A Letter To William Shatner From Dr. Phil (430 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.88 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2008-04-28 22:07:43 EDT
Dear William Shatner,
Hi. How are you doing? Good I hope. I was thinking about you today and I just thought I would write you a little letter to see how you were doing. It's nice to know that someone cares for you. I bet you are smiling already. Wow! I made you smile. That is so awesome.
After my dad died and I moved down in the basement so that mom wouldn't have such an easy time trying to get into bed with me when she came home drunk. My mom's a great lay, don't get me wrong, but being able to navigate those stairs after 9 shots of tequila really shows me how much she really cares. You make me feel the same way.
Someone at the comic book shop was mocking you today. The guy was making fun of the dramatic way you deliver your lines. I called him an unoriginal piece of shit and punched him in the throat. He just doesn't get it. He is so self-absorbed that he can't see that you are a man crying out for love. Let me love you Bill.
You deliver your lines in that off the top fashion because deep down you are lonely. You want to be noticed. You people to pay attention to you. I understand. You are not alone. I felt the same way when I told my teacher she was a cunt. I just wanted her to see me and only me.
You are such a strong and powerful person. You are more than that. You are an icon. But do I ever see you out with anyone? No. And that makes me sad. No one likes to be lonely. I'm lonely too.
I was wondering, would you like to go out sometime? We can go to this really cool observatory that I know of. They do this really awesome Pink Floyd laser light show. Listen to me, I am such an idiot. You probably have one of those in your house. If I want you to go out with me, it has to be something that no one has ever done for you.
What if we went to a costume party as Ronald McDonald and Grimace? I'll let you decide which one you want to be. I insist. I do have to warn you though that the Grimace costume has an opening in the back around the ass. I wore it to a gay Halloween party last year. People still talk about the night they saw that purple bastard Grimace get butt fucked by all of the Village People. Then again, if you play your cards right, that little modification might come in handy.
What time should I pick you up?
Love,
Dr. Phil
PS: Dammit Bill, I'm a doctor AND a lover.
User Reviews
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-05-11 02:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The part about Phil's mom is worthy of being used during a conversation with my friends.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-04-29 02:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-04-29 00:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stick to your spreadsheets, youre not funny.
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-29 00:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/113808
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-29 00:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a cunt. Whoever does the shatner thing does it way better.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-04-28 23:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BOO
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-28 22:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-24 17:48:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 17:27:29 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 09:36:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-15 17:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-13 18:57:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your username sucks
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-28 22:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-04-28 22:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/2/11molyneux.html
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Pardon me if I'm rude, but that link was more retarded than Method, which is bad.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-04-28 22:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/2/11molyneux.html
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-04-28 22:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It tried to be funny and failed. Just like Method.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2008-04-28 22:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh-tastic