Salvation will come..(Lucifier you're time has come)... (228 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.09 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ? (View user info) at 2008-05-07 20:43:39 EDT
inspired by this song. If you want play this while you read it to see where I'm coming from. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34NgzB-PLzc&feature=related
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Look over there, look over there... It's the end of the world"
He uttered the words as a tear weld up in his eye. He couldn't cry anymore the time had come for his exit from this world. He couldn't breathe yet. He couldn't even stammer out a word or utter a sentence.
He knew he had his objective. He looked over and brooded over the past that was his. The world at one point fit in the palm of this young boy's hand. He had changed. Now he knew he could do something. He had to do something.
He at first felt this power inside him. He could alter things and feel the strength within him. It would fester and come out of him like a light bulb. He was a freak. A fucking freak and he cursed it every day. He didn't know what he was or how he was found. But he could do something now. He could stop them. He had to.
He looked over at his hands as they began to glow. The electrolytes of energy of synergy went and wove around his hands. He could see the light. He was a god. A god sent here to earth to decide its fate.
He had to change what had happened. He did not know if he could do it alone. But he had to. He was given this birth right. He looked over and saw that they were closing in on him. He had to go. He looked over his gun and loaded up the clips. He had to get moving.
He looked through the grey fog and thought about his life for a mere instant. He could if he needed kill a man. He had to. To save them all he had to take what wasn't his. Their lives are all that stood in his way. He could never stop the pain or else the range of death that his power would bring. It was him against the odds.
He peered over his shoulder and kept looking back. Half anticipating and also partly scared. He looks over the side and viewed all of them in the field. With a cross burning screaming to whatever god they deemed holy. It was insane to him. He was the prophet. He was the one bore with the power.
He looked over and watched them like the colonists watched the Indians during rituals with eyes of judgment and disgust. He looked at them as the savages and peons they were. They didn't deserve life he decreed in his mind. He had to end what was beginning or else was it the end of the beginning? He pondered it as he looked into the flames and saw something that he knew was there. He saw in a flash something that could not be seen by a human eye. He saw his enemy. He saw the vortex. He saw the portal.
His power had manifested itself when he was 15. He could see spirits when he closed his eyes. He could locate them and feel there presence around him. He could see them prey and kill the victims that they decreed. He had to fight them. He needed to save them from the ghost and demons that ruled the world. He had to get to their plane of consciousness. The only way he could was a hit of LSD. He had to take LSD mixed with coke and also Mushrooms to see the demons vividly. He had the power to see and pick them out.
The spirits were there, the euphoria of LSD opened him up into the spiritual plane and then he could use his power to kill them. He had done it many a time before having come to the people he had saved not quite realizing that he had saved them. He would fight them in that spiritual plane with his power of electricity and projection. He could fight them and keep them off the young minds of children, infants and men. He could fight them.
Of course no one would believe him. Only he saw it. He looked deep into the fire and saw the demons manifest and dance around with the men in the fire. Frolicking around like they hadn't a care in the world. This was the last war. The war to end them all.
He sat down and decided he had to kill the spirits before he killed the men. He sat down and took out the coke and snorted up 4 lines to get him amped as the men did in Vietnam to get ready for war. He then proceeded to take the LSD and shoot it up. He also took some shrooms to get him into the plane that is inside us but locked away by the fabric of our mind. He was tapping into the sixth sense that we all know exists but we can ever seem to access the key when we need to. As he felt the drugs grow into his mind his perspective changed.
The colors and the landscaped change. He went into his spiritual plane. He had left his body and he could see the spirits and demons dancing around the fire. He confronted them with his hands glowing with the electricity of life and pain glowing around him like a messiah. The demons looked over and brought out there powers and started to fight with his spirit. He could feel every blast, every hit, and every thing that went on. While his spirit was out his body was breaking into convulsions, his nose bleed, and his mind would race insanely, he went into a seizure in our plane. But in the spirit plane he was fighting for the lives of the people in the world.
He looked over and he could see the devils minions and he fought with his power. Blasting away spirit after spirit, slicing, and dicing and killing those all around. You would not have known but he truly was "David" the angel of death sent into our plane. He could feel himself slaying all the demons from hell and helping to save the lives of god's souls.
When he came to he had a bloody nose, he looked down into the brush and the men weren't as wild as before. The influence of the spirits had left them. They looked as if a lot of their luster and anger had left them and they looked indifferent to what they planned to do today. But there corruption was not over. They made this bid with the devil. He then proceeded to wipe his nose and look around. He could feel every hit and blast he had taken in the spiritual plane. He could feel the eternal bleeding as he began to cough up blood.
He looked down and started to load his clips. One after the other. He looked down at the men and wondered if they could get salvation. But he knew they could not. They had made a deal with the devil and that is why he must end this transaction.
He looked over the bush and aimed.
"Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang"
They did not see what hit them. He had killed 3 with direct shots to the head. One began to run. He walked down to the burning cross and looked into the fire and saw hell. He even saw the demons face as it hissed back at him. It whispered into his ear the embers did. They hissed at him the words... "David" as he heard them crack. He looked up at the burned cross and didn't understand why there was hate in the world.
He looked over at the other man who had begun to run but slipped. He loaded his clip and aimed and shot him in the leg. He fell.
He walked over with his eyes half crazy as someone with religious euphoria and crazy as a Shaman from a random South American village and looked down at the over weight man with the white sheets on him. He looked down at this pathetic person and just stared deep into his soul. He felt he knew the man. He felt his anguish and his pain that had brought him down this treacherous path of hate and pain.
The man looked up at the young man. He couldn't have looked more than 21 years old. But something about the boys stare and the way he walked let the man know the boy had lived before. He had lived before is all that ran through this mans mind. He walked as if he had been alive for thousands of years.
He began to pray. This plumb, fat man with the sheets on him. He prayed for god to save him. He prayed.
"Why do you pray to my lord? Haven't you decided to lie in bed with Lucifer?"
"No, I'm... I'm scared please lord, please I'm sorry let me live on please"
"You who have done evil, entertain salvation? You entertain the thought that heaven will give you a haven?"
"Please... I never wanted it to be this way, just my life had fallen down, I don't mean to do this evil I do, I'm sorry please, spare me. Please, David Angel of death spare me"
This froze the young man. This man had said his name. He looked him over and put the glock up to his head and held it there. The man began to weep and cry and wish for salvation. He prayed for it. He looked over at him and told the man to speak.
So the man spoke. He spoke of his life and how he had grown up with many loves and races and also how his best friends were minorities and people of different colors. But he had gotten lost in the hate that consumed his father and his friends and to fit in he joined the fray, things he said that he didn't believe he began to believe and it changed his mind and thoughts. He had 3 sons and one he hadn't seen in a while. He just wanted another chance.
He told the man to stay still. He then proceeded to take some more LSD and wait for the euphoria to set in. He looked around the fat man. He could not see a demon or anything around him. No swirls of purple, or yellow, or things inter changing behind him. The demons had left his heart. In fact his heart had expelled them out of his body. He could see the change in him. His aura had changed. He looked over and saw behind the bushes that the demons could see him and he was surrounded. He looked over and told the man to stay still and not to move. He looked around and told the demons to heed his warning.
"Leave this man! You will leave him be! Or you will deal with me and the lord, I will come for you. Also tell you're master the time has come for Lucifer to pay his respects to the lord"
Then it shut down. He came back to our reality and saw the fat man in front of him on his knees praying. Kissing David's feet and apologizing for the life he had lead. The young man let him up. The fat man came over and hugged the boy and felt the warmth a young boy feels when he hugs his father at five years old. The old man felt that from a young boy. He felt safe. The fat man felt safe and could feel this calmness in him and felt he saw the prophet in front of him. He then proceeded to kiss the young boy on the cheek and say a prayer.
The young boy looked at him and told him to stay away from ill thoughts. He could succumb to the demons every where around him. The young man began to walk away to fight more and save others. The end of the world had come and god was looking for his soldiers.
The old man walked with a limp that day from being shot. From that day forward he changed his life and opened his heart to those around him. Always giving hugs, and kissing every one that he was close to. He went and saw his old friend James that was black and also went and saw his black son he gave birth to 4 years ago. He did not understand how the devil had changed his heart into a twisted sense of Christianity where it was ok to kill and degrade each other. He never forgot that day or else the young lad. He had sworn to anyone who would listen that he had met "the angel of death" that day. He could have sworn it.
The young boy moved on and had a war to fight. The war had just begun. The end of days had started. The apocalypse was coming...
User Reviews
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey douche bag how am I an alter? I would really like to know how I have shown you that I'm an alter? I want bullet points bitch.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess that is the way it goes with all Perkman posts. If its crap I get about a billion reviews. If it is honest good fiction it will be ignored because they don't want to acknowledge though choppy it has promise.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU alter.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Smirkdog. I like postive race relations.
Submitted by SmirkDog (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"He went and saw his old friend James that was black and also went and saw his black son he gave birth to 4 years ago. "
Wait, plus 2 for positive race relations. Somebody carpetbomb Alabama with LSD, quick.
Submitted by SmirkDog (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"He couldn't even stammer out a word or utter a sentence."
If only the same were true for you.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-05-08 14:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
glad someone liked it.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-07 22:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to them Perk-0-Rama, this was the best piece of writing I've ever read since, well, your last piece!
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-07 22:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, "Lucifier"?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-07 22:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"you're"
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-07 22:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apollo, I am tired of youn'ses purposely using "you're" instead of "your" or "yore" or "y'all's".
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-05-07 21:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-05-07 21:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're flair has no charm. You're style sucks. The pace of you're "paragraphs" is terrible.
Your way out of you're league.
See how distracting that is?
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-05-07 21:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
allright perkman, i read it. here is your honest review, solely based on the post alone, and assuming you are not an alter.
It's not a bad attempt, but your mis-use of words is staggering. The problem with incorrect use of words is it makes the reader (me) think about the writing and not the story. Even when words are used correctly, they are either used too often or too obviously. You also mis-use punctuation frequently (or don't use it in the right places) and this again makes me think about the writing, and not the story you are trying to tell.
Secondly, I don't give a shit about what you were listening to or reading or watching while you wrote this. That is part of your experience, not mine. In order to engage your audience (the readers of ubersite, in this case) you have to speak to them as an everyman; somebody with no agenda who we can relate to that just needs for his message to be heard. Not that it is wrong to be inspired by something; as all artists are, but make sure you relate to your audience.
Finally, I think you are a bit too ambitious in your choice of storytelling. It seems like you are trying to tell an epic in 1000 words or less. Keep in mind the adage "write what you know". If you are a bit more personable and (I hate this term but it applies) "real"; the reader will empathize more with you and hang on to listen.
The problem I had with this particular post is I was too aware of the writer and not the story. Writing should never get in the way of the story.
Anyhow, that is my honest opinion. Take it or leave it.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-05-07 21:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I told you how to write better a while ago, and as usual, you still havn't listened.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-07 21:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-05-07 21:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel I've come to the point where I'm rated not by the content of the post but by the fact the Perkman brand is written on it. Its ok though. I still see brilliance and flair in the things I create. Those who rate the content please rate. Any criticsm on the writing is welcomed.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2008-05-07 20:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is really good. Hey apollo you fat football headed retard. Stay off my posts. Thanks.
Submitted by jasumthin (user info) at 2008-05-07 20:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is truly a sign that the end is near
repent and do not repost
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-07 20:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment