The Revolution Begins Now! (364 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.32 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by frankthebear (View user info) at 2008-04-30 01:30:34 EDT
God dammit I can't take it any more! I'm sick and tired of the stupid gay jokes about how I call myself a bear! I've had it! That's all I'm going to stand for! So this begins my campaign to take back bear from the gays.
I mean think about it, what's so gay about bears? They're big, hairy, grumpy, lazy, all the qualities found in a straight man. I often like to refer to myself as a bear trapped in a man's body, and nothing gets my hair up like "Burley Bear." What the fuck is that!?
I mean really, a bear's idea of a good time is to scratch himself against a tree and hopefully kill something small and defenseless, just like a straight man. I know when I kill something small and defenseless, it makes me feel like a man, dammit.
And no self respecting bear would ever be caught "clubbing" to that repetitious techno beat dancing with a bunch of guys with tight leather pants and no shirts. Well, the bear might be caught in the club eating a few of the fruits, but definitely not joining them in their ritualistic gay dances.
And I know I'm not the only one trying to take back something good and pure from the gays, I think it was either The Simpson's or Family Guy that made mention of taking "Bruce" back.
So rise up and join the movement my friends, together we can take back bear and restore this noble beast's image of being the regular guy of the animal kingdom.
Viva La Bear!
User Reviews
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2008-05-02 08:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-30 21:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
eh?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2008-04-30 20:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-04-30 14:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you fucking furries are wierd
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-30 12:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know nothing about you, nor do I care about you and your apparent virginity, but I do love bears.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-04-30 11:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your list of priorities should be:
a) lose virginity
b) get real job
c) fight some gay fight about being a bear on some gay website
d) get new glasses
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-04-30 11:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't think it was that bad...
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-04-30 10:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Grizzly, who's steve?
"oh this guy I meet down at the store.. why?"
there was a message on the answering machine from a guy named steve .... how come I havent heard of him?
"he's new to the mountain, he hasnt been here that long."
LONG ENOUGH TO GET YOUR NUMBER!!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-04-30 08:03:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're fucking useless.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2008-04-30 07:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2008-04-30 06:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-04-30 06:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's most likely closely tied to something hella gay. Ahem, "bear hug"
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-04-30 06:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What is a bear?
Superficially, a bear is a chubby, hairy, masculine, gay male who likes beer and flannel shirts. However, according to many bears and their admirers, the bear culture is not so much about physical appearance, rather it is about living a particular philosophy of acceptance, respect, and the celebration of diversity (Bill Picture, SF Gate). Furthermore, a bear is a gay man who rejoices in his masculinity (masculinity of a relaxed and undemonstrative nature) rather than suppressing his true gender identity to assimilate into the pretty-boy standards of much of the gay "community." A bear is, well, a big teddy-bear of a man--gruff and bristly on the outside but mellow and squishy-sweet on the inside. Bears are considered almost universally friendly and likeable.
Those who study such things, theorize that the bear phenomenon is a "maturation of the gay culture (Andrew Sullivan)" in that most bears feel no need to take on conventional gay identities and display--they are simply masculine dudes who really, really like other masculine dudes. Bears see no conflict between being gay and being a genuine man and therefore achieve a kind of identity-based personal harmony that does not require any sort of outside validation. Unlike much of gay cultural identity--which equates being gay with somehow not being a regular guy--bear culture simply accepts the notion of masculinity. That being said, most bears eschew politics--the politics of being gay included.
So when and how did this all start?
The origins of the bear movement are unclear but it is believed that it first began 15 to 20 years ago in San Francisco (of course!). It is my belief--if we hold the theory of bear culture being a maturation of gay culture to be true--that beardom evolved out of the ashes of the first scourge of the AIDS epidemic. Years of burying dead lovers and friends, years of fear and rage created a populace of battle-wearied men that began to turn their backs on the hierarchal and carefully orchestrated customs of gay society. The do's and don'ts and other bullshit possibly seemed less important.
Hey! This sounds cool, but I'm not quite up to the physical standards.
Well, you're in luck. As in almost every other group, there exist subgroups--in this case, if you're not old enough or hairy enough or chubby enough or cuddly enough, you can be a cub, an otter and/or a wolf.
Cubs
Cubs are simply young bears. Cubs have all the physical and mental attributes of a bear, they just aren't old enough to be a full-fledged bear.
Otters
Otters are slimmer and less hairy bear-admirers (BA's?).
Wolves
Wolves are bears that are typically more aggressive and OVERTLY masculine.
How does a bear greet another bear?
Easy, one just says, "Woof!" and/or growls.
===========================
If you read all that, you'll realise that you're a fucking otter, at best. Faggot.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-04-30 06:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Might want to work on the virgin part first before you start tackling ancillary issues, champ
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-04-30 05:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i blame the blacks and/or the jews.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-04-30 04:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean think about it, what's so gay about bears?
--
i dont know? Maybe it's because you use the word bear in your name that made them gay.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-04-30 04:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Machismo is for fags. Real men wear lingerey.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-04-30 03:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, sorry about the size of the pic
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-04-30 03:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Picture too small
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-04-30 03:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
TRANSMISSION CODED 668-220044-398
SECURE TRUNK A, A11, A34
01:30:34 EDT
SENT:
NASA SPACE STATION
RECEIVED:
FRANKTHEBEAR/WWW.UBERSITE.COM
MESSAGE FOLLOWS:
FRANK: GREAT PIC! WE CAN SEE IT JUST BY LOOKING OUT OF THE HABITAT MODULE'S AFT HATCH. SAD OL' FELLA LOOKS LIKE HE COULD USE A BEAR HUG!
END TRANSMISSION
CONNECTION TERMINATED 44880-23-2-222
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-04-30 02:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bear with you for a moment.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-04-30 02:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gayer than Ronaldo
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-30 02:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bears are cool. You're not.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-30 02:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Above and two below.
OMG Two below.
Giant homo. Of the seeping variety.
Vast hemorrhaging vagina. Soppy with the... you know. And all that other stuff about being gay.
n' stuff.
Definitely some sort of sucking.
You, of course, enjoying said sucking. Because of all your pent up GAY.
HUH.
I'd say I upped the gay value significantly. A snotty french man and obsessed weiner should show up shortly... CODE FUCKING PINK.
Phag. He's just gotta show up.
I swear I'll climax in nerdly glee.
All my favorite cunts in one place.
ya homos.
God bless you Bear. Keep on suckin' dicks.
I KID.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-30 02:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
homolicious.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-04-30 01:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up you faggot
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-04-30 01:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't even know bears were associated with gays. You make a convincing counterargument for that association, though.