Geek Off Entry: Outrage! (621 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.72 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bael Z. Bub (View user info) at 2008-06-08 23:07:43 EDT
Muh gawds! The geek is becoming extinct! (Side note: I blame this on their inhibited breeding rituals which require that none of them lose their virginity until the age of 36 or the occassion of their first six digit paycheck, whichever happens first.) Whatever shall we do?
I think I can outgeek every last wannabe badass and/or whore among you.
This, if you haven't noticed, is a gauntlet. That stinging sensation in your jaw? That was me bitch slapping your acne ridden chubb-o cheeks. Let's go, whiners. Step up.
The following is true about myself:
1. I participate in games of role-playing skill upon the tabletop.
2. I took my first character (a half-elven thief running the assassin's kit [2nd. Ed. AD&D "The Complete Thief's Handbook"]) to level 65 via two thefts: a shipment of magical items and Toril's largest flawless grass-green emerald (of course, I stole the emerald 15 different times, sold it to a fence, found out whom it wound up with, stole it again, sold it to the same fence, etc, etc - I love Waterdeep!).
3. I also have characters and play in the Star Wars (d20 rules), Star Trek (d20 rules), Vampire: The Masquerade, RIFTs, Robotech, CyberPunk, Ravenloft, Ravenloft: Masque of the Red Death, and DragonLance universi.
4. I run a d20 Star Wars campaign at this time (just prior to Episode IV timeline) wherein I actively engage in attempts to turn the players to the Dark Side. I find that it's fun to run around in Vader's shoes, even when they still belong only to Ani.
5. I have developed a taste for JarJar flambe.
6. I've attempted to kill Anakin and/or Luke Skywalker and/or Yoda 56 times. 5 of those attempts succeeded.
7. Never ask me to tell you the story about "The Orgy at Jabba's Palace". Don't ask my characters, either.
8. I firmly believe that R2-D2 is as close as you can get to Satan.
9. I do believe that George Lucas needs to be shot.
10. I possess the pieces to 25 different computers, have 8 running computers up and on the network at all times, have a television in every room, blinds on all the windows, and enough gaming goodness to sate the most ravening thirst.
11. I have destroyed (to date) three MUDs (Multi-User Dimensions to the unitiated... and very, very young), Four gaming clans (HahahahaHA!), at least 4 BBSs (Bulletin Board Systems *sigh*), and countless egos.
12. I have challenged someone to a duel. Twice. Two different people. (The pussies never showed!)
13. Est Solarus oth Mithas, bitches!
14. I have met someone irl that I met online. Dude sold me a truck and it got stolen. Damnit. I liked that truck.
15. I have imbibed moonshine. Several times. This week. Like rubbing alcohol with a beard.
16. I've never met the person that I could not out-drink. Give me a Scotch, bartender!
17. I've never met the woman that had a brain. Does she exist? Or, like bigfoot, is she a myth to haunt mankind for all eternity? Stupid bitches. YES, your ass is as fat as a buttermilk biscuit and those pants make it look like two pitbulls and a cat in a burlap sack. Do you know what a diet actually entails? Put the turkey leg down, bitch! DaYAMN!
18. I've never met a preacher that I liked. Brainless as chicks, the lot of them. Read the bible, read the bible. Pah! Pick up a dictionary or a history book, Cletus!
19. I know exactly what I would do if I ever came into power and while it involves a secret world-wide project to slow down the procreational efforts of the planet to put a stop to that pesky over-crowding problem, I shall not tell you the details for then I would have to kill you to insure there would be no one to stop me.
18. I'm agnostic and somewhat hostile about it.
19. I have only seen one other person accrue enemies as quickly as myself and I'm wondering why no one has put a bullet in Georgie Junior's head by now.
20. I honestly believe that schlongy is a little girl up way past her bedtime.
The following might be true about myself:
1. I suck at chess.
2. I have horrible luck with cards and games of chance.
3. I would love to strip the flesh from Calista Flockheart's scrawny bones and feed it to an Ethiopian.
4. I would love to get into a time machine and go visit the Magic Man. Then I would love to take the Magic Man's dust to Nietzsche so that I could watch him trip the light fantastic.
5. I've written and had published over one thousand short stories, ten novelettes, and two books. All fantasy/sci-fi.
The following is NOT true about myself:
1. I love you all.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-06-10 15:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-06-10 15:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-10 09:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My girlfriend call's me a hot geek.
Best kind of geek. The only kind to get the pussy of the hotties. Apart from the rapist geeks.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-10 09:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Geekiness should come naturally...it sounds like you are trying to force it.
People listen more carefully to a whisper than a shout.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-10 09:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wait a minute.
'fitness geek'?
???
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-06-09 23:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the more of these i see, the manlier i feel
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-06-09 22:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-09 18:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to read this. I honestly did.
after a few sentances I couldn't figure out what I was looking at.
and just then I realized that "geek" isn't an impression people get of you based on glasses and bad sweater vests, it's a swamp you get stuck in where the RPG's sprout vinelike extensions that grow over you and pull you under until you don't even see that you're completely enveloped in an embryotic state that IS geek.
scare me!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-09 14:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What, no Sex Geek? Oh wait, I forgot.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-06-09 13:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only ever go out with geeks or normal guys masquerading their geek tendencies. Geeks are way more interesting.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-06-09 13:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-06-09 09:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry... if you've never met a brainy geek chick, you can't possibly win.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-06-09 13:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
18. I've never met
19. I know exactly
18. I'm agnostic and
19. I have only seen one
20. I honestly believe
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-09 12:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
19. I know exactly what I would do if I ever came into power and while it involves a secret world-wide project to slow down the procreational efforts of the planet to put a stop to that pesky over-crowding problem, I shall not tell you the details for then I would have to kill you to insure there would be no one to stop me.
18. I'm agnostic and somewhat hostile about it.
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I saw many things here that boosted your approval rating in my book, but these two alone would lead me to vote for you.
I'd run a campaign based solely on #19. You'd probably lose, but damn how great it would be to bring up the elephant in the room to a national, nay, global platform.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-06-09 09:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first entry that I have read, and there is no doubt in my mind that the contest is over.
Enjoy the extra 15 years of virginity you just won.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-06-09 09:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry... if you've never met a brainy geek chick, you can't possibly win.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-06-09 06:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love the geek chart
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-06-09 04:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMGz i am deh Fitness Geek
Submitted by centaur (user info) at 2008-06-09 04:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
14. I have met someone irl that I met online. Dude sold me a truck and it got stolen. Damnit. I liked that truck.
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see your point 2.
Doofus.
Plus, anyone who can outdrink another human being CANNOT be a geek.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-09 01:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Count it!
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-06-09 00:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess it's better than finding Jebus.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-06-08 23:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stone Prophet was fun
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-06-08 23:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Still waiting for that 6-digit paycheck huh? Because no one who does all shit after age 36 is ever going to get laid...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-06-08 23:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
winner
well, loser, but winner of this 'competition'.