Hell Patrol (pt. 2) (284 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-05-04 23:19:18 EDT
Pt. 1: (http://www.ubersite.com/m/116469) In which Major Winstead, an American military advisor in South America, observes unsettling behavior among the men of Captain Masmela's infantry company during a raid on a rebel position.
Hell Patrol (pt. 2 of 5)
The observer had arrived the day before the mission. Major Winstead had just finished discussing last-minute preparations with Captain Masmela when a brand new Toyota Land Cruiser skidded to a stop in front of the HQ shack. A short, wiry woman with bright red hair and mirrored sunglasses jumped out and came straight for him. Her camouflage fatigues were too large, and she wore the tiniest pair of combat boots Winstead had ever seen. She stood looking him over, fists on her hips, nodding with apparent approval at his large, solid physique.
"Major Winstead?" she said in a voice like an air horn with a handful of gravel caught inside. "I'm Gertrude." Whipping off her sunglasses, she wrinkled up her weathered face, baring brown-stained teeth in what Winstead supposed was a smile. "Gail Gertrude. The observer."
Winstead stared down at her. He'd been expecting an observer from the States, but--what the hell were they thinking?
"Cat got your tongue?" she demanded.
"_You're_ the observer?" he asked.
"Yes, _I'm_ the observer." She replaced her sunglasses. "You got a problem with that?"
"Listen, Gertrude..."
"Call me Gertie."
"Gertie. It's a 15 klick hump from the LZ to the objective."
She drew herself up. "Listen, Sonny. I did 25 years in the Army. Retired as a first sergeant. My people called me 'Hurty Gertie' 'cause I used to smoke 'em during PT. 15 clicks ain't shit to me--I'll hump your sorry ass off." She smacked him in the gut with the back of her hand; caught by surprise, he grunted. "They got a canteen around here? Maybe I'll let you buy me a drink."
Winstead, suddenly thirsty, waved in the direction of the cantina. "I'll meet you there," he said. "As soon as I find the captain."
Captain Masmela was pleased to hear the observer had finally arrived. "I was afraid he might miss our victory," he said.
Winstead smiled. Masmela had good reason to be optimistic about the mission. He'd pushed his men hard over the past months and it showed. Though small and slender, he led his men by example, accompanying them on every road march in spite of his terrible blisters, digging his own foxholes, even eating the same food as they--forgoing the tastier fare he, as an officer, was entitled to.
"She," said Winstead. "The observer is a woman."
Masmela raised his eyebrows. "You Americans," he said, "are always full of surprises."
Masmela had placed the cantina off limits; it was empty except for Gertie when he and Winstead arrived there. She sat at a table with a bottle of expensive Tequila and three glasses. Winstead drained the glass she poured for him, then drank Masmela's as well when he declined it. "You must have brought this with you," he said, smacking his lips.
She nodded. "Nothing's too good for our boys down here." Raising her glass, she toasted, "Here's to the War on Drugs!" and tossed back her drink. Major Winstead drank his third. She winked at him. "Keep that up, Major. You might get lucky tonight."
Winstead moved his glass away before she could refill it.
"Captain Masmela," she said. "I'm the observer from Pharmacon, the pharmaceutical consortium working with the Pentagon. I understand your unit has been selected to assist in a beta trial of our new combat performance enhancing medication?"
"Yes Ma'am," replied Masmela, staring at her bright red hair. "My men have been taking your pills every day for one month already. But also they train very hard. Who's to say whether it is your pills or their hard work?"
"Captain," she replied. "You may rest assured your men's performance is due entirely to their own hard work. The medication they've been taking so far is only a precursor. It doesn't take effect until combined with a second compound, the activant, which must be taken prior to combat." She produced a vial of pills. "It's vitally important that each of your men take one of these pills before the raid is initiated."
"What happens then?" asked Winstead.
Gertie produced a pouch of chewing tobacco and stuffed a huge wad into her tiny cheek. "It produces something like a sustained adrenaline rush," she mumbled through the tobacco. "It also blocks fear and other inhibitions. On _Combehance,_" she paused to spit brown tobacco juice into Masmela's empty glass, "your men will make pro ball players on steroids look like a bunch of fairies. It'll turn them into the mean, green, killing machines they're supposed to be."
Captain Masmela protested. "I think they'll do fine without your pills. You must let them try."
She dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Never mind that, Cap'n. Your men had their chance to shine and they fucked it up. That's why we picked your company--Masmela's Mou..."
"Gertie!" interrupted Winstead.
She eyed him, spewed another brown mouthful into the glass and continued. "Now, there's two more things. First, it's crucial that you and your lieutenants not take _Combehance._ We don't want to risk affecting your judgment. Second, and most important of all, if any of your men are taking other medication, they're not to take the activant. We're still researching interaction effects with other drugs."
"Is that all, _Madame?_" said Masmela, with an exaggerated display of subordinance.
"That's all," she said, pouring herself another glass of Tequila. "And don't call me Ma'am. I work for a living."
"Major," said Masmela, "I forbid this woman to accompany my patrol."
Gertie glared, her drink poised at her lips.
"I'm afraid it's not up to me," groaned Winstead.
Gertie smacked the glass back on the table and pulled a sheaf of papers from her briefcase. "I have my orders," she said, thrusting them at the captain. "Read'em and weep."
Masmela jumped up, knocking over his chair. "If you are to go on my patrol," he said to Gertie, "you must cut your hair. You look like a signal flare!"
Gertie grimaced and shook her head as he stalked off. "These people down here are all the same," she muttered. "A bunch of pussies."
"Masmela got a bad rap for that botched raid," said Winstead. "He took over just before it went down. The previous C.O. must have been a real piece of work. The men didn't know their asses from holes in the ground when I got here. They've come a long way with Masmela."
Gertie sneered and spit again into the glass.
"How the hell did you get this job, anyway?" asked Winstead.
"I was a medic in the army," she said. "They needed somebody with military experience and medical training."
"I'm a trained observer," said Winstead, "and they've got their own medics. I don't see why you need to..."
"Don't give me that bullshit, Major. I have my orders and I'm going on this patrol. My whole career, all I ever wanted was to fight. But they kept me in the rear with the clerks and the jerks--just because I'm a woman." She screwed up her face and spit the entire sopping gob of tobacco out on the floor. "I finally get my chance, Major. This is my one shot at glory!"
Major Winstead poured himself another shot of tequila.
User Reviews
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-05-09 11:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i read the first 2 as they were posted. Guess i forgot to rate.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-07 08:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-05 22:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-05-05 16:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Problems:
"First, it's crucial that you and your lieutenants not take _Combehance._ We don't want to risk affecting your judgment."
(But it's OK for the troops?)
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My poke at military discipline: the troops don't need to exercise judgement, they only need to follow orders.
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"I finally get my chance, Major. This is my one shot at glory!"
(From an observer?)
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I agree, that was over the top. Thanks for the comments!
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-05-05 16:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Problems:
"First, it's crucial that you and your lieutenants not take _Combehance._ We don't want to risk affecting your judgment."
(But it's OK for the troops?)
"I finally get my chance, Major. This is my one shot at glory!"
(From an observer?)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-05 12:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"As for the lackluster response to your first post, don't feel bad...fiction doesn't really get a whole lot of attention here. "
it's true, especially more so when a series is involved. i'd continue reading if you continue posting. if you get bored you could reciprocate and read CBA or survivor series... just look in my tagged items or whatever they're called.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-05 11:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually, I think I misled you, you have to end it with "</i>" as opposed to "<i/>" like I think I said...ahhh, if you look up Bart Cilfone's post history, look at the one entitled "To Boldly Go" and that will tell you what you need to know.
As for the lackluster response to your first post, don't feel bad...fiction doesn't really get a whole lot of attention here.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-05 10:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback and the hint on italics. (I tried "[i] [/i]" and gave up.) I thought opening with the raid might be more of a hook than the chronological beginning. Judging from the underwhelming response to part 1, that was a poor choice!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-05 10:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good. Not a bad establishing piece...but I think this would work better as your first installment instead of your second. I liked the personality you worked into Gertrude; you described her well and she comes alive as a character. Some of the dialogue seemed a little forced to me, though -- somewhat lacking in the formality and structure that military people seem to talk with.
Also, I was bothered by the way you used underscores for _emphasis_. You CAN put italics in there these days, you know...just type "<i>" before the word and "<i/>" after the word and it will come out slanted (doesn't work in the reviews though). Even if you don't want to use italics or bold, I think I'd prefer CAPS over _underscores_.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-05 06:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 "expensive tequila."
By the way, it doesn't have to be expensive - just 100% agave.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2008-05-05 06:24:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more reviews.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-05 03:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Suits you sir! Major Winstead