Yesterdays Excursion (479 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by orph (View user info) at 2008-05-01 08:34:53 EDT
I opened the door and walked into the classroom.
A hand shot up at the back of the room. Some little ginger-headed freak with an attitude spat out a question before I could even acknowledge him. I don't have any idea what he said, but my answer was something along the lines of:
"I can't quite remember how it all began, but I'm sure if you asked around, someone will eventually know something. This applies to everything you may wish to know, all the future questions you may wish to ask, and is somewhat coincidentally the answer to any prayers you may direct towards me."
Having said this, I left.
I returned; their blank faces peering up at me as they sat motionless in their desks. I wasn't even their teacher, so I had no idea what they expected of me. I left again.
This time there was no return. I walked on down the hall, opened another door, this time giving no-one the chance to question me.
"So, where was I. Okay, consider this. If a horse exists somewhere, it matters not where actually, but this horse has been cosmetically altered into the shape of a hot woman. Would you consider pursuing sexual relations with this entity?"
I'd stumped them this time.
A passing janitor stuck his head in the door and said, "My God. I vote today most depressing day ever." He closed the door. Bastard!
"This is rubbish really. About as erotic as my nan," I noted, viewing the pornographic movie on the newly confiscated cell phone. The lady in the questionable performance turned to the camera and gave me a septuagenarian wink. I made another note to call nanna when I got home.
The new class were suitably bored to begin gnawing on their desks. I allowed this to continue until the bell rang, and ran out into the corridor before anyone could report me missing.
My new opponent was made of stronger stuff than I'd given him credit for. Firstly, he was a woman, possibly English, but more likely some derivative like a Scot or god help him, a Welshman. She was alluring in her brilliance, yet as ugly as a lifetime municipal staff member.
Politics had never been my strong point, so when she said, "Throughout history forced migration has been a proven method of dealing with this sort of problem and it's far less messy than genocide," I was stumped. I fell to my knees and proposed marriage to her.
She rightly kicked me, and walked off, saying she could never marry a leper. I agreed, but then again, I'm not a leper, but certainly wouldn't marry one either - too messy, and bound to end in tears.
Walking onwards, I found myself surrounded by sunshine, lollipops and rainbows I think, but I can never figure out the last part of that line in that song that mentioned these things, but also mentions the thing about rainbows that I think is what they say but can't quite hear it before the next bit of the song starts.
That concludes my account of the trip to the box factory. Any questions can be answered by referring to the third paragraph.
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-02 06:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-02 10:16:22 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh I like an Orph post.
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Lies! :)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-05-02 05:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
okapi=+2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-02 05:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh I like an Orph post.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-01 13:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not much better than this.
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holy mother of fuck, he's back. Hallelujah!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-01 12:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am thoroughly confused by this.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-05-01 12:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was grEat!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i concur.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2008-05-01 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not much better than this.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I accidentally scrolled to the bottom and saw the picture which made me laugh my balls off. This could be the worst post ever, but that picture is great.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jasumthin (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't feel ashamed for reading this, nice work
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The implications of that sentance are terrifying.
Congratulations again on a magnificent post with such sterling subject matter.
Submitted by jasumthin (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't feel ashamed for reading this, nice work
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Excerpt from the Musings of Bertram, entitled, 'Only Once Dear Vicar?'
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-01 09:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant pearls of wisdom and a tapir. Perfect post, Issac Bickerstaff is blasted into a corner wearing naught but a tri-cornered hat.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-01 08:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sunshine, lollipops, and....rainbows everywherrreeeee......"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-01 08:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i want to go home now.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-05-01 08:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it enough to read the whole thing.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-01 08:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She rightly kicked me, and walked off, saying she could never marry a leper. I agreed, but then again, I'm not a leper, but certainly wouldn't marry one either - too messy, and bound to end in tears."
Highlight.