My Negro Baby! (The Last Dan Jaines Pot!) (888 hits)
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Rating: 1.26 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Daniel Jaines (View user info) at 2008-06-12 15:36:15 EDT
Hello User Friends!
This is long so bare with me. It has been a long time from my last paste here on udder site. I had to spend a couple of months in Chinos. It was worse than the Mexican prison where I nearly got corn rolled by brown pines. Let me put down all the gritty denials with my new corruptor, and yes, I installed the Spare Chink so there won't be anal spilling mistakes.
Let me tell you people that not only not only did I get thrown in jail again and not a Mex jail but one right here in the USA but it was my my dearly bellowed Jaylena who called the fuzz on me herself, after she smashed my computer with a Louie's vile slugger and threw me out of the house NAKED so I was standing there on the front lawn with my Denis hanging out for everyone to see and the police showed up and so did a karma man from the FIX television net work and they caught me on film getting aroused by THE MAN and will be sharing it on TV on the famous TV show COCKS!!!
Yes, your fried Daniel Jaines will be appalling on COPS this Saturday night, the 14th of Jones, yelling and getting an eyeful of mouse spray and getting tethered by 50,000 bolts even though I screamed PLEASE DON'T TEASE ME, BRO! and my pixie elated gentiles will be right in your face.
Why would this happen to a fine up standing white man like you Dan you ask?
Because after we went to Last Vegas and got married and came back and moved in to gather Jaylena had my baby on November 111th of 2007 which is of course is a bad omen because we know that 1111 is not good (it adds up to 4 and four is bad the number of the Hymen of the Apocalypse and also the age I was when Lenny Barbaranni the crazy boy from down the street tried to cut off my pecker with a pair of sharp incisors and it is thought to be a lucky number by the Chinese and look how fluky they are always catching diseases from birds and earth cakes. ) and even though the love of my life SWORE it was my baby, THE BABY WAS BLACK!
Yes, Jaylena gave berth to a NEGRO BABY! It made me think back of all the times my friend Nobe said Jaylena was a black girl and I was faking an Egress and I just said he was a retread.
LOOK at my early pasts where I larded at his idea!!!
This is the first time it is said that Jaylena is blank and I am foundered.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43432
Taking about Jaylena here and here and here
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43780
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44265
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45339
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45614
Here we have a very Nancy agreement
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48553
Blades think I AM Balk and Jaylena sexes me
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50449
More about Jaylena's fumble when I visit her parent's house
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52461
TALKING ABOUT MIRAGE AND A PICTURE OF THE ACTRESS WHO LOOKS LIKE JAYLENA! DOES SHE LOOK BLACK? NO! I AM FERROUS!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98689
About Jaylena's father who looks like the actor Janes Earn Jobs who played DART EVADER AND DART EVADER IS NOT BLACK ONLY HIS HEART IS!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98811
This is wear I learned that my love was pronged!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99198
I was contused!!!
I am not a racist (my father is though He was actually a part of the KFC in his younger days) but I do believe in the supplication of the races because Rodney Kong was wrong we cannot all get along (that reams I should put it in a song).
So after we got home from the hospital (they kick mothers out fast, once the after broth is gone they show you the door) I asked Jaylena if she had been riding a big black cake and she got all angry (and sounded southern like she does when she is REALLY angry and usually it gives me a bone-on but this time I was too engorged to have an election) and she said "The OWN-ly thing AH been riding is YO milky white Lik-a-Stik, MISTER MAN!" And she said why would I ask such a thing?
And I said cause that's a little nagger baby, baby.
Jaylena went ball stick. She put that BLACK baby in the curdle that I built with my own two hands and a six pack of beer and then acted like she was going to sex me so I got stripped to the bare ass in seconds and then she threw me out of the house. OUT RAG!
The next thing I new the cops were accruing me with a hate crime and I ended up in Chino where Negroes the size of trucks wanted to tear my a hole apart because the word got around that I was a raisin and the ONLY way to stay alive was to join the Aryan Motherhood so I saved my head and got a swizzle tattooed on one arm and acted like a harass. The weird thing is that while I was avoiding giant black premises and telling my Airing Brothers not to touch my dink in the shower I started feeling bad that I made Jaylena feel bad. She never lied to me about being a darkie but she never told me either and I always thought there was a law that you had to tell if you were a black person or a Indian or a Oriental monkey because my dad always told me so.
Any how when I finally got out of jail I was seriously wondering about myself as a man for the first time in my life and I was filibustered to see Jaylena waiting for me with that little black baby and when the little man saw me he said something wet like WEGOOOO!!! and smiled and his smile is just like Jaylena's like the sun burning through clowns and I laughed (but his pecker is giant he'll be a lady pleasure for sure and don't give me any of that black men have big caulks BS that monster wiener is all mine).
So I said to Jaylena "Am I a racist?"
And she said, "NO Danny, you can't be a racist the way you've loved me all these years. Your just ignorant, baby. But I can fix that."
And so I kissed her and it was like eating a fresh peach her kiss all soft and juicy and the little man made another happy wet noise (I bet I sound just like that when I am shitfaced drunk) and I said to Jaylena have you got a name for him yet?
And she held him out to me and he was kicking REAL strong and reaching for me with tiny hands and she said he is Daniel Jaines Jr.
Something like that cages a man.
So I went home with my beautiful BLACK wife and my beautiful NEGRO baby and I just hope he's gonna grow up as smart and good-looking as his mother cause I got nothing to give him, no money and no talent and no smarts but I got plenty of loving for the little man and I will give him all he needs and we are going to live happily ever after, Amen and good night.
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-10-01 02:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I ever miss this.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-06-26 06:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLEASE DON'T TEASE ME, BRO!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-06-25 18:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy Malapropism Batman!
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-06-15 13:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This time around
I'm stayin' at home
And things are gonna get better
Settlin' in
Lovin' my wife
But then I got that letter
My Black Son
My Black Son
Now each day my heart is gettin' bigger
Don't even remember sleeping with that lady but I did
My Black Son
He's comin' to stay
My Black Son
He's makin' each day
The best that he can!
Also, he's a ninja
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-06-13 18:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-06-12 20:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:41:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
these remain some of the most brilliant posts in uber, evar
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-06-13 07:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-13 00:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Axe. She said why would I axe such a thing?
I thought this was amusing, but all the misspelled words and grammatical errors wore thin after a while. Too much of a good thing.
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STFU noob
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-06-13 03:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-13 00:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Axe. She said why would I axe such a thing?
I thought this was amusing, but all the misspelled words and grammatical errors wore thin after a while. Too much of a good thing.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-06-12 20:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:41:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
these remain some of the most brilliant posts in uber, evar
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-06-12 19:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-06-12 17:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
these remain some of the most brilliant posts in uber, evar
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2008-06-12 17:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait are you a negro?
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Cant read porperly. Innercity schoolchild.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-06-12 17:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, this made me larf like a retread.
Corn rolled, indeed...
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-06-12 17:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
made me laugh
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-06-12 17:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll make this a +2 if you swear that this is the absolute last of these stinking shitpiles and that, if you ever break this sacred vow, you will promise to anally violate yourself on a hot curling iron AND post it on Youtube.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
these remain some of the most brilliant posts in uber, evar
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
is what it is.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait are you a negro?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why the last post?!
WEEEEEP
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao i love this guy
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh, i'll give you paste all right
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the price is wrong, bitch
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REAL people donut care about what altairs have to think so go paste somewhere else.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-06-12 16:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the price is wrong, bitch
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahaha
agnry racsit!!!!
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THE SIXITIES ARE OVER SONGY!!! SO ARE THE SVENTIES AND THE EGHTIES!!! GET OVER IT!!!
You are more behind the tines than the remains of the Australopithecus boisei i seen in a museum.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THAT'S RIGHT...YOU'RE NOT A FOREIGNER...YOU'RE CHARLES NELSON REILLY'S COUSIN. SORRY!
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ARE YOU A FOREI you are so stupid Spongy just a one-note act I bet that was what yur musci career was like too boring then and boring now.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile (+1)
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Jaylena went ball stick."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ARE YOU A FOREIGNER?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
missed you, dan
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
genius.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
earth cakes
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fag.
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PF the reason I posted this was to show that I am not the agnry racsit animal you will see on Cops on Saturday I am really a nice guy and a Patroit.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-06-12 15:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So...that would make bethany...part black?