube version
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-04-24 13:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a couple of these actually made me laugh
Submitted by Glenn. (user info) at 2008-04-24 13:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What looks like a seedy old man and posts on Ubersite?
SHLONGY!!!
But yeah, this was an awful post. I'd give you -2 but I'm wasted as fuck and bothered to read it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-24 12:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Q) How can you tell when a woman has an orgasm?
Give up?
A)WHO FUCKING CARES.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-04-24 11:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What the comparison between a blonde and a turtle?
Once you get them on their back their fucked.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-24 10:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's the funniest thing in the world?
Fat Sacks, dead in a ditch.
Submitted by Fat-Sacks (user info) at 2008-04-24 10:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-24 08:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Those were jokes???
===================
Yes and you owe me one.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-24 10:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
User id: 33125
Registered on or around: 2008-03-01 09:47:25 EST
# Messages posted: 8
# Reviews written: 12
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 131
# Hits: 3963
Average rating of all messages: -0.88
GTFO
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-04-24 10:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hardee fuckin harr
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-24 09:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's when you pull a woman's elbow's back in doggystyle position and she goes "EHH EHHH EHH"
=========
That's probably the most, un-funny, stupid joke I've ever heard. If any one would venture to laugh at that they'd be a fucking retard. If you ever tell such a stupid joke again I'm gonna beat the fucking snot out of you.
that's sposed to be.... how do you make a woman sound like a dolphin? try to put it in her ass "eheh eheh eheh"
why'd the money fall out of the tree? cause he was dead
why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree? cause he was stapeled to the monkey
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-24 08:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Those were jokes???
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-04-24 08:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How many dead babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-04-24 08:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What do you get when you cross a pirate with a paeodphile?
Arrrr Kelly
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-04-24 07:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A penguin had to take his car for engine repair.
The mechanic told the penguin to leave his car with him for about two hours, to find out whats wrong.
The penguin goes across the street to a grocery store, climbs into a freezer and ate vanilla ice cream.
When the two hours was up the penguin went back to the garage to find out what happened to his car.
When the penguin entered the garage, the mechanic looked at him and said, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replied, "NO way, thats vanilla ice-cream!"
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's when you pull a woman's elbow's back in doggystyle position and she goes "EHH EHHH EHH"
=========
That's probably the most, un-funny, stupid joke I've ever heard. If any one would venture to laugh at that they'd be a fucking retard. If you ever tell such a stupid joke again I'm gonna beat the fucking snot out of you.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 fish in a tank
One turns to the other and asks "do you know how to drive this thing?"
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-24 06:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Penguin wrappers - my all time favourite jokes...
What do polar bears wear on the ice?
Slippers
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-24 05:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If a woman lies on a bed and says "rape me." and after sex charges you with rape, is that fair?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-04-24 04:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Two cows in a field.
Cow 1: Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going about?
Cow 2: Why should I be worried? I'm a duck. (drools)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-04-24 04:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Worth it for this:
A little boy walks into his bathroom and discovers his father putting on a condom. He asks "what are you doing?" His father responds "uhhh. I am trying to catch a mouse!" The boy says "what are you gonna do when you catch it? Fuck it?"
My joke:
Why do ducks have flat feet?
For putting out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
For putting out burning ducks.