Ally McFeel (481 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.11 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr Trollope (View user info) at 2008-06-18 06:19:11 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117242
Ubersite,how old were you when you first had a play with your beaver cleaver or tuppence?
I was 12 and holidaying with my parents.
Staying at my grans in Brighton and I had a plan. Not that kinda plan. A porn plan.
I walked to the other side of town to a Mr Mugabi's newsagents. I casually glanced at the top shelf whilst pretending to be extremly enthralled by the music playing.
Peering over my shoulder the gentlemen serving was distracted, swiftly I yanked a copy of 'razzle' off the shelf, then carefully picked up a copy of the racing post and snuck the dirty dirty magazine inside.
There was no stopping me.
The racing post and porn, at twelve years old this is quite an impressive haul. Puffing my cheeks out and whistling out of tune i trundled home.
Where should i wank? I decided upon the bathroom, there I stood staring at Jenny from hull, not doing anything when suddenly my skin flute played a song that would become very familiar. So I got on it, not well practiced in this art and having recieved no formal tutoring, i went for it hell for leather.
SNAP
Oh my fucking god
needless to say the banjo string, or mandolin string (which ever you prefer) had snapped.
i curled up on the floor and cried, lying in a pool of my own penis blood.
User Reviews
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-06-18 16:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yay brighton
I would like to shop at Red Mutha
Submitted by KirillovianShitStain (user info) at 2008-06-18 16:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My God. I hate you so much.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-18 15:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-06-18 12:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You might have salvaged this with a more clever filename.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-06-18 10:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-15 14:07:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meow meow meow, puuur skrapmetal's cat ;)
---
Fuck off fag.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-06-18 10:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This place can be quite pathetic with its alter thing. It's almost like Invasion of the Body snatchers. Cant someone Just be NEW? I give up.
---------------------
MEMEMEMEMEME!!
Oh, and who actually damages their penis? I didn't even have any idea of what masturbation WAS the first time I wanked, and I never did anything remotely close to being as bad as that...
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 10:10:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was awfull.
I think I know who littlebint is if she is an alter. Sorry if you are not littlebint, but you sounds very familiar.
--
This place can be quite pathetic with its alter thing. It's almost like Invasion of the Body snatchers. Cant someone Just be NEW? I give up.
___
Gosh, you bite easy don't you? I think you are taking uber just a little bit too seriously. I was just throwing it out there. So what if I or anyone else thinks you are an alter, it makes no difference at all. I haven't anything against alters, I quite like tryng to work out who they are. I'm all for noobs too.
Relax a little. It's only uber and none of us a real people.
--
Not biting Monster Lady just pointing out how tedious it is. I am actually proud of the fact that I havent been here all that long. I like seeing that I havent wasted countless hours of my life on a place such as this. It passes the time at the moment is all.
And believe me when I say that the day I take anything on this place seriously really will be the day I decide to walk out into traffic.
_____
Glad to hear it LittleBint. I can understand how it may become tiresome. I am in compleate agreement with you that it is better to be new, or even just not a regular feature here as it does amount to a lot of wasted time. Uber has served it's purpose for me. I shall be leaving soon and if I drop back in it will be only to glance at the maddness and run away.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was awfull.
I think I know who littlebint is if she is an alter. Sorry if you are not littlebint, but you sounds very familiar.
--
This place can be quite pathetic with its alter thing. It's almost like Invasion of the Body snatchers. Cant someone Just be NEW? I give up.
___
Gosh, you bite easy don't you? I think you are taking uber just a little bit too seriously. I was just throwing it out there. So what if I or anyone else thinks you are an alter, it makes no difference at all. I haven't anything against alters, I quite like tryng to work out who they are. I'm all for noobs too.
Relax a little. It's only uber and none of us a real people.
--
Not biting Monster Lady just pointing out how tedious it is. I am actually proud of the fact that I havent been here all that long. I like seeing that I havent wasted countless hours of my life on a place such as this. It passes the time at the moment is all.
And believe me when I say that the day I take anything on this place seriously really will be the day I decide to walk out into traffic.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was awfull.
I think I know who littlebint is if she is an alter. Sorry if you are not littlebint, but you sounds very familiar.
--
This place can be quite pathetic with its alter thing. It's almost like Invasion of the Body snatchers. Cant someone Just be NEW? I give up.
___
Gosh, you bite easy don't you? I think you are taking uber just a little bit too seriously. I was just throwing it out there. So what if I or anyone else thinks you are an alter, it makes no difference at all. I haven't anything against alters, I quite like tryng to work out who they are. I'm all for noobs too.
Relax a little. It's only uber and none of us a real people.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 09:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was awfull.
I think I know who littlebint is if she is an alter. Sorry if you are not littlebint, but you sounds very familiar.
--
This place can be quite pathetic with its alter thing. It's almost like Invasion of the Body snatchers. Cant someone Just be NEW? I give up.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was awfull.
I think I know who littlebint is if she is an alter. Sorry if you are not littlebint, but you sounds very familiar.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-06-18 08:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lame.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh-huh. And what did your gran say when she saw that you had drenched one of her towels in blood? Did you blame it on a nose-bleed? A rodent bite? An untimely prolapse?
I'm not buying it. I call shenanigans.
==================
hang on!! I hardly put the towel to be washed!
I chucked it.
:(
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Uh-huh. And what did your gran say when she saw that you had drenched one of her towels in blood? Did you blame it on a nose-bleed? A rodent bite? An untimely prolapse?
I'm not buying it. I call shenanigans.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was a big house, I just wrapped a flannel round it once the bleeding had finished, nothing a hospital can do.
you doubting thomas you
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear Banjo strings are quite easy to do in unexperienced hands. I had an ex who had his done by some ex girlfriend and wouldnt let me touch him to start with, he came round eventually.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There is nothing funny about banjo string snapage.
Nothing funny at all, especially when a shit post is written about it.
Off you fuck...
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-06-18 07:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you're lying in your gran's bathroom, cock out but wounded, blood forming a puddle around you, screaming like a stuck pig and with a porno resting open on the cistern.
Is that what you are trying to tell me? Cos I don't believe it. What happened next then? Your mum/gran/whoever walked in to see what the yelling was about? Cos that would take some explaining. Or did you grab a first aid kit, sew your foreskin back up, mop the floor and limp downstairs for a glass of Krusha?
Hmmm?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-06-18 06:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I call mine a tuppence.
'Cept when I am being filthy.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2008-06-18 06:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
simon? is that an insult?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-06-18 06:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu simon