Dinner Conversations (668 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.19 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Director (View user info) at 2008-06-03 22:40:26 EDT
At a local restaurant tonight
"Someone conducted a study and they concluded that even if you suddenly came into a lot of money, how happy you are is going to remain basically the same.
So, you mean if my products suddenly take off and I'm all of a sudden making $500,000 a year, I'm still going to be the same miserable fuck I am right now?
Yeah.
Shitty."
====================================================================================
"Dude! Did you see the tits on that thing?
No.
Dude! You know how some chicks can crack a walnut with their funbags? That chick could crack Mt. Everest!"
====================================================================================
"Why is it that you women always bitch about the seat being down? You know we guys have to have it up AND down. If anyone should be bitching it should be us.
Yeah!
(woman): Shut up, both of you.
No, I'm serious. We have to pee standing up, and shit sitting down, whereas you do both sitting down, so we're the ones who should have bitching rights here, goddamnit. We have to lift it AND set it down. You think we enjoy lifting the seat up anymore than you do setting it down? And we have to do both!
Yeah!
(woman): Shut up. You wouldn't say that if you've ever fallen in like we do!
...silence...
But, our asses aren't as big as yours, and I can't think of one time in my entire life where I've fallen into the toilet, even drunk. Why do you fall into the toilet? Don't you look at the toilet before you sit down?
(woman): SHUT UP! People can hear you!"
You know, I'm going to wait till we have a bunch of people over one day, and I'm going to go upstairs and take a shit. When I'm up there I'm going to yell, "FUCK!" at the top of my lungs. Then I'm going to come downstairs and start shouting, "WHO LEFT THE GODDAMN TOILET SEAT DOWN AGAIN? I KEEP TELLING YOU WOMEN TO PUT THE DAMN SEAT UP! I JUST PISSED ALL OVER THE GODDAMN SEAT!"
...silence....
=============================================================================================
"Did you hear? Ron's wife was found dead.
Get out! When?
Yesterday. They think there was foul play.
Are you fucking serious? What happened? Why do they think that? How? How the fuck is poor Ron holding up?
They can't find him."
============================================================================================
User Reviews
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-06-04 16:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love hearing the conversations of the doofi.
Overheard at work while a bimbo was looking for something to fight a headache...
"I need aspirin. Hmmm... Bayer. Is this brand any good?"
1: The first company to market aspirin, over 100 years ago.
2: One of the most recognized brand names in the world.
3: Christ, what a stupid cunt.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-06-04 15:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a virgin and a man hater and a lesbian. The only thing you've been fucked with is a 27" black rubber dildo.
---------------------
That's a lie!
It was 30".
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-06-04 15:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-06-04 14:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you are so boring
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-04 12:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Did you overhear all of these while you were cleaning the dishes off of their tables?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-04 12:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should've tried to make this humorous.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-06-04 12:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Whom cracks walnuts with their funbags and why?
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-04 09:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This 'dinner' didn't happen to take place at the Golden Corral, did it?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-06-04 08:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can do better than this, I've had better chain emails.
Sorry, its not very funny, perhaps if you had more of them or perhaps I'm used to more interesting, funny and witty dinner conversations.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-06-04 07:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is shit and you are a cunt.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a real cheap ass restaurant.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-06-04 16:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Once I went to a busy bar and I couldn't get any service so I told the bartender I'd let him fuck me in the ass for a glass of water. I got that water real fast.
------
Go on.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-06-04 03:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Overheard whilst bussing tables?
Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs (user info) at 2008-06-04 03:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I lol'd
Submitted by kristy (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lisa I don't believe you one little bit.
You're a virgin and a man hater and a lesbian. The only thing you've been fucked with is a 27" black rubber dildo.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-06-04 02:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Once I went to a busy bar and I couldn't get any service so I told the bartender I'd let him fuck me in the ass for a glass of water. I got that water real fast.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-04 00:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT LUNFISH OLD FISH BUT HEY FOR WHAT IT IS WORTH I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A TOOL I HOWEVER AM A TOOL FOR I SO LOVED THE WORLD I GAVE MY ONLY BEGOTTEN SON TO WASH AWAY THEIR SINS AND IN RETROSPECT THAT WASN'T SUCH A HOT MOVE BECAUSE HE GOT CRUCIFIED AND SHIT AND EVEN THOUGH HE WAS RESSURECTED HE'S ALWAYS KIND OF HELD A GRUDGE.
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS VERY SIMILAR, IN FACT, TO THE ONE BETWEEN DR. EVIL AND SCOTT.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-04 00:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A conversation I heard today:
Me: Hey Roller Derby Girl, I think I'm becoming a huge Tool fan.
Roller Derby Girl [removing ear buds, or whatever the fuck you call them]: You already are a huge tool.
Me: ...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-03 23:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I FORGIVE YOU YOUNG MAN AND WHY THANK YOU VERY MUCH EXPERIMA IT IS SO KIND OF YOU TO +2 MY MATERIAL EVEN AFTER I CALLED YOU A STUPID DUMB CALIFORNIA BLONDE TWIT BITCH WHORE SLUT CUNT WOW YOU'RE COOL. ON THE INSIDE AS WELL AS THE OUTSIDE.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-03 23:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-03 23:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-03 22:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK UBERN00B RESPECT YOUR UBERELDERS AT ALL TIMES.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-03 22:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think overheard dinner conversations are one of those things that have to be heard live to fully appreciate.
The guy who said he would go upstairs to take a shit and then come back down and yell about pissing on the seat doesn't make sense. Unless he shits standing up.