He's Electric! Part I (467 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.28 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JesterLilt (View user info) at 2008-04-30 19:24:51 EDT
"Get your fucked up greasy paws off my counter you useless cunt!" The café owner screamed at him.
"Go fuck yourself you fat twat and give me my fucking money back. Your restaurant smells like a festering anus and your food tastes likes the devil's foreskin!" Jeremy spat in retaliation.
"Get the hell out of my café or I'll phone the police!"
Jeremy backed off, moved towards the door and turned to exit onto the pavement outside. The street was bustling around him. The temperature was cold but the sun beat down overhead. He loved these kinds of days: A day when the air is crisp and sharp pinching the inside of his nostrils, shocking his brain alert and awake. He inhaled deeply, let the harsh conversation wash over him and strolled down the street towards home.
He couldn't remember the last time he felt normal. He had always been different but recently things had changed. Things had changed beyond his wildest dreams. Things had changed so much that no matter what any fucker said, it didn't affect him. Jeremy was invincible, king in his own world.
He turned the key in the lock of his front door. He moved to descend the staircase and into his flat on the first floor. Stark white walls greeted him blistered with the marks where blu tac had once held his posters firmly to the walls. They were all gone now, his heroes a thing of the past relegated to a life in a black plastic bag in the bottom of his spare room's wardrobe.
He made his way over to his computer in the corner of the room, hit the power button and assumed the position in front of his keyboard and monitor. 'I'll fucking show them, the bastards, I'll show all of them...'
-------------------
Three years ago Jeremy had been at university. It was Halloween and he had been larking about in the park with his friends. They were all drunk and dressed up as wizards. Pissed and acting like idiots they were setting off fireworks generally having a pretty good irresponsible time. Jeremy was running as a rocket launched horizontally zipped past him narrowly missing his feet. It exploded a few metres in front, a blazing fountain of red sparks dancing across the dew soaked ground.
His best friend Eddie was chasing him. Jeremy spotted a cuboidal shaped concrete enclosure with an open top. His first thought was he could hide in it launching the fireworks in the pockets of his wizard robes from this concrete fortress. He was drunk and in his head he thought he could make the jump to the top of the wall. With a burst of energy he sprinted and leapt.
Eddie lit, pointed and launched an air bomb which was meant to miss Jeremy. Eddie, being a bit pissed himself noticed the air bomb heading for the spot right in the centre of Jeremy's back. In slow motion Eddie witnessed it hit Jeremy just as he made his dive for the top of the wall.
A look of horror lit up Jeremy's face when the air bomb hit him. He hurtled towards the summit of the wall, arms spread eagled; his legs contorting into unnatural angles.
Jeremy went tumbling over the top. A huge crash sounded from the inside of the concrete enclosure combined with a crack and buzz of electricity. A sharp blue light sprung from the top of the enclosure and all fell silent.
Eddie slowed to an apprehensive walk. "Jeremy.... Jeremy! Are you alright mate?"
No sound came from inside...
Pensively Eddie approached, pulled himself up onto the edge of the wall and looked down. He noted a high voltage sign on the other side of the enclosure pinned up on a padlocked steel door. Shards of metal and fizzling electric cable littered the floor. The piece of electrical equipment was clearly damaged but there was no sign of Jeremy.
"Jeremy, where the fuck are you?" Shouted Eddie desperately.
No response came from the darkness. The remainder of Eddie and Jeremy's friends came to investigate. Jeremy was nowhere to be seen. Jeremy had not been seen by Eddie or indeed any of his other friends since that day.
--------------------------------------------------------
Tap... tap... tap...
Jeremy's fingers drummed the edge of his computer desk as his PC came to life. Excitement welled up within him. There was no operating system, no word processors or computer games, just a blank screen with a white cursor blinking in the top left corner. His PC was plugged into the mains with an Ethernet cable connecting it to the internet.
Jeremy began to relax taking slower, deeper breaths. His hands reached to hold the edge of the desk taking a firm grip. He closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders.
He did a strange thing now. He slipped off his trainers, hooked his left big toe in the back of his sock pulling it off his right foot. Lifting his now bare right foot he rested it against the USB slot of his PC.
The air began to fizzle around him. His edges became a blur. His hands were now iridescent and seemed to pass into the desk. Small lights glittered in and out of his form further distorting his image. Like white noise they moved to a rhythm. Slowly the lights became more organised into a chain suspended in mid air. Jeremy's body was no longer apparent, his presence now a memory in the air orbiting the space in front of his computer. Suddenly the chain of light was gone, disappearing into the USB slot on the front of his PC case.
A message blinked across the screen...
HARDWARE DETECTED AND INSTALLED SUCCESSFULLY
CONNECTING TO 69.9.174.154
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
User Reviews
Submitted by The-Armed-Samurai (user info) at 2008-07-06 04:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-10 17:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not really very good.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-01 13:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What about turtles?
Part II will be a gore fest, here I was just fannying about... Much swearing, screaming, screwing and re-sculpting of body limbs.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right, he's been pissed at me all day because I didn't honour him properly. I feel guilty.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it was an impressive scrot, i'll give you that.
you just offered nothing else. i mean....to truly offer praise to your cat's balls you should have done like a series of haiku or something. to honor them, you know?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My cats balls are awesome thank you very much! I don't get the turtle thing at all though.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope part two gets better
+2 for actually posting something besides a cat's scrotum or a nothing post about turtles, i guess
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Get your fucked up greasy paws off my counter you useless cunt!" The café owner screamed at him.
=====
+2 for that alone.
What the fuck is the current obsession with turtles?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-01 08:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-01 07:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'She's from a family full of eccentrics...'
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 07:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From such a brilliant beginning and a promising middle I found the end to be a bit of a let down.
Still good though, especially as you are a hot woman.
Submitted by Fat-Sacks (user info) at 2008-05-01 01:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't find the word turtle anywhere.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-30 22:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-04-30 21:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Its cold outside
And the paints peeling off of my walls
Theres a man outside
In a long coat, grey hat, smoking a cigarette
Now the light fades out
And Im wondering what Im doing in a room like this
Theres a knock on the door
And just for a second I thought I remembered you
So now Im alone
Now I can think for myself
About little deals
And *issues*
And things that I just dont understand
Like a white lie that night
Or a slight touch at times
I dont think it meant anything to you
So I open the door
Its the friend that I'd left in the hallway
Please sit down
A candle lit a shadow on a wall near the bed
You know I hate to ask
But, are `friends electric?
Mines broke down
And now Ive no one to love
So I find out your reason
For the phone calls and smiles
And it hurts
And I'm lonely
And I should never have tried
And I missed you tonight
So its time to leave
You see this means everything to me
----
Gary Numan - Are Friends Electric?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-30 21:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ELECTRIFYING.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2008-04-30 21:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-30 20:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My grandest apologies for posting something 'original'. God forbid somebody should go and do something as stupid as that! I shall remember to check the sense centre in my brain is functioning correctly next time I hit the submit button.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-30 20:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. For a minute I thought it was about Electro, but it turned out to be a boring original story. +1 because it seems sort of weak.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-30 19:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Contrived? How contrived? I'm intrigued...
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-04-30 19:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh yeah. This is all brand new. Well written enough for a +2 but contrived enough for a -2. I'm being generous.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-04-30 19:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the rest of this was fun too.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-04-30 19:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God, hope you're not too disappointed by the rest then... jeez...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-04-30 19:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok I haven't read this yet but the +2 is for the title which made me think "boogie woogie woogie," and also the opening lines, which were fun.
Ok, now to read the rest.