Tipping point (300 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.95 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BillyGoat (View user info) at 2008-05-06 19:17:09 EDT
He logs off the PC as the door closes downstairs. He has trained his ear to pick the minutest of sounds so the website was already shutting down before she even opened their front door. He can hear the tapping of the stilettos and when they stop, he turns around, stands and goes over to give her a kiss.
He then enquires her day. She tells him how it went and that's the formalities over. He stops halfway down the stairs to ask if she'd like anything from the store. The reply that follows is lost in the music that's already blaring in his earphone.
He is glad to be outside, in the fresh air; away from her misery. These little escapades are what keep him sane, preventing him going down the same route as his wife. He has increasingly supplemented them with the virtual world of the internet. Hardly a day goes by without him entering this other world, that's only accessible by credit card.
The images repulsed him at first but he found himself unable to shake them away. He has seen documentaries and read articles devoted psycho analysing purveyors of such material. And although, he knows its wrong, there is something in the punishment, the brutality of it all that made him pay the monthly fee and set up the encrypted account which he alone can access.
++
Only in China is red a symbol of good luck, he thinks, as he waits for the red traffic light to go green. Red is danger, despair, depression and disaster. He contemplates the red man with his raised arms. 'Maybe he is waving to some red lady whom he can only see.' He thinks about Megan back home, on her own, popping her evening dose of diazepam to quell any sudden mood swing.
Everything seemed fine before they decided to have a baby. All the signs were there. She was menstruating and he was producing a decent load. Of course they didn't think of the situation in such black and white terms but the presence of both fluids suggested the obvious.
Extrinsic factors where initially blamed for their failure to conceive. She suggested that his drinking, smoking and love of curry were the culprits. Within a few weeks he had completely overhauled his exercise and dietary regime to suit her needs and every so often she'd give him self help manuals which were designed to tell him exactly what to do and he would study them over and over again.
After a year or so, there was still no change, so she insisted he get tested. He remembers struggling to ejaculate into the little plastic pot. His body had suddenly tensed up; the natural reflex that he was so familiar with had deserted him. He remembers focussing hard on the flickering image of Brooke Haven as she danced seductively on the screen whilst he tried to stroke one out; not once did his penis flicker at her gyrating. Suddenly those jokes about shooting blanks weren't so funny anymore, knowing that the results from the little batch of semen he'd eventually deposit would have implications for the rest of his life.
Everything he'd read or heard indicated that he was the cause of their failure and he couldn't face the doctor, the day he received the results of the semen analysis. He remembers asking the doctor to repeat what he had said coz he couldn't believe what he was hearing. There volume of semen was high as was the shape, size and motility of his sperm. Everything was ok. He remembers the astonished look on Megan's face and the tears that followed when it became clear to her that she was the one who had the problem. A month later her results were in and each hormone test and biopsy confirmed what they already knew. It was now official. There in front of them in black and white.
The red man flickers green just as the music begins to die down. Chris crosses the road and breezes past the little SPAR he was supposed to go into. He remembers the weeks following the news. He remembers her sitting on their bed starring blankly into the space with the curtains drawn. He'd sidle up to her, put his arm round her and re-assured her that everything was fine. She'd just sigh and when her energies were up, she'd cry. With time, the initial shock wore down, yet she became more disinterested in life. All her passions -socializing, sex, conversation- had been extinguished. She refused to watch anything on TV to do with kids and she avoided friends who had kids. Sometimes she refused to even look at him as if he God had somehow cheated her and spared him. Eventually, the depression receded with the medication, her mood lifted a little, but the manic phases would inevitably be overruled by bouts of deep depression.
The self help books, tapes and DVD's that he bought her were either tossed away or left unread. His pleadings were unheard. She failed to see that all he really wanted was for her to come back. He found her lack of procurement increasingly difficult deal with. He had given up his job to work from home so she did as little as possible during her 'recovery.' He turned to the internet, when she failed to recover in tandem to the amount of effort he'd put it. Initially he used it for guidance, but as time went by, his anger grew and he found himself drawn to much darker corners of the web.
He quickens his pace. The strings return once more and slice past his cochlea, into the deep regions in his brain before they are re-directed to his heart where they squeeze out every bit of emotion from him. He wants to swear at whoever put this curse on him. Out of the 3 billion women in this world, why did he go for her? Some say its fate that brings us together. But at what cost?
He blames her for everything now. He blames her for bullying him into taking up all those regimes when it was her that had the problem all along. The fact that she doesn't want his help and despises him only drives his anger.
Everything had been planned. The names of the kids had been chosen and agreed upon. He had already promised his parents a grandchild about 18 months or so after their wedding. There was never a- 'if everything goes to plan,' moment, because it would: They'd get married, have kids and they'd watch them grow up as nature intended.
And now he feels powerless and angry towards her. He doesn't despise her exterior, coz that's what he fell in love with all those years ago. Or even her personality (though now extinguished) because it kept their relationship going through the tough times. What gets him red with rage is what is going on at the atomic level. That which can't be manipulated with make-up or therapy. The little molecules that course through her very being and will forever remain there till the day she draws her last breath. He is powerless to them. And they are powerful over him. They bring out these emotions against the one he vowed to love through thick and thin...through sickness and in health.
The strings die down again and he waits patiently for the next track. He can just about hear the voices coming from his destination. He had planned to go down to the river and catch the breeze before he went back home, but some force ,the same one that draws him to the internet pushed him along this path which he 's now taking. This, combined with his anger is the driving force he needs and his feet break into a light jog. He is possessed by it and it gets stronger as the strings restart once more. He paces himself according to their tempo and by the time he reaches the bench by the oak tree he has to stop.
His mind is now free of Megan. All he can hear is the rushing sound of the music in his ear.
He twists his back and flops onto the bench. Facing him are a couple of Georgian buildings some 20 metres from the road. They are the main school buildings from which he can see the pupils emerging for home time.
He watches intently while Barbers Adagio reaches its climax in his ear. He's mind is now free of Megan and ....he senses the blood draining from his face towards his nether regions.
User Reviews
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-05-08 11:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kickass
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-07 12:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-07 09:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-07 09:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is really well written.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-05-07 09:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
chin up! it's sunny outside!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-07 09:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel depressed now.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-05-07 07:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LM: thanks. i try to do my best. this is the first time i have written something and its good to hear voices of encouragement.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-07 05:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, you are very good at writing aren't you.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-07 04:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-06 21:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-05-06 21:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is fiction of course and you are pretty much spot on. the question is, is their failure to conceive the trigger or has he ad these feelings all along.
some people are adamant. watch the last 10 minutes or so of this documentary, just to see how fucked up people really are.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b00b6vjz.shtml?src=ip_potpw
--------------------
"Sorry, this programme is only available to play in the UK"
Based on my limited knowledge of the subject, I would say he would have had to have had some leanings in this direction beforehand. I think this paragraph could be reworked to hint at his predisposition without giving it away:
"The images repulsed him at first but he found himself unable to shake them away. He has seen documentaries and read articles devoted psycho analysing purveyors of such material. And although, he knows its wrong, there is something in the punishment, the brutality of it all that made him pay the monthly fee and set up the encrypted account which he alone can access."
Something to the effect of the old demons resurfacing again without getting specific.
I just couldn't imagine "something in the punishment, the brutality of it" making him want to keep doing it. But that might just be me.
Except for that point, I thought it was a creepy, suspenseful read that held my attention right through to the end. Looked at from the standpoint of his having a predisposition toward pedophilia, it's a lucky thing his wife couldn't conceive since being around his own kids might have brought it out. You might even be able to play on that--have him wonder if that's the reason she couldn't conceive. A little added guilt for him.
Anyway--good story!
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-05-06 21:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is fiction of course and you are pretty much spot on. the question is, is their failure to conceive the trigger or has he ad these feelings all along.
some people are adamant. watch the last 10 minutes or so of this documentary, just to see how fucked up people really are.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b00b6vjz.shtml?src=ip_potpw
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-06 20:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm. I'm not sure how seriously to take the title since you say you couldn't think of a suitable one. As is, it implies, to me, that Chris is about to indulge his new-found pedophiliac urges for the first time in real life. He's been getting off to kiddie porn on the internet; now he's reached the tipping point and he's ready for the real thing. Am I reading too much into it?
Hard to feel any sympathy whatsoever for someone who goes down that road, no matter how fucked up his marriage is. In fact, I'm not so sure a fucked up marriage would be enough to push someone over that particular tipping point.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-06 20:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-05-06 19:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmm. what a cliffhanger.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-06 19:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-05-06 19:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry, couldn;t really think of a suitable title