The Rumors of My Demise Have Been...Slightly Exaggerated (1113 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.64 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ChaosJester (View user info) at 2008-05-31 00:52:05 EDT
Okay, so I already know that no one here missed me while I was gone. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a significant percentage of you mouth-breathing oxygen-thieves have absolutely no idea who I am anyway. Still, for whatever reason, I just can't quit this asinine-yet-inexplicably-lovable-internet-community. After having gone through a fairly large amount of change over the past couple of months, my life has at last become settled enough for me to rejoin my quasi-mutant, dubiously human Uber-brethren.
Rejoice, ye Unwashed Masses, for I Am Come.
...
Riiiiight.
Anyway, so I've been trying to brush up on my math skillz before the Fall Semester starts at the University I am presently attending. No mean feat, considering I haven't so much as performed simple arithmetic in almost a decade. Still, if I am to complete the pseudo-scientific degree-plan I've mapped out for myself in a timely manner, I've got to beat some Higher Order Maths into the Ol' think-meats, like, yesterday. This means that I've been attending Math Tutorial classes with the tenacity of a heroin addict pole-smoking his way to his next fix.
I have also learned, over the past month or so that I've been doing this, that Math Majors don't get out much.
For instance, about a week ago, the primary tutor in this classroom was recounting how he met a previously unknown sibling a few years back. You see, his father had sown a fair amount of his wild oats back in the day. He'd also neglected to tell his wife at the time (my tutors' mother), that he'd already spawned twice via two separate marriages.
This meant that my tutor grew up thinking he had no brothers or sisters.
Fast forward a few years and we find my fine, upstanding, mathematically-inclined friend at a local party. At this particular social gathering, our protagonist found himself hitting it off with quite the pleasant-looking lady. One thing led to another and, pretty soon, he found himself swapping spit with ol' Girl. An indeterminable amount of time later, our intrepid Math-lete was about to beat a daring and mysterious exit. Being the debonair fellow that he was, he easily managed to get the name and number of his erstwhile companion. One *minor* bump in the road though.
Ol' Girl had the same last name as him.
Yeeks. Still, plenty of unrelated people have the same family name, right? Well, maybe, but, upon further questioning, you guessed it, their father shared the same first name as well.
My Math tutor had just spent a large amount of the evening making out with his sister.
....
My friends, I am *definitely* back in Texas.
Smooches, Bicthes. Hope to see more of you cats in the future.
--CJ
User Reviews
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2009-04-10 02:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-06-03 10:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're right ChaosJester, you are cum.
or come?
whatever.
welcome back
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-02 14:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-06-01 13:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh dear god, who gives a shit.
__________________________
This user is a total and complete fucking prick.
Which is ironic considering she's a woman.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-06-02 14:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh well good to see. the Suck Vortex was winding down since _berg left, way to pick up the slack team player!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-06-02 14:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-01 15:20:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hyphens are the new gay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They are? I thought bestiality was the new gay. Oh well. Easy come, easy go.
*Shoves cat from lap*
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-02 11:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
welcome back?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-06-02 03:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
aah, nosferatu!
negative energy just pulled ya back in, eh?
welcome home.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-06-01 20:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh hey gaywad wb
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-06-01 17:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-06-01 13:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh dear god, who gives a shit.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-01 11:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Math is fun as hell. Once you realize that, you'll find it's a lot easier.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-06-01 11:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Math folks can be a sad lot.
True fact, the only person to attend Blaise Pascal's funeral was his secretary.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-01 10:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-01 15:01:09 BST (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many hyphens. It annoyed me.
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Hyphens are the new gay.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-01 10:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many hyphens. It annoyed me.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-01 06:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
me too
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-06-01 03:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking hate you
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-06-01 02:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You gothy, bald fuck...
**tickles**
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-05-31 19:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-31 18:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh good Christ....
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-05-31 15:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whats funny is no one knew you were gone until you announced you were back.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-05-31 12:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah good luck with your political science degree,
you should be rich any day now.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-05-31 10:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
leave again, please.
also, congrats on choosing the school route. you'll be happier for it in the end i think.
now, refer yourself to my opening sentence.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-31 10:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wrote a really long response, but since there were no spaces, it was denied. Weep.....
Guess I'll have to move on to plan Annoyance: Version 8.seventy-five-niner.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-05-31 09:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post. I hope that guy gave his dad hell.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-05-31 09:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
(a) I'm glad the slothsucker is still around. She pleases me, wonky though her teeth be.
(b) ThedegreeplanisPoliticalSciencewithaMinorinComputerScience.Howwasyourtrip?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-31 08:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whatsthedegreeinbecauseI'mtoolazytoscrolldownandreadifanyoneelseaskedyouandifyouanswered?
No spaces. Marks the beginning of a newer, more "extreme" era of the guns. Like Pepspresso, or Mountain Dew "RED ALERT" only it doesn't suck.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-05-31 05:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah, just kidding.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2008-05-31 05:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Welcome back fuckwad.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-31 03:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn it CJ, you could have at least bothered to stick around and let me try to pick a fight.
Slothsucker.
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-05-31 03:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-05-31 02:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, the self indulgent, drunken poof returns.
Rejoice!
:)
emission and rob 'left' and Merlina posted.
Submitted by Cheddar_Is_Better (user info) at 2008-05-31 02:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I sat there for like five minutes trying to think
of something good to say for a rating, and I realized...
I'm supposed to be up ther watching a movie.
hmmm....
just sayin. good post anyway.
Submitted by Cheddar_Is_Better (user info) at 2008-05-31 02:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for rejoice ye unwashed masses, that made me smile. you're almost as cool as my gravity bong.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-05-31 01:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sup, Ex!
Um, isn't it past your bedtime?
...
Rum and Joplin is a weird combination at midnight.
Jus' sayin'.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-05-31 01:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're that funny looking dude, but that's OK.
What's that line? But for the grace of God go..........
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-31 01:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-05-31 01:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die