Hell Patrol (Grand Finale!) + uberdirectory08 camwhore (810 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.41 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-05-11 07:53:48 EDT
Pt. 1: (http://www.ubersite.com/m/116469) In which Major Winstead, an American military advisor in South America, observes unsettling behavior among the men of Captain Masmela's infantry company during a raid on a rebel position.
Pt. 2: (http://www.ubersite.com/m/116485) Flash back two days to Major Winstead's first meeting with Gail Gertrude, an observer from the pharmaceutical consortium working with the Pentagon to develop combat performance enhancing drugs.
Pt. 3: (http://www.ubersite.com/m/116512) The patrol moves through the jungle to the objective. The men take the combat performance enhancing drug.
Pt. 4: (http://www.ubersite.com/m/116590) Flash forward to the raid in progress. Major Winstead, Captain Masmela and Gertie move down to the objective to investigate the assault team members' odd behavior.
Hell Patrol (pt. 5 of 5)
The rain started coming down harder. Winstead lay on his back in the mud looking up at Gertie. "Thanks a lot!"
Gertie re-holstered her pistol. "I had you covered," she said. "I just wanted to see what you were made of."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" shouted Winstead. "We've got a major problem here, Gertie. We've got dead civilians lying all over the place half-eaten and a platoon full of zombies. Your drug didn't save them from the gas--they're living dead! If any of this gets out it'll be a PR nightmare. Not to mention the rebels are likely to counterattack any minute."
He pried the legs from around his waist and re-loaded his pistol. He and Gertie watched the men in Masmela's formation. Twelve inches of dripping entrails dangled from one man's mouth, jerking and dancing as he chewed. The man next to him grabbed ahold of them. The two began fighting. Others joined in, snarling and grunting, biting and tearing at each other.
Masmela rushed up to Gertie. "Do you see?" he shouted. "You and your pills."
"Captain," said Gertie. "Your men are lucky to be alive. If it wasn't for the Combehance they would have all been killed by the gas."
The captain gave a wry smile. "Yes, of course. How lucky they are. How lucky we all are for your help!"
"We need to get out of here before the rebels counterattack," said Winstead. "There's no way we can hold this position. With these clouds there won't be any choppers to bail us out."
Gertie snapped a picture of a man sitting in the mud eating a dead chicken. He held it with both hands. Filthy white feathers clung to his lips. He wiped his mouth on his shoulder and tried to spit them out.
The camera flash enraged him and he flung the chicken aside. Gertie backed up as he struggled to his feet, snarling.
The men in formation, attracted by the commotion, started ambling over. Gertie limped back to Winstead and Masmela. "Hey Cap'n," she said nervously, "can you call off your boys?"
Masmela looked at the men, who were drooling and growling as they stumbled toward him. "My boys?" he said. "These are no longer my boys. These are your boys. Your 'mean, green, killing machines.'"
Just then gunfire broke out from the far side of the village. "Counterattack!" shouted Winstead. "Time to go, Captain."
The captain gazed at his men with a shell-shocked expression, oblivious to the rebel bullets cracking overhead. "But Major," he said, motioning to the men.
"There's nothing you can do," cried Winstead. "At least save yourself." He pulled the captain by the arm through the coca field and into to the jungle. Gertie hobbled along after them. Behind her came Masmela's men.
At first the three outdistanced the zombies, who stumbled after them tipsily. Gertie stopped and leaned against a tree clutching her knee. "Major," she called, "where the hell are we going?"
"South," said Winstead, letting go of the captain. "Toward home. We've got to stay ahead of them until the weather lifts. Then I'll call for a chopper. Can you make it?"
"This damn knee," she said. "Can we slow down?"
Winstead listened to the men crashing through the jungle. "We can go as slow as you like," he said.
They pushed on, the captain walking up ahead now. Gertie fell once, then again. Winstead tried to help support her, but walking side by side made it more difficult to negotiate the underbrush. The men started to gain. Masmela disappeared into the jungle ahead of them.
Winstead carried Gertie piggy-back until he was exhausted. He lost his footing and slammed to the ground, wrenching his lower back under her weight.
"God dammit!" he said, the pain like a knife in his back. "You're going to have to suck it up."
They limped off, moving slower now, too slow to keep ahead of the zombies. Suddenly Masmela came crashing back through the jungle. "The river!" he said, his eyes wide.
The jungle gave way to a broad, sandy beach, and beyond it the river, wide and brown and slow-moving here. Winstead collapsed on the sand, clutching his back, but Gertie pushed on. Masmela grabbed her by the shoulder. "Wait!" he said.
She drew her pistol and spun around, snarling, "Let go of me! What's the matter, can't you swim?"
Masmela raised his hands, aghast. "You mustn't," he stammered, looking at Winstead.
"Come on, Major," she sneered. "Suck it up."
"Masmela," whispered Winstead. "Ssshhh. She doesn't know! It's our only hope."
Gertie continued limping backward across the sand, her pistol trained on Masmela. 100 meters upstream, the first of the things burst out of the jungle and stopped, scanning the beach and sniffing the air.
"Captain Masmela," hissed Winstead. "Get down--let her go!"
Masmela dropped to the sand. They both low-crawled into the bushes and watched. Gertie limped across the beach to the water. More of Masmela's men came plunging out of the jungle and staggered after her.
Pausing at the river's edge, she looked back just long enough to see the men coming. She splashed through the shallow water until it was deep enough, then dove in and started swimming. They charged in after her, howling with anticipation, but she outdistanced them. The men negotiated water as klutzily as they had dry land.
Masmela turned away. Winstead held his breath, forgetting the pain in his back. Gertie suddenly shrieked. Her forward progress stopped at the center of the river. The water around her appeared to boil. Her shrieks were joined by the men, screaming and choking, the water around them boiling as well. One after another the others burst from the jungle, staggered across the sandy beach and plunged into the river, oblivious to what was happening to their comrades. Arms and legs thrashed in the splashing water, which turned from light brown to dark red. Hundreds--perhaps thousands--of piranhas broke the surface between bites. Some clung with needle-sharp teeth to flailing limbs. Others ripped away flesh to reveal gleaming white bones.
Winstead caught a glimpse of a skeleton hand, stripped clean, outstretched as if to wave good-bye. He flashed back to the lieutenant's wedding ring. "Ha!" he shouted. "You bastards!" He rolled onto his back and laughed with a flood of relief.
The noise gradually died down and he turned to look again. Though the water still churned, Gertie and the zombies had all sunk. Nothing broke the surface except an occasional leaping fish.
Then he noticed Captain Masmela, watching, expressionless, as the piranhas devoured the men he'd worked so hard to train, whose confidence and loyalty he'd struggled to earn, and upon whom he'd pinned his hopes of redemption for the very mission that had demoted them all to human guinea pigs.
The clouds were lifting, and as silence returned to the jungle there came the distant wop-wop-wop of a friendly helicopter.
User Reviews
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-17 11:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-08-14 16:19:13 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude...is that a framed picture of a cat?
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It is indeed. You can see a closeup of it here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115839
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-08-14 19:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude...is that a framed picture of a cat?
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-07-31 16:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You might want to consider continuing this with zombie piranhas.
Zombie piranhas would be UNSTOPABLE!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-06-19 17:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
uberboard X54 = Jack
--
hahaha
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Fuckin uber, man.
Submitted by RageMode (user info) at 2008-05-14 13:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Triple beam, old school dealer. But you're an old person, so it's understandable
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait these were about zombies?
fuck! now I have to go back and read them all.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-05-12 09:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 scorched earth
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-05-12 08:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa you're really....old.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-12 05:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
stories were good, but the picture at the end was hideous.
man, with computer imagery today, zombies look more and more atrocious.
that dead eye stare gives me goosebumps.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-12 03:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice remodel
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-12 01:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
someone's dealing drugs.
or else, you know, you're just one of those guys who needs a triple beam to measure like grains of rice or something down at the farmer's market.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-11 21:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you look like danger_ranger on meth.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-11 20:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-11 13:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-11 13:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like a college science associate professor.
Are you such a fellow?
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I second that. It's something to do with the moustache.
One thing - your head looks strangely rectangular. What is up with that?
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No. Nothing of the sort. Despite the moustache.
It's a family tradition loosely based on the Japanese culture of square watermelons:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/1390088.stm
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-11 20:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-11 14:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for scorched earth, couldn't make out the rest fo the books. so I have to assume you don't read shit.
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Surely you can make out Chess for Dummies directly above?
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-05-11 18:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-05-11 14:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for scorched earth, couldn't make out the rest fo the books. so I have to assume you don't read shit.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-05-11 14:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice nose, pedophile
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-11 13:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-11 13:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like a college science associate professor.
Are you such a fellow?
----------------------
I second that. It's something to do with the moustache.
One thing - your head looks strangely rectangular. What is up with that?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-11 13:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like a college science associate professor.
Are you such a fellow?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-11 11:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-05-11 09:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, you're older than Shlongy!
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-11 07:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks to everyone who left suggestions on the first four installments. The next one will be better--I promise! (I hope.)