My room mate should be shot. In the head. (864 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.39 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ninja fuck (View user info) at 2008-06-11 15:32:00 EDT
This is a list of things Keptum (cool name my friend's kid named his toy that I'm going to call this kid) (ironic because it rocks like graphite and he doesn't) has done, proving time and again what a complete moron is capable of.
To be fair, I thought he was a normal, semi-adjusted human being (where we worked at the time, it says a lot). He actually picked me up 45 minutes out of town after "sobering off" with our boss because my friend was being a right cunt. Anywho.
On the way home, I should've known. I didn't. It was 6 am, I was tired and sloggy. Between him turning around in the driver's seat and shrilly screeching with a depraved maniacal grin on his idiot face; and silently sitting there, I should've known something was off.
Anyway, ended up signing a lease with this heathen, still didn't know. He even had one of those girlfriend things. Which I found out about three weeks before she moved back for the summer, so apparently he wasn't the best boyfriend, err. He is a guy.
- Three days after signing the lease he tells me he bought a rat at 7am that day. He was high. It seemed like a great idea. Ok, fine.
- Him being a pothead; he ends up, over the course of the next three months, with 8 rats.
- His conniving fat lying hippo of a girlfriend lies with him, saying he's always had rats and I'm a fucking liar.
- I'm in the twilight zone. I want to kill them both. I want these rats to eat out their eyes.
- Wouldn't have been so bad if; well, how THE FUCK CAN YOU KIIILLL a rat?! They are fucking rats, they live in the sewers!
- Rats would die, because he somehow couldn't keep them alive.
- He'd lock his door; leaving said dead rats locked inside.
- Come home weeks later stoned and laugh that, "heehee, come look, Rat is eating Rat! Hee hee!"
- I know I could just write in sentences, but I like lists, so fuck the fuck off.
- I end up moving out midway through the year because I'm sick of living with this idiot; he turns my room into a hookah room (ok, that's cool); trashes it; and demands that I pay him back rent. Found out recently his girlfriend was paying for his rent anyway. I'm not paying him to trash my room and spill beer all over it.
Know what, I don't even want to talk about that year.
Yea, so my friend decides to move back to Chicago this November. She needs a subleaser. You guessed it, Keptum needs a place to live 5 months into when normal people have signed leases. (It's a college town, all leases are the same.) He was going to live with his girlfriend, but they decide that's not a good idea (hippo bitch). He sleeps on his friend's couch for 5 months.
I get into a fight with every single person living there trying to convince them not to let Keptum move in. They will be sorry.
Keptum moves in.
His fat girlfriend ends up moving in. (???!!!?!?!) (Now there is a perfectly good unoccupied apt. three houses away, with both their names on the lease, and no one living there. They aren't the brightest. Well, they are about as bright as the inside of my asshole)
They eat all my food.
They bitch when a chip is missing and start acting like they're in the CIA.
I hate them and hope they die.
Keptum doesn't have a job. Keptum does not go to school. Keptum's mom is dying and should be dead in 6 months. What does Keptum do? Right, continues doing the same shit.
- Will not change or shower for sometimes a week at a time. I was trying to find a subleaser, but he'd come out at 4pm disoriented in holey boxers and scare them.
- Bought a dog. ( I just don't know how he pulled that one off)
- Parked his car (convertible, with the top down) on the lawn. (We had a parking lot, with open spaces.)
- Since it's the midwest, and we had a real winter, it snowed from November to March.
- That car, which they think will still run, is STILL in the lawn.
- He leaves boxes of shit ( I don't even know where he gets this shit) all over the lawn and porch.
- Leaves them there for months. I tried moving them, I really did. He would PUT THEM BACK OUTSIDE on the stairs. The front steps.
- Would leave around 4am every day to "go hang out".
- Somehow had money for a PS3 and 40" plasma.
- When I moved out and left a bed, he actually managed to drag down a 1 year old bed and throw it, yup, on the lawn in the dead of winter. (Gets to be -20 sometimes). I imagine him doing this in his underwear. He doesn't have a bed, he sleeps on a couch, or with his gf.
I moved out. In December. The house has four bedrooms. Him and his girlfriend share a room. There is one room mate left. I warned him; he didn't take heed.
I know this is sloppy and hashed together. And it's not really a list. Every time I think of Keptum I'm reminded again of why I think mandatory abortion should be implemented.
O and he broke my alarm clock, which pissed me off. It's one of those, plug in the wall and it sets itself things. So, alarm 2 is ALWAYS on. Thanks, Keptum!
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-06-12 12:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, that's ridiculous. I'd rate this higher but it was mashed together and hard to read...still, my sympathies.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-12 11:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pity +2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-12 10:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It is a shame that oathmeal rated this highly because this was quite good, especially for a first post.
You sound like a very highly strung person though. Perhaps you could try smoking crystal meth?
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-06-12 10:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have no appreciation for inane babbling.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-06-12 09:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-06-11 16:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
These kind of people give potheads a bad name.
This post was funny but yeah... hard to read. Faulkner-esque.
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oh jesus. this comment needs a -2
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-12 07:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't like your post.
I don't like you username.
I don't like how you diss this stoner.
I don't like your Playstation jealousy.
I DO like your image however.
I DO like your mum!
Still gonna -2 this piece of crap.
*Picking Up Metal Gear Solid 4 in 30 mins whooooo!*
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-12 07:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
(Never put two set of brackets next to one another)(Dumbass).
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-06-12 06:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-12 04:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you used the non-word anyhoo - and then spelt it wrong.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-12 04:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did not read.
You are a pansy if you did not already do it yourself, by blade, so called ninja.
I understand completely if you are the retard in the picture I scrolled past.
I will not verify your receipt of this message.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-06-11 23:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-11 19:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I think the case is still open on that, fagboy.
I'm at least smart enough to avoid that shitty, monophonic 'punk' music made by rebellious brats in their adolescence.
YOU on the other hand seem to be fucking DUMB enough to actually enjoy it.
-------------------------
Okay, now you've gone too far. Oh, wait, don't you listen to "death metal"? Yeah, I saw some of those album covers in HBTS's recent posts. ROFL
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-06-11 20:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your prose is exceptional
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-11 20:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, the "jury is NOT out" on that oathy.
Yeah, this is really weak:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=16436881
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-06-11 19:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
effort and attainment are indistinguishable; and this is the consummation of a slow process; nothing is apparent but dreaming
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We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind and trouble will follow you as the Wheel follows the Ox that draws the Cart.
-The Buddha
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-11 19:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I think the case is still open on that, fagboy.
I'm at least smart enough to avoid that shitty, monophonic 'punk' music made by rebellious brats in their adolescence.
YOU on the other hand seem to be fucking DUMB enough to actually enjoy it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-11 18:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oathmeal is a fucking loser. Case closed.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-06-11 16:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did ghola finally snap or something?
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no, i think it's yeats.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-06-11 16:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
These kind of people give potheads a bad name.
This post was funny but yeah... hard to read. Faulkner-esque.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, she's always been a babbling bitch she just tries to cover it up less now.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did ghola finally snap or something?
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, you're not stupid
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you could organize all these thoughts into something intelligible you'd probably have a pretty good story here.
"This is a list of things Keptum (cool name my friend's kid named his toy that I'm going to call this kid) (ironic because it rocks like graphite and he doesn't) has done, proving time and again what a complete moron is capable of."
What does this mean? How many different people and kids are you referring to?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe I'm just stupid, but this was hard to read.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rambling, broke lesbian below
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-06-11 15:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
effort and attainment are indistinguishable; and this is the consummation of a slow process; nothing is apparent but dreaming