My Environs (803 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.58 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Leonore: AS MARTHA FUCKING STEWART (View user info) at 2008-04-25 11:29:50 EDT
The hallway outside the door to my loft smells of a strangely alluring combination of carpet cleaner, cigarette smoke, spilled beer and ideas only half brought to term. Not mine, mind you, but there's a distinct longing in the air, like the people that have passed through did so to go on to other things.
I like the smell. It makes my eyes water in the summer or whenever the humidity's low, but it keeps me motivated. It's nice to go out somewhere and get some olfactory inspiration.
My loft has nothing but four walls, most of which are exposed brick, and I like it that way. Nothing really delineates the bedroom except for a little folding divider, and there's a door to the bathroom, of course, but that's it. The first week after I moved in was spent primarily running my hands over the rough surfaces and appreciating what it means to have a wall that is not perfectly smooth and flat. It's a visceral experience that completely changed how I look at structures. The floor is weathered and worn hardwood, which I thought would be a problem in the winter since I had never lived anywhere that didn't have an abundance of carpeting, but it really worked out well with a fuckload of rugs that I picked up here and there. I like sliding around in stocking feet after I've cleaned. One wall is almost nothing but massive windows, most of which still open. The building itself is only about fifty years old, but it looks it. Most of the paint is coming off the exterior, but the owners don't seem to mind. I like that, too. Gives it character.
Right now I can still smell the curry I made last night, but some of the windows are open and a wonderfully fresh, cool breeze is coming in. You'd think that a decently-sized city like Minneapolis would reek of exhaust and have a constant roar of traffic, but the air is surprisingly clean and quiet most of the day. It's especially peaceful today; people are starting to appreciate the warmer weather, and are taking it easy. Today is a day where things seem to be as they should.
I have huge masses of art hanging from my walls on wire, mostly framed LP slips that have really wicked art, but I have a few paintings done by friends that I've collected over the years. I don't have the balls to display my own stuff, but my degrees are up. Light comes in through the windows during the day to the point that I scarcely need to turn on a lamp until around 9 o'clock, and then the streetlamps and the lights from the building across the way are plenty when I want privacy or when I'm feeling moody.
I typically try to listen to something upbeat and fast in the mornings to wake up, since I'm a hard sleeper, so I recently finished playing some Hybrid, but now noontime is coming round and I want to mellow a bit, so I'm currently listening to "Purrrfect" by Funki Porcini. I really can't recommend that song enough (or anyone on Ninja Tune, really), but it's pure good feelings condensed into seven minutes of auditory bliss.
Well, it's about time for a cigarette out on my tiny balcony and then lunch, so I'll leave it to you now, Uber. Describe your environs!
User Reviews
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-04-28 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-28 09:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-27 03:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 17:40:36 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, orphelia, how did I get you so fucking chuffed?
I thought we were pals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are, just don't ever do this again!
*slaps back of Leonores legs*
:)
===
Orphelia, you and Shlongy are the only ones around here I'd let slap my ass.
Experima, too, if she's into that.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-27 03:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 17:40:36 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, orphelia, how did I get you so fucking chuffed?
I thought we were pals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are, just don't ever do this again!
*slaps back of Leonores legs*
:)
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-26 11:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I try my hardest to come off as down-to-earth because I am, really, though it's hard to display that accurately on a website.
---------------------------------------
Why on earth would you try to come across as down to earth? Why on earth would you want to be? Are you mental? Go on, be a bit different, its shit blending in all the time. Why do you give a toss how you're portrayed on a webiste, you can be whoever you want to be. Be nice, be a bitch, doesn't really matter as long as its fun.
I think I actually quite like you but had to -2 this as it reeks of far to much effort.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-25 20:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 15:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-25 13:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so you know, you've used 'chuffed' in completely the wrong context there.
--
I'm chuffed that someone pointed that out.
Also... did I hallucinate, or did she actually EXPLAIN what IKEA is?
===
Hey, FG ASKED.
I guess not everyone gets their living space furnishments from the Horchow Collection.
WHAT?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-25 14:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You were right. That rug does look pretty sweet inside.
+2 filename reading my mind.
How does one assemble an IKEA rug?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-04-25 13:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so you know, you've used 'chuffed' in completely the wrong context there.
--
I'm chuffed that someone pointed that out.
Also... did I hallucinate, or did she actually EXPLAIN what IKEA is?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-25 13:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In four hours I will have ridden my old ratty motorcycle from Tampa to Tarpon Springs, stopped in the better of the fishmarkets there to pick up a cooler full of fresh Grouper and a nice-sized chunk of alligator tail, and then ridden home. I will have steak-cut and hammered the 'gator and put the steaks into the chili/garlic/vinegar marinade I made yesterday in preparation for tomorrow's dinner (you have to tenderize 'gator tail; carnivore lizard is tough meat if you don't), and fired up the grill to prepare the grouper for tonight. I will have probably opened a bottle of Hansa Dortmunder. Yes. In four hours my environs will be the lanai kitchen surrounded by tropical plants and sun and the pool and sounds of music and the breeze and maybe MLW floating around in the pool, splashing the cats for fun.
But now I'm in my office, surrounded by manilla files and white walls and Uber and lack of motivation to finish the report I'm writing. The future is always so much better, isn't it?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:54:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's cool. Front 242 just earned you a +2 though.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so you know, you've used 'chuffed' in completely the wrong context there.
===
My most heartfelt apologies for butchering British slang. It's been a while.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please don't tell me that you fancy yourself as a hipster. One of those vaguely annoying people who dress in neutral colors, listen to jazz because that is what you're expected to do, hang out in coffee shops, reading Ann Rynd even though you don't understand a word of it but have the book open just so other hipsters can see the cover, drone on endlessly over some Indie film, go to art exhibits, and have your other hipster friends over to your loft so that you all can sit around eating the things that hipsters eat, feeling smug and superior, and not having any fun because hipsters don't have fun.
Because, if you do fancy yourself as such, I'm just going to have to hunt you down. It isn't YOU, it's ME. Regardless, hipsters must be eliminated as part of the final solution. I'm sorry.
But.....
If you're not a hipster but just like this sort of decor, then I humbly apologise and wish you well. Just a word of advice though; when THEY come for you (believing you to be a hipster), you'll have a hard time convincing them that your environment fell together by chance. Whatever you do, DON'T tell them you like it. Just tell them you picked up the pieces here and there from off the street and swear your loyality to the Anti-Hipster Party.
Ikea? Isn't that what made Edward Norton's character in Fight Club split his personality to incorporate Tyler Durden?
===
FG,
I don't fancy myself a hipster. I'm not a snob about music; I listen to everything from Green Day to Front 242 to Sigur Ros to EL-P, although I do enjoy indie rock and shoegaze. I don't read Ayn Rand; I had to for AP English in high school, and I didn't really dig her. I'm more inclined to read something like Klosterman or Dave Barry or Nick Hornby or Hunter S. Thompson (although I admit the last one is VERY hipster). I hate most indie films, finding them far too pretentious and overly preachy for their ownn good; my favourite of all time is High Fidelity. I'm a vegan (also somewhat hipster) but have been since I was about ten; that's just how I roll. I drink decent beer and whiskey and yes I like tea, but that's because it's mellower on my digestive system than coffee. Hipsters don't have fun; I do. Very much.
And apology accepted. I hate to come off as pretentious and it bothers me when people take a look at me and see my librarian glasses and graphic t-shirts and assume that I just LOOOOOOOVE Juno, art rock and the latest author that has mastered using HUEG WERDS without saying anything at all. I try my hardest to come off as down-to-earth because I am, really, though it's hard to display that accurately on a website.
Ikea is a Swedish furniture SOOPERSTOR that specializes in selling kinda artsy (in a basic way) furniture that you assemble yourself. I love it because they have rock-bottom prices, I'm mechanically-minded enough to put anything I buy there together alone and their stuff holds up. I don't mind shopping at places like Wal-Mart because I live on the cheap (although I hate some of their employee practices and won't shop there when I can afford not to), but their furniture falls apart, and I don't like places like Art Van because their salespeople intimidate me. :(
WTFINRAT; I'm not hipster. Don't kill me.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so you know, you've used 'chuffed' in completely the wrong context there.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
totally hipster-esque
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fight club apartment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, orphelia, how did I get you so fucking chuffed?
I thought we were pals.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it, but the couch is too cubical.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think it looks cheap and souless.
But each to their own.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please don't tell me that you fancy yourself as a hipster. One of those vaguely annoying people who dress in neutral colors, listen to jazz because that is what you're expected to do, hang out in coffee shops, reading Ann Rynd even though you don't understand a word of it but have the book open just so other hipsters can see the cover, drone on endlessly over some Indie film, go to art exhibits, and have your other hipster friends over to your loft so that you all can sit around eating the things that hipsters eat, feeling smug and superior, and not having any fun because hipsters don't have fun.
Because, if you do fancy yourself as such, I'm just going to have to hunt you down. It isn't YOU, it's ME. Regardless, hipsters must be eliminated as part of the final solution. I'm sorry.
But.....
If you're not a hipster but just like this sort of decor, then I humbly apologise and wish you well. Just a word of advice though; when THEY come for you (believing you to be a hipster), you'll have a hard time convincing them that your environment fell together by chance. Whatever you do, DON'T tell them you like it. Just tell them you picked up the pieces here and there from off the street and swear your loyality to the Anti-Hipster Party.
Ikea? Isn't that what made Edward Norton's character in Fight Club split his personality to incorporate Tyler Durden?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's still automatic.
And now we all know, and knowledge is power.
FALLEN
Director of usless information
Ubersite division.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really thought it was a new thing bart had installed...
It almost matches the time I said 'I'm not scrolling through all that to keep reading the comments' and someone said '(V)' and I sat there for an hour wondering what Method had to do with anything, then I realised, if you clicked on the (V)....
:(
This is why I am single.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what they said when I ate Jesus, Orphelia.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-25 17:09:54 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 04:32:51 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's the hair Drogo, it looks normal, and good shoulders.
Can I ask something? I don't want to appear to be Ubers dumbest bint but... Has it always been that if you made no comment, and just rated, 'No Comment' would automatically appear? Only, I have been typing 'No Comment' myself since I joined. I even made sure the casing and spacing was right to match everyone else's...
----
koo, how could you, I had such a soft spot for you!!
:(
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha, I wasn't actually asking, I was copying and pasting my favorite Orphelia comment of all time.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Automatic
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
needs more framed LP slips
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think beer too with "draughty"
I wasn't sure if this was an English vs. American-lish thing.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 04:32:51 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's the hair Drogo, it looks normal, and good shoulders.
Can I ask something? I don't want to appear to be Ubers dumbest bint but... Has it always been that if you made no comment, and just rated, 'No Comment' would automatically appear? Only, I have been typing 'No Comment' myself since I joined. I even made sure the casing and spacing was right to match everyone else's...
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My new apartment will have a couch in it and a working shower by the end of the day +2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol Fallen, yes I meant draughty as in beery.
That apartment looks beery.
Damn my private education!
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Looks like a genuine REHAB livingroom.
I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphelia,
does draughty mean drafty?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cool. An overpriced draughty apartment with office furniture.
Isn't this post just wild?!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I too have the exact same chair, in the same color.
I have the matching ottoman.
chairs by Poang
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S69840170
FALLEN
Director of usless information
Ubersite division.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-25 12:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be mean to me. I can't move my legs and that makes me a hero.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I can think of nothing more boring than a post about someone's living room decorations.
===
I dont know I read a few posts about someones fitness regime that didnt really excite me.
hohoho
_________________________________
That's because you're a sedentary leech.
People's 'interior design' skills are about as exciting as watching Oprah while baking peanut butter fucking COOKIES in a plaid apron.
Go outside.
--
I'm not sedentary by any stretch, I just dont find reading about it exciting.
I would rather watch Oprah getting beaten by a group of marauding Pygmys.
And I'm going outside right now. Until next week Uber. Cheerio.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I can think of nothing more boring than a post about someone's living room decorations.
===
I dont know I read a few posts about someones fitness regime that didnt really excite me.
hohoho
_________________________________
That's because you're a sedentary leech.
People's 'interior design' skills are about as exciting as watching Oprah while baking peanut butter fucking COOKIES in a plaid apron.
Go outside.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm..... minneapolis huh? I'm up that way every few months... we should meet for a beer.
looks an interesting place to live. I am brazen enough to hang some of my own drawings in my living room and all of the photos hanging in my house I took and printed large. The thing about it is I like to see them and since it's usually just me or me and the boy i don't really care that the rare visitor sees me hanging my own stuff on the wall.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I can think of nothing more boring than a post about someone's living room decorations.
===
I dont know I read a few posts about someones fitness regime that didnt really excite me.
hohoho
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I can think of nothing more boring than a post about someone's living room decorations.
===
:(
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice view.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The minimalist space combined with the austerity of the lighting, not to mention the harsh lines of the decor, certainly combine to present a environ where I'd like to bone you really, really hard.
p.s I'm able bodied
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thats a pretty classy lookin place.
needs more persian carpets though.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-04-25 16:36:03 BST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The minimalist space combined with the austerity of the lighting, not to mention the harsh lines of the decor, certainly combine to present a environ where I'd like to bone you really, really hard.
-----
Someone able bodied would never make a comment like that.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The minimalist space combined with the austerity of the lighting, not to mention the harsh lines of the decor, certainly combine to present a environ where I'd like to bone you really, really hard.
-----
Someone able bodied would never make a comment like that.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I can think of nothing more boring than a post about someone's living room decorations.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The minimalist space combined with the austerity of the lighting, not to mention the harsh lines of the decor, certainly combine to present a environ where I'd like to bone you really, really hard.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-04-25 11:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I live in a trailer DOWN BY THE RIVER!