A Disturbed Mind (458 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.37 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <monkeylove.at.easy.com> (View user info) at 2008-05-06 05:21:18 EDT
My God! how could you, How could you do this to me... to our daughter for Gods sake, and on this day of all days? Amy was screaming at the top of her lungs at her husband who stood in the doorway of their bedroom.
"How could you hurt me this way you son of a bitch, and what I'm I suppose to do now, did you ever stop to think of that," Amy cried as she broke down on the floor.
"I'm sorry Amy, I'm so sorry this happened, but time will heal your pain, you have to believe that."
"I don't believe anything anymore; not anything from you. This wasn't supposed to happen to me..and don't even try to take Jenny from me, you...
"Amy please, calm down," he interrupted, "you need to relax."
"How dare you tell me to calm down...Get out! You're dead to me."
"You don't know what you're saying Amy."
Get out!" Amy screamed again as she picked up a book and threw it in his direction, only to have it bounce of the wall on to a dresser shattering make-up and perfume bottles, as Amy once again fell back to the floor.
With the shattering of the glass and his wife in hysterics, he knew all he could do was leave; there was nothing he could say. Nothing he could do to give her mind any peace or make up for his careless mistake, to her... or their daughter, the damage was done.
When Amy picked herself off the floor, she looked over to her husband who was no longer standing there; she saw just an open door leading into the empty hallway. At that moment, she felt the emptiness that filled the house, and the loneliness that had already begun to fill her heart...and she cried for the only man she had ever loved.
"Wait, come back, don't leave me here alone," She softly said in a silent whimper as she moved to the door while reaching out for a man who was no longer there.
As she made her way to, and then fallen against the door frame, Amy looked down to see her five year old daughter Jenny standing there clutching her new teddy bear that was given to her on her birthday... two hours earlier that very day.
"Mommy, is daddy ever coming back home?
"I don't know sweetie," Amy said as she knelt down to her, "but don't worry, we still have each other. Promise mommy that you'll never leave me, ever."
"Ok, I promise you mommy...I'll never leave."
...Then, Amy broke down in uncontrollable tears.
As the days from that moment turned into many years, Amy was living her life the best that she knew how. Though lonely at times, Amy was content in becoming an old woman who had never remarried, she could live with that. She also had never forgotten the loss that she endured that painful night, and she had to live with that. But still she had the joy of watching her Jenny grow up, and she was grateful. She watched how she moved from elementary school to high school, then even on to college. She watched as Jenny started her new job out in the world. Then as the years continued to pass by, she watched her little Jenny grow into a successful woman herself... and now as Amy lay dying in her hospital bed; she felt the satisfaction that a mother feels knowing that she gave everything for her child. As she squeezed the hand of Jenny who was there beside her in her final moments, Amy looked up at her daughter and said softly.
"You never left me."
"No mom; Just like I promised you all those years ago, I never left you," as she squeezed back on her hand.
As Jenny sat there holding her dying mother's hand, a soft spoken voice came from across the room.
"Jenny," he spoke.
"Jenny my dear," he spoke again, "its time for you to go."
Looking up at the figure, Jenny knew who this man was even though she had never seen him since her fifth birthday forty years ago.
"Daddy," Jenny said, surprising herself that she would use such a childish term for a women her age.
"Daddy," she spoke again... again surprising herself. "Why are you here? And how did you know mom was dying? And why did you ever leave me, leave us?
"I've never left you honey, I've been watching you everyday of your life... and now its time for you to go," he said lovingly while reaching his arm out for her.
"Go where, I don't understand, and why should I, I don't even know you anymore."
"You will in time my dear Jenny... there's something I need to show you, so please, come with me, your mother is in good hands."
Although reluctantly, Jenny took her fathers hand as he led her out the doorway and into the foggy morning that had now filled the outside air. She felt confused and lost as she let her father lead, and she felt a strange sensation as if time itself had stopped; and before she had time to speak, she found herself at the Gates of a cemetery, though she didn't know how they arrived.
"I don't understand, why are we here?
"For you to learn the truth," her father spoke softly.
"The truth about what," Jenny replied.
"The truth about your mother," as he pointed inside the gates... "Come with me now, and I'll show you."
Coming to a row of plots, Jenny's father turned to her and began to speak.
"Think back Jenny, think back to the night of your fifth birthday, the night I left you and your mother. What do you remember about that night?
"Why did you leave? Why didn't you ever come back, didn't you love us?
"I loved you with all my heart, but please, for now think back and tell me."
"Well, I remember that night very well, how could I not... our lives were shattered. I remember how I thought I was such a big girl turning five, and I remember how I opened my presents and how I loved my new teddy bear most of all, a teddy bear I still have to this day," she spoke as a tear started down her face. "I also remember mommy feeling sick and not being able to go with us when you took me out for ice cream. Then all I remember is coming home and mommy crying in the hallway over you."
"Over us," he reached out and touched her. "We never made it home that night," he said as he wiped away her tear.
"Of course we did."
"No sweetie, we never made it home. We we're on our way when I was hit by an oncoming car. I made the fatal mistake of taking my eye's off the road as I wiped ice cream off of your new shirt. We were killed instantly. Your mother only imagined us being there. Your mother imagined your entire life."
"That's insane, what about me; I had friends for Gods sake, I even went to school and lived my life."
"Think back my dear; and tell me who your friends were, and where you went to school, do you remember anything?
Jenny stood for a moment pondering with her head down, then looked up at her father with a quivering lip and spoke.
"That's odd, but I don't remember... I don't remember who my friends were, or the names of any of my schools. I don't remember anything past that night."
"Because my dear it never happened; only in your mothers mind it did. When your mother heard of the accident that night she felt a tremendous lost and could never let you go. She felt cheated and her mind snapped, and from that day on she imagined what your entire life would've been like. She loved you very much. When people saw how she was acting, speaking to no one, and driving no one back and forth to school everyday and not being able to except the truth, they had your mother committed and placed in a special home, and that's where she's remained up until this very day...the day of her own death.
"But I was there; I lived it with her at home. It was real," Jenny spoke almost forcefully.
"In her mind you lived there. In her mind it was all too real. In her mind she kept your spirit alive all these years. You've been given a great gift Jenny; the Lord has blessed you with a life through your mother's eyes and through your mothers' mind."
Again, Jenny felt the same sensation as if time had stopped, and as she tried to comprehend it all, she noticed the mist was becoming thicker around them.
"Look upon the gravestone now and you'll see the truth."
When Jenny looked down at the graves that lay at her feet, she saw what he had brought her to see, and also what she didn't want to see. Kneeling down, she wiped away the mist that had formed on the gravestone and read the markings that bore the name of her father and her, and then she saw the dates; died forty years ago.
"You see my dear Jenny; the life you knew never existed, it was taking from you that night when you were only a small child of five years old. But God gave you a life through your mothers' eyes, and even though your mother became sick, she died a very happy women jenny... because of you. I too have been given a gift. I've been blessed to watch over you, and to bring you home when your mother finally let your spirit go... and that time has now come."
Amy looked down at the graves one last time then back up at her father, and she saw that he was young again; Handsome as she remembered, and then she saw that she was young as well, even a child of five again, and everything at that instant made sense to her... and so she took her fathers' hand.
"Daddy, I already miss mommy."
"So do I dear; come, and I'll take you to her, she's waiting for you, waiting to be a family again."
...And together, they walked into the mist of the morning...and disappeared.
User Reviews
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. You need to sign up for this one, http://www.storiesville.com/content/view/1721/65/
but here's the google search: http://tinyurl.com/4zx2gw
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2008-05-07 23:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good ideas, poor execution.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-06 12:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-06 11:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It kept me reading right through to the end, wanting to know what Dear Old Dad did to piss Mommy off so bad. I have to agree with the two quotes below, though, about the dialog and proofreading. It's a good idea, but it read like you tore it off in a rush and posted it too quickly. Could have been better executed.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-06 11:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It was a story with a twist, but you spread the twist out through the whole story, which made it pathetic.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-06 10:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I keep wanting to flip this post over and look for the Hallmark logo on the back side.
Nice idea and well written but the reveal should be a more of a surprize.
You want the "OMFG she was dead all along!!" reaction. When dad explained what happened he could have just layed out blueprints and a powerpoint presentation.
It was ending for dummies, no one gets left in the dark about what happened.
not bad overall.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-05-06 10:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't quite care for the dialogue. Unrealistic and splotchy.
Submitted by Hobocore (user info) at 2008-05-06 09:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Could have been better, proof read it after the spell check by the way, words don't always correct to what's right.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-05-06 09:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
reminded me of that "I see dead people" movie, but yea, decent ghost type yarn.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-06 09:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-06 09:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a good idea. As has been said, it might have been better presented but even so, the idea came through well.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-06 08:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice one baldy.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You're a bit of a tool really.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't get me wrong, I know you have written shit loads, shit being the operative word.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You might have noticed that I've written shit-loads on here. If I can be arsed I'll link some of the good stuff.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you could write anything HurtByTheSun I would take notice, as it is, you don't.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Length has nothing to do with the enjoyment of a story, unless it's an incredibly dull read. It's a nice idea, but pretty cliched and not well written. The opening dialogue was particularly terrible.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*waves hands in the air*
MELODRAMA ALERT, MELODRAMA ALERT!
Heh, towards the end I was reading it and thinking "I don't remember anything from school and even a few years ago is pretty hazy" which is worrying.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, didn't enjoy this.
The storyline isn't really my thing. When something is as far-fetched as this it has to be delivered with real panache, but that was missing too.
I commend your efforts, though.
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-06 05:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, I know this is very long but hope you can give it a go.