TrUberSex 2008 - I'd like to tell you... (718 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lostnphound is Hugh Hefner (View user info) at 2008-05-20 11:57:29 EDT
It's hard to know where to begin with this story. So I'll just start at the beginning...
My sophomore year in college was a great year for me. I found the girl I was certain I would marry. Turns out we'd just fuck for three years and move on. Up to that point I had been single for two years. I'd love to tell you that I spent those years deep dicking every girl I could afford, but I would be lying.
Nope, I behaved myself. After two years of pumping off knuckle children by myself you can imagine that I was eager to slamfuck my newly acquired woman. I played it cool and spent approximately a year receiving blow jobs, dry humping, and the like. She liked to build a strong emotional connection before 'going all the way' and as long as I wasn't having to jack myself off, I had it made in the shade.
Finally, after a party one evening we were showering together when she initiated a blow job. I thought it was going to be just another round of oral sex and off to bed. I was surprisingly incorrect. As we exited the shower she uttered the words with a sexy, whispered tone that I had been waiting to hear for so long.
"I want you inside me."
I was overjoyed and my dick jumped into his uniform to play the game of the century.
Now, I'd like to tell you that our first session of coitus was not awkward. I'd like to tell you that when I entered her and pumped twice that she did not queef with such force that it blew my cock out of her va-jay-jay. I'd like to tell you that the air didn't house the pungent aroma of latex and spermicide. I'd would love to tell you all this didn't happen. I really fucking would.
And, really, how was I to proceed at that point? I was beyond disgusted. However, my need for a pussy induced orgasm out-weighed my distaste for having been shot out of her box by a vaginal fart. So I shook it off and pressed forward.
Occasionally during that session I could feel a swift breeze pass my shaft as I drilled her like I was digging for oil. Afterwards, no explanation was asked for nor given. I suppose I'll never know why or how it happened. At this point I don't care.
My only regret is that I didn't bring it up later on in the relationship when she ended a session early due to my drunken need to speak to her like we were making a fuck video.
I commanded her to, "take this dick like a champ!" and she pussy farted all over my dick.
I'd say we're even...
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-22 12:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-05-22 05:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh, I've read that line "Take this cock like a champ" before. boring.
plus only an amateur doesn't know how to handle the pussy fart, and a faggot let's it put him off. Pussy farts mean yup you are slamming that pussy, not going to make her come and clearly happens when internet losers watch too much porn.
On another note, last night, as my woman came on my cock (right before calling me the talented mr foolishbean) she came so hard she bucked forward and headbutted me in the nose. This sparked my hayfever and caused a violent fit of sneezing! Romantic.
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Of course you've read that line before. It was in the introduction post for TrUberSex that I wrote, dicklips.
Obviously, your reading skills leave something to be desired. Take a look and you'll see that she queefed after two pumps. Pump#1 includes when I first entered and Pump#2 would be the following pump. If you're talking about the "fucking her like I was drilling for oil" bit, you took that the way you wanted. I was merely stating that I was hitting it deep.
KThxBye
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-05-22 09:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-05-22 05:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh, I've read that line "Take this cock like a champ" before. boring.
plus only an amateur doesn't know how to handle the pussy fart, and a faggot let's it put him off. Pussy farts mean yup you are slamming that pussy, not going to make her come and clearly happens when internet losers watch too much porn.
On another note, last night, as my woman came on my cock (right before calling me the talented mr foolishbean) she came so hard she bucked forward and headbutted me in the nose. This sparked my hayfever and caused a violent fit of sneezing! Romantic.
_________
ahahahahahahahahahahahha
*dies*
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-05-22 05:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh, I've read that line "Take this cock like a champ" before. boring.
plus only an amateur doesn't know how to handle the pussy fart, and a faggot let's it put him off. Pussy farts mean yup you are slamming that pussy, not going to make her come and clearly happens when internet losers watch too much porn.
On another note, last night, as my woman came on my cock (right before calling me the talented mr foolishbean) she came so hard she bucked forward and headbutted me in the nose. This sparked my hayfever and caused a violent fit of sneezing! Romantic.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-21 05:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-05-21 01:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nxpblnsJEWM
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-21 01:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-20 20:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mediocre sex makes for a mediocre story. This was nicely written, but it just didn't do much for me.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-05-20 19:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-20 14:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blowjobs > sex
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-05-20 15:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but how do you really feel?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-20 14:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-20 14:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-20 14:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blowjobs > sex
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Amended: blow jobs when performed correctly/skillfully > sex.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-05-20 14:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blowjobs > sex
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-20 14:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-20 13:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right. When all the squishy noises and uncomfotable angles are forgotten in a few moments of bliss.
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Hahaha, nicely put. In those few precious seconds, nothing matters except the sweet relief of an empty chamber. Well, not in your case, but in mine.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-20 13:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right. When all the squishy noises and uncomfotable angles are forgotten in a few moments of bliss.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-20 13:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-20 13:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very amusing, there isn't anything glamourous about sex seemingly.
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It would seem. I'm definitely a fan of the climax.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-05-20 13:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very amusing, there isn't anything glamourous about sex seemingly.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahaha.
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
could've been a little longer, a little more detailed.
Funny, nevertheless.
could be mean and go the whole "little tadger pumping away at her vag just didn't fill it enough to prevent air from being pushed in."
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You could...but I know that you love me and wouldn't dare make me feel inadequate of the size of my wedding tackle.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
could've been a little longer, a little more detailed.
Funny, nevertheless.
could be mean and go the whole "little tadger pumping away at her vag just didn't fill it enough to prevent air from being pushed in."
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
could've been a little longer, a little more detailed.
Funny, nevertheless.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
She was obviously storing some a round or two of gouda in her snatch.
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sneaky devil.
+2, for I am a gentleman.
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Thank you, Sir. Although, my aim is not to advance. I've only got 3 stories that truly happened and I've already summarized the other two in the introduction to TrUberSex post. So this is it for me. You'll advance regardless.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-05-20 12:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sneaky devil.
+2, for I am a gentleman.