Dear Uber, (1428 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.56 on 99 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Squirrelly Girl (View user info) at 2008-05-12 10:12:27 EDT
Dear Uber,
About 9 months ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. Boohoo, poor me.
My 5 year old goddaughter recently asked me if having cancer hurt. Being the good aunt that I am I decided to lie and say no, it didn't hurt, it just made me very tired and that's why I shaved off all of my hair because it took too much energy to wash and brush it every day.
The truth is it does hurt. Not just the surgeries and the treatments and the realization that I may not make it out of this, but the way I've been shielded from real life over the last several months. It seems like everyone is talking in hushed tones around me, everyone is being so polite, and the only topics of conversation as of late have been (A) the weather or (B) memories that myself and whomever I am talking to at the moment share.
"Looks like it's gonna rain today..."
"Remember that time we had a tea party in the garden?"
"Windy today. It's gonna be windy again tomorrow..."
"Remember when we took that trip to Florida?"
I'm sick and tired of hearing about weather and being asked if I "Remember" things. I have cancer, not Alzheimer's people.
Either way I understand why they are doing it. It's so hard to communicate with someone when you think that this conversation might be the last you share. But after a while I got tired of the empty words, the memoirs, and most of all seeing the watery eyes of so many friends and family members who refused to cry in front of me. All of those things took their toll and I stopped taking visitors.
My husband has been very understanding about all of this. Whenever someone stops by or calls he tells them "She's resting" and the caller seems to accept this as truth. I mean, I have cancer for crying out loud. I'm supposed to be tired all the time, right? To be honest I think a lot of times they are relieved. I don't think most of them want to talk to me anymore than I want to talk to them. Obligation and a sense of family is what draws these people to me, even if they don't know exactly what it is they are going to say.
The only people who get through the velvet rope are those who are impossible to keep out. My mother. My grandmothers. My mother-in-law. My best friend since the 9th grade. These people get the special VIP access but even they tend to treat me with kid-gloves as well.
The funny thing is that even though I asked for the solitude, after a while it did get pretty boring. See, chemo treatments don't make you tired - they just take away your energy and leave you in a state not that different from insomnia. You're restless. You want to sleep but aren't tired enough, you want to get up and do something but you aren't strong enough. It royally sucks.
And since I allowed myself only limited visitors and my husband is now the sole breadwinner for our home, that leaves me with a lot - and I do mean a LOT of alone time.
I started out watching the daytime television shows. Maury, Jerry Springer, recaps of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. But after a while it got old (How many times can you watch people take lie detector or pregnancy tests, right?)
I tried getting into Soap Operas but they just weren't my cup of tea. The acting and storylines are just a bit too... what's the best way to put it... full of themselves?
After months of isolation during the day and, not surprisingly just after having to shave my head because I was tired of watching clumps and clumps of hair fall out in the shower, I fell into depression.
Depression, in a word, sucks. Now not only was I drained from the chemo but now I didn't even have the energy to care about anything. I stopped watching television, taking phone calls or visits from anyone (even my mother) and I even stopped eating. I dropped 40lbs in less than 2 months.
Of course the more people tried to make me feel better the more I felt like crap. Everyone was just being so damn compliant it drove me mad. Finally after a few more treatments and another surgery I broke down. I begged, prayed for death. More than anything I just wanted the pain in my body, my mind and my heart to end. What was I doing all of this for? What was I putting myself through just for the chance to live? How selfish am I being to put my family and friends through this? Why can't I just let go and let everyone else move on with their lives?
I thought about suicide often. I'd stare at my bedroom wall, memorizing each crevice and each bump in the paint. I'd think about how easy it would be to swallow some pills and slip off into nothingness. How a rope would feel around my almost twig-like neck. What it really felt like to bleed to death through deep incisions through my wrists. Of course anytime I'd get the courage up to grab a bottle of pills or to crawl into the kitchen to grab a butchers knife I never went through with it. I'd sit there, usually on the floor, gripping whatever potentially deathly tool I had managed to get a hold of and sob like a child. I hated that I was so weak that I couldn't even take my own life.
I'd like to say I kept my sense of humor during all this. I would like to say that I took it all in stride and was able to make myself better through my own positive outlook. That would be a lie. There were two things that brought me back from my slump.
One, surprisingly, was World of Warcraft. My 15 year old cousin downloaded the game onto my laptop and told me that it was "The best game ever.". I tried people, I really tried to get into the fantasy world those amazing game makers created. And while it was fun, it just wasn't for me. But what it DID help with was helping me realize that there are people in this world who need to get out a lot more than I do.
The second thing was Uber. I forget how I actually found this website, but 2 months ago many of your words helped lift my spirit more than any well-wishes from family members could.
You are all the most entertaining bunch I have ever come across. And while I enjoy all of your stories, your insights and your comments (oh do I love your comments!) there are several of you whose names I look for more than others. Listed below are the names and quotes of those users who have become my favorites here on Uber. And, from this day on, each one of you listed below will get automatic +2's from me as a small way for me to say thank you. Thank you for pulling me out of the abyss that was my own self-pity and loathing and throwing me into your own.
Ilikesteak - I said "What's gotten into you?" and we laughed for hours, before I beat you to death for being a whore, and defiled your whore corpse
Phallic_Cymbals - Yes, Ubersite, I just poured about a tablespoon of hot wax onto my balloon-knot.
Williamson - This post feels like the written equivalent of rape.
Flash Harry - An epitaph is a shadow, cast by a life across the realm of time. Great epitaphs resonate, dull ones are forgotten. More often than not, a memorable inscription is indicative of a memorable person.
Jasumthin - "The Cookie Diaries" by Cookie Monster detailing his struggle with addiction during the mid 1980's is number one on the best sellers list.
Matt Maiorano - Make me pie.... With cherry filling.... Naked.
Rhymenocerous - Because this post has so many negative ratings it got booted off and replaced with your other suckfest of a post with less cleavage of some whores from a picture you probably stole off of Flickr, you failtastic alter douche.
SilvrWolf - PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE GENE POOL. IT IS FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND.
Shadow - Initializing system crunchy goodness... Cereal Port is clogged!
Shlongy - CookieLass doesn't have to be smart. She swallows like a champ.
Rob Berg - Now, If nothing in this entire collection makes you at least smile I can only assume you are officially dead inside, a cheat code, and/or likely to enjoy stepping on kittens.
F.J. Bell - You are stunning, beautiful, incredible. My jaw hit my desk with such force when I saw you that my retainer fell out, and my cock leaped skywards like a spaniel sniffing out a biscuit. I need you, I want you, I must have you, Doris. I have never, EVER seen a girl strike such an elegant and classy pose, nor witnessed make-up applied with such skill and subtlety. You are my goddess, and I shall think of nothing else until I know the taste of your glossy, irresistible pout.
MrsKitty - I am a Christian. Not a real one, mind you. I don't believe everyone will go to hell for not worshiping the everlasting-gobstopper that is Jesus but I do adhere to basic Christian beliefs such as being good to your neighbors, buying overpriced merchandise in the name of Santa, sacrificing multi-colored aborted chicken fetuses, etc.
Beeltea - do-de-do-de-do, looking for a sub-letter, la la la la la
Hidden101 - QUICK, SOMEONE CALL THE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMBULANCE!!! kill yourself.
Ttom - Nice pot, it sets off your HIV well.
Orgasmatron - So I was in a mens room the other day rockin' it urinal-style.
Forensicgirl3 - Lab technician gives pause. Lab technician then hears moans through the walls. Lab technician also hears "Ok, stop sucking so I can do this."
Drogoroch - Most of us dont get out much, what with feeding the girl scouts in the cellar and making sure Ma is fed when she watches her stories and best not talk about the amount of time we spend abusing ourselves to random pictures of females on the internet. Does that sound like we have time to 'date' real women?
LittleMonster - I kinda lost my presence of mind at that point and slipped into a "the wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead" coma.
Lostnphound - The "devil" figure of my conscience sits atop my left shoulder urging me to read posts that traverse a broad range of topics, often leading him to beat off to the NSFW posts containing nudity.
Sacrilicious - Alters. Because someone, somewhere will like you someday. Right?
Tiger Lilly - Keep it to the bathroom and the bedroom. I'm not naïve. I don't go through THAT much conditioner.
TimeCop - OK, Psychic Order-Taking Drive-Through Lady, how many fingers am I holding up?
Interchange - Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel, "BETTER NATE THAN LEVER," he ran over the snake.
HhurtByTheSun - 'Don't Rape Me, I'm not a Kitten Anymore.'
Nath - "Why don't you bite them? They might turn human."
"I don't think it works like that."
"When has it ever been tried? Go on. Be radical. Think outside the box."
Polyamorousaj - Rule 173: When people on Ubersite get overwhelmingly mean and you decide to take the vast amount of -2 DIE comments received seriously, please make sure to delete your browsing history before doing so. And don't forget to put towels down. No one likes a messy suicide.
JMG114 - Thanks to the good folks at T-Mobile, I calculated that, by August 2007, I'd actually save $125 by switching to their plan, even including Cingular's anal horse rape fee of $175.
Tom - How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?
Corn Nugget - Lately I've been depressed. The usual, "boo hoo there's no point to life" sprinkled with a bit of irritability.
Bluto - Did Noah have a 40 day supply of Purina, or were entire species wiped out because the cheetah was hungry?
Berty - The only conclusion one can draw is that these weird motherfuckers are some sort of tantric rapists. Beat the woman over the back of the head, chuck her in the back of the van, drive to the loockup, pull down her pants, jam a dildo up there whilst she's groggy and then spend the rest of the afternoon stroking yourself and saying "ommmm".
Brdn_Nkd - I hope you get anally fisted while father time rapes your oozing gaping cunt. I hope Santa clause leaves a steamy corn filled Cleveland steamer on your chest while the Easter bunny rails your mouth. I hope your tits dry up and fall off leaving great big wholes in your chest and that a gang of midgets then rolls around in Santa's Cleveland steamer while fucking your chest holes and giving you dirty Sanchez's.
Again, thank you Uber-people - all of you.
Signed,
Your Biggest Fan
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-05-27 17:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 fuckmuppet
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-05-27 16:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck your cancer in the ear...I wanna know why I didn't make the list.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-27 16:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck fuckmuppets. Cunt.
==========================
I've decided to like you, despite my better judgment. :*
=======================
Some ignorant asshole named Bubba2341 was drunker than a hoot-owl that night, and he was being a fool. He hereby apologizes.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-05-18 23:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
again I am left out of a list...
whats the saying? "like a fat kid in dodgeball"
hehe
===================
I'm sorry - I don't think I've read any of your stuff! Any recommendations?
===================
Here is some of my best work, it got some ok reviews....http://www.ubersite.com/m/111387
any and all critiques are appreciated!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-15 13:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck
i've just spent the last 4 weeks in a cancer center in baltimore (johns hopkins) where she's been having chemo, not thankfully for cancer but for multiple sclerosis.
those cunts were stoic as fuck.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2008-05-15 13:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2008-05-15 02:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't tell you how this made me feel.
Thank you.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2008-05-14 20:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's people like you who keep me coming back here.
Thank you.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm just going to assume the submit box cut you off before you could get to me.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-05-14 02:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-05-13 02:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus, if Ubersite is your support group, you should pray for the sweet release of death pretty soon...
---
don't listen to him, he doesn't have a soul.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-05-14 00:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-05-13 23:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 NOT ON THE LIST BITCH
Oh, whatever, have a +2 cancerface.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-05-13 22:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I'm the attention loving whore that I am.
Auto +2 post with me in it.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
again I am left out of a list...
whats the saying? "like a fat kid in dodgeball"
hehe
===================
I'm sorry - I don't think I've read any of your stuff! Any recommendations?
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best wishes. I actually feel guilty for not entertaining you.
Here, I was kind of pleased with this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/114051
One may call that hitwhoring, but I'm really not that guy.
=================
"So begins a dizzying descent into an underworld of organ trafficking, yakuza turf wars, multiple personality disorder, and illegal octopus lobotomies, combining truly grisly effects with the Biblical intricacies of an old El Santo picture, and a metaphysical commentary on the transience of traditional values."
What the hell? Srlsy Lol. I'm +2ing that.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-05-13 02:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus, if Ubersite is your support group, you should pray for the sweet release of death pretty soon...
====================
Not my support group - my source of entertainment when watching the same. damn. episodes of Family Guy over and over again aren't quite doing it for me.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-13 01:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nah im just bored and trying to be nasty, but youre taking it well, so its not fun.
=====================
I'm sorry... let's try again. OMFG DONT YOU KNOW I AM RLY A HOT CHICK AND CAN GET ANY MAN I WANT SO I DONT NEEDS TO TAKE YER SHIT!
:)
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best wishes. I actually feel guilty for not entertaining you.
----------
And GTA: Vice City rules. I wasn't much for missions either. I would steal a car, drive to the beach and run people over for money and entertainment. It kept me from doing that to real people.
And in the wise words of Henry Rollins: Fuck cancer.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-13 08:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting... Director has -2'd 22 of my last 30 or so posts! hahahaha
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-05-13 02:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus, if Ubersite is your support group, you should pray for the sweet release of death pretty soon...
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-13 01:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your neice is your goddaughter?
sooooo, basically your sibling has no friends and had to ask their sister to be goddaughter. no theyre going to lose you, also.
sucks to be them.
=================
My brother is my father's son from his marriage prior to his marriage to my mother (he is now thrice divorced and on to wife number 4 who is 27 - just 2 years older than I am).
He thought it would be nice to include me in on his new family since we had such little interaction while we were younger.
So there.
And thanks for the optimism. "They're going to lose you too." Either you're being very negative and you think I am going to die from the cancer or you are very positive and think I will succeed at any future suicide attempts. I'll assume you mean the latter cause you seem like such a chipper young fella.
---
nah im just bored and trying to be nasty, but youre taking it well, so its not fun.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best wishes. I actually feel guilty for not entertaining you.
Here, I was kind of pleased with this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/114051
One may call that hitwhoring, but I'm really not that guy.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
again I am left out of a list...
whats the saying? "like a fat kid in dodgeball"
hehe
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was trying to remember the Russian word for squirrel. I couldn't, so I looked it up. It's byelka. For no good reason, I image-googled "byelka," and this goofball came up: http://www.kcrenfest.com/Performer/CharacterSurveys/Pictures/KingSamonella.jpg
There is no point to this story, in case you were wondering.
=================
What. The. Fuck. I can not STAND Larpers. I run into them all the time when I head to the park. They're all dressed up, running around with swords and throwing bean bags at each other. I just don't get it!
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck fuckmuppets. Cunt.
==========================
I've decided to like you, despite my better judgment. :*
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't tell you how moved I am by this.
My mom died of cancer when I was barely out of my teens. I never really had the chance to relate to her as an adult, and I think all the time of what it must have been like for her. She was diagnosed when she was only a few years older than I am now, and when I think about the fear and the range of emotions she must have felt and how naive I was about how to relate to her at times, I feel terrible regret. I understand I was young, but I wish I knew then what I know now.
The thought that us clowns made you smile enough to want to post might be the best compliment we could hope for.
====================
I am so sorry that you lost your mother at such a young age. I think that is why I feel me never having children is bitter-sweet. Granted I would have loved to have been a mom, but if I do kick the proverbial bucket I think it is better I don't leave any little ones motherless.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your neice is your goddaughter?
sooooo, basically your sibling has no friends and had to ask their sister to be goddaughter. no theyre going to lose you, also.
sucks to be them.
=================
My brother is my father's son from his marriage prior to his marriage to my mother (he is now thrice divorced and on to wife number 4 who is 27 - just 2 years older than I am).
He thought it would be nice to include me in on his new family since we had such little interaction while we were younger.
So there.
And thanks for the optimism. "They're going to lose you too." Either you're being very negative and you think I am going to die from the cancer or you are very positive and think I will succeed at any future suicide attempts. I'll assume you mean the latter cause you seem like such a chipper young fella.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-05-12 23:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's very common in the US for siblings, aunts and uncles to be godparents.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your neice is your goddaughter?
sooooo, basically your sibling has no friends and had to ask their sister to be goddaughter. no theyre going to lose you, also.
sucks to be them.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*and was a larper
or is it "were a larper"? In either case, I'm not, but that fat fruitcup has my eyes.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. I just realized that I would look just like that goofball if I put on 50 pounds or so was a larper.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was trying to remember the Russian word for squirrel. I couldn't, so I looked it up. It's byelka. For no good reason, I image-googled "byelka," and this goofball came up: http://www.kcrenfest.com/Performer/CharacterSurveys/Pictures/KingSamonella.jpg
There is no point to this story, in case you were wondering.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't tell you how moved I am by this.
My mom died of cancer when I was barely out of my teens. I never really had the chance to relate to her as an adult, and I think all the time of what it must have been like for her. She was diagnosed when she was only a few years older than I am now, and when I think about the fear and the range of emotions she must have felt and how naive I was about how to relate to her at times, I feel terrible regret. I understand I was young, but I wish I knew then what I know now.
The thought that us clowns made you smile enough to want to post might be the best compliment we could hope for.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck fuckmuppets. Cunt.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia
--------------
Mine was acute biphenotypic myeloid, nevertheless I declare us THE CANCER TWINS!
===================
CANCER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE!
Form of... A box of Cheerios.
MmmMMmmmmMMmmm Cheerios.....
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-12 20:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
only bad people get cancer.
and youre a godmother, not an aunt, you fucking moron.
id say '-2 die', but it'd be redundant.
================
I'm both you fuckmuppet - my niece is my goddaughter.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heartfelt story and sucking up - not bad for a first post.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-12 20:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
only bad people get cancer.
and youre a godmother, not an aunt, you fucking moron.
id say '-2 die', but it'd be redundant.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-05-12 19:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so conflicted here. I'm not sure I can accept that I get to feel good about being an asshole to someone I've never met.
But then again I feel pretty good when I'm a prick to the people I know best, so I suppose it's not too far of a stretch.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:22:58 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder where TTOM is...
-------------
Here I am!
*waves*
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia
--------------
Mine was acute biphenotypic myeloid, nevertheless I declare us THE CANCER TWINS!
With our powers of being really tired and needing blood transfusions all the time we shall strike fear into the criminal underworld by being sick at people and looking pale a lot.
9 months huh? I was diagnosed and back to normal within 6.
Fag
Just kidding, get well soon.
Fag
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fj and Flash = the same.
Oh, who gives a shit.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder where TTOM is...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
of all the things I've said on this site...
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 14:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Captain_Ambivalent (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i see if you just drop a load of names into your post this counts as good lol
======================
Yes. That is exactly what counts as "Good". Now go cut and paste some more random hot-chick-in-a-she-would-let-me-gang-bang-her-sort-of-way pics, throw some usernames in there and see how "good" you do.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 14:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This niece of yours - does she call you "ANT" Squirrel, "ONT" Squirrel, or "AINT" Squirrel? I think that is the real question on all of our minds.
==========================
Actually, she says "ON-TEE" Squirrel. :)
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 14:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wii takes to much energy to play. How sad is that? Then again, so do a lot of video games for me. I was the type who firmly believed that I could make Mario jump higher if I lifted the controller up in a jerky fashion whenever he was hopping. I still find myself doing that on games today.
======================
My mom used to do that on that old Bugs Bunny game for old school 8bit nintendo. It was funny. The real funny thing is that now in some games, you have to move the controller around for stuff to happen a la PS3 with the sixaxis controller and the Wii. Pretty neat stuff.
======================
See? I was ahead of my time!!!
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-12 14:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Opiates are good.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 die.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was ready to -2 this and scream "Show me your hole" but I've come to the conclusion that I might not want to see this one.
it's likely completely bald. when my exes hair fell out it ALL fell out. just saying.
Submitted by Captain_Ambivalent (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i see if you just drop a load of names into your post this counts as good lol
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Atention F.J.Bell
http://www.ubersite.com/m/115857
this miss squirrel is how you do a suck up post.
if you are looking for people that will not be all nicey-nice to you, you found the right place.
Get better will you? Cancer fucking sucks
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-05-12 13:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This niece of yours - does she call you "ANT" Squirrel, "ONT" Squirrel, or "AINT" Squirrel? I think that is the real question on all of our minds.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wii takes to much energy to play. How sad is that? Then again, so do a lot of video games for me. I was the type who firmly believed that I could make Mario jump higher if I lifted the controller up in a jerky fashion whenever he was hopping. I still find myself doing that on games today.
======================
My mom used to do that on that old Bugs Bunny game for old school 8bit nintendo. It was funny. The real funny thing is that now in some games, you have to move the controller around for stuff to happen a la PS3 with the sixaxis controller and the Wii. Pretty neat stuff.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"worshiping the everlasting-gobstopper that is Jesus"
pure dahlian philosophical genius
You will live a long and tortured life, as will I.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was ready to -2 this and scream "Show me your hole" but I've come to the conclusion that I might not want to see this one.
I'm glad you find Shlongy as entertaining as I do.
If you're ever in my neighborhood, swing by and we can jerk me off together.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally I'm indifferent to these "LOLZ UBER U RULZ SO HARD" posts but I liked this one. A lot. Yeah.
----------------
Yeah, I could see the "RULZ SO HARD" resemblance. I just thought I should give credit where credit is due. :)
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally I'm indifferent to these "LOLZ UBER U RULZ SO HARD" posts but I liked this one. A lot. Yeah.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm somewhat of an expert in pixel manipulation via tactical response button pressing.
GTA:Vice City is amazing. Postal 2 is also very fun. I am also a huge fan of the Resident Evil series.
My roommate has a Wii and a lot of those games are pretty entertaining. The new Mario Kart game is awesomely fun.
-----------------
Wii takes to much energy to play. How sad is that? Then again, so do a lot of video games for me. I was the type who firmly believed that I could make Mario jump higher if I lifted the controller up in a jerky fashion whenever he was hopping. I still find myself doing that on games today.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm somewhat of an expert in pixel manipulation via tactical response button pressing.
GTA:Vice City is amazing. Postal 2 is also very fun. I am also a huge fan of the Resident Evil series.
My roommate has a Wii and a lot of those games are pretty entertaining. The new Mario Kart game is awesomely fun.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 12:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for this being a made-up story and an obvious one.
One minute you're a godmother and another, you're an aunt? Come on!
-----------------------
My goddaughter is my brothers daughter so... let me think... yes, that would make me her aunt.
But thank you for being a total douche. Please come again. :*
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Metal Gear series is an espionage one. You play Solid Snake (or Raiden, in MGS 2) and your objective is to sneak around enemy troops to accomplish your mission. Usually your mission is to find a hostage, get intel on a specific terrorist leader, destroy huge mobile nuclear attack machines, and that sort of stuff.
It's a 3rd person game so the views are usually a semi-birds-eye type of shot on the screen. They are immensely fun and incredibly addicting (if you're a nerd, that is). So far, there has been MGS 1 on PS1, and MGS 2 and MGS 3 were on PS2. MGS 4 set to be release in June for the PS3 and looks to be one of the best games of the year (in my opinion).
So, it's sort of a shoot-'em-up because you can just run around killing everyone, or it can be a sneaking game where you hide in the shadows and knock out guards with a tranquilizer gun to avoid detection. In the 3rd one, it takes place in the jungle and you can use different camouflage suits to blend in with your surroundings to help you sneak through said jungle undetected. It's pretty bad ass. Read the reviews on IGN.com if you are seriously interested. Video games are so fun.
Jesus...I'm a complete nerd. It's ok, though. My online girlfriend says my profile is the coolest.
-----------------------
Wow... that is some impressive nerdishness. And I'm flattered you took time to share it! :)
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy to be of service???
--------------------
If you only knew how much I totally love you.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Metal Gear series is an espionage one. You play Solid Snake (or Raiden, in MGS 2) and your objective is to sneak around enemy troops to accomplish your mission. Usually your mission is to find a hostage, get intel on a specific terrorist leader, destroy huge mobile nuclear attack machines, and that sort of stuff.
It's a 3rd person game so the views are usually a semi-birds-eye type of shot on the screen. They are immensely fun and incredibly addicting (if you're a nerd, that is). So far, there has been MGS 1 on PS1, and MGS 2 and MGS 3 were on PS2. MGS 4 set to be release in June for the PS3 and looks to be one of the best games of the year (in my opinion).
So, it's sort of a shoot-'em-up because you can just run around killing everyone, or it can be a sneaking game where you hide in the shadows and knock out guards with a tranquilizer gun to avoid detection. In the 3rd one, it takes place in the jungle and you can use different camouflage suits to blend in with your surroundings to help you sneak through said jungle undetected. It's pretty bad ass. Read the reviews on IGN.com if you are seriously interested. Video games are so fun.
Jesus...I'm a complete nerd. It's ok, though. My online girlfriend says my profile is the coolest.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can indeed.
Might I reccomend a game called Postal 2? I think you may enjoy that.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to make you smile!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for this being a made-up story and an obvious one.
One minute you're a godmother and another, you're an aunt? Come on!
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In Metal Gear Solid you sneak past people and endure lenghtly blocks of text jabbering about nuclear disarmament, conspiracy and democratic government policy versus individual action.
It is similar to Takeshi's Castle in that respect.
----------------
I was a big fan of Grand Theft Auto Vice City, but then again I never really played it the real way. Just looked up a bunch of cheats and took out my aggression on random people. Can I do that with metal Gear?
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While I never seem to make these lists I feel for ya.
Cancer is the suck, lost my uncle, and my grandmother to it and if my father doesn't keep getting himself screened for early detection might hit him too.
Straight chemo: or is there a possibility of bone marrow transplant?
-Uncle B.
-----------------
They are waiting to pump me up with more poisons before attempting the transplant. Something about it being too risky otherwise (I tune doctors out nowadays). Thankfully my cousin is a match for me and since she is a self-centered "let's try to take the spotlight off of anyone else" she is willing to "Sacrifice" herself and help me in my hour of need. Boy is she in for a rude awakening (BM transplants hurt from what I hear)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In Metal Gear Solid you sneak past people and endure lenghtly blocks of text jabbering about nuclear disarmament, conspiracy and democratic government policy versus individual action.
It is similar to Takeshi's Castle in that respect.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cancer is the suck. At least your being positive about it since your past depression. I'm happy this retarded website full of virgins and basement dwellers can make you laugh.
Also, World of Warcraft sucks monstrous amounts of cock. More so than that Champion of Fellatio, Heather Brooks. Get a PS3 or a PSP to fuck around with. There are a shit ton of fun games out there as of late. I could play Metal Gear Solid 3 for literally hours upon hours on end.
-----------------------
Metal Gear Solid is the shoot-em-up game right? You get to be a sniper and whatnot? (Sorry, not up to date on video games)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, also, should you ever get bored of the internet then be sure to look up my post detailing all manner of interesting webcomics which will, hopefully, provide hours of entertainment and frustration.
Although you probably hate comics. In which case I reccomend reading John Dies at the End.
Although you probably hate books.
Hmmm... TTOM is the only person I know who had cancer and he's really into bugs. Perhaps he can help you out?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I dropped 40lbs in less than 2 months"
More people should get cancer. I was already skinny when I got mine but I'll hold out for a relapse in middle age.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a shame you're married, 'cause otherwise there'd be plenty of kindly chaps living in North America who'd no doubt be delighted to drive to you and present you with a bloody good knobbing.
As it is you'll just have to content yourself with the knowledge that you will be in our thoughts.
Also I would like to add that I am glad you developed cancer for no other reason than it led you to Ubersite and from there to the noble purpose of inflating my ego. Ta' very much.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*bows, then blows a kiss*
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2008-05-12 11:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While I never seem to make these lists I feel for ya.
Cancer is the suck, lost my uncle, and my grandmother to it and if my father doesn't keep getting himself screened for early detection might hit him too.
Straight chemo: or is there a possibility of bone marrow transplant?
-Uncle B.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're welcome!
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cancer is the suck. At least your being positive about it since your past depression. I'm happy this retarded website full of virgins and basement dwellers can make you laugh.
Also, World of Warcraft sucks monstrous amounts of cock. More so than that Champion of Fellatio, Heather Brooks. Get a PS3 or a PSP to fuck around with. There are a shit ton of fun games out there as of late. I could play Metal Gear Solid 3 for literally hours upon hours on end.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first time I've ever made a list. Neat.
I shall keep an eye out for the aforementioned +2's, Squirrel Face :o)
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comment.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well fuck me running, something good came out of the countless hours I have spent here.
JUSTIFIED!
Cancer is a shitter. Sod TV. Get in touch with Hurty and he will give you an endless list of movies to watch!
--
You're telling someone who is suffering already to Willingly contact Hurty? Christ you are cruel.
__
Well, it was that or I told her to go on a reccy to visit you in morechildrenthanteeth land. If I had done that she would end up to drunk move and proberbly sexual assulted by pone of your kittens....at least you would tell her it was one of your kittens. I took the safest option.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're telling someone who is suffering already to Willingly contact Hurty? Christ you are cruel.
==========
I have a great bunch of brilliant movie selections though. Troof.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Um, there's something clearly wrong with you.
What? Ohhhh, sorry...
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well fuck me running, something good came out of the countless hours I have spent here.
JUSTIFIED!
Cancer is a shitter. Sod TV. Get in touch with Hurty and he will give you an endless list of movies to watch!
--
You're telling someone who is suffering already to Willingly contact Hurty? Christ you are cruel.
Oh and
*cough, kicks foot back and forward whilst looking at floor*
"Isnt it sunny today. Hey do you remember sitting in front of the computer that time reading random stuff on the Internet? and them some girl showed her boobs, that was cool."
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well fuck me running, something good came out of the countless hours I have spent here.
JUSTIFIED!
Cancer is a shitter. Sod TV. Get in touch with Hurty and he will give you an endless list of movies to watch!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OOOOOOH, A GREAT BIG ASS KISSING LIST!
ctrl + F
'scourge'
...
alright, well fuck you too.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty much everyone in my family has cancer, and has done for a very long time. No one has died from it yet.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quite possibly one of the most horrendous things i've ever "said".
cancer's a bitch. you didn't really say where you are in your treatment but hopefully the end or a break is in sight. I watched my ex-wife (then wife) go through treatments for lymphoma and it was a horrible experience. feeling so incredibly helpless for so long sucks ass in a big way. though it may seem empty I do wish you the best.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy to be of service???
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
F.J.Bell = Flash Harry
Aw you are a doll. Stay and play a while, won't you?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HhurtByTheSun - 'Don't Rape Me, I'm not a Kitten Anymore.'
=========
My greatest musical creation. You did Bell twice by the way.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-05-12 10:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHOW US YOUR CANCEROUS HOLE.
I'm joking. Please don't die.