Late Nite Revelations + 2008 UberDirectory Camwhore = Doubling Your Pleasure Since 2004 (986 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.75 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Oly (View user info) at 2008-05-07 14:12:44 EDT
Late Night Revelations: The things I think about when I can't sleep.
- Most of the people I've been meeting lately are either completely one-dimensional, or they have depth but are duplicitous. The more I think about these people, I realize I act like their friends and I am one of them.
- I care more for animals than I do for most other people. That said, I hope anybody associated with PETA gets eaten by a polar bear.
- There is no such thing as music that is demeaning to women. At least not in general. The skanky hoes that frequent my fraternity house basement dance to music encouraging the degradation and disrespect of skanky hoes. There are no gangster rap songs about fucking Yale grad students who later become civil defense lawyers. Women/girls who listen to that shit do it to themselves, so I'd like to hear no more of your whining.
- My room is consistently messy for two reasons. The first is that I have more clothes than I have room for, so the dirties take up residence on my floor for months at a time. There are no microbial civilizations springing up on damp socks, but the room is in general disarray. If I washed everything all at once I'd have to throw them back on the floor or on top of my refrigerator or something, so this is more economical. The second is that, much like Dean Moriarty, I'm more comfortable in transit than at home. I suppose you expect me to explain. I'm not going to. If you're going to get it, you already have.
- I have been single for a while, and as I was just sitting here setting my alarms for the morning and thinking about this fact, I realized the real reason this is a problem for me. It's the alarm clock aspect. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is I go back to bed. I am one of those people. You know the ones. You hate them. I have five alarms set, and I generally hit the snooze button on all of them, on any given morning, three times or more. Sometimes I will just lay in bed and hit the snooze button for an hour and a half. This is where being single hurts. Anytime I have ever slept with a girl, or in the same room as any other person, I wake up immediately. Sometimes it is because I had been drinking the night before and I sleep inhumanly well when I have alcohol in me. But back when I had a girlfriend and I was sleeping at her place all the time, she never let me come back to bed. She would yell at me because I had a class in ten minutes or some garbage like that. I need a girlfriend so that somebody can be responsible enough for me to be able to get up on time because alone, I can't do it.
- I am becoming a huge fucking cynic. I used to be happy all the time, and I would focus on the good things about everybody else but I don't really talk about stuff like that anymore. Now I mention people's shortcomings on a constant basis. It's incredibly annoying to me so I can only imagine how other people feel about my perpetual poopy pants. I suspect this has a lot to do with my aversion to working out lately and my subsequent lethargy, so I'm going to start being more positive and I will start this by getting my ass in the gym again.
- Napoleon said that what helped him get up every morning was knowing he had some challenge, some conquest to pull off that day. And I've realized (with help from others) that what we want isn't to actually get what we want, but to go on wanting. When we do get what we want, we stagnate, because we have no reason anymore to get out of bed in the morning. If we conquer the world there's nothing left to strive for. As the Eagles said, "there is no more new frontier, we have got to make it here." It's a depressing thought. So dream big, dreamers, and achieve small.
- I think the reason I care so much when I critique other people's writing is that if I can do just a little bit to make everybody else a better writer, that means there is less shitty writing out there to which I might ever be subjected. These retards in my creative writing class are going to write their poetry one way or another, and I'm going to read whether it's good or not, so I'm going to go balls out to make sure they don't suck ass.
- Found this while browsing the internet (this might trump the girlfriend need described above): http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/snuznluz.shtml?cpg=cj
- I've been learning a little bit about childhood development lately, and I think I'm able to apply some of it to my own life. Back when my sister started kindergarten, I was 3, and I was pissed off because she was learning to read and I couldn't do it yet. So my parents got the babysitter to teach me the alphabet and once I got that down, I read some nifty shit like dr. seuss and rock soup with her. Point is, I was learning to read before I was supposed to. Lots of parents think their kids are geniuses because of it but the fact is anybody can do it, but it surprisingly isn't helpful. A child whose development begins too early has no opportunity to be creative with words and instead focuses on precision, both early on and later in life. Not that it matters, but I would bet that that early development stuff is why somebody like Bubba is so much more concerned with grammar than substance.
- Hell hath no fury like that of a woman neglected on Facebook.
- Africa. What the fuck, man? I would expand on this idea but Christ, this would be unnecessarily long and I think you get the drift anyway.
- If you think fart jokes are unfunny, I am sorry but no matter how hot you are we will never fall in love.
- You know when you know you're a huge fucking dickhead? I just reached this point. It's when you see a happy person doing something you think is stupid and you feel sorry for that person for finding happiness in such a stupid thing.
- Everybody thinks their birthday is so fucking important. Come out for my 23rd! they say. No motherfucker, I won't. The funny thing is, if you have enough friends, this happens every single day. It's always somebody's birthday, and not every day is special. Get over it.
- On the other hand, you're almost obligated to go out for people's 21st birthdays. Especially girls'. I mean god damn, have you ever told a girl, nah, I know it's your 21st, but I really have a lot of work to do and I'm feeling pretty crappy anyhow, I don't think I'm coming out. All Hell breaks loose. Your presence is required on the 21st birthdays of your friends, and like I said, if you have enough friends, it's always somebody's 21st.
- I just don't think birthdays are all that celebratory. Who agrees? Do you disagree? Expound below.
User Reviews
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-07-10 22:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We are kindred spirits.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-31 15:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it is moving day and i need to be out of here by 5. it is 3 and all my shit it still here.
kill me, somebody, please, now.
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2008-05-08 20:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, it can wait for a week or so. thatll give time for other people to get done with school too. and id rather have you there over most of the clowns i hang out with.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-08 19:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how much time does it take to transform from a pedophile into a 15-year-old girl? Apparently, a little over two minutes.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-08 19:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahhahaaha, i wonder who bubba's alters are!? what a homersexual. bubba, i thought we were done being mad at each other? i guess not.
anyway, tony the pedo, you birthday is on a friday and i know that because there is a float trip that weekend. if you do the paintballing thing on that weekend i will skip the trip but if we could do it a couple days earlier or a week earlier it would be greatly appreciated. or later. or whenever works for you and your friends.
im going to go get a steakhouse burger from the BK, i think. those things are dangerously delicious. please, now, everybody get off my computer screen.
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont know, probably that weekend. i dont know what day of the week it falls on but im damn sure not consulting a calendar. fuck that.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you planning on doing it on your birthday?
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2008-05-08 18:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey asshole, you better think my birthday is celebratory. we gotsta go paintballing in a month for it.
good stuff here.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-08 04:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-08 04:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also whatever it is you wanted to say with your comment about cheap sluts, you kind of came off looking like a mysoginist.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-08 04:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah and your opinion on animals vs people is retarded.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-08 04:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking hate birthdays and the very idea of presents revolts me. The 'obligation' to go out for somebody's birthday is the worst thing in the world because I am a miserable cunt who hates going outside.
I would, however, like to say that people are amazing. We are capable of anything and everything, each one is a complex web of experiences and thoughts. Furthermore life is hard and we all need help at one time or another. You'll run in to many people who do when you're young because young folks are vulnerable.
Generally when we see stuff like that in others that upsets us it's because we feel the same way and seeing it manifest in the flesh is hard because we don't know how to fix it. You know?
Sometimes I think I should do more to broadcast the message that a few kind words, a little physical contact, can make all the difference. Then again, that's what MDMA is for, so I guess I don't need to.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-05-07 23:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 22:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
perkman! sick burn!
anyway old man, you wrote yourself that the only reason you arent giving merit to anything here is because im in a fraternity, the implication being that it would be worth your consideration had i never transfered to a school with fraternities. that's not very deep reasoning. i'm not bothered by it in the least when it's you because you are just a figment of my imagination, but i have noticed a trend lately in the real world to make the same assumptions and that bothers me.
let me ask you something. have you ever been involved in team athletics? have you ever been in, i dont know, THE NAVY? You've been in a fraternity. Probably more than one. Sorry to break it to you.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-07 19:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 17:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
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OK, calm down. I'm not doubting anything you've said, least of all that you had a laptop long before you joined a frat. Sincere 'best of luck' with all the plans you laid out. Since you'll own the world and I'll be working for you by the time you're 25, can I go ahead and ask for a raise now? Quick question: Do you know a Perkman?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-05-07 17:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You look like I used to at Secondary school. Shaved head, but not close enough to look like a thug.
GET A PROPER HAIR CUT.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-07 17:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I need a girlfriend so that somebody can be responsible enough for me to be able to get up on time because alone, I can't do it." Maybe you need to move back home with your mother.
"- Found this while browsing the internet (this might trump the girlfriend need described above): http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/snuznluz.shtml?cpg=cj" Great idea. I'll send you my Paypal info.
"Not that it matters, but I would bet that that early development stuff is why somebody like Bubba is so much more concerned with grammar than substance." I think the reason I care so much when I critique other people's grammar is that if I can do just a little bit to make everybody else's grammar better, that means there is less shitty grammar out there to which I might ever be subjected.
Do-gooding is like feeding starving Africans. The real cure is to let starving Africans starve to death--before they breed more starving Africans.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 17:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why do people do that? it's just a tee shirt.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 17:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-07 16:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was all set to +2 this for the more-organized intoxophilosophy than we've seen posted here of late, but then I saw the Margaritaville t-shirt and realized you're just a drunk fratguy with a laptop. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but not that there's anything right with it either. Have another beer.
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hmm. i'm also an honors student and an athlete, but there's not a whole lot about either of those that are interesting enough for me to post about them.
anyway, these were all sober thoughts, some of them derivative of classroom discussions. others not.
You know, it's funny. My creative writing teacher this semester hated me, and I'm pretty sure it was just because I am in a fraternity and she is a self-described feminist. There was another fraternity member in our class and he wasn't too well liked either, but I was more vocal and abrasive so I caught more of her heat.
When we workshopped my pieces she always said stuff like, "despite your appearance, you're an excellent writer"; "your writing belies an intelligence you try desperately to avoid showing in class"; "he juxtaposition between the narrator's inner and vocal thoughts show that he's not just a chauvinistic arrogant meatheaded woman-hating car-junkie, but also a developing young man..."
It's bullshit. Fuck that. The fact that I'm in a fraternity and I dress for comfort and cut my hair really short shouldn't and doesn't have any effect on my ability to perform in either the classroom or on ubersite. I get shit done despite what other people view as my limitations. I view it as being young and having fun, but I've got an eye on my future and I am pretty certain drinking wont be a part of that. I'll leave my fraternity at college and possibly, if I go the route, with the military, but when I'm in the professional world I'll still have all the markings of the student nobody would suspect ever graduated with honors.
I was holding a laptop long before I joined a fraternity, buddy.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2008-05-07 17:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The two people behind you look like they're fucking.
And it's interesting you should mention the two twenty-first birthdays because my brother (who is also in college) had his 21 yesterday (although the festivities started the 5th).
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-05-07 16:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Took the words right out of my head.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-07 16:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha @ the africa line
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-05-07 16:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"intoxophilosophy"
Love that word.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-07 16:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was all set to +2 this for the more-organized intoxophilosophy than we've seen posted here of late, but then I saw the Margaritaville t-shirt and realized you're just a drunk fratguy with a laptop. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but not that there's anything right with it either. Have another beer.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-07 16:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"A child whose development begins too early has no opportunity to be creative with words and instead focuses on precision, both early on and later in life. "
This was one of the dumber theories I have ever heard, but for late night ramblings it was okay, and was made up for by your eloquent line on africa.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-05-07 15:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You DO look like an asshole.
+2 for that
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2008-05-07 15:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY THE LONG FACE OH HELL I HAVE CAPS LOCK ON
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
on-campus SPORTS bar!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seriously creepy guy, no kidding. last night i had two 21sts.
one was a bunch of stupid assed sorority girls who decided to get all dolled up for a two-dollar-you-call-it special at an on-campus bar the tuesday of finals week.
my other friend had a few people at his place and we played beer pong and asshole and smoked hookah until 4 in the morning.
which group had a better time? go ahead, guess!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of your messages.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, ok.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My girlfriend had her 26th birthday last weekend. She was telling everyone weeks ahead of time not to plan anything, not to do anything, blah, blah, blah. Then her birthday hits, nothing happens and she gets pisssed off; was her own damn fault though. I gathered a few friends the next night, we took her to the nearest bar and she had a few drinks. She became quite loud and obnoxious, as per usual on a night of drinking; booze seems to have that effect on her. I swear, sometimes you just cannot fucking win.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok quick question for all the fellas.
does the heat from your laptop give you blue balls if you leave it there for too long?
because man, dammit.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Africa. What the fuck, man?"
___________________________
EXACTLY.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, too, an one of those alarm clock guys. When I'm late for work on purpose, I tell my boss that my alarm didn't go off or something to that effect.
I don't know why I said all that when I should have just said:
"dat's a purty mouth ya got thar boy!"
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
chickenhawk below
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-05-07 14:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.