The Shatner/Lee Incident (1 of 2) (1895 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: a_load_of_shat
Rating: 0.46 on 104 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2008-05-30 15:04:16 EDT
The Shatner/Sagan Incident http://www.ubersite.com/m/109488
The Shatner/West Incident http://www.ubersite.com/m/113200
The Shatner/Lennon Incident http://www.ubersite.com/m/113808
The Shatner/Lee Incident (1 of 2)
Dolan Ranch, Calabasas, California
June 18, 1973
William Shatner had been certain his long dry spell had finally come to an end.
It had been years since he had gotten anything more than bit parts on TV. He knew he could take a regular nine to five job, hell, there were more than enough people happy to see Captain Kirk whoring himself to sell used cars or carpet remnants, but he knew his own limitations. If he became chained to a desk he would blow his brains out before the bicentennial.
No, he told himself again and again. Hang in there, baby. Keep on truckin. Maybe Gene can get The Show on the road, that oft-discussed TV series or movie. Maybe I can start hunting down and killing all the suits at Paramount, pushing them down stairs and running them off the roads up in the Hollywood hills, exterminating them and making necessary their replacement by younger suits... young people who grew up watching The Show.
Shatner had been sitting behind the wheel of his pickup truck, reading his mail. The pickup and camper shell had been his home for a few years now. Hell, he'd watched the moon landing back in '69 on a little TV perched on the tailgate of the truck. Every few days he got his mail from a post office box in the San Fernando Valley.
Most of it was shit mail, but one thick envelope had come from Hong Kong. The letter, written on creamy, heavy paper, was from someone named Bruce Lee. Shatner had never heard of the man.
What he read was straightforward and to the point. Lee said he was an up and coming kung fu star. Shatner didn't know much about cooking, but that sure sounded like something to do with food. He was curious, why would a Chinese chef be interested in him? He read on.
Mr. Lee had organized a secret film shoot to take place at a private ranch in Calabasas, west of Hollywood. That's where a new TV series was filming, Shatner thought. That show called MASH. He'd auditioned and couldn't even get a walk-on. Being type-cast as James T. Kirk was killing him.
In the letter Lee implied that he was having trouble with certain powerful entities in Hong Kong and therefore wanted to do an experimental shoot in the United States, planning to release the film there first because he felt that kung fu would be the next big thing in America. There was already a role written for Shatner in King of the Assassins— he would only have a few dozen lines, a couple of minutes of screen time, but he would be paid $15,000 for taking on the role because Lee was convinced that the sight of Bruce Lee going head to head with Captain Kirk would be an epic moment in motion picture history.
Shatner burst out laughing. "Chop-chop! Fifteen thousan dorrah buy rots and rots of flied lice!"
He immediately thought of George Takei and felt a bit ashamed. Shatner had burned a lot of bridges during and after The Show. No one but Gene wanted to speak to him these days. What the hell, he was only human. And he was the star of The Show. It was only natural that he should have received the best lines, the best storylines and the best lighting. If the rest of the cast still held a grudge, well, fuck 'em. Still, Takei became a tiny Japanese whirlwind when agitated to the point of violence.
The script pages with Shatner's lines were included in the envelope —he would be playing an American crime boss named Cowboy Steve— as was a check.
"Oh my," Shatner said. He was no longer broke.
There was a map, a date and time given for the shoot, and a phone number. Shatner could call the international exchange collect.
He got out of the truck and went to a pay phone near the post office. He called the number and had a short conversation with a young Oriental woman. Her voice was as thrilling as a feather caressing his scrotum. He was getting a craving for Chinese. He was told Mr. Lee would be expecting him on location in a few days.
Shatner went back to his truck. Fifteen grand for a few days! That was bananas! For the first time in years he knew his little girls would have birthdays and a Christmas to remember. He turned on the AM radio. Tony Orlando and Dawn were telling him to Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree. Shatner grimaced, and stabbed one of the chrome preset buttons with a finger. Now Vicki Lawrence was singing about The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia. He switched off the radio, sat back, and began memorizing his lines.
There seemed to be some sort of fight scene near the end. Shatner shrugged. A little jab and weave in the kitchen. He could handle that.
*
On a Monday morning in the middle of June, Shatner was getting out of his pickup. He was parked among dozens of vehicles in a dirt lot behind a ranch house. Down a dirt road under a hill he saw men unloading two large panel trucks. A lot of men were standing around, unsure of what to do next.
The sun was directly overhead in a sky so blue it hurt. Shatner felt sweat run down the back of his neck.
A man came out of the house. He was small, wearing black trousers, a white shirt, sunglasses, and some kind of goofy slippers. He stopped in front of Shatner and held out his hand.
"Hi," he said, "I'm Bruce Lee. I'm a big fan of yours, Mr. Shatner. Star Trek was very much ahead of its time."
Shatner, was surprised by Lee's voice. The man spoke with a deliberation that indicated a lot of thought went into every spoken word, words that revealed only the slightest trace of a Chinese accent. Shatner clasped his hands and gave out his classic little laugh. "Hahaha. You have me at a disadvantage, Mr. Lee. I'm not familiar with your work."
"No problem," Lee said. "I did a little American TV, but now I do action pictures, martial arts movies."
"Marital arts," Shatner said with a smirk, "Really?"
Lee ignored the remark. "I have had great success in Asia. I was born here, in America, yet I had to go to Hong Kong to find success. My films have some popularity here, but I am still looking for that breakthrough picture, the one that will make kung fu a part of mainstream culture. If I'm lucky, the movie I just finished will do that."
"About this kung fu business," Shatner said, warming to the Chinese man. "What... whatisit?"
"It is a discipline," Lee said. "It is a morality. It is a path through life."
Shatner snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering something he saw on TV in a bar not long ago. "Waitaminute! Kung fu, that's what they do on that TV show starring one of the Carradine boys. All that chop-socky business."
Lee's mouth turned down at the corners. He stepped close to Shatner and pulled off his sunglasses. "Do not mention that abomination in my presence," Lee said. "I proposed a television show to Warner Brothers which I called The Warrior. That concept was stolen and perverted and became Kung Fu... with a white man in the lead role. It was what young Americans call a rip-off."
"Sorry," Shatner said.
Lee grinned, his face brightening. "Hey, it's okay. We're gonna have fun together."
"Yes," Shatner said, realizing he liked the younger Oriental man. After all, what was not to like? Lee was feisty, obviously intelligent, had been royally screwed-over by a major TV studio, and he was such a handsome bugger you just knew he was a lady-killer. We could be brothers, Shatner thought. "I think you're right, Bruce."
Lee began guiding Shatner toward the trucks where cameras and lights were being unloaded.
"We shoot movies like a hit and run," Lee said. "Not so heavy on dialogue and character motivations. We keep it simple. Meet bad guys. Meet good guys. Little fight. Little fight. Little fight. Big fight. The end."
"I like it," Shatner said. The best part of The Show had always been making out with cuties in skimpy costumes and then kicking alien ass. Getting a handful of some little sweetie wearing a miniskirt and high boots or scraps of chiffon held in place with a stitch and a prayer beat the hell out of babbling about dilithium crystals and the Prime Directive.
They were approaching a group of men in some kind of coolie costumes. Dolly tracks were being set down. Props were being unpacked. They weren't wasting any time.
"We already got plenty of location shots in the can and are only shooting a short segment here, an outdoor fight," Lee explained, "It will be put into the body of the film which we will shoot back in Hong Kong. We have to be careful."
"Oh?" Shatner asked?
"Yes," Lee said. "We aren't using any Teamsters. No union or guild members."
"Ohhh," Shatner said. "That could get tricky."
"Yes," Lee said again. "And I had to borrow money from some people back in China who don't want me making movies here in the first place. If they find out what we are doing things could get interesting."
Shatner was beginning to wonder what the hell he had gotten himself into when another small man —well, they were all small, weren't they?— caught his eye. This man, like Lee, carried himself with dignity, like royalty. Shatner squinted, and then let out a roaring belly laugh.
"Georgie! Georgie Takei, is that you?"
Takei turned and eyed Shatner with disdain.
Shatner's smile froze, and then began to fade. "Georgie, come on! The Show was a long time ago. Let'sbefriends!"
"Read page forty-seven of the script, Bill," Takei said in his deep, quiet way. "And don't call me Georgie."
Shatner shrugged. "Sure, page forty-seven, that's where Cowboy Steve has a run in with No-shoes Sow before the hero Dao shows up."
George Takei grinned, and his grin chilled Shatner to the bone. "I play Nenshou Sao, Burning Rod, and I—"
"On no," Shatner said, releasing another belly laugh. "Burning Rod? Oh my goodness! That's too much!"
Takei looked electrified with rage. Bruce waved him off. Takei turned and walked away.
Bruce led Shatner to the shade of a grove of trees. A girl with Asian eyes and skin as white as milk began putting a bit of makeup on Shatner's face. A burly Chinese man motioned for him to sit on a tree stump. Shatner sat, and then experienced a lightening fast razor cut. The Chinese barber even shaped his sideburns into sharp points. It had been a long time since he'd seen those in the mirror.
"Remember," Bruce said, stepping back behind a camera already mounted on tracks, "You say your first line after you are confronted by Nenshou Sao with his burning rod."
"Okay," Shatner said, trying not to laugh.
The barber brushed hair clippings from Shatner's shoulders, dropped a ridiculous straw hat on his head, and pushed him in front of the camera.
A couple of the men Shatner had seen earlier strolled alongside him. They were extras. The camera moved around him, and now the ranch house was in the distance behind Shatner. Lee began shouting direction. He told Shatner that location sound was unnecessary. Music and foley effects would be added to the finished product in Hong Kong. Shatner's voice would be dubbed much later.
With the house behind him and the ridiculous straw hat on his head, Shatner was now Cowboy Steve, the evil American crime boss who had a price placed on his head by a consortium of criminal Asians he had cheated out of gold.
"Or opium," Bruce Lee said. "I haven't decided yet. But the hero, Dao, will fight his way through all of these hired assassins for the privilege of killing Cowboy Steve, just to prove himself King of the Assassins. Okay, get ready... action, Nenshou Sao!"
A shirtless George Takei came leaping out of the trees holding a five foot burning stick. He was slick with sweat and grinning like a maniac. His belly was as flat as a board, which Shatner noticed with a stab of envy. Takei swung the burning stick at Shatner, and if Shatner hadn't tucked in his round Canadian gut he would have been branded.
"Oh my fuck!" Shatner was white with shock.
"Good!" Bruce shouted from behind a big Panavision camera. "Excellent, William! Now scuffle! Fight to avoid the flaming bokuto of Japan's premier assassin!"
The extras near Shatner pulled out prop guns and began firing blanks. Takei jerked this way and that as if dodging bullets, and then swung the stick at Shatner's head. He looked insane, Naked Time insane.
Shatner rolled out of the way. "Holymotherofgod!"
Takei sucked in a deep breath and screamed, "DIEEEE!" He leaped into the air, hurling himself at Shatner, preparing to strike with the burning bokuto.
Shatner got to his feet and pointed at Takei, completely enraged. "You're out of you're goddamned mind!"
Before Takei could reply, the roar of engines and squealing brakes filled the air and real bullets began shattering limbs and gouging splinters out of the trees on either side of Shatner.
(To be continued...)
User Reviews
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-02-03 16:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why are you trying to resurrect this shit, Jack? It wasn't entertaining then, and it isn't now.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-02-03 16:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
always worth the price of admission
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-06-03 13:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Uberboard speaks the truth. HW=JonnyX
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-06-02 11:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell is going on in this thread? Y'all sound like a bunch of old women in rocking chairs on a porch somewhere.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-31 18:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-31 15:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:04:13 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i know what i know. i don't gossip though.
=====
Oh you kids and your secret clubs.
I'm going to go sit on my rocking chair on my front porch.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Secret club. Yeah, that's it. I asked an honest question and Experima started playing word games and seemed to be trying to piss me off. Didn't work, huh?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-31 15:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:04:13 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i know what i know. i don't gossip though.
=====
Oh you kids and your secret clubs.
I'm going to go sit on my rocking chair on my front porch.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 13:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
curiousity is a far cry from gossip...
you're curious; i don't gossip.
i'm not curious.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-31 13:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Curiosity is a far cry from gossip. The truth, told in a forthright manner without embellishment is not gossip.
The answer is on Willies last post, anyway.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 13:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i know what i know. i don't gossip though.
he's not bothered by it, however, so you don't have to feel bad for him.
i'll tell him you said hello.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-31 13:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no power to ban anyone. i just know it happened.
why do you miss him?
..........
I didn't say you had the power to ban, I asked if you knew why. Apparently you don't.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no power to ban anyone. i just know it happened.
why do you miss him?
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do you miss him?
aren't you pleased?
..............
Yes.
No.
Answer the question.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do you miss him?
aren't you pleased?
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-31 11:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
calling that guy a tool insults tools around the world, believe me
-------------
What did Willie do wrong that got him banned?
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-05-31 04:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How you come up with this bull, remains a question to me...
Very amusing.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-31 03:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Forensicgirl, Jack_McCallum, and Captain Thorns are in a three-way tie for most boring people on this site.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-05-31 01:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...Flock of Seaguls tried to get into my pants in Aspen Colorado.
^^^^
Until I took the time to read that more slowly, my mind was considering various hygienic conditions you may have been suffering.
My Bad
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 22:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 13:09:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the asshole apocalypse will be a lot smaller today, jack.
----
Why?
-------
hotwillie got banned
Oh shit I need to read the reviews.
hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ it's warm in here.
What's everybody wearing?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
calling that guy a tool insults tools around the world, believe me
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 22:22:19 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 20:19:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was 13, the lead singer from Flock of Seaguls tried to get into my pants in Aspen Colorado.
True story.
------------
some dude from The Ataris got drunk at a show I was playing and tried to hit on me
he actually said the words "don't you know who i am???"
and i honestly said, "no"
then he fell off his chair.
true story
=====
What a tool!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 20:19:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was 13, the lead singer from Flock of Seaguls tried to get into my pants in Aspen Colorado.
True story.
------------
some dude from The Ataris got drunk at a show I was playing and tried to hit on me
he actually said the words "don't you know who i am???"
and i honestly said, "no"
then he fell off his chair.
true story
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How would you two like to move into a private shatroom?
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No matter I guess. The person powering that alter will just use another one and thus shall the cycle continue.
+2 Shat.
Purely academic question, is it really that much fun to be a tool?
Seriously.
Do people sit around and actually plan how, when, and where to practice toolness? Or does it just happen once and they instantly become addicted, like smoking super charged crack cocaine?
[ words ]
---
I plan every time and it's fantastic; tools are handled the most.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i just want to take this review to say, hi, hotwillie
because he's dying inside, not being able to call me names and make fun of me for what i just said, especially on a mccallum post
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was 13, the lead singer from Flock of Seaguls tried to get into my pants in Aspen Colorado.
True story.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i've dated actual famous people too though, not just cousins :)
it's easy if you live in los angeles
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HW but it goes for all tools too.
Nephew huh? Interesting! Now I know someone who dated a family member of someone famous!
Cool!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or maybe it was his cousin...
whoever it was, it was his claim to fame
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you asking how much fun hw had being a tool?
or is that shatner related?
i once dated william shatner's nephew.
true story
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart doesn't like me.
"I swear to the sweet nail pierced Jebus, if you EVER e-mail me again, I'm gonna punch you. Punch you right in the baby maker."
This was copied and pasted from a response from Bart to me.
:*(
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No matter I guess. The person powering that alter will just use another one and thus shall the cycle continue.
+2 Shat.
Purely academic question, is it really that much fun to be a tool?
Seriously.
Do people sit around and actually plan how, when, and where to practice toolness? Or does it just happen once and they instantly become addicted, like smoking super charged crack cocaine?
Is it the requirement of some weird tool religion? Like, do they think they'll go to heaven if they practice toolness during their earthly life? In which direction is Tool? Do they pray 5 times a day facing Tool?
Is their symbol a scrotum, like Christians with the cross?
What kind of vows do you have to take? What happens when they have a conflict of tool conscious? Do they go to confession?
So many questions.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 23:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm friends with bart
and hotwillie
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 22:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 21:36:33 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 13:09:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the asshole apocalypse will be a lot smaller today, jack.
----
Why?
-------
hotwillie got banned
=====
Really?
How do y'all find out about this stuff?! I feel left out!
+2 Shat
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 22:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 13:09:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the asshole apocalypse will be a lot smaller today, jack.
----
Why?
-------
hotwillie got banned
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 18:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 18:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Major fag-fest below (Until it gets to my last review).
.........
Then it REALLY goes downhill.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 18:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Major fag-fest below (Until it gets to my last review).
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-30 17:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, you're a tard
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-30 17:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
McCallum Alter
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V
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-30 17:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 17:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TARDS ON THE MARCH.
--
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:34:22 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
McCallum Alter
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Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:33:25 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
--
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97412#2270027
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-05-30 17:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what? continued?
bastard!
i love the shat
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i never blame myself for anything, especially when someone else does something somewhere else in the world
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey jack if you just emailed me let me know here.
otherwise i'll assume it's HIM
****
Since only you and jack have engaged him in a positive manner, the identity of the mysterious E-mailer should be quite apparent.
You only have yourselves to blame.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:34:22 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
McCallum Alter
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V
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:33:25 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks again.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well someone just did.
again. and acted very sad (as you) that i didn't believe it.
thanks for letting me know it's not you.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey jack if you just emailed me let me know here.
otherwise i'll assume it's HIM
--
Honestly, no offense, but why would I email you? I don't know you. And are you telling me Method went through the hassle of creating a Jack_McCallum.at.whatevermail.com?
CHRIST THAT IS FUCKING SAD!!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a shit stirrer by trade, it's what I do best, sort of like Jack taking inventory of his cat herd every Friday night
--
Fuck that. Now I can kick back and watch The Ghost Whisperer's cleavage while Miguel counts cats for a buck an hour.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey jack if you just emailed me let me know here.
otherwise i'll assume it's HIM
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still like this series.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Christ, that asteroid couldn't come any sooner.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HaikuShitzu dude you're FAR from being an asshole.
You'd actually have to have your balls drop and your voice be deeper than that of Mickey Mouse's to even qualify.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a shit stirrer by trade, it's what I do best, sort of like Jack taking inventory of his cat herd every Friday night
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No drama wallowing here, just a hung over, grumpy, indifferent asshole with a keyboard
=======================================================
It's hard to argue with honesty.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm a shit stirrer by trade, it's what I do best, sort of like Jack taking inventory of his cat herd every Friday night
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No drama wallowing here, just a hung over, grumpy, indifferent asshole with a keyboard.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no analyzing needed.
post, read, drop a comment, go.
how hard is it?
some of us just walow in the drama.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Right, because not being considered a veteran of this shithole is simply devastating...
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch your mouth you effeminate little bitch.
'Crumple' is a sacred word and you using it in any context is heresy.
Combine that with the fact that you're a lanky, lily white service worker and well...my point is made.
............
Oathmeal FTW!
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about haikumikoo
User id: 31360
Registered on or around: 2007-06-28 16:39:11 EDT
_______________________________
HAHAHAHAHHAHA
/n00b
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 13:14:10 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck them.
all this bitching about alters and circle jerks and interweb- in fighting is all bull shit.
I come here to be entertained and to try to entertain. I have real friends I can argue with.
not that I dont mind a good fight here once in a while but christ, people need to lighten up.
=====
Not nearly as retarded as over analyzing *any* aspect of Ubersite.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch your mouth you effeminate little bitch.
'Crumple' is a sacred word and you using it in any context is heresy.
Combine that with the fact that you're a lanky, lily white service worker and well...my point is made.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your obsession with images of me is fucking creepy, Jack.
Stick to stalking Crystle, please.
--
!!!STAR TREK REFERENCE!!!
Figure out the equation yet, Ruk?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116618
http://www.excalibur-nx-1707.com/ruk3.jpg
!!!STAR TREK REFERENCE!!!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck them.
all this bitching about alters and circle jerks and interweb- in fighting is all bull shit.
I come here to be entertained and to try to entertain. I have real friends I can argue with.
not that I dont mind a good fight here once in a while but christ, people need to lighten up.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously, no one respects the opinion of one who features the word "crumple" as an extensive part of their vocabulary.
In other words,
stfu.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
--
Go back to Easter Island, dickhead.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116618
______________________________
That dude is fucking scary looking.
And I don't mean 'scary' in the 'damn-that-guy-could-beat-my-ass' way, either.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Never fear, Bubba's niece is here! Now all we need is Horse87 to show up and the circle will be complete!
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the asshole apocalypse will be a lot smaller today, jack.
----
Why?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your obsession with images of me is fucking creepy, Jack.
Stick to stalking Crystle, please.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
--
Go back to Easter Island, dickhead.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116618
http://www.crystalinks.com/moai_eyes.jpg
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My asshole will be a lot smaller today, jack.
______________________________
Experima! I thought you were a LADY!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the asshole apocalypse will be a lot smaller today, jack.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bet you can name the Four Assmen of The Apocalypse.
Read yer mail.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:34:22 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
McCallum Alter
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V
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:33:25 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think The Shat should take on Ahnold. The Governator himself.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking love these.
--
Thanks, man. I'm seriously wondering why I bother, though. Try to offer up a few laughs on a Friday afternoon and all I see is an Asshole Apocolypse coming at me.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:37:50 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
buahahahahahahahahahaha below
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to offset the 50 alters you and Bubba use to make people think your fucking posts dont suck the back of my ass
_________________________
Jesus H Christ what a couple of cockhungry twinks these two are.
---------------------
to be a twink you have to be young and thin
--
*explodes with laughter*
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking love these.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-30 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 12:37:50 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
buahahahahahahahahahaha below
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to offset the 50 alters you and Bubba use to make people think your fucking posts dont suck the back of my ass
_________________________
Jesus H Christ what a couple of cockhungry twinks these two are.
---------------------
to be a twink you have to be young and thin
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Once upon a time Method was vastly amusing, but now he's like Shlongy, a pissy little bitch handing out -2's like candy and thinking everyone else on Uber finds the ratings and his attempted witticisms hilarious.
That's fucked, to become so detached from reality.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:56:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
McCallum Alter
--
Yes, I created it... and fucked up and exposed myself (so to speak) in the FIRST post. Then I posted the password, and GUESS who bagged it, the man of 10,000 alter, you, you fucking goof.
Read it here.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97412#2270027
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He was slick with sweat and grinning like a maniac.
Loved that.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
buahahahahahahahahahaha below
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to offset the 50 alters you and Bubba use to make people think your fucking posts dont suck the back of my ass
_________________________
Jesus H Christ what a couple of cockhungry twinks these two are.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
McCallum Alter
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V
Submitted by Charlton_H (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry.
But I cannot NOT +2 The Shat!
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to offset the 50 alters you and Bubba use to make people think your fucking posts dont suck the back of my ass
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to offset the 50 alters you and Bubba use to make people think your fucking posts dont suck the back of my ass
--
I played with alters in my first year here, but I currently have one alter, cockface. ONE. No one ever guessed it was me when I used it, and I haven't done anything with it in a long time.
Pissy little Greek.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell, I liked it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM NOT BUBBA'S NIECE! TAKE THAT BACK!!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha! Only a trekkie could appreciate all the details here.
Q: There were blacks, Russians, Asians, Scots, etc. on Star Trek. But there were no Arabs. Why not?
A: Because it took place in the future.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh look, it's Bubba's niece with a +2, how convenient
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it :-)
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bleh
Off the front page quickly, I hope.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
buahahahahahahahahahaha below
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is to offset the 50 alters you and Bubba use to make people think your fucking posts dont suck the back of my ass
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Who is this Shatner fellow you speak of?
Never heard of him.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what I'd like?
If the spacing you see in PREVIEW was EXACTLY what you got after posting.
Goddamned extra spaces...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-05-30 15:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOUR goddemned mind! Fuck!
I may not be King of the Assassins, but I AM King of the Typos.