Post Modern Priest (363 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <monkeylove.at.easy.com> (View user info) at 2008-05-01 03:49:57 EDT
Before today, I had spoken to the man, Victor Swingli, three times. Saying that, it felt like I had known him a lifetime. Being in his company was like being in a dark tunnel. Even after he had gone, there was still the feeling of being enclosed. To me, he seemed to be a mental door-opener. The doors he opened were to rooms with no light. It was disorientating, because you never knew if the rooms were auditoriums or cupboards. If I was to find my own rooms I would arrive with all my equipment; miners hat, search lights, rations, water, flares and communications. When Victor did it, there was just the sense of an inner vacuum. It became impersonal and exclusive.
Victor had the air of a rookery about him; a complicated network of hierarchies, relationships and inner conflict. He had so many inner doorways open there was the sense that he floated like a leaf in the wind; not making conscious decisions anymore. This intrigues me, because if you weren't making conscious decisions, truly, you couldn't decide to do it, it would have to occur naturally.
I had received a note asking me to meet Victor. When I had read the note I had the same feeling as when you come across an isolated church deep in the countryside; something apparently good that fills you with a sense of foreboding. From that moment the world echoed, and reeked of, fabrication. At the given hour I descended from the clouds; no angel but airborne. I think I left early, when I say left, I mean that part of me disappeared. The skin was pulled from the eyes allowing my liquefied brain to spill down my face and my soul became seized in a paradoxical quarrel.
I thought that I had no resistance to meeting Victor, but the 'I' seemed such an inadequate measure of who I truly was.
I arrived at the cafe in a state of agitated sickness. Victor was seated as if Leonardo Da Vinci had drawn the lines and arranged his body and clothes. He waved his hand at me and something stilled inside me, my chin though, was weak. I felt I might start sneering or even barking. He leaned towards me like a surgeon wielding his scalpel.
'Tonight.'
Like a ferocious flash-food dragging the guts out of a town, my resistance fell. I thought I would vomit. My ears filled with pressure. My jaw clenched and my palms started sweating. It was wrong. It was too strong. I swallowed the bile back down and forced air out of my nose. I looked but Victor had gone. How could a man like that exist? My first thought was to run home to my other pieces, but a settling arrived upon me.
Air flowed into my body with ease, and my slit throat bled openly over the chair.
User Reviews
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-01 14:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're trying too hard.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-01 13:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hee hee
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking hell your comments are irritating. You are not Rob_Berg, you do not have to reply to everything.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Berty, love your hair.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Liked it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting, I appreciate the criticism.
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Stop saying that! Once you've said it once you don't need to say it again, it's recorded in the anals of Ubersite for all time and is QUITE visible to all of us.
"Thank you sir, may I have another?" would be far more fitting, I think.
Submitted by jasumthin (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the name victor sucks for any and all stories not set in bavaria
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting, I appreciate the criticism.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The following phrases are clumsy:
"mental door-opener."
"there was the sense that"
"the same feeling as when"
"I think I left early, when I say left, I mean that part of me disappeared."
"I arrived at the cafe in a state of agitated sickness."
"a settling arrived upon me."
Also, the Da Vinci reference seemed really fucking stupid.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This story could have done with some sort of animal, maybe a zombie-warthog.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please tell me how it is clumsy, just would love to know as Nelly said the same.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Clumsy and boring.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-01 08:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What was that all about? It didn't fill me in enough on the background, and didn't really seem to go anywhere. Plus the weak ending and all.....
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but I can't be bothered. I come here for the most mindless of entertainment and while I really ought to encourage intelligent writing as much as possible, I no longer expect to find any on Uber. Fact is, I just don't care enough. I'm jaded. (...You're out of luck. I'm rolling down the stairs, too drunk to fuck...) Have a +2, I've got a half day today!
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't much like it.
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Any constructive criticism?
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Not really. 'Delete'? I'm not trying to be a dick but I found it dull, uninspiring and clumsy. Fair play for trying though - it just wasn't to my taste.
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I appreciate your honesty and to reiterate, this was an experiment. One I was very happy with and still am to a degree.
How was the story clumsy? Dull and unispiring I can change but I cant see how its clumsy. Sorry to ask again but im intrigued.
Thanks in advance.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't much like it.
--------------
Any constructive criticism?
----
Not really. 'Delete'? I'm not trying to be a dick but I found it dull, uninspiring and clumsy. Fair play for trying though - it just wasn't to my taste.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You seem an honourable man Berty, no doubt of great heritage and breeding.
Thank you for you.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its post-modern Berty. Only the author is supposed to 'get it'.
I didn't have a fucking scooby what was going on.
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Oh I see. It's like poetry in that you don't speak in plain english, hide your meaning and generally sort of anti-communicate. Sort of like painting a lightbulb black so that when you turn it on the room gets darker (joke).
Well thank you Flash. Toshi, I'm afraid this means that I now hate this post as it goes against all of my philsosphies and is written in a manner I believe to be synonymous with oppression, facism, insincerity and inanity.
Sorry chum.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't much like it.
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Any constructive criticism?
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 06:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it is post modern flash fiction, just an experiment.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't much like it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its post-modern Berty. Only the author is supposed to 'get it'.
I didn't have a fucking scooby what was going on.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Little help?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, it's not badly written I guess... maybe...
I just read this and thought: What?
I don't get it, sorry.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As far as the guile of the writing goes, pretty solid. Nice ideas, fine imagery and coherent.
The content, however, was utterly bizarre. That's not necessarily a bad thing though.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would love to know what you thought.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2008-05-01 05:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, ok.