Is it all you need? (679 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.7 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SkullBitingToFreeTibet (View user info) at 2008-04-28 05:24:11 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116077 Sam's Choice
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116097 Claire's Terror
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116138 Jeremy's Revenge
The frigid water broke in waves, threatening to steal away his breath. Wind milling his arms, each rotation more frantic than the last he searched. Surfacing, gulping lungful upon lungful of air Jeremy scanned the murky waters. By the edge of the dock he spotted a dark shape floating improbably. "Claire!" Jeremy kicked, propelling himself through the water.
Shit, that's not her. Can't be. She's at the bottom of the lake right now. Dead. Claire is dead, and so is Sam, and its all my fault. If I could have just stayed away... I loved her, there's no way I could have.
Tears burned hot in his eyes as Jeremy swam over to investigate. He knew that her survival would be incredible. He had taken some classes at the YMCA, but couldn't quite remember the specifics. How long can a human stay underwater?
She's been in the water for too long, three minutes? Four? Why can't I remember?
Swimming up to her body, he pulled her face out of the water, cobalt highlighted her narrow face. God knows she was attractive, her high cheekbones, and full lips. She knew how to use her features, that was for sure. Features, that days earlier he had traced with his finger tips. Fighting nausea, he pulled Claire's fragile frame out of the water, and onto the dock. Checking her pulse and finding none he started CPR.
One. Two. Three. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Breathe. Come on baby, come on. You can do this. One. Two. Three. Breathe. Oh, god. Not Claire, take me instead, just not Claire.
Claire awoke to see Jeremy's face floating above her, his hair slicked across his face.
Jeremy?
The events of that night burned in her mind. Sam. Oh, Sam. Why? How was she alive? The last thing she remembered was being thrown off the dock into the lake. Jesus, Sam had been so cold, she knew he had an anger problem, but this?
So where is he now? Where did Jeremy come from? How was this all possible?
As if he had read her thoughts, Jeremy offered her an explanation. He told her of staking out the house, of their love making at the lake house and, the shooting of Sam. Then of her rescue, how narrow it had been. Jeremy laughed shakily, shaking his head. "This is all so crazy, you know?"
"Oh Jeremy, what are we going to do? No one will believe we didn't kill Sam in cold blood." Claire's voice caught in her throat, and Jeremy put an arm around her reassuringly. "It'll be ok, thank god you're ok. I don't know what I would have done." Both resigned from speaking, their gazes penetrating one another's. The assurance of their love permeating the air, they lost themselves in the moment.
"Hello, Jeremy."
A voice made them jump, and they slowly turned around to face the source.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-04-29 13:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-04-29 10:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i enjoyed the prior three and even this one but honestly it should have ended on the third one. it left the reader wanting to know more but knowing it's up to them to come to a conclusion. did she die? did Jeremy find her in time? did his shot to whatever his name's face glance off and follow the curve of his skull and that's whay he's back behind them? maybe you'll pull out a similarly strong end, um.... in the end but you already had it.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 21:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The final part of this will clear it up, dipshits.
Foreshadowing anyone?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-28 15:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, that's cool. Just curious as to why two of my (admittedly) worse posts suddenly popped up with more hate. ;_;
We're good.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2008-04-28 15:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Three parts was enough. It ruins it to know she lived, and the fact that "somebody" is behind them is kind of cliched.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-04-28 14:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What'd I ever do to you, sonny-jim?
Anyhow, hope you get over this, whatever it is.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-28 13:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha, maybe this will help you out:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/431518/five_things_you_should_buy_at_the_dollar.html
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-28 13:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 13:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes. However it hath broken me, so I will now leave the public library and search for onehundred pennies.
A whole dollar. Just think of what I couldn't buy with that now adays.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-28 13:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're picture is knackered.
---
You are picture is knackered.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-28 10:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-28 08:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You paid a dollar for this?!
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would rather say they're perspectives of the same story, but to each his own. I know it was just an example, but putting on shoes isn't really gripping. Im trying to learn to write with more "grip". It takes time? Practice? So thats where I am. Thanks for the reviews.
Oh you eat at Micky D's?
:D
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not so fond of abstract. It's just that I want craftmanship, you know? I want you to write and be really awesome so you could write about getting out of bed and putting on a pair of shoes and I'd just be GRIPPED, you know? You can't though, I mean hardly anyone can, so you've just got to write all theses bad words untill they're all out of you. It's like vomiting up bad beer in your belly untill you can LIVE again.
I dunno. It's just the whole fact that it's a series. It is like, I can eat a meal at McDonalds but if I eat several in a row I just feel so unhappy.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Berty
I know what you mean.
:D Just kidding.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I mean to say, I'm not so bothered it's not epic or anything. You don't have to post a million pages of text. It's just, well, I've read this before you know? Only maybe it wasn't a pier but an old shack or a suburb or something but it is the same premise again and again and again and the writing isn't particularly good...
It just makes me tired. I feel tired when I read this. Reading this post is like dying, basically. You read it and you feel a little bit more jaded, a little bit more like you've had everything you want out of life and that there's nothing left but this horrible, re-hashed, dirge.
I'm gonna go look at that picture of the lesbians spooning untill I feel better.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually berty, Jeremy is going to turn into a giant waffle (blueberry of course) and fight a majestic battle with cancer.
Too obscure?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Alright, yeah, so at first when I read these I thought "not bad for an inflight magazine" but now we're in the territory of the seriously bad.
Seriously.
I mean what's next? Is Jeremy going to wake up and it's all been a dream? Will the next post actually be an Mp3 of the Dallas opening score?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta read all these.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's because of the question in the filename, just so you know.
The story isn't bad, some of the adjectives are a bit retarded; frigid and cobalt in particular stuck out for me. I like stuff of this length, keeps it interesting.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and please give me feedback on my STORY, and then bitch about my pic.
If you can be bothered, if not.
Meh.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know its because im on my girlfriends mac, my first time.
:D you know how that is.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOUR photo does not work.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-28 05:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're picture is knackered.