Defecation Masturbation (NSFW?) (1199 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CATAL (View user info) at 2008-07-05 18:50:38 EDT
Okay, so right now I'm sitting on the toilet. I grabbed my laptop so I could check my e-mail and stuff while I was in the bathroom, right? And so I start surfing around to do something with my time. After a while I get bored and a thought occurs. What do I usually do when I'm bored and in front of my computer? The answer: porn.
The only problem is I'm still on the toilet. I don't know about any of you hedonists out there, but I have never satisfied the two urges at the same time and I begin to wonder if it'll work, how awkward it would be, if I can actually manage to do both at once comfortably and such 'n such.
Even this very moment I still can't make up my mind. So, gentle Uberites, I find myself in a dilemma. Believe you me, I am not looking for advice or feedback on the matter, that's a trifle unnecessary thank-you-very-much. More importantly, I am NOT interested in hearing personal experiences on this matter. Not even from the ladies.
"Then why are you sharing YOUR experience with us CATAL?" You might ask.
For that I have absolutely no answer. I don't answer to you plebs.
And I just noticed my feet are completely asleep, I literally cannot feel them at all. That doesn't seem good. Can't that cause you feet to need to be amputated or something if it stays like that too long? I'm afraid to stand up.
Well, I just had to deal with that, so I've got good news and bad news. The bad news first: Neither of my feet need to be amputated. That's too bad, I was really looking forward to getting a peg leg or two. After that all I'd need to do is cut off a hand, poke out an eye, and then I'd be a Pirate! (Check out that door labeled PIRATE, do you think a Pirate lives in there? I see a door marked PRIVATE.) Of course, I would probably need to learn how to sail. Also my raping and pillaging could use a little work. The buried treasure would certainly be a nice perk. Alas, I shouldn't tease myself with such vain dreams. It isn't meant to be. Oh well.
The good news however, is this little tirade of mine has gone on long enough, as well as that whole issue of having to deal with my Possible Peglegs™, that my dilemma has been solved for me. I'm now done in the bathroom and can comfortably masturbate to hardcore bukkake pornography.
Thanks for nothing.
User Reviews
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-07 18:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i shit while jacking off all the time. i just did it 5 minutes ago. in fact, i'm still on the toilet.
the girls in Pirates were pretty hot and i'm usually not a fan of overdone pornstar makeup and fake tits. Pirates is supposedly the most expensive porno ever made.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't someone else JUST post this picture.
amazing how many uberites go to pirate sexx.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-07-07 13:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My question is - why are half the guys holding tankards? Did this happen at dinnertime, or are they poised to collect any fluids?
Btw, THIS post is Uber - shit you can't talk about IRL.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-07 12:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would you question that? The answer is obviously no. The shame afterwards would be too bad, at least for me. Yes, I still have some shame.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-07-07 08:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-07 06:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusing post with an awesome picture.
This review adds serious geek points to the post though. A nice critique...
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-05 22:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got WoW for my birthday from one of my geeky friends.
I'm god awful at it and that saddens me.
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What's the deal Doodles. No one actually gives a fuck.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-07 04:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Plebs' is a nice word.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-07-06 01:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoy shitting and cumming.
I can't say I care to mix them or read same unless new ground is broken.
Your terra is firma.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-05 23:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-07-05 19:13:39 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Janine Lindemulder is so effing hot in that movie.
A girl i know bought the DVD box set of Pirates for $110.
I swear the market for high budget porn that girls can enjoy is MASSIVE. Who wants to go into business with me?
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I've got loads of contacts
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-07-05 22:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-07-05 22:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Janine Lindemulder is so effing hot in that movie.
A girl i know bought the DVD box set of Pirates for $110.
I swear the market for high budget porn that girls can enjoy is MASSIVE. Who wants to go into business with me?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-05 22:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got WoW for my birthday from one of my geeky friends.
I'm god awful at it and that saddens me.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-05 19:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have that movie on my computer. It's ridiculous. Decent scene, that.