Super Mango & The Jelly Bellies (742 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.78 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Director (View user info) at 2008-06-22 15:57:00 EDT
When I lived in Mexico my cousin nicknamed me "Super Mango." She still calls me that. The reason was because I "discovered" mangos there, and ate them religiously. Like a fucking slob. Granted, it's nearly impossible to "neatly" eat a mango, but I was just fucking ridiculous about it.
Didn't care what I looked like or what kind of mess I made.
It was like a mango orgy. Mango lust galore. It was damn near pornographic.
One of the cool things about living is Mexico is that nearly every home has either a dirt or tile floor. That makes eating a mango basically worry free, because if your floor is dirt, who the fuck cares if there's a little mango juice on it? Our house had tile (we were considered upscale by many - my family was "middle class," which by Mexican standards meant they owned a decent home, and a V.W. beetle.) So it was easy to clean up my mango mess.
They had a little dog named "Mota" who would constantly pee on the floor. That too, was easy clean up.
One of the uncool things about living in Mexico is disease. And kidnapping. And murder. And starvation. I guess that's four uncool things. Sue me.
Yesterday I "borrowed" a bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans from someone I know quite well. I ate them all. They were the "tropical" flavors. Not very good but I was watching a movie (Groundhog Day - pity about Bill Murray, divorce and all) and I find it much more enjoyable to eat something while watching a movie.
I had every intention of replacing them before she came back to town, however, I cannot find pre-packaged Jelly Bellies anywhere in this city. I can get them by the pound at Macy's, but that won't work. The object here is not to just replace them, but to prevent her from ever knowing they were gone in the first place.
Shitfire.
I'm hungry but in all honesty I don't think I want a mango. I haven't really eaten many of them since my return from Mexico. Mainly, I suppose, because the chicks I married weren't really into them, and since I fucking NEVER go grocery shopping unless I'm about to starve to death, they haven't really appeared into my life again.
There is absolutly no reason or point to this post, whatsoever, but I don't really care. I am supposed to be painting a garage right now but it looks like it's gonna fucking thunder and lightening (again) and I really don't feel like getting soaked/struck by lightening. My great-grandmother was struck by lightening when she was a little girl and (obvioulsy) survived. It knocked her on her ass and out cold.
Isn't it weird to think of your great-grandmother getting knocked on her ass?
If you've ever humped a little Mexican Senorita on a tile floor, you'll know that such activity produces an incredible amount of love fluid on said floor. Having previously had all my intercourse encounters on sheets, rugs, carpets and/or sofa's, I really had no idea just how much sticky liquid is produced in that activity.
You'll also know that getting caught will damn near get your entire family excommunicated from a particular religious order, even though it wasn't their fault 16 year old boys have almost no control over their lust.
Super Mango & The Jelly Belly's.
I think that sounds like a really good name for a rock band.
User Reviews
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-12 17:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-23 09:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want some mexican mango now.
Fucker.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-06-23 08:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Mango.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-06-23 07:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
NO MANGO FOR YOU!
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-06-23 03:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great way to take a break from Uber cuntface.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh. you said tittie monkeys. heh.
Speaking of lame stories; my friend and I were just discussing Hillel the Elder, who apparently said something to the effect that the bible is purely subjective except for the parts about loving god above all things and loving thy neighbor as you love thyself.
I asked, "what if you're like me and you fucking hate yourself? Does that mean I can hate everyone else too?" He looked it up and found nothing on the subject, and said, "good loophole dude."
Therefore I hate everybody, and it's legal.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i want soup
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. I always think of Chi Chi Rodriguez.
A friend of mine was driving with a Mexican somewhere. A chipmunk ran across the road. The Mexican excitedly pointed and exclaimed, "Chi-chi-mono!" which translates to "titty-monkey."
Not a great story. Not even a good story. But a story, nonetheless. Kind of.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's even funnier is that my Aunt, who is American and married a Mexican man, has been called "Che Che" (pronounced Chee-chee) her entire life. It's a nickname started when she was a small child here in the states.
In Mexico, that's slang for titties.
I *still* don't think she has any clue about that, but all my Mexican buddies used to snigger when I'd call her that in front of them.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah...how parochially presumptive of me. Here, I though Arizona Mexicans were different.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, it is in Texas too. Even here, the Mexicans call it that. However, my Meskins had no idea that's what that means, and certainly no intention of naming their dog after
That was in the 80's, of course. I don't think it meant that back then. Maybe it did, but not in our circles.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-22 22:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Mota" is Arizona-Mexican slang for weed.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-06-22 18:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My cousin called me Super Pussy until my uncle found out and put his boot up my ass.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-06-22 18:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's good to see that Shlongy is such an impartial rater. Rates the post, not the poster, he does. Good old Shlongy.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-06-22 18:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that"
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-06-22 18:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-22 18:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
super mango
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-06-22 17:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never had tropical jelly bellys. Gotta try 'em.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-06-22 16:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tropical jelly-bellys rule, all the other flavors are crap
it's a 35 min drive to the fairfield factory and i go every 4 months or so to the bulk sales they have
you can walk out with 2 or 3 cases for less than $15