Of Cannibalism (1063 hits)
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Submitted by shadow (View user info) at 2008-05-01 15:35:50 EDT
I was listening to Voltaire's "Cannibal Buffet" and I got to thinking; it's a real pity that there are no more cannibals. Well, there are, but they are in such remote locations as to be entirely overlooked in the modern world, and suburban cannibals are often viewed as demented psychopaths who should be found-out and stopped at all cost. It's not that I particularly relish the idea of being eaten myself, but I think I might like to try a thigh or a bicep, you know, for the experience of course.
When pushed to starvation, humans are not too civilized to turn cannibal. Hunger is a very powerful motivator, more powerful than just about any other drive by instinct or learning. Deep insatiable hunger will move a human to some dire ends, more "evil" than greed or lust or any other deadly sin. There is a moral aspect to it as well, what with the respect for the dead and whatnot, but I wonder if we can draw a distinction between eating a thing what's dead already, and killing for the sake of eating. Should we waste the protein available in a fallen comrade for the sake of piety? Do you know how much a funeral costs these days?
Well I suppose it's a cultural thing. And what isn't anymore? Take the head scarf for example; perhaps you were born into a religion where scarves or turbans are mandatory, where you have little choice in the matter of head adornment. Day in and day out you wind the cloth, not because you want to but because you have to. Maybe you want to, I'm not here to judge, but I know I wouldn't want to. Firstly because I enjoy the breeze through my hair and secondly because I look silly in hats and all other manner of cranial accoutrement. I don't think it's really fair to be killed for failing to keep with the latest in religious vestments; it would not be unlike getting thrown down the stairs for wearing last season's color or white shoes after Labor Day. Some people take that sort of thing very seriously, after all.
Fashion is a luxury, to be sure, has been since the first man strung a loin cloth over his unmentionables. I wonder then, if there were some envy amongst the first humans; "oh, look at Ung over there, he's sporting leopard! He must be doing very well for himself, unlike Ragh, he's still wearing a bit of mammoth from fall's big kill... Pity." Sometimes I wonder if we invented clothing to give ugly or misshapen folks a chance to breed; then again, we all look the same when the lights go out.
Forget about all of that though, the single greatest luxury of all time is the hot shower, with the awesome majesty of the flush toilet picking up a close second. You can keep your silver and gold, all the jewels plucked from the crowns of royals; give me thirty minutes of steaming hot water and a fresh bar of soap and I'll show you Heaven. I love a long hot shower, forty-five minutes or better and it's practically sinful how much I enjoy getting clean. If bathing were a sin, I'd sign up for the express ticket to Hell.
Come to think of it, bathing WAS a sin. I remember a teacher telling me "in the Dark Ages, it was considered a sin to expose oneself even to oneself. Lack of proper hygiene was a big factor in the spread of the Plague." Well that would be just awful, what a smelly world. I think I'd take poverty in the modern day over luxury in the ancients' eyes any day of the week. I'll count myself lucky that this particular sin was taken off the books. I enjoy the fact that we can rid ourselves of laws or customs that prove themselves harmful or just plain stupid over time; call it cultural evolution if you will.
Seems to me that over time, culture (in a broad sense) sweeps in the direction of more freedom, more options. That's why I have a very difficult time believing that the world is in a state of social entropy, slowly decaying into anarchy as some have said. Sure there are problems, there's a metric ass-load of problems to be solved, but I think we're absolutely better off now than we were even a hundred years ago. Call me a lush, but I really enjoy the culture I live in; I like video games and SciFi movies, I love the books and knowledge that are available, I enjoy a nice glass of the bubbly with a good meal or a short flailing stint on the dance floor, and I love the art and music. It's a very explorative time, made possible by the men and women who took stonings, beatings, and death for the ideals we take for granted. Pretty lucky we are.
There has to be order in all the freedom though, and I'll be frank with you; I'm a huge fan of secular law. All of the basic principles we have collectively agreed to be necessary for life in society, enforced by citizens who choose to do the job. Sure, there are problems there too, but it's still better than roving mobs beheading the unsuspecting farmer for a taste of the harvest.
Whenever I think of secular law, I think of that wretched mid western cow who took her "Christian" family to dozens of military funerals with the message that "soldiers die because God hates homosexuals." First off, what? And secondly, the fuck? I love the irony here; if we truly did live under the law of first century Christians, as she suggested we should, any woman holding up a sign would be stoned to death for her insolence. The secular society she claims to hate so much has actually given her the opportunity to say what's on her mind without retribution; secular law protects her from us horrible heathens.
More often than not, when religious doctrine clashes with secular law, I side secular. It's not that I have anything against your faith, quite to the contrary; I am happy that there are people in this world with a spiritual mindset. Many faiths support and bolster the communities they arise from, and many preach good things such as generosity and humility. I'll be the first to admit that all secular law is based upon the moral compass provided by faith, in the broadest interpretation. It's just that the laws of faith that made sense long ago don't always apply anymore. For example: I think it's awesome for you if you choose to eat kosher, but I personally enjoy a lot of the dishes those rules have deemed inedible. I say we compromise; I won't force you to eat carnitas and you won't stone me to death for having a BLT. Nobody has to get hurt, right? Coexistence. It's a beautiful thing.
That brings me back to the shower, man am I happy that we can bathe without being deemed deviants. Awesome.
I really wonder if all faiths can coexist. This is sort of a tricky question, seeing as some faiths specifically hate others, contradict one another, and in some cases preach each other's destruction. But really, does Islam have to be annihilated for all of Christendom to enjoy their daily lives? I don't think so. Nor do I think that all Christians are pigs who need to be eradicated in favor of the pure. And then, if those two groups can't get along, why should the Buddhists and Shinto have to suffer for it in some kind of global war? Those guys have been living together for centuries now, they even celebrate each other's holidays in some places. I don't think isolation is the answer either; you stay over there and don't come over here and I'll do the same. What are we, kids in daddy's backseat poking at each other? I think we can do better than that.
Social evolution. It takes time, and we live so briefly.
"Mutually assured destruction." That's what historians called the escalation of the Cold War. Communism vs Capitalism, us vs them. It always seems to be an "us vs them" situation. Good Guys vs Bad Guys, Our Faith vs Their Faith, Our God vs Their God. Crazy is what it is. I can't see how otherwise rational people who work in their own community, raise families, etc., can really stomach the idea of slaughtering other humans wholesale for any given reason. Call me naïve, but genocide just doesn't make any bloody sense. It's not as if the existence of other humans is a direct affront to your sensibilities, is it? Well if that's the case, might I suggest that you simply remove yourself, and let the rest of us to whatever fate we choose. Really, if you're completely convinced that my unworthy, bombastic, non-religious ass is destined for Hell, then just let me go there. You don't need to kill me to hasten it, just let it be. If you are correct, then the kingdom of Heaven is yours and you'll never have to deal with the likes of me or my kind again.
In the end, I'd rather not see the Earth blown apart for any one faith or another; that's where I keep all my stuff.
Compromise is the answer. We collectively agree on what's good or not, and let the rest go. Nobody gets beheaded or defenestrated for having a holiday, nobody gets burned alive for singing a song. Works for me. Works for a lot of people.
In that light, I can see why we can't have cannibalism any longer. It just wouldn't be good for the whole of the world we live in; and so for the good of society, I can abstain. It'll be my little compromise. Still, I'm tempted to lob off my big toe just so I can suck the meat off of it; you know, for the experience of course. I don't think I could stomach losing a whole thigh to my stomach, but I'm pretty sure I could lead a fulfilling life with the loss of but one toe, and nobody has to grapple with the philosophic or moral implications of eating the flesh of your own kind. Everybody wins.
User Reviews
Submitted by nargles (user info) at 2008-10-12 12:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was hilarious, but you can't eat me. just saying.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-06-18 15:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahem to you.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-11 23:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think "us vs. them" is an inevitable outcome of social and biological evolution. This attitude allowed our ancestors to confront the world with two, distinct moral codes: the code of Amity, which they applied toward those within their own group; and the code of Enmity, which they applied toward outsiders who threatened them. Whether it's good or bad is moot. This world view evidently conferred the greatest advantage to its adherents. Groups subscribing to other world views eventually perished or were destroyed by groups with the "us vs. them" mentality. Is "us vs. them" still necessary to our survival? That's debatable, in my opinion. Will it lead to our inevitable demise as a species? That too seems debatable to me.
Religion is one way of exploiting and strengthening "us vs. them." But it's a mistake to think it's the only way.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-05-08 13:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to see something which isn't painful to read, for a change.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-03 16:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the toilet really is one of mankinds greatest and most obvious achievements.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-05-03 14:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the end, I'd rather not see the Earth blown apart for any one faith or another; that's where I keep all my stuff.
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Excellent reference to the Tick. I used the "that's where I keep all my stuff" line referenceing the Earth in a presentation on Wednesday.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2008-05-02 19:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd take a hue chomp out of a round rump if i had to. or even if i didn't. in any case, i can certainly see how cannabalism relates to this post.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-02 15:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-02 11:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-02 11:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-02 09:02:57 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-02 09:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"In the end, I'd rather not see the Earth blown apart for any one faith or another; that's where I keep all my stuff."
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Hey, you can't take it with you when you go, ya know.
Thoughtful and inspired. Well worth the read, even if I don't necessarily agree with all of it.
_________________
That line is actually a quote I borrowed from The Tick.
"Destroy the Earth?! You can't destroy the Earth, that's where I keep all my stuff!!!" Says the man in blue to the planet eater.
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Heh. I did not know that...but then, I haven't seen that show in eons. Auto-Tick +2.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-02 10:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-02 09:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"In the end, I'd rather not see the Earth blown apart for any one faith or another; that's where I keep all my stuff."
=======================
Hey, you can't take it with you when you go, ya know.
Thoughtful and inspired. Well worth the read, even if I don't necessarily agree with all of it.
_________________
That line is actually a quote I borrowed from The Tick.
"Destroy the Earth?! You can't destroy the Earth, that's where I keep all my stuff!!!" Says the man in blue to the planet eater.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-02 09:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"In the end, I'd rather not see the Earth blown apart for any one faith or another; that's where I keep all my stuff."
=======================
Hey, you can't take it with you when you go, ya know.
Thoughtful and inspired. Well worth the read, even if I don't necessarily agree with all of it.
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2008-05-02 08:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-02 06:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was great
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-02 06:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know how much a funeral costs these days?
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-05-02 06:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-02 05:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Less coffee for you....scrap that,keep this up. Best thing I have read in ages.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-05-01 22:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you are what you eat, Im a 17yo's pussy.
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-05-01 20:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-01 16:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah yes, one must avoid eating the brain. So much for gaining the wisdom of our forebears.
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If one could gain the wisdom of our forbears from eating their brains, i'd eat brains like niggers visit swap-meets
Submitted by RageMode (user info) at 2008-05-01 20:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you remove both big toes, you have to relearn how to walk. However, if you only take one big toe, do you have to relearn how to hobble or does that come instinctively?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-05-01 17:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-05-01 17:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-05-01 16:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no qualms about eating people.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-01 16:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah yes, one must avoid eating the brain. So much for gaining the wisdom of our forebears.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-01 16:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.biomed.lib.umn.edu/hw/creutzfeld.html
KURU, A CANNIBAL DISEASE: The real breakthrough for understanding Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease occurred in 1957 with the discovery of a curious degenerative brain disease of cannibals. Certain Fore tribes of Papua, New Guinea were inflicted with a disease called Kuru - the trembling with fear. This disease manifested itself as a fatal disease with an onset and duration that lasted usually 1 year. To date there have been 2500+ cases reported in these relatively small villages with an occurrence of at least 1% of the population. It was prevalent in women and children but rarely affected adult males. The terminal stage of this brain disease was marked by total dementia, muteness, inability to move, ataxia (jerkiness of the muscles), dysarthria, dysphagia and death.
Kuru was determined to be linked to the ritual cannibalism that was practiced by these tribes. The brains of the elders were ritually prepared and eaten by the women and children, but seldom by the men. This endocannibalism was outlawed by the authorities of New Guinea and now the disease is slowly disappearing. There are still cases appearing due to the extreme incubation periods of the disease -exceeding 30 years in some instances. Kuru was successfully passed to chimpanzees in 1966 by intracerebral injection of brain specimens. This disease however, was not passed maternally or by mother's milk which was determined by very careful epidemiological studies. Further studies have even determined the exact cannibal feast that resulted in the transmission to certain victims. A suggested link to a bizarre disease of sheep (scrapie) was proposed in 1959 and ultimately lead to the path of understanding for Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.
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Maybe that's why.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-01 15:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-01 15:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could you believe that quack doctor said I had the ADHD? What a sham.
***
I was thinking that when I read this. Manic.
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-05-01 15:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart: I had a fight with Milhouse.
Homer: That four-eyes with the big nose? You don't need friends like
that.
Lisa: How Zen.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Defined
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-01 15:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could you believe that quack doctor said I had the ADHD? What a sham.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-01 15:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How random.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-05-01 15:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment