The Army, South Korea And Russian Strippers With A Mean Right Cross (1060 hits)
Category: PoliticsLabels: army
Rating: 1.83 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (View user info) at 2008-07-02 06:16:31 EDT
2001 was a very weird year for me. I had enlisted in the Army in December of 2000 and completed my training in June of '01. Upon reporting to my reserve unit in New Hampshire I was informed that I had to get my shots updated because I would be taking part of the Annual Training (AT:That two weeks a year crap) the following month.
When I stood in line with everyone else to run the needle gauntlet for the second time in six months I asked the person in front of me why the hell we needed more shots.
"No one told you?" The Specialist asked back.
"Uh, no. If you couldn't tell, I'm kind of new here," I replied.
"Bro, were going to South Korea."
Holy shit.
I had to wrap my brain around that. I just arrived back home and now I would be in South Korea for three weeks. It was a week longer because of all the logistical crap of flying a unit over seas. You had to deal with packing and unloading all the gear plus deal with time changes. I guess it took a week just to acclimate to a new country.
After a long ass flight we landed at Osan Air Force base which is about fifty miles South of the DMZ. Now, the Air Force has a shit ton of money and could easily put us up in a swank hotel or some shit but being as we were just some grunts visiting their house, we had to sleep in tents.
Next to the flight line.
Where C-130's drop out of the sky like pigeon crap every ten minutes.
At any rate, there were shenanigans to be had like any other military installation. People woke up tied to their cots, boots were filled with sand and super glued to the floor and soap was dropped at hilariously inopportune times. That's not the real story here, though.
Two days before we were supposed to go home we decided a night out on the town was in order. When we arrived in South Korea, we were briefed on places to stay out of and all that garbage. Well, as it turns out the places we weren't supposed to go wound up being the most fun.
Before we ventured out, one of my new buddies asked me if he could borrow a pair of boxers because he hadn't done his laundry yet. Since I had bought a new package earlier, I flipped him a pair and finished getting ready to go out.
At about 8:00PM the debauchery started.
The areas in and around Songtan and Suwon were pretty built up but if you looked hard enough you would find some very sketchy hang outs. Of course those were the most appealing to us and we sought them out until we found an interesting building tucked into an alley. When we walk through the door it was like a time warp into the '80s.
Black lights and crappy techno/electronica music was bumping through the wall mounted speakers and you could barely breathe because of the opium smoke wafting about. There were strippers in various states of undress undulating on patrons sitting on couches. It's not a good thing when your first thought it, "Man, that looks unsanitary."
When I walked up to the bar (and I use that loosely, it was more of a plywood box) I noticed a series of circular holes cut in the front of it. Upon further inspection I found small rectangular slits cut in the top of the bar. Two plus two did equal four in this case kids. I was in the presence of a glory hole bar. You couldn't pay me enough to stick my cock in one of the holes. I had no idea what the fuck I was eating half of the time, let alone what would be sucking me off in a plywood box.
After our little group got settled in we really took in the sights. Surprisingly there were very few Korean strippers. Most of the girls there looked like they were Thai or Vietnamese but there was one very interesting stripper that commanded attention.
Imagine if you will a female Dolph Lundgren complete with that short hair cut wearing nothing but a white g-string. She was halfway across the room but seemed to close the distance to us in three strides. One of my Sergeants already had a bit too much to drink and challenged our Russian He-Man look alike to an interesting feat of strength. He bet Ruskie lady that he could do more one handed pushups than her and if he won, he got a free lap dance. If she won, she would be allowed to punch him. Like I said, interesting.
Well, Sarge got down and knocked out six unsteady one armed push ups and stood up all cock sure of himself until the freak of nature posing as a stripper grinned and knocked out twelve strong pushups. She stood up and made some weird sound that wasn't quite laughter and not quite a growl and as my Sergeant tensed up for a body blow old Dolphete reached back to Moscow and right crossed dude right out of his shoes. Literally. He was wearing slip ons and they fell off after he stumbled and fell.
After we looked to make sure he had all of his chicklets the Russian gave him a free lap dance anyway. In fact many people were getting lap dances at that time, including my friend that I let borrow my boxers. A Thai chick was grinding him pretty hard and at that point I decided he could keep the shorts. I
I don't really remember a whole hell of a lot that night except for the fact that I had desperately dragged one near comatose friend up an impossibly steep hill to get back on to Osan before the base curfew and could not find my ID card to get back in.
The next morning our Chief learned of our little adventure and woke everyone up at four in the morning to see who was drunk to try and weed out the people that were there. Part of his little field sobriety test was having us line up on a slope and get in our faces, berating us to see if we would talk. Everything was going fine until someone passed out and rolled down the slope about fifty yards and left a faced sized divit when he stopped.
The plane ride back was pretty quite, partly because we were in trouble and partly because we were all hung over. If there is one thing that the Army has taught me it's that no matter how much discipline and regimentally minded you think our armed forces are, there are always a bunch of fuckwits like us just behind the scenes waiting to cause some trouble.
Sleep tight, we have your back.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-07 03:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-07-07 00:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-07-02 19:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-07-02 18:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucy suggested we gang up and go all Joyce Carol Oates on your ass.
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To combat the testosterone, I'm about to get my Madame Bovary on. Recognize.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-07-02 18:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucy suggested we gang up and go all Joyce Carol Oates on your ass.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-07-02 15:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gloryhole. +2
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-02 15:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-07-02 14:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, hitwhore.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-07-02 13:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-02 12:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by recall (user info) at 2008-07-02 12:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I feel safe.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-07-02 12:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enter a comment here (optional):
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-07-02 11:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicked ass despite a few grammatical technicalities. I liked the conclusion: "If there is one thing that the Army has taught me it's that no matter how much discipline and regimentally minded you think our armed forces are, there are always a bunch of fuckwits like us just behind the scenes waiting to cause some trouble." Initiative is virtue!
Leave it to the Army to send a Reserve unit from New Hampshire all the way to Korea. In four years in the California National Guard I never went farther than San Luis Obispo.
Submitted by The-Armed-Samurai (user info) at 2008-07-02 11:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-07-02 10:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Pa, I told the guys on here that I'm your son. Should be OK yes?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-02 11:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoops
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-02 11:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-07-02 10:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. A real, quality post.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-02 09:52:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Passing out in formation rocks.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-07-02 09:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm tired of this Norman Mailer shit. The last two weeks of my life have been filled with testosterone filled musings of days gone by and whore hands down the front of pants.
Time for me to start wielding a broken coke bottle, methinks.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-07-02 08:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh, well done, sir.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-02 08:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-07-02 08:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-07-02 08:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This blows my pregnant stripper story out of the water.
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Creep, how the hell was the fight?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-07-02 08:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This blows my pregnant stripper story out of the water.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-02 07:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.drunkduck.com/SUBNORMALITY/index.php?p=425134
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-07-02 07:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have previously mentioned (In another post) something about working on "Tranny's" in South Korea. We you talking about the motor pool or the bars?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-02 07:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-07-02 06:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This place is turning into myarmyblog.com
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I know, and not ONE story about watching some dude's head fly apart like wet cake in a sandblaster.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-07-02 06:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This place is turning into myarmyblog.com
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-02 06:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They flew you to South Korea for ONE NIGHTS DRINKING!?