it's 4 am, dear, I can't find my beer (389 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: -1.72 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by wakeboard man (View user info) at 2008-05-15 03:52:52 EDT
it's not a race, dear, just get out of the water, take a break, and try again.
he got back in the boat and took the book out of the plastic bag he had brought with him on this hellishly hot day
"how to wakeboard"
this guide is unhelpful, he said with a smirk
it's full of advice writ down by a jerk
if it said the right stuff I think that it might
hold potential for fun and sunny delight
but with ingredients, you see not chemically sown
or magically made or carefully honed
but carefully done by myself alone
the wakeboard fell off and turned about in the water
it's tip like a gun, arched back like my daughter
speaking of which where is she right now
she promised she'd help by bringing us chow
but his wife she said, wait, hold on for a second
you have no children they drowned last Thursday in that crop dusting accident
he folded his hands solemnly, then reached for an ice cold glass of iced tea and extra dense water proof slightly used PSP
(auto correct in word is a bothersome turd, Thursdays aren't special, just ask any nerd
Fridays, my friend, is when Battlestar's on, the fans blog that shit and we all carry on ignoring their whining and unscrupulous pining for people sans friends who think pizza's fine dining.
It's based on Joe Mormon a thing I bet you don't swallow, and the subplot, go smoke pot, I bet no one can follow
It's kind of like Lost if Jack was dying of cancer
or if the island kept saying that God was the answer,
I wish it were over but we must wait half a season
for them to find earth for no logical reason and then inevitable spinoffs galore
of plots ripped from headlines on which crazy bums pore
tv's such a whore, but anyway this show, gods...
it's turgid and slow like the west wing on ambien
and the special effects rarer than humor tambien
for a show that must go for a half more a season
they sure haven't given us much of a reason to stick our collective balls on the line
for an action to lame ratio dangerously close to .9
so when my friend pestered me on this subject, I couldn't help but defenestrate him, public (ly)
It's a soap that's in space I said to his face and I could see that he thought my words were off base, but he was put in his place, by my devilish face, that chump can't rhyme his way past first base
)
his wife looked at him with kind of a frown
you seem rather tense what's got you down?
is it my weight or my hair? she said with a fight
well yes, but moreover it's my sunny delight
maybe juice doesn't come in a store
maybe real juice, perhaps, means (paying) a little bit more
(after all,
five percent juice is something you get from the dung of a goose)
so stop avoiding the price hike in gas and in food
I can guarantee nothing else will brighten your mood better than gorging yourself on real rice and real meat, it definitely sounds quite a treat
regarding the last line
if your colons backed up you're doing just fine, so let loose and live,
I know you've been hoarding,
and no matter how much you read, you still suck at wakeboarding
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-17 14:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yes dude, we 'get' it, it's just shite.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-17 13:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
original with the retal rating.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-16 16:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
garbage
Submitted by howtowakeboard (user info) at 2008-05-16 15:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You stupid monkey fuckers. This was a parody of Dr. Seuss' style. It should be obvious towards the end when I took a couplet nearly verbatim from the grinch. You people make me sick. Go choke on your own spit, you wastes of oxygen. Most of the poem is not simple rhyming couplets anyway, which you would've seen if you'd spent two seconds pulling your head out of your grandma's ass you cancerous boils on the forehead of the world. It was just an exercise in the absolute rhymes of Dr. Seuss who never once broke his "rhyming couplets" for prose poetry. So what did you do? You fucking pieces of thousand year old hobo excrement decided that because it was rhymed in annoying sing song, that it was obviously intellectually worthless. How about you suck my dick. You assumed that I was some ten year old who lol'd at your hI-larious anecdotes and shitty MS paint art and decided to write a poem? This poem is loads better than the emo shit that seems to win approval left and right on this fuck of a site. OMG let's listen to hawthorne heights cut ourselves to this latest UberEmoPoem. Even my title was an obvious cloying attempt to win your approval. "OMG beer! +2 FOREVER." One Einstein below even said I didn't write my poem in English. ahem. You are the armpit on a cave troll that is tattooed on Bill O'Reilly's dick. You anonymous bile at the back of my throat obviously knew I spent longer on this masterpiece than the average post on this godforsaken website of shit. "So guess what crazy shenanigans I got into at work yesterday?" "OMG let's orally pleasure this man who we seem to have so much in common with!!! +2 FOREVER!!!1" You people make me sick. I hate you all, go die you fucking assholes. +2 kicker of your ass.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-15 16:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You seem to have sacrificed everything for rhyming couplets. That's bad
However I wont -2 as I like wakeboarding, no matter how badly portrayed
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-15 15:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by howtowakeboard (user info) at 2008-05-15 14:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I HAATE YOU GO DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT THIS POEM IS BAD BECAUSE I HATE IT
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2008-05-15 12:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-05-15 09:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-05-15 08:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, Cant gat past the second line.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-15 05:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ha ha, I almost gave this a positive rating for the amusement.
But I thought better of it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What is this supposed to be? Rap?
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
English motherfucker. Use it.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-15 04:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What? Fuck no.