Don't you hate/love it sometimes? (895 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.12 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Majik_Marker (View user info) at 2008-06-16 21:03:57 EDT
Women have so much power over us... they can get us hard, they can use the whole emotion thing against us... sometime you hate it, but sometimes it's not that bad to be "used". A few examples:
Me and my girl were on my bed making out, and we couldn't close the door because it's at my house, and the 'rents were home, along with some cousins and my siblings. We were making out, which of course wasn't a big deal to my parents because I'm the guy and 'rents never have to protect the guy. They don't want us to have sex or anything... like that'll stop us. Anyway, we were making out, we were having a blast and then she gets a little daring and grabs my junk. I loved it. I was already as hard as a rock, but something about dating someone who was a prude at the beginning, turning into a freak after only two months of dating... it was fucking b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. She bit her lip and smiled, started to rub my dick nice and good. She undid my belt, undid the buttons, unzipped me... I was in heaven. "OH HELL YEAH" said my brain. And of course, I have two brains... the one I use for school, and the one I like to call "junior". Yes I call my cock junior and so does my girl, so shut up. Anyway... "mama" grabbed my cock and started to jack me off. I always love it when chicks do it to you, but like I said earlier it's somehow much more pleasureful when the girl started off as a prude, and you love her and she's changed. I cummed, and she licked up my magic sticky. She kept jacking me off, and she was on top of me. My dad walks in and is like "what the hell" with a smile on his face. Since my girl is on top and is covering it, somehow I stuffed it in my pants, got her over, and hid the "evidence" within a split-second... and my dad never saw. Damn I was lucky.
Now, she knows that she can get me hard really easy, and that I don't even control it when it's just me and her. In fact, I can't control myself around her. She's a very special woman for me, ok? Besides, it's human nature and I'm just a horny teenager, in the prime of my life, and sex is a big part of that. Anyway... one night we were talking about a few select subjects... you can probably guess what when she laughed and asked me if I was hard yet. I laughed and jokingly said "shut up." DUH: I was hard. So in the next act of being used, and loving it, she asks me if I was jacking off. I said no... I wasn't. Surprisingly with the stuff we were talkin' bout. She says "maybe you should" and in a very seductive and sexy voice she pretty much does the whole phone sex thing to me. Very descriptive I might add. That was the fastest I ever cummed by myself. Awesomeness.
And as a moral to my last little story here I say to all you men: you can do the same to your women. It is hard, and they will instinctively fight it, but once you break that instinct you can have nearly as much power as your women in the art of seduction. But you have to be good, and I'm not even saying I'm good.
In this last little example, I was with my woman again. We were on the trampoline in my backyard, making out and fooling around as usual. She beat my meat, which was very fun, and as a giving man I felt bold enough and righteous enough to "return the favor". This was the first time she let me anyway... I'm a very grabby guy. So I start to finger her, and her pussy is tight as hell. Could barely get one finger in, much less two. So I stick my fingers down her pants and play with her a little, to get her more wet and horny, rubbing my fingers on the outside of her pussy. Not too long and she was like a little waterfall. She was trying to hide her pleasure, and I laughed and told her to let herself go. I got her near an orgasm, after much professional fingerwork, and she was still fighting. She was starting to lose it, moaning a little and her body contorting (which is why guys hold women down in sex, they naturally feel the need to explode.) She pulled my hand out, and I was a little displeased because I wanted to give her an orgy, but she had to use that damn protective instinct. Whatever... some other time I will do the deed.
Yeah... well that was just something I felt like typing up. I hope you enjoyed, and keep critiquing me and my writing.
User Reviews
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2008-06-18 10:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Uhh.... so how is the 8th grade going junior?
Submitted by codeMunkee (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I used to have an idiot cousin who ate glue well into his thirties.
Your writing killed him.
I hope you're happy. Douchebag.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 05:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Very rare Jade review below!
Submitted by KirillovianShitStain (user info) at 2008-06-17 19:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why did you write this? Maybe... Why didn't you call this "A shitty description of Me and my shitty girl friend's shitty sex"? But still... why did you write this?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-17 18:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Critique of you: You're a fucking zero
Critique of your writing: It sucks dick, like you
HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY CRITIQUE!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-17 18:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i just hate it
this post, that is
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-17 15:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I finished it.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95920
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-06-17 15:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i lost intelligence and aged years reading this tripe. congrats on the handy i guess.
Submitted by Aussie_em (user info) at 2008-06-17 14:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
punching her in the face would also make you happy
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-06-17 13:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great!
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2008-06-17 13:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Next time you're at it would you please film it? I've got me a hankerin' for some amateur retard porn.
Also I think it is lovely that your people can find happiness.
_________
HAHAHAHA!!!!!
all i could think of whilst reading this was corky and his girlfriend frolicking through a field.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by RadicalEucalyptus (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, yeah; and -2 DIE and all that business.
Submitted by RadicalEucalyptus (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know how official any of this is, but "cummed" is likely not a word, sir.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oops, forgot -2.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-17 10:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fourth, you can't control yourself around her because her pussy holds you fucking hostage, you little wanker. Man up now, or spend your life pussy whipped.
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I second that.
Also, it's "Majik_Marker", the amazing and strangely PerkMan-like retard. I'm not saying anything (well, yes, I am), but these two sorry specimens are awfully SIMILAR...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-06-17 09:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-06-17 09:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Me and my girl were on my bed making out, and we couldn't close the door because it's at my house, and the 'rents were home....
Lost me right there....Get a job and your own place.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-17 07:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, so are you writing in the voice of a 12 year old or are you qactually a 12 year old?
You know, adults do that kind of shit till we're bored of it, yeah I could finger my "woman" (at 28 my woman is actually a woman) till she cums, and then I could fuck her till she cums again, and then pound her till I fill her tight lillte pussy with my spunk, but tonight I just can't be arsed, I'll let her go to bed, stay up late smoking weed and watchin tv poker.
Let me tell you something that will blow your little "i love being jacked off" mind...
Me and a buddy once went into my room after hearing giggles, to find our woman (both very fit, one 22, one 18) in MY bed, finger fucking each other. We proceded to join them, sharing them, spitroasting them one at a time, at one point I had them both sharing the sucking of my cock, I fucked his mrs while she licked out my mrs who was sucking on my buddy. My buddies mrs even squirted as she came with my cock in her ass, all over me and my mrs (who was under my balls-deep-in-ass cock, licking the chicks clit)
now that was shit worth talking about.
Off you fuck with your "my woman (very much doubt she was anything near a woman) jacked me off" story.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-17 06:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thank goodness the internet is here. This means that when you grow up and stop thinking that everything new you discover and do in your life has been done for the first time, you will be able to look back on this and cringe Not only at a horrible bit of writing, but also for being an epic cunt in your teen years.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did you even read this after you wrote it?
If I were God I'd make sperm and egg viability proportional to donor IQ. That way when you finally do get to have sex you can do it all you want and the world won't end up worse off for having your progeny tarding about all over the place. But I'm not God.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Next time you're at it would you please film it? I've got me a hankerin' for some amateur retard porn.
Also I think it is lovely that your people can find happiness.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is why the entire world hates America.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-17 04:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you were fooling around with your 'Mama' on your bed with an open door whilst Parents, cousins and siblings were just outside?
Why is it I hear Dueling banjos playing in my damn head?
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-17 03:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-06-17 02:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow. you have the worst user rating i've ever seen. how do you feel about that?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-06-17 02:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you make me laugh, Phallic.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-06-17 00:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I refuse to lick my own cum off my fingers but i've been trying for the last month or so to shoot a load straight into my mouth.
Does this mean i'm bi?
Submitted by Majik_Marker (user info) at 2008-06-16 23:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, thanks for all the criticism. Sure, I know you hate me and won't let any of my other messages stay front page, but all in all I'm glad for the criticism. Helps me see what I need to do. And no I'm not pussy whipped, I'm just writing whatever shit I can think of. Oh and a special little thanks to 8bithero... I'll try to stop the "..." so much and use them like it was a newspaper. Whatever... keep rating.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-16 23:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-06-16 18:39:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No. Just fucking no.
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There's one dude who ain't getting any.
I no longer believe you are who you say you are. But it's an amusing imitation.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-16 22:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMFG
If the strapon sessions start soon, things will finally be right in the world. Good luck with all that.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you think you have as much power over her pussy as she does over your cock, you obviously have a lot to learn about women.
By the way, you sound like a somewhat aggressive person. Be careful with that.
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117231
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just from the way you describe this trite shit, I can tell you it's going to be a long ass time before you ever have decent sex.
Good luck with that/
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:39:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No. Just fucking no.
First, you used "'rents". Fuck you, you smug little douchebag. Is it that hard to type that extra ONE keystroke. You wasted one with the fucking apostrophe. Little retards like you are why the United States has no fucking future. I refuse to envision a world where our leaders pass bills marked with "OMFG, liek we need phresh waters for the ppl to drink. LMAO!"
Second, you need to learn how to use ellipses. The punctuation "..." is not to hold drama, or make people believe that something un-fucking-believable is coming. It is used to suggest one or more words were omitted from the sentence. But I'll stop there; I doubt you know what they were called let alone how to use them properly.
Third, a hand job. WOW! HOLY FUCKING CHRIST CRACKERS! You must be the macking-est motherfucker to walk the god damned planet! A FUCKING HAND JOB!
Fourth, you can't control yourself around her because her pussy holds you fucking hostage, you little wanker. Man up now, or spend your life pussy whipped.
Y'know what, stop posting here. I refuse to allow you top post until you graduate high school. From the looks of things, I just bought Ubersite a good three years.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the 'rents were home
was where I stopped reading.
Girls jsut want to have fun is playing on the radio right now. I find it appropriate.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well who am I to say that a self-described horny teenager who calls his wang 'junior' and his special lady 'mama' has nothing to teach 'all you men.'
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'I wanted to give her an orgy'
_____________________
I'm not sure that word means what you think it means.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-06-16 21:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL +2 +2 +2