Viva La Lobster! (443 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.41 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2008-05-08 22:43:35 EDT
"Bob and the Great Lobster Revolt" or my dinner Saturday night with Erika at Red Lobster.
We get to the restaurant and it's obvious from the number of vehicles in the parking lot that either the place is very busy or there is an open bar with topless midgets doing donkey shows. I dropped her off and proceeded to find a place for the car which proved difficult due to the vehicle being filled to capacity and the person in the car in front of me not knowing how to operate one of those fancy motor vehicle thingies.
I eventually found my own little piece of pavement in the lot that I could pretend was a parking spot and I was able to join my puddin' inside. When I opened the door, 2 people nearly fell on me as the place was packed to capacity and then some. It was a fire marshals nightmare. They needed a manger cause there was no room at the inn.
The wait was going to be about 45 minutes which wasn't much of an issue. I can entertain myself anywhere for at least 45 minutes. We were able to find a small little corner to stand in without being bumped into continuously plus there was a chair hidden off in that corner so Erika could at least have a seat. Then the fun began...
To my left was a little boy of about 6 years with his mother and father. The little boy looked like any other child of that age, but what he was doing made him stand out. The little boy had some type of small handheld electronic devise with buttons, a pen, and a color screen with a brown little dog on it. Apparently the "dog's" name was Bob because the annoying little bastard said that name to the screen about 7 trillion times.
Listening to the conversation between mother and son, I learned that apparently Bob was supposed to respond to his name when he heard it which was why she joined in the chanting. But for some reason, Bob was being an obstinate prick and was refusing to acknowledge his "masters". Or maybe Bob was just fucking with them and indirectly fucking with me and the rest of the crowd packed in the front lobby of Red Lobster. Being packed tightly in a room when you are hungry with a bunch of other hungry people is bad enough but when you add a name being said over and over and over and over and over again, violent outburst isn't the right thing to do but you can sure understand why they occur.
As this sad scene continued to play out, it was becoming obvious from the sighs and facial gestures that even the father was starting to get a little annoyed. His plea of "That's enough" fell on deaf ears and the madness continued. Eventually, Bob was reprogrammed and became much more agreeable to his name. Then of course their buzzer went off and it was time for them to be seated. The little boy got up and told Bob to sit which he kindly obliged, but with his little speech impediment it sounded like he told Bob to shit. If only there would have been some mischievous programmer involved with that little piece of electronic bullshit.... A boy can dream, can't he?
What I really found disturbing at the little incident was how profoundly stupid the child's mother appeared to be. I can see the six year old not getting it to work, but she was totally clueless. When she saw that Bob wasn't responding to him, she started chanting with him at a louder pitch. After literally 2 minutes of chanting, they finally stopped and decided reprogram the toy.
Is it any wonder that both the child and the mother have an electronic gizmo for a pet? They would kill a real dog in a heartbeat. I can see a dog running out in traffic after 5 minutes of mom and son saying his name over and over and over and over again.
When they left for their table I had to find a new source of entertainment for myself and Erika, who was getting a kick out of my comments. What can I say, she loves me!
I spotted the lobster tank and was mesmerized by the craziness of it all. It's funny how a person's perceptions and background drastically effect the way we look at things.
There I am staring at the lobster tank, watching the creatures inside aimlessly wondering around with their claws bound by small rubber bands, and it dawns on me that I have a got a front row view of Death Row. I wonder if they know that at anytime they could be moments away from becoming someone's dinner?
Now don't take this wrong, I'm no animal rights advocate. I'm not about to place a creature's life in front of my own existence and survival. Hell, I work at a medium security prison. I just thought it was interesting to see death row.
I commented to Erika that I thought it was funny that they had the claws bound with rubber bands. She told me it was to keep them from fighting and damaging each other. I knew that, but I couldn't help but think there was some other, darker reason for it.
Maybe a few years ago there was a seafood place that kept live lobsters in small tank in the lobby of the restaurant. Lobsters came and went everyday. Then one day, while the lobby was packed full of customers, the lobsters someone figured out how to escape the tank. Once free of the tank, maybe the crazy liberated lobsters went crazy and started attacking people. Men, women, and children screaming in terror, running for their lives from the crunching claws of the lobster mob. Oh the humanity...
With their little claws cuffed, there would be no way for them to fight back once they escaped the tank and maybe knowing that was enough to keep them in line. How embarrassing would it be for a lobster to escape, start running for the door, with the meanest look a lobster can have on its face only to be picked up by someone who says "how cute" before being placed back in the tank. That would be too much for their little self esteems to handle. Lobsters are sensitive creatures.
Then again, if they were "uncuffed" so to speak and they did start to fight, it would have given me some quality entertainment during my 45 minute wait instead of listening to someone go "Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob. Bob."
I wish the lobster would have attacked that kid and his mom. That sure would have changed their tune and given me something fun to watch. A little lobster gladiator arena in the lobby is just what they need. I mean who doesn't like dinner theater. And trust me, the mom and her son were asking for it....
Viva La Lobster!
User Reviews
Submitted by JustAnotherStudent (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-09 09:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-05-09 02:17:34 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
+1000000 for that review alone
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That review is gold. Thank you for that.
As a mom, I sometimes take the kids to a restaurant.. but you bet your ass that the second the 4 yr old (my BF's son) gets loud, we go out to the parking lot, and he has to sit in the car while I smoke a ciggy. With my little one, all you gotta do is shove a bottle in his mouth and he is quiet.
I HATE when people let their shithead kids ruin other people's dining experience.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-05-11 02:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They needed a manger cause there was no room at the inn.
That was a witty and fun comment.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-09 17:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-09 09:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your bad habit of taking something simple, and entirely unrelated to any form of storyline, and turn it into the main event of the post. I try to do that too. Sometimes it works, sometimes no, but it's always better than if you had simply wrote that you took your date out to Red Lobster, it was packed, and a kid annoyed you.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-05-09 09:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-05-09 02:17:34 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
=============================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
+1000000 for that review alone
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-09 09:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to say you ought to take your lady friend to a non family restaurant. Then I remembered that parents will bring their children to a restaurant that wasn't intended to be a family restaurant and then force it to bend to their will. You know what I mean.
Bob
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-09 06:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was really good.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-09 03:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-05-09 08:17:34 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
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Excellent review.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-05-09 03:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-05-08 23:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mind her, that WHORE just needs to STFU.
I, being half-nerd, know about video game nerds. There are a few ways to get them to stop. The primary one for your situation was you being more annoying than the child, which you didn't do.
See, they can't understand how annoying they are, so you've simply got to overpower them. To them, it's like a boss with an infinite health bar and a lack of cheat codes. Eventually, they give up and find a new game. Possibly a Mario game, or the shitty new Zelda clone that makes you use the stylus (pen) to walk around in. How gay is that? Seriously, fuck that.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-08 22:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-08 22:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-07 19:05:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-28 19:41:53 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-24 17:48:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 17:27:29 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 09:36:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-15 17:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-13 18:57:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your username sucks
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"BeforeEmily" is a gem.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-08 22:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-05-07 19:05:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-28 19:41:53 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-24 17:48:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 17:27:29 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-20 09:36:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-15 17:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-04-13 18:57:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your username sucks