My First SPT: Letter From the PI (219 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-05-08 00:09:27 EDT
Dear Mom and Dad,
We arrived at Subic Bay just in time for Christmas. I got my first ever shore leave! Uncle Jack (around here he's known as Chief Petty Officer McCallum) was nice enough to take me ashore and show me the town even though I'm still only a Seaman Recruit. Boy am I glad he did! It's real lucky we're both assigned to the same ship. Just wait until you read what happened.
The Navy base itself is first rate. I guess you wouldn't expect anything less from the U.S. Navy, would you? But once you leave base it's like being in a whole different world, crowded and run down and kind of stinky. The Philippine people seem friendly enough, but Uncle Jack said you have to watch them every minute or they'll rip you off. First thing we did was go to a bar.
Now, I know you're probably thinking of a bar like Otto's back home, but bars in the Philippines are nothing like that at all. They're more like thatched huts, only bigger. They look like they're made out of bamboo and palm fronds and stuff like that. Golly, the Fire Marshall would have a fit if he ever came out here! The bar Uncle Jack took me to was long and narrow with giant cable spools for tables. The bar counter looked like it was made out of recycled lumber from the dump. Uncle Jack said there are nicer places, but he liked this one because he's friends with the owner and--ahem--the girls that work there.
I know what you're thinking, Mom, but don't worry. Your son is too smart to get mixed up with girls like that. Uncle Jack said he just likes to flirt with them, but I don't know. You should have heard the way they giggled around him.
Anyway, there was a new girl working there who Uncle Jack had never met. She wasn't nearly as pretty as the other girls (yes, Mom, some of them are pretty, but don't worry). The bar's owner's name was Felipe. They have Spanish sounding names here. Weird, huh? Uncle Jack asked him why he had such an ugly girl working there. Felipe said she knew a really neat trick.
Well, Uncle Jack's eyebrows almost jumped off his forehead when he heard that. Felipe said this new girl would bet anyone twenty dollars that they couldn't--pardon my French, Mom, but this is exactly how he said it: "Twenny dolla you can no sheet on her feece."
I'll bet you're thinking, what's a feece? Well he meant "face!" Can you believe that, Dad? This woman would bet you twenty dollars (U.S dollars!) that you couldn't dump a load on her face.
"What kind of a bet is that?" said Uncle Jack. I was thinking the same thing. Then he told me, "Give it try, Seaman." He said it like it was an order and I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not. Felipe called the girl, Maria, over. Boy, she was even uglier up close. I told Uncle Jack, "I don't think I can do it, Sir."
Uncle Jack bought us a couple of beers. He said it would loosen me up. He sent Maria out to buy us some meat on a stick. I thought it would be awful after all the stories I've heard about the monkey and dog meat they eat here. But hey--that stuff is pretty good. (Better keep Daisy out of sight next time I'm home. Just kidding!) Before I knew it, I had a bellyfull and I was feeling a little tipsy from the beer. I wasn't worried though because Uncle Jack was there to keep me out of trouble--not like some of the other guys on board who got brought home by the Shore Police.
Well, Uncle Jack wasn't kidding about me taking on Maria. He said the least I could do was win him a little money in return for all he'd done for me: dinner and drinks and showing me the ropes and all. I didn't want to let him down.
Maria lay face up on the floor, which was part rotten planks and part dirt. I had to squat over her face. It was uncomfortable. Everyone in the bar crowded around to watch, and I could tell they were betting on her. Felipe was holding Uncle Jack's twenty dollar bill, as well as Maria's, and he waved them at me as I was trying. It was all just too much. I was too nervous and tense to do it.
Uncle Jack was sure angry and boy did he let me know it. He said that was almost half the money he'd brought and he sure as hell wasn't going to lose it to Maria. I think he was getting a little drunk. So he challenged her to the same bet.
He looked very confident, but Maria didn't seem worried at all. As soon as he squatted over her face, she puffed up her cheeks and blew in his--ahem--asshole (sorry Mom). I could tell it took Uncle Jack by surprise. His face turned red and his eyes bugged out. But he couldn't do it. You should have heard him swear. He jumped up and pulled up his pants looking so mad that everyone backed away from him. He told Maria, "I want to try again." But she wouldn't do it unless he had the money up front. He told me, "I'm going back to the ship for more money and coming back here and winning back my forty bucks."
You have to watch it with Philippine beer. Sometimes you can drink a case and hardly feel it. Sometimes a six-pack will put you under the table. But what else was there to do besides drink beer while I waited for Uncle Jack to come back? He was gone a long time and I started to wonder if he was coming back at all. Meanwhile, Maria did her trick on a couple of Marines. They looked like they were going to smash up the place after they lost their money. The SPs took them away. Felipe told me Maria had never lost the bet.
By the time Uncle Jack finally came back the place was packed with Philippine contractors from the base and a few other sailors from a different ship who were sitting with me. I was feeling pretty woozy. Uncle Jack looked strange, like he was all tensed up and stiff. He pulled out one hundred dollars! Maria didn't have that much, but the crowd came up with it right away. They were all cheering for her.
Maria lay down on the floor. Uncle Jack dropped his dungarees and stood there for a few seconds. He twitched once, then again, then suddenly squatted down over her face. Before she even had time to draw a breath (and this part is kind of gross, Mom), Uncle Jack let loose like a fire hose. Do you know, he'd gone back to the ship and taken a whole bottle of laxatives! The place went quiet as a church, except for Uncle Jack who couldn't stop, even after Maria jumped up and ran for the head. (Believe me, everyone got out of her way in a hurry. She was covered in it.)
Uncle Jack had lots of gas. You should have heard him! And the smell of it--it made me puke. Literally, I'm afraid. All over one of Felipe's giant spool tables. It seemed like the table was spinning around and me with it and it was all I could do to keep from being flung off onto the floor. People started yelling at Uncle Jack. They were sore about him winning, and him shitting all over the floor was like adding insult to injury. He hollered at me, "Get the money!"
I barely made it from the table to the bar. Felipe handed me a wad of bills. "Be sure you count it," yelled Uncle Jack, who was still trying to pinch it off, I guess. I tried, but I was seeing multiple images of everything and before I could finish, Uncle Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me out the back door into the alley. It was so dark and muddy back there! Deep, slippery mud, like in the pig sty at Grandma and Grandpa's farm. I lost my balance and fell flat on my back. Uncle Jack had to stop and shit some more, then he helped me up. I don't know how we made it back to the ship.
I'm pretty sure I lost some of Uncle Jack's money in the mud, but he thinks Felipe was holding out on him. I'm not about to say anything! Luckily, some Marines burned down a hotel in town. Everyone's shore leave got cancelled, so Uncle Jack can't go back or I think they'd kill him. We're shipping out tomorrow.
Next stop: Korea.
Hope you all had a Merry Christmas. I sure miss being home for the holidays, but at least I have Uncle Jack.
Love,
Jimmy Johnson
Seaman Recruit
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-08 10:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the literal sense of the SPT.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-08 09:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know. I just saw loads of skin and my boss is in the room.
Thinking about it, DeathJester did a post a while a go about how all of Uber is NSFW anyway so...
Well no, there are limits. I mean it's one thing to be catching someone reading a story about a fellow walking through a wood and he sees an eagle with a picture of a forest at the bottom and it's another to catch someone looking at an enlarged picture of some corpulant ladies genitals.
Perhaps this is borderline? I've not looked at the picture to be truthful. My boss is in and I'm scurred.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-08 09:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd fuck the dude with his wabs out.
What?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-05-08 09:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you only NSFW when they are naked wimmins nipples... that one is clearly a man with brreasts
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-05-08 06:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed, I cried, I remembered to make my child welfare payment to Sabrina at D'Terrace in Olongopo.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-08 06:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is brilliant, but if you could label any posts containing nipples with NSFW then that'll be super.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-08 05:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-05-08 01:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. Not quite giving up the crispy chicken great, but you're getting there.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-05-08 01:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. Not quite giving up the crispy chicken great, but you're getting there.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-05-08 01:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
one of them [second row] forgot to wipe the cumstain from his last blow job
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-08 00:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's Maria at the front left.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2008-05-08 00:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
someone will bitch at you for not marking this as NSFW...
...but bare chested dudes shouldn't be unsafe for work