A long time ago... (389 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.9 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Poots (View user info) at 2008-05-25 13:11:00 EDT
Brown, custard like, liquid slid down my face and I choked as a bit of it got sucked through my nostrils taking the gritty substance into my lungs. I stifled a hard heavy choke, fought back a few tears, and prayed that I would not get hepasosis as I writhed in pain and silently hacked up the brown goo. 'All part of the job,' I told myself wiping a bit of it off my lips while making a mental note to tack on a repugnancy fee for this heinous encounter, 'and the bolt smokers that hired me are gonna pay well.'
I looked down to my watch and noted that it was 9:00 which meant that I had been down in the muck for approxiamtely 3 hours effecuating a sigh of relief really because that meant I only had to endure the agony which was my situation for another 15 minutes. If all calculations were correct that sloppy grime gobbler will surely be sound asleep and comfortable on his perch after an engourgement of slimey Klatooine paddy frog creatures.
Impossible not to inhale that gut twisting stench. Knowing that this overweight stink monster will no longer roam the universe set off a jubulent applause in my mind. I took out a miniature holo cron and glowered at my mark 'Good ridence to you, you slimey bag of space roaches." I thought quite malevolently. "Your a good pay day pal, if I can pull this thing off, but your a pain in the rump when it comes to contractual environmental hazard clauses."
I checked the oxygen level on my breather and noted that I only had 1 hour of clean air left and strapped the mask back on sheilding myself from more personal encouters of oozy Huttenese bowel drippings.
I flicked on my comm and checked to make sure I had a secure channel then dialed into 'The Clawbird,' my winged friend hovering in space, and asked her to scan my all levels on my position for warm bodies and movement of any kind.
"Affirmative" she rang back in her impersonally yet friendly voice, "checking status captain please adhere to tech krypt policy 421."
"Thank you. Remind me to tack on a CEHC to these peoples bill will ya? A heafty one! I knew the work would be rough but this is the bottom of the barrell and the last time I will work for these folks.
"Affirmative captain. Please maintain radio silence."
"I'm sorry, I've been cooped up here for going on three hours. I must be going a little coo coo what with all the extra detail work," flinging some excrement off my shoulders into the brown ankle high pool on the floor as I spoke. There was a drain in the middle that gurgled and sputtered every so often.
"Affirmative captain," she rang back flatly not feeling the need to remind me once more what she had already told me two times. I felt like a child and wanted to scold her for making me feel so but withdrew my comments knowing I then would be perpetuating a cycle and wanted nothing more of this silly quid pro quo. Instead I tapped a three button sequence on the small breather tank to let in fresh oxygen and went over a few blaster checks to make sure it hadn't been saturated with the poo doo. I wouldn't need it if things went right but if things happened, which they commonly do, the blaster would be an invaluable assest I could ill afford jamming at an inopportune time.
After combing over my DC-17 and deciding it was in good shape I put it back in its' holster when The Clawbird rang me back.
"All systems go captain. No signs of organic or inorganic life form movement. Should I continue a periodic scanning."
"Yes please, every two and a half minutes should do. Report to me if your scans pick up ANY movement. You got that?"
"Roger captain. Please remeber to maintain radio silence unless necessary."
"I'll try, just don't miss those scans!"
"Affirmative. Over and out."
User Reviews
Submitted by nargles (user info) at 2008-10-09 19:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i gave a friend a birthday card with a star wars theme song that played when you opened it.
a long time ago... you were born. that's all i can think of when i hear 'a long time ago'
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-07-11 23:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-07-10 12:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd have the culmitive powers to shit missles, vomit peni, make marzipan shapes of anything I wanted, grow the sweetest marajuana from my testicles, eat balogna, see, hear, and smell everything all at once as it is happening, swear cool, skin a bear, fly but on something untraditional like a giant pot leaf or a fat woman that just magically appears when I snap my fingers or whistle or something to that effect, eat anything, piss lava and or acid, greet people cordially, produce pussy moistening pheromones that hypnotises women and the occaisional gay man that I feel awkard looking in the eye cause I'm all man, be all man, make black people laugh, make vodoo dolls of people on commercials I hate so that I can stab them, fashionably wear plastic wrap and a bottle of windex so that people would always tell me that they used to think I was crazy but now they can see "your nuts" and then occaisionally squirt my nads with windex so people will say they used think I was crazy but now they can clearly see "your nuts", have some cool hobby and be super good at it like whittling or sub pump digging, talk to giant squid, build time machines, have pimples that explode with glitter when I pop them so that I could hit my enemies in the eyes with it like a cobra, grow the longest boogers, retractable ginzu sharp fingernails, squirt gizm from my tear ducts.
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This whole review made me giddy.
God bless you.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-05-28 13:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-05-25 21:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-25 15:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf?
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-05-25 15:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-25 15:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-25 15:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR HAR fanfic loser!
I didn't even see this when I did my SW post. Weird. Needs soe cleaning up (no pun intended) but it's a different take so +2.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-05-25 13:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually it is a "long time ago in a galaxy far far away."
you may scrub my genitals now.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-05-25 13:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've yet to see 2g1c and I hope I never do do. HAHAHAHA. I like to talk about poo and read about and even look at my own poo. I've seen poo eatings before and they left me feeling confused and grossed out by oriental people. I don't think I could handle poo and vomit and all the other shit that I've heard about 2g1c.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-05-25 13:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I must be going a little coo coo what with all the extra detail work,"
cuckoo, not "coo coo", you retard. It's also a "long, LONG time ago", not just a "long time ago."
You are an insult to Star Wars.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-05-25 13:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There was going to be a love scene between the protagonist and his ship and way more poo but I ran out of time.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2008-05-25 13:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A bit weird, but what the fuck.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-05-25 13:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought it was gonna be about 2G1C, I'm kind of disappointed.