Special Olympics came to my town today; on the road. While I was driving home. Thank you 'tards! (626 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -1.12 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tato ninja (View user info) at 2008-07-01 23:47:02 EDT
I wrote this, (not that it matters and yes I love parentheses) in September of 2006. Not that it matters, just a sidenote, or a pre-note.
Or an irrelevant note.
Well, anywho. Be nice.
We've all seen those missing children ad-thingies. They send them involuntarily to your place of residence, like milk cartons, but no one buys milk cartons anymore. And; no one wants to think about missing children midway through pouring out their morning Captain Crunch trying to start a new day. Maybe that's why they chose to go with flyers.
Anyway. I've noticed that they now do that child-age-progression shit; where you see what they looked like before they were "missing". Usually a cute kid, or at least happy. Every time they "age" them, though, they turn into some weird kind of zombified child that I've never seen to be remotely close to a real person.
Great.
They have computers. They can age them; they are probably already patting themselves on their backs as we speak. Congratufuckinglations>
I'm just saying that if every child that's been kidnapped and "aged" looks at all similar to those pictures, well A) fuck they are ugly, and maybe...just maybe they weren't really kidnapped. But their parents were so mad at them for being ugly they hired someone to come and "kidnap" them. That, or B) my theory that only uggos get kidnapped in the first place, which doesn't make sense. But then, people who kidnap are crazy, and maybe all they wanted in life was an uggo child to call their own. Which; would make perfect sense. I've figured out the entire child kidnapping psyche.
You're welcome
One question came to mind about the whole flier thing...they always put the child's former height and weight. So I'm sure there are people out there looking for a Bobby Jackson 2'7" and weighs 40 lbs who is 14 years old with brown hair and a green hooded sweatshirt with light up reeboks. I don't get it. That's all.
I think I'll go mail out fliers about what a genius I am and what I'll look like in five years.
BTW: I don't think I could've found a better legitimate picture of an actual missing child.
My boner is typing this RIGHT NOW!
User Reviews
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 06:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
twat
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 05:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It is anyhoo and don't ever use the word again for fucks sake
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-02 19:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what the fuck?
i must have reviewed the wrong post earlier.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-02 18:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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I don't know what's sadder, this sad face; my post, or the fact that someone fucking took the time to make it. Or that I'm on Uber AGAIN.
Yeah, that was kinda my point, like before the Amber alerts (or at least before I'd heard them so often I had to know what they were.
Confidence? That sounds like something a 'roided donkey would have. Not me, sir. Unless I'm all jacked up on the H.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-02 13:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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.....\lllllllllllllllllllllllllll/.........\;;;;llllllllllll,-`~-,
......\lllllllllllllllllllll,-*...........`~-~-,...(.(¯`*,`,
.......\llllllllllll,-~*.....................)_-\..*`*;..)
........\,-*`¯,*`)............,-~*`~................/
.........|/.../.../~,......-~*,-~*`;................/.\
......../.../.../.../..,-,..*~,.`*~*................*...\
.......|.../.../.../.*`...\...........................)....)¯`~,
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-02 11:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
some decent lines in here.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-07-02 10:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It isn't that the children look ugly, it's that their shitty face aging software hasn't been updated since 1995.
Also, I must admit that a lot of missing children look like downies/retards - coincidence? I think not. They must be the only ones stupid enough to GET kidnapped.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-07-02 10:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's an "old" -2 for you.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-02 10:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, well I'm used to the -2's ...
It's O-tay. (Full house?)
Whatever. I'll keep posting. I'll keep getting -2's. and then maybe a gem might fall out of my ass by no will of my own.
Pooping rocks hurts
I hate old people. Living below me. And making old-people noises.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-02 08:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wrote this, (not that it matters and yes I love parentheses) in September of 2006. Not that it matters, just a sidenote, or a pre-note.
Or an irrelevant note.
Well, anywho. Be nice.
---
Was as far as I got.
Which is a shame becuase the title had promise.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-02 07:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Well, anywho. Be nice."
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Fuck off.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-02 04:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-02 04:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm, ok, the foreword was completely unnecessary, CONFIDENCE! any disclaimer reeks of impotence.
Which from this post I'm feel that you are.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-02 02:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok. Well, I understand it's like a ... well a special olympics meets geekdom-forum.
I'm gonna go eat nuts out of my ashtray now.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-07-02 02:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hilarious. you are truly talented individual.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-02 02:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O yeah? Your face is shit, bubba. I guess that's what happens when you eat out your boyfriend's glory hole for dessert.
Why are all the people on here such assholes, anyway?
"Why can't we be friends,
why can't we be friends,
blah blee bloo blee dah,
la dee doo dee dah."
(my lyrics are better)
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-07-02 01:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're right; the computer-generated police "sketches" are even more jacked up than the ones that are drawn by actual "artists". For some reason, they remind me of those faces you draw beards on with metal shavings and a magnet. How do they catch anyone with those? What a pile of crap.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-07-02 01:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shit