Product (521 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2008-05-22 23:38:03 EDT
Today, a woman is standing in the shampoo and conditioner aisle. She is thirty one, but she looks twenty seven. Her auburn hair set perfectly, not a strand out of place, her summer dress a prefect white, splashed with just enough color to seem pretty, and not too much as to seem gaudy. Perfect teeth hidden behind a mouth which never smiles. She does not smile, because she is lost too deep in thought. Trying to decide which product to buy.
Will she pick the orgasmic Herbal Essence, or the one with the kangaroo for bouncy hair? Pantene has vitamins, but Head and Shoulders stops dandruff. Axe smells nice, but it's not advertized to women, and the nice smell goes away after a little while. If she decides to use the kind that smells like flowers, will she be attacked by bees? The kind that smells like fruit is amazing, but it makes her hungry all day, and she doesn't want to get fat. The all organic is best for the environment, but it doesn't work.
Her problem is, there are too many to choices available. She can't decide on one while giving the others fair consideration. At one point, years ago, this would have been a simple decision, but there are just too many. One person cannot handle the influx of conditioners and shampoos. She can't keep using the same kind she always does, because that gets boring, and they changed the formula. She has been in the store for five years.
Her daughter Ashley will be thirteen next Tuesday. Cell phones don't get reception in the store, and when she goes to visit her mom, she is usually brushed off with "Not now honey, mommy is shopping" but she does occasionally make contact. Ashley has taken it remarkably well considering the circumstances. The school made her see a guidance councilor when her mom stopped signing things that needed two signatures. After much confusion, and a trip to the store, Ashley was set free.
Her husband never really learned where she was. He never did any of the shopping, cooking or cleaning around the house, nor did he actually know where the store was. He filed a missing persons report giving details such as "makes a great sandwich" and "knows how to starch shirts just right" instead of a physical description or a name. He opted against giving a phone number he could be reached at, because he might not want to keep his number, and was considering changing providers altogether. Her last known location is listed as "the store."
He survived by ordering Chinese takeout and delivery pizza. He burns his clothing every day, along with the mass of boxes. All of his clothes are bought in bulk online by his daughter, because he doesn't know where the store is.
The reason this woman has not made a decision stems from a deep personal revelation. Her entire life was molded. She had no real control over anything she did, and whatever she did was a product of society, rather than her own individual attention and thought. She had finally decided to fight back against the overwhelming reality that surrounded her. She would no longer allow commercials to dictate who she was and what she did, even if it is only on a small scale. She was going to buy her own product.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-05-24 21:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-05-23 21:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116689
thats my last post, coley. a fucking masterpiece of faux journalism.
are you upset by my comment to you?
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Ah yes, I did skim that one. On one of those "durr I'm on a text-based website on a day I don't feel like reading" days. I will try to go back and finish it.
Upset by your comment *to* me? Did I miss that one?
I'm not "upset" by your comment here, I just didn't see where steak was "trying to be deep" and so thought it was unwarranted.
kisses
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-05-23 20:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked it
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2008-05-23 18:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The first paragraph struck me as being very poetic. In a good way.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-23 14:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I grab that chick's ass EVERY time I walk by her. She doesn't even flinch.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-23 14:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-05-23 11:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was interesting.
Submitted by DrKennethNoisewater (user info) at 2008-05-23 11:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the way this was written
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-23 09:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
steak, that's freakin beautiful man. 1.5 billion shades of awesome beautiful even.
"there are too many to choices available" This line struck particularly close to home. Whenever I enter a store, especially a chain store like say....WAL-YOUREGOINGTOHELL-MART, I feel like I'm about to be devoured by all the different boxes and bottles and plastic packaging. I feel like China has invaded, and one a small territory in each town in America, complete with a parking space, and a roof big enough to land their attack helicopters and drop off their billion man army along with supplies and diplomats.
I await parked just outside their perimeter at the Dominoe's pizza, 30.06 with night vision scope, mounted on a remote controlled- automatic telescope and computer digital photo analyzing software controlling it's aim.
Say a prayer for the next trendie fuckhead that enters that place with a Che Guevara T-shirt on.
Or Chinese people in general.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2008-05-23 08:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Strive for autonomous thought.
Submitted by gisele (user info) at 2008-05-23 08:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was told as a kid by a design teacher that Washing-up liquid has fundamentally the same ingredients as Shampoo and would work just as well.
Of course that was back in the day before they added made up ingredients like milk of a buttercup dew or hydrobyjo-anfellateomide.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So the moral is, without advertising to guide us we would be lost in the wilderness of choice? That we essentially have no free will?
I've often felt the same way buying dish soap or toothpaste. How many different kinds of dish soap or toothpaste do we really need? They all do basically the same thing. I usually fall back on price to guide me in those situations and buy the cheapest one. Or else I buy the same thing I bought the last time, if I can remember what it was, and if they still have it.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-23 01:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116689
thats my last post, coley. a fucking masterpiece of faux journalism.
are you upset by my comment to you?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-23 00:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-05-23 00:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh iddy, I long for the days when YOU posted amazing revelations and/or stories......funny I don't remember any of them...
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-05-23 00:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
deep.
if you were 14.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-05-22 23:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-05-22 23:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment