Ubersite: The Thumb of the Internet (591 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.63 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2008-05-03 12:19:56 EDT
I am not concerned with "what is Grimace". To understand Grimace is to understand yourself. Consider him a walking ink blot test for the world. When you look at him, you see what you want to see.
I may not know, or even care about what he is, but I do know one thing. Unless he develops a full set of fingers and opposable thumbs, his days are numbered. Out of all of the species that have either gone extinct or are on the endangered species list, the vast majority did not have opposable thumbs.
That is not a mere coincidence.
Thumbs are the pinnacle of evolution. Why else could we possibly be on the top of the ladder on this planet? Now I know what you are thinking: thumbs, who cares?
You. You should care about thumbs. If you think you are so much better than your thumbs then I have a challenge for you: I challenge you to go one whole hour during your day not using your thumbs.
Thumbs allow us to do so many wonderful things: masturbate, pinch nipples, write with pens, use remote controls. Without thumbs we would be lost. Without thumbs, Grimace will be lost.
Think of the most recent commercials you have seen for McDonald's. Compare them to the ones you saw 15 to 20 years ago. There used to be several McDonald Land characters: Ronald, Birdie, Hamburglar, Grimace, Fry Kids. How many do you see now?
Exactly. Ronald stands alone. Thumbs people, it's all about thumbs.
Sure Hamburglar had thumbs, but he also stole things a lot. Why on Earth did McDonald's give us a character with such a disregard for society's laws? Perhaps they wanted revolution. Perhaps McDonalds wanted a state of anarchy which they could use the reshape the world into one giant golden arch.
Birdie was a heroin junky. The only notable thing she ever did was overdose on the set of some cheap porn movie where she was forced to have sex with a horse. It was the smart move on her part to die.
And the Fry Kids? Thumb-less. And that is why they have not been seen in at least a decade.
Ubersite is the thumb of the internet.
User Reviews
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2008-05-10 11:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-07 04:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-05-07 04:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-04 11:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Weak
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-04 06:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-05-04 02:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Love the proirities:
"masturbate, pinch nipples..."
Classy
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-05-04 02:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-05-04 01:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Survey says Grimace is either a giant swollen tastebod/misshapen clit or an eggplant.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-05-03 17:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty sure Grimace had thumbs.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-05-03 12:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I see Uber as more of a duodenum
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-05-03 12:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF?