Surpise! - TrUberSex rd 1 - UberDirectory Camwhore (970 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.16 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (View user info) at 2008-05-12 16:39:10 EDT
We could make many jokes about the first time we have sex and the easiest is that my face looked like the included camwhore. The obvious joke on this website is that none of us has actually even moved out of our parents basements let alone had sex. Of course that leads to the second joke and that is that my face actually ever looks like that. yes, that's me. have at it so we can move on.
done?
now?
ok, thanks.
The first time I had sex I had been told by a friend that a particular girl wanted me to call her and he gave me her number. She'd moved and he happened to run into her and she gave him her number with that request.
I was single and bored and thought "what the fuck" and called her.
To my astonishment not only did my call not end up calling the gay and lesbian help line it actually called her. Honestly I figured my friend was pulling a prank as was often the case so I was actually surprised (first time the camwhored face came into play). I asked her if she wanted to do something and not too long after I was driving her little audi through some super windy curves in the black hills of south dakota.
Had I been wiser I would have notched a few first times while we were out driving around but i was a naive 15 year old (we could get our licenses at 14 in SD). so instead of bending her over her hood in the great outdoors we went back to my house and curled up on my couch to watch tv.
This girl, Angie, was 6ft 2, with short blonde hair, an incredibly toned body, and big d cup breasts. playing the part of big spoon I had my arms around her and pretty soon my Roman hands found both breasts and thier accompanying nipples within reach. As I enjoyed her big round boobies she turned around and started making out with me.
It didn't take long for us to decide to move into my room after that. I picked her up and carried her in taking care not to slam her head into my door jamb. I lightly tossed her on my bed but before I could join her she pushed me away and pulled my shirt, then my pants off. I returned the favor and then removed her bra and panties.
Laying naked on my bed this beautifully tall girl had perfect breasts and a tiny little landing patch above her vajayjay. I knelt to kiss between her legs but she pulled me up to kiss my lips and grabbed my cock shoving it into her.
Now, being the first time, after just the first few pumps I knew I'd come if I didn't chill so I stopped and kissed her for a couple of minutes to cool down. As I kissed her she brought her legs around to wrap them around me behind her ass and she pulled me back in. I didn't want to be done so early. I fought, straining to avoid coming too soon. Apparently the effort of restraining my swimmers was diverting muscular control from other areas because I let loose a resounding blast from my ass.
So i say to you yet again, the attached camwhore could have applied so many times during this night, the phone call, the boobs in my hands, the naked sexy girl on my bed, that first penetration, but I think it applies to the moment that fart echoed around my bedroom.
I of course pretended nothing had happened. I don't, for a second, believe that she could not have not heard it, or felt it for that matter, but she too completely ignored it. I finished shortly thereafter and we went and showered. We never spoke of it though I think i have related the story here before. Maybe if I'd been looking at her I would have seen a similar reaction. who knows?
and now here's my @ work camwhore. SURPRISE!
User Reviews
Submitted by howtowakeboard (user info) at 2008-05-16 19:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you are human garbage
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-05-14 20:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT WAS YOU?!?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98827
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
V. good
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-05-14 18:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gary Busey?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-14 03:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
band - propaghandi
album - how to clean everything
song - this might be satire
it's on my ipod right now
and i think i am the one who mentioned them on one of his posts. what do i win?
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congrats!
you win as stated in my first review of this post.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 14:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
scourge answered already and wanted to know what he won.
They played in front of about three hundred kids in a tiny little dive of a place and it was excellent.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-13 14:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahaha.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-13 14:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 10:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O M G
I've seen them live and they were fantastic. piss shit fuck ass muncher mother fucker cock ass
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course you have.
one song they do is called ska sucks.
still haven't guessed the name tho.
super hint
hey hannah, how'z it goin? can i borrow some punk rock records you piece of shit?
Jeff Laplonte - the Laplonte song
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have not been participating as much lately so I have not noticed this or even cared about it nor have i ever really paid berg any attention. I suppose you gotta embrace whatever will get your wee willy up though.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Have you lost weight?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rob_bergs' ALTER IS RESPONDING TO EVERY REVIEW.
You're not very bright, Slim.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 12:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have nothing to do with berg shlong. go eat a dick.
gay guy? Skin? Facial creams? What in the holy hell are you on about? I am most certainly not gay.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-13 11:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loves ya really. :)
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-13 11:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like a gay guy. I think it's something to do with your skin, gay men use fancy skin creams like women.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-13 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ARE YOU rob_bergs ALTER???
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 10:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O M G
I've seen them live and they were fantastic. piss shit fuck ass muncher mother fucker cock ass
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-13 10:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I ALREADY ANSWERED THE GODDAMN QUESTION, BARRY.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 10:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hint.
they are from winnipeg and you know them.
you have mentioned them in one of your posts
i'm losing this game and I've even tried to cheat. I almost think i can hear them sometimes but then i realise i'm just making them fit into a song and i start over again. Winnipeg? are they a ska band? I can only think of a few bands I KNOW to be canadian and none of them would use these lyrics. this is driving me crazy. unfortunately I've mentioned lots of music in lots of places so that didn't help a whole lot. i get the feeling i'm gonna feel really dumb if i ever figure this out.
Squirely I have been known to bite. especially when it's requested.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-13 10:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hint.
they are from winnipeg and you know them.
you have mentioned them in one of your posts
---
band - propaghandi
album - how to clean everything
song - this might be satire
it's on my ipod right now
and i think i am the one who mentioned them on one of his posts. what do i win?
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like you're about to bite me - and not in a good way. I like that.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hint.
they are from winnipeg and you know them.
you have mentioned them in one of your posts
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-13 08:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-13 08:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i wanna swap my bubble gum
with you
i wanna take you home from school
i wanna
carry your books
to every class
i wanna fuck you up the ass
i wanna hold your hand
lemme hold your hand....
guess the lyrics and win
nothing
i have no idea. i'll have to go look.
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Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-13 04:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh first time sex.
I just can't wait.
HaHa
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Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-13 04:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as she didn't smell it...
to discover such a thing would have required discovery, ie. "did you hear that?" which would have been acknowladgement and i didn't wanna go there.
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-05-13 01:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-12 15:59:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was really almost interesting for a second there
see below
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Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone looks like someone
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f154/guinnessgut/Farva.jpg
as long as I can have a litre of cola.
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Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe you're getting more ginger...
i have not ever been nor am I now ginger but ok.
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Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-12 18:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was really almost interesting for a second there
i'm tryin Willie, cause we all know how interesting you are.
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Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"she brought her legs around to wrap them around me behind her ass"
you fucked a pretzel?
damn proof reading. though I did write this in the submit window.
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Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-05-12 16:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ......... my first time .... I asked "...is it in yet?"
I thought you were a girl. I don't know if that gives that statement more or less "WoW"
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-12 16:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good christ...you barely fit into the frame.
Good christ...that was weak even for you old man.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-13 08:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-13 08:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i wanna swap my bubble gum
with you
i wanna take you home from school
i wanna
carry your books
to every class
i wanna fuck you up the ass
i wanna hold your hand
lemme hold your hand....
guess the lyrics and win
nothing
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2008-05-13 04:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh first time sex.
I just can't wait.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-13 04:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as she didn't smell it...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-05-13 01:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-12 15:59:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was really almost interesting for a second there
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-13 00:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone looks like someone
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f154/guinnessgut/Farva.jpg
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-05-12 22:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"she brought her legs around to wrap them around me behind her ass"
you fucked a pretzel?
____
Hahahahahhaha.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe you're getting more ginger...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-12 21:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-05-12 20:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ahhh yes, unsexy sex stories. we all have them.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-05-12 18:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was really almost interesting for a second there
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-12 17:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"she brought her legs around to wrap them around me behind her ass"
you fucked a pretzel?
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-05-12 16:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ......... my first time .... I asked "...is it in yet?"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-12 16:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good christ...you barely fit into the frame.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-12 16:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, you beefed during coitus.