Room 101 - My Three Items. (960 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.07 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by myshit (View user info) at 2008-07-03 06:46:40 EDT
Room 101
Shops/Stores that cannot or will not sell me items.
"Can I take away one of those Sony Bravia 32 inch Flat screens please kind sir?"
"Er.... No. We don't have any in stock"
"Why do you have a big fuck off sign that says 'TAKE ME HOME TODAY' on it?"
"Well, they are usually in stock"
"Can I get it delivered then please kind sir"
"Of course"
"Here is my £500"
"Oh no sir, you can't pay for it now"
"I beg your pardon?"
"You can't pay for it now, with cash. We have to take a credit card number and when it is ready to be delivered we will debit your card"
"I don't want to pay with my credit card; I want to pay with cash"
"You can't"
*Store manager hears commotion (not MUCH of a commotion where I am concerned)*
"Problem Sir?"
"Yes there is a problem, I am standing in front of your chap here with a big wedge of CASH and I want to buy a telly BUT YOU ARE REFUSING TO SELL ME ONE!"
Things that just don't do what they are supposed to do.
Ubersite for example just this morning.
I click on a post by some n00b called tato ninja, no problem. He whinges and whines like a fucking girl that people are minus 2'ing his post so I think I'll check him out. See what else he has been up to.
Internet Explorer informs me that it is 'opening page 117228 at Ubersite.com...' and 5 FUCKING MINUTES LATER IT IS STILL FUCKING TELLING ME THAT IT IS 'opening page 117228 at Uberiste.com...'
THEN... I shit you not.
Proxy Error
The proxy server received an invalid response from an upstream server.
The proxy server could not handle the request GET /m/117228.
Reason: Error reading from remote server
Apache/2.2.3 Server at www.ubersite.com Port 80
Well, I tell you fucking what Internet FUCKING explorer.... Why don't you fuck off of my computer you useless binary piece of shit.
Go fuck your mother, brother AND your cousin right in the fucking arse. Cunt.
Or my Virgin On-Demand TV set up affair.
Pick up remote, press button to change channel.
And NOTHING fucking happens... NOTHING!
Press button one million times in frustration.
4 DAYS LATER the fucking TV switches channel about a million fucking times and I have a epileptic FUCKING fit on my front room floor. Richard fucking Branson is not welcome in my house, I can tell you.
People that ring me up and then start asking 'security' questions
In Lakeside shopping centre surrounded by millions of fucking THIEVES, ROBBERS and FUCKING IDENTY THEFT BASTARDS.
Phone rings.
Me: 'Yeah, hello'
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : 'Hello, May I speak with MyShit please?'
Me: 'Speaking'
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : 'Hello MyShit, this is nareenaparmeena from HSBC Bank'
Me: 'Hello'
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : ' Now, before we can talk I need to run through some security questions with you'
Before we can fucking talk...what have we just been doing then you stupid thick fucking curry loving daughter of a cow shagger?
AND
Hang on a goddammed fucking minute... I have to answer security questions but you fucking don't have to prove you are from HSBC... hang on a goddamn fucking minute.
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : 'What is your date of birth sir?
Me: 'Now isn't convenient'
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : 'But I need to speak to you regarding the huge amount of money you owe us'
Me: 'Too bad, how in the hell do I know you are even from HSBC?'
Me 'You start answering some security questions. What colour is the wallpaper in my local branch of HSBC?'
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : 'Erm... sir, I must have your security questions answered before I can discuss anything with you sir'
Me: 'I'm sorry; you haven't verified that you are a HSBC employee'
Me: 'What is the ladies name who empties the bins in the branch while I am usually in store explaining away my gambling losses?'
Some fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt : 'Sir... I cannot answer these questions'
Me: 'I'm sorry; you haven't satisfactorily answered the security questions I have asked. This call must be ended. I will write to you at the registered address concerning these issues'
CLICK.
*Finds a lovely Ted Baker shirt in the shops.*
*Tries on shirt, makes myshit look homosexual*
*takes shirt to counter*
Overly thin, yet remarkably attractive 16 year old shop assistant: 'I'm sorry sir, but your credit card has been declined'
CUNTS.
User Reviews
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bugblender (user info) at 2008-08-15 09:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No
Submitted by joosyloosy (user info) at 2008-08-11 17:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not one original idea in here. piss
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2008-07-23 16:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HO HO
Submitted by tloshjohnson (user info) at 2008-07-23 14:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bullslinebacker (user info) at 2008-07-23 09:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
None up this shit ever happened
you are only lying to yourself..
*shakes head with pity*
Submitted by DirkDiggler (user info) at 2008-07-22 11:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are so lame, here are not the words to describe you.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-07-22 09:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Last time a bank rang me wanting to discuss something I asked for their name and department and then said I would ring the central office and they could put me through. It's fairly easy. I was even polite about it.
Submitted by artemisia (user info) at 2008-07-22 06:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-07-22 04:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-07-07 10:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post sucked, but I was amused at picturing a telemarketer saying "Hello, may I speak with Myshit, please?"
Submitted by artemisia (user info) at 2008-07-04 10:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would NOT put Absinthe in 101
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-04 09:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nepal is easy, food poising, altitude sickness, you got dumped. Pick one, or all three.
I love Nepal. And mange tout. Sugar snap peas - I mean, so harmless, so cute.
I am beginning to notice orph is quite odd.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-07-04 09:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No, never a child. I appeared here aged 20, and have been confused ever since.
You ask about mange tout? No on ever asks about nepal...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-04 09:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-07-04 14:15:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
1. Mothers with prams or pushchairs the size of a fucking chariot to haul around their special little angels. I hate them and their spawn.
-------------------
I agree.
I used a sling now my 18 month old walks everywhere.
I suppose though you never were a child.
What the hell is wrong with mange tout?
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-07-04 09:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1. Mothers with prams or pushchairs the size of a fucking chariot to haul around their special little angels. I hate them and their spawn.
2. Nepal - fuck off.
3. Mange Tout
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-07-04 07:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-04 02:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-03 18:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a big wedge of CASH and i want to buy a TELLY
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-03 18:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm whin....wait what'd you mash out? WHingy????
I'm whiny? You bitched through a whole post, asstwat.
Barracuda.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 17:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 17:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remembered where I'd seen the last choice or at least a very similar sketch - on 'Phonejacker', I believe it was on C4?
He'd phone up banks and ask 'security questions' to verify who they were. Not the same but very similar.
No one is capable of a truly oringinal thought. All the good ideas have been thought of. You can only improve on old ideas.
That has probably been said before. See?
---------------
i do
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 17:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remembered where I'd seen the last choice or at least a very similar sketch - on 'Phonejacker', I believe it was on C4?
He'd phone up banks and ask 'security questions' to verify who they were. Not the same but very similar.
No one is capable of a truly oringinal thought. All the good ideas have been thought of. You can only improve on old ideas.
That has probably been said before. See?
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-07-03 16:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BORED
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-03 13:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
however, the third choice is troubling me, I am certain it is from a stand up or sketch show.
------------------
really?
This isn't (or at least wasn't supposed to be) a rip off. I actually said this to the lady. I was in CostCo but had to use Lakeside as the venue because it IS filled with Essex scum.
___________
I had to chime in on this, as there is a district of Baltimore known as Essex, and it is full of scum. It stands on line with Dundalk, also filled with scum.
There is a shit processing plant (literally human excrement processing) right on the line between Essex and Dundalk and every year they hold a Toilet Bowl (pronounced Toolit Baul), a football competition between the two districts to decide who has to take ownership of the shit plant for the next year.
I wish I were joking.
http://www.98online.com/pages/promos_photos_toilet-bowl-07.aspx
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-07-03 13:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"fucking Indian cunt of a whore cunt"...Telly...Room101?...TedBaker?..."He whinges and whines like a fucking girl"...
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've been to mt vesion.
the view across switzerland was superb
~~~~~~~~
ha ha ha
smart arse.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've been to mt vesion.
the view across switzerland was superb
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
don't ask what mt vesion is
*sigh*
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/101202
mt vesion.
good enough rant. Phil Jupitus did a great one about electrical retailers..
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ZOMG
Berty = MrShit = Socialist_Joe = I_H_A_K_F = Method = Bart
!!!!!!
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 09:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-07-03 09:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...shut it princess and suck it up
-----------------
Been out bombing lately?
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-07-03 09:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...shut it princess and suck it up
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
however, the third choice is troubling me, I am certain it is from a stand up or sketch show.
------------------
really?
This isn't (or at least wasn't supposed to be) a rip off. I actually said this to the lady. I was in CostCo but had to use Lakeside as the venue because it IS filled with Essex scum.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ohhhhhh... so it wasn't MY internet connection that was the problem. well that's a relief.
anyway, good post, well ranted.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't ask what a ghead is.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------
Had to change my phone number three weeks ago because we were being called daily by people wanting to talk to Mr Sale.
The missus insisted we change it after I started to tell people to Fuck Off, Mr Sale died, or 'DO YOU FUCKING KNOW IT'S SUNDAY YOU COMPLETE CUNT... GET A FUCKING LIFE AND STOP RUINING MINE'
Virgin changed the number no bother.
Sunday night at 10:30 pm I got a call from someone asking for Paresh (or something).
'Can I speak to Paresh please?'
'Nope, wrong number mate'
'erm.... have you just moved in?'
'What is this? 10 fucking questions... piss off'.
The wife sat in the corner shaking her ghead.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 13:29:11 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats it
your complaints with this world seem trivial
cant you bitch about something a little higher on the scale
like your shitty posts and my time wasted reading them
-----------------
Where are people missing the point that this is Room 101... a made up place where you get to dump 3 items/things/people that for no real reason drive you nuts?
I didn't state that these are my all consuming hates... or that they ruined my life... etc and so on.
Just a list of things that piss me off.
Berty *glares*
--------------------------
WHOAH, MYSHIT IS BERTY???
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats it
your complaints with this world seem trivial
cant you bitch about something a little higher on the scale
like your shitty posts and my time wasted reading them
-----------------
Where are people missing the point that this is Room 101... a made up place where you get to dump 3 items/things/people that for no real reason drive you nuts?
I didn't state that these are my all consuming hates... or that they ruined my life... etc and so on.
Just a list of things that piss me off.
Berty *glares*
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2008-07-03 08:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On demand rocks. I have to say that cos I maintain Video-on-demand systems but yea, errrr yea, wooooooooooooo
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'Hello MyShit, this is nareenaparmeena from HSBC Bank'
---
I think I have spoken with her at the Macy's helpdesk
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a complaint.
Some guy phoned my house the other night and asked to speak to some guy I have never heard of.
I say 'who is this speaking?'
They say 'do you know this person or not?'
Me 'who are you?'
Him 'it is regarding a personal matter?'
Me 'i am aware of confidentially laws, but this is my landline, I pay the bill, who are you?'
Him 'do you know him or not?'
Me 'no, not at all, go away'.
I 1471 and get a message saying the bank of Scotland or one of it's companies eg Halifax tried to call. Great security, glad you didn't tell me.
Next day, I get a call on my mobile, a chick from the same place.
Me 'Never heard of him, leave me alone'.
Her 'thanks we will delete your numbers from our database'.
Me 'do you think someone has used my address fraudulantly too?'
Line dead. thanks bitch.
About an hour ago;
Same shitty guy first time around 'Can I speak to so and so?'
Me 'You again'.
Him 'No, we haven't tried this number before'.
Me 'OMG are you freakin' kiddin' me, caller ID came up and it is you phoning on behalf of the Bank of Scotland or one of it's companies'.
Him 'I am not phoning from the Bank of Scotland'.
Me 'you are'.
Him 'do yuou know such and such?'
Me 'What, you mean have I tracked this stranger down, met him, been to see a movie, had a candle lit dinner, and discussed the real him all since you asked me yesterday?'
Him 'we never phoned this number yesterday'.
me 'you are Daniel such and such, right?'
Him 'that is confidential'
me 'Oh fuck off and catch AIDS, wanker'.
Is it ok to say that? i don't care.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats it
your complaints with this world seem trivial
cant you bitch about something a little higher on the scale
like your shitty posts and my time wasted reading them
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a way of talking to customer service people. It helps to be polite, likable and to understand that they are working with systems and procedures. To understand that they are a person who is doing a job and that job is to help you.
People who tend to have these difficulties generally try to rely on bullying, with mixed results. Fat Tony did a post about techniques and methods that can be leveraged against your fellow man to rip off high street stores or financial institutions.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh and the trouble with uber happens a lot. just traffic, innit.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're shit
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ted Baker sucks.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-03 07:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
purely for the first one. I have been exactly in the same position and the hoard of spotty, greasy teenagers 'managing' the store were utterly useless.
however, the third choice is troubling me, I am certain it is from a stand up or sketch show.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-03 06:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WiseBerty
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-03 06:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you drink too much coffee and are poorly equipped to deal with living.
Perhaps you should go live on a commune for a while? There must be some still in operation somewhere. You could go there with your wife (and children?) and just farm your food all day and screw your wife all night.
Then, perhaps, after several years of stress free life you will finally be able to unclench your buttocks.