Geek-Off Entry: Geek This (476 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bael Z. Bub (View user info) at 2008-06-14 04:13:01 EDT
*walks up* *unzips* *unrolls* *drags in the end and holds it up to the light*
*clears throat*
1. My favorite wizard is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. My favorite magical implement is a skull named "Bob".
2. I was raised Baptist, grew into Paganism, and have graduated into a fullblown, manic, and more-than-slightly hostile agnosticism.
3. Someday, I shall kill the mighty Kratos and become the next God of War.
4. I look forward to the day that I can skullfuck the white-haired Jenova spawn in retaliation for killing that beautiful flower girl.
5. When I do so, I shall have a keyblade in each hand. One will be lodged in his throat, the other in his anus. Damned clone fuck.
6. I can't decide if Ctrl+Alt+Del or Looking For Group or Least I Could Do is my favorite webcomic.
7. Bra-man is my favorite super hero. Closely followed by Analog and D+Pad. Just not too closely.
8. I am the Prince of Persia and the King of Blades, bitches! The ass on that one chick though... I could happily break my balls on those chubby smooth cheeks.
9. Lo, have I walked the hallowed grounds of Disney and yea, verily have I feasted my eyes upon the glorious females that earn their pay playing dress-up. Cinderella may be hawt but I would kill for some sushi. *leers suggestively at a small, red-haired mermaid*
10. My favorite paladin is a lad named Cecil.
11. Someday, I shall finish rendering my She-Hulk meets Batgirl and Wonder Woman for some strange monkey love using Maya 8, Poser 6, Toon Boom Studio, PSP 7, my scanner and several dozen mint condition comic books that I have lying around.
12. I think the soundtrack to that will go aluminum.
13. Brokeback Mountain made no sense. My gawds, there were perfectly usable farm animals there! Anything but THAT! Homer Simpson has more sense.
14. D'ja ever wonder why that hawt Lois married that fat jerk-off, Peter? I wonder about that a lot.
15. I need to patent a bending robot.
16. Does the Tin Man look like Bender to anyone else?
17. I can envision a Futurama rendition of "The Wizard of Oz" and I'd pay money to see it.
18. I own more VHS tapes than DVDs but I own more PS2/PC computer games than I do movies.
19. My level 65 assassin just ascended to Godhood. He controls the Thief/Murderers/Assassins Portfolios. He did this by wresting the Sword of Kas from its owner and slaying Vecna once and for damn all. Had to track that bitch across multiple Planes, too. Fucking corpse.
20. This was after slaying B'Haal, watching Vecna slay Iyachtu Xvim, and finding out that I held a sword that was the Avatar of the god Mask. A damned fine run, Darth_Famine. I enjoyed it!
21. My plans over the weekend include (but are not limited to) slaying several would-be Jedi and/or turning them to the Dark Side. I can do it, too. Vader's MY bitch.
22. My cats are named: Yuna, Paine, Tidus, Dizzy, LuLu, Raven, Puck, Mask, Sora, Kairi, Rikku, and I have 8 others awaiting names. Names in the offing: Cloud, Squall, Chewbacca, Yoda, Luke, Leia, Ewok, Kirk, Spock, Pavel, Klingon, Krusty, Furby, and Spike.
23. They're all outdoor cats because they have a bad habit of wanting to lay upon my computer desk while trying to get me to put the litter box under it so they don't have such a long commute.
24. My oldest's career goal for the future: alchemist. She swears that there must be a way to transmute metals and that she will discover it.
25. My youngest aspires to be a video game beta tester.
26. I once watched in horror as my daughter beat the Jabberwocky with the aid of only a butcher knife. I have never been so proud of so much gore in my entire life.
27. Someone once attempted to win my favor by shipping a copy of Diable and a copy of Starcraft to my front door. They didn't but I played the hell out of them.
28. I can't turn to the Dark Side in either KOTOR or KOTOR II. I dunno why.
29. I've written over 1,000 short stories, 5 novelettes, and 2 novels. All have won awards. Most were sci-fi/fantasy.
30. I have written soft-core pornography.
31. I have retaliated upon someone by taking a picture of them and placing it upon a homosexual site along with real home/work addresses/phone numbers and appropriate times to call. Tell them that Chauncey sent you!
32. I have taken a ring of wishes and wished for a tanker load of Vaseline.
33. I have cybersexed while doing homework. I got an A on that paper.
34. I have challenged people to duels of honor. Cowardly sonsabitches.
35. I register for Christian forums and then I spend time throwing logic at them to see if it sticks to any of them. So far, I'm 1 for 1,506. The 1 that stuck caused the entire forum to self-destruct. The forum owner became a rampant lesbian.
36. I would not even go to the store for a Klondike bar.
37. I know all of Elvis' songs by heart. Mom got drunk and cried like her heart was breaking on the day he died.
38. I cried for both Challenger and Columbia. Damn NASA!
39. I have flipped many a burger at a fast food franchise and it sucks balls. Sweaty monkey balls covered in cockroach cum.
40. The only times I've tried bondage games have been the only times when I've really, really required the use of an ambulance. Oxygen would be very good, yeeeees.
41. Someday, I shall step to the foot of Kolvir and glance upwards upon a magical castle, and I shall feast at Bloody Bill's, and I shall walk the stairs of Tir'na Nogth and I shall breathe deeply of the ocean air, look southward toward Rebma and I shall be content and, finally, at peace.
42. I once took a test to see what careers I would be most ideally suited for and one of the top five choices was "Court Jester".
43. The best Bond was Connery. No doubt.
44. I once got a woman to propose to me by using the following: Would that I could gather up time and space physically, my fingers atingle with their untold energies, and wrap them 'round my fingers, shape their starshot fire with my will alone so that I would have known you for always. I curse the days when I knew you not for now I know why they were empty.
45. If you use that, credit the author or I'll sell your firstborn on eBay.
46. I lost my virginity when I was 23.
47. I can sing the theme song for Jem and the Holograms.
48. Scooby-Dooby-Don't, fucker! Shaggy was smoking weed in the back of that van and exhaling into the dog's face! I refuse to believe otherwise! The others were tripping on Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, and that's why the dog talked!
49. I refuse to believe that so many people in America find Seinfeld funny. I've had canker sores on my ass that made me laugh more and for better reason.
50. Seven-Of-Nine was wearing a thong. I loved watching that thing grip her hips. Oh, yeah, baby.
51. Gil Gerard wasn't bad as Buck. I woulda liked to have killed Tweeky, tho.
52. Al Calavicci made a hellua sidekick. Just wish Sam woulda been more willing to indulge Al's curiosity.
53. I own a t-shirt that reads "Catholicism Wow!" Also, a Mooby baseball cap and a long black leather trench coat. I like to stuff the shirt and go as Silent Bob every Halloween.
54. My favorite movie is "Labyrinth". I still think Jennifer Connelly is hawt.
55. I have walked into a porn store and asked - in a loud, imperious voice - if I might be shown the "Deep Throat" section.
54. I have made grown men cry on internet message board forums. I have also made grown women horny in the same milieu.
55. My favorite food is Twinkie.
56. And I've outgeeked Darth_Famine. HA, bitches!
57. And I'm proud to be a geek and to come from a long line of men that fuck anything that moves until the day before they die. When I can't fuck any longer, I'll know the countdown has started.
User Reviews
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2008-06-17 07:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by esceptico (user info) at 2008-06-14 05:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
17. I can envision a Futurama rendition of "The Wizard of Oz" and I'd pay money to see it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
17. It was done in an episode! don't remember which one, but something related to the "what if?" machine
-----------------
Yeah, I think it was the one in season 4.
"Who needs courage, when you have a gun?"
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-14 20:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-14 12:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I tend not to think that I'm a geek.
I date hot bitchy girls.
I still casually play sports.
I drink and smoke.
I am an excellent marksman, and proficient in weapon-based combat.
I drive fast and extremely well.
Etc. Etc.
95% of my social network would not identify me or themselves as "geeks."
etc etc
-______
Yes but outside GTA, you're a geek.
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-14 16:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-06-14 14:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. Bob, you're a skull.
http://www.amazon.com/Storm-Front-Dresden-Files-Book/dp/0451457811/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213467239&sr=8-2
Live with it.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-06-14 13:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not a fucking skull, asshat.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-06-14 12:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Capable of murder as a child below. Apparently.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-14 12:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I tend not to think that I'm a geek.
I date hot bitchy girls.
I still casually play sports.
I drink and smoke.
I am an excellent marksman, and proficient in weapon-based combat.
I drive fast and extremely well.
Etc. Etc.
95% of my social network would not identify me or themselves as "geeks."
etc etc
All this being said, I recognize and understand a disturbing amount of information in all of these geek-off posts. If combined, this information is really the geekiest sort of knowlege base, then I'm gonna have to take a hard look in the mirror.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-06-14 11:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my
*Shakes head, shuts off lightsaber and walks away laughing*
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-14 08:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
29. I've written over 1,000 short stories. All have won awards.
____
How long is your schoolbus?
Submitted by esceptico (user info) at 2008-06-14 05:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
17. I can envision a Futurama rendition of "The Wizard of Oz" and I'd pay money to see it.
22. My cats are named: Yuna...
38. I cried for both Challenger and Columbia. Damn NASA!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
17. It was done in an episode! don't remember which one, but something related to the "what if?" machine
22. my cat is also named Yuna
38. I laughed. Only because human beings shouldn't be allowed to go to space. What's the big deal with outer space anyways?