I'm sorry, I'M NEW (865 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.54 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brian <b_kinney69.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-08 19:29:17 EDT
Just fuck off. Just fuck right off.
Fuck.
Today has been the first day I went to work, and was immediately pissed off. No, it wasn't getting stuck in traffic while I was leaving the Starbucks. No, it wasn't going to get the mail from my apartment and finding there was no goddamned mail and I had just wasted my bloody time ( the reason I went to check the mail is I'm waiting for the modem to be delivered from the phone company; no modem = no Internet at home.). And no, it wasn't only getting four hours of sleep last night because the stupid dogs were barking because of a fucking thunderstorm (which I had to drive in the whole way I'm.) I was okay with all this. I was going to go to work with the most positive attitude I could muster. Oh no, my day was ruined by something I had never encountered before.
It was, ahem, 'The New Guy.'
Now, I've grown out of my new guy phase, and now am at the bottom of the totem poll at my office. I'm just above the Polish Janitor and the mutant midget that works in the cafeteria. However, the incompetence of this 'New Guy' got me in shit.
I rely on two other cities to send me information, which I tabulate for the nightly paper. Last night, I didn't get one city's particular information. I thought 'Oh well, I guess they don't have any. La la la what an easy night. I'm going to surf ubersite because everything is ooooo-tay!'
Fuck was I wrong. I came to work today and got told 'You fucked up royally, but I can't fire you because you're the only one who knows how to do this, so I'll only talk about your incompetence behind your back, which will drive you to paranoid fantasies about murdering me in my sleep. Fix your damned problem, quickly. I'm off to a meeting!'
After I glared bullets at my bosses back (I call her Laurie the Bitch), I called down to the other city today to bitch them out, and to make sure they send me the goddamned information or I will drive the five fucking hours it takes to get there and kick their asses so hard they'll feel like they just had prostate surgery.
I was all wound up on no sleep and Starbucks coffee when I phoned. I was going to scream at them until my voice was hoarse and every one else in my office told me to 'Calm the fuck down and take a pill.'
I call there. An unfamiliar voice answers. My rant suddenly turns to pudding in my mouth, and I'm very polite.
'Um, can you guys make sure to send me the stuff tonight.'
"Oh, you're talking to a bunch of Greenhorns. What would be the easiest way to send it to you? Email or should I put it on the wire?" Translation: We don't know what the fuck we're doing, so you're basically fucked.
Fuck you new guy. Fuck you in the ear.
Unfortunately, I've also been in his shoes and know that when people call to bitch you out, you automatically pull the 'It's my first day' card. That still didn't stop me from getting pissed off, though. And what the hell is a Greenhorn anyway?
When I finally got the information, I called down there to make sure they don't forget to send it from now on. The guy proceeds to have a conversation with me about the Triple Crown. Who gives a fuck about the stupid CANADIAN Triple Crown? Talk about baseball or football. Hell, talk about gay marriages for all I'm concerned. Talk about something that matters!
Okay, now I no longer hate you for being the new guy and getting me into trouble.
I hate you for BEING YOU.
User Reviews
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-08-12 14:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read all of this guy's posts, and no he's not my friend, but he's pretty good. Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-08-11 13:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry: immigrant
Function: noun
Definition: foreigner
Synonyms: adoptive citizen, alien, colonist, documented, emigrant, foreigner, greenhorn, greeny, incomer, migrant, naturalized citizen, newcomer, outsider, pioneer, settler, undocumented, wetback
Concept: ethnic/racial entity
(dictionary.com)
This is a commonly used term around these here parts!
We are a mainly Portuguese community and others around here refer to us as greenhorns, greenies, etc..
for example:
'Where the fuck did that greenhorn learn how to drive!!!' It is not a word you'd use as a compliment, that's for sure.
Go ahead, try to use it in a sentence, it's fun.
ha.
great post, nice writing.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-08-11 10:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 cuz you gave yourself +2
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2003-08-11 10:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Liked your other posts better.
Are you by any chance Razor's friend?
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-08-08 22:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
id give you a +2, but you drink starbucks... daily.
starbucks = DIE
Submitted by kinney69 (user info) at 2003-08-08 20:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I went down to move my car, I glared at one of the office girls as she was coming up the stairs. She looked frightened and scurried off.
I can't wait to get out of here at midnight....Six more hours until the weekend, six more hours until the weekend....
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2003-08-08 20:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck, this is like a few minutes after first reviewing this, and i'm pissed off myself. just be reading this, i'm pissed the fuck off! GOD DAMNIT! i hate it when i'm pissed off for no reason. FUCK! i hate everything now! god damn. hoochie MAMA!
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2003-08-08 20:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH! GET PISSED THE FUCK OFF! you have every right to bitch at anyone with ears. feels good to let it out, doesn't it? serenity now...
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-08-08 19:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Brian Kinny, huh? I like you already. Oh yeah, and not a bad post.
Submitted by kinney69 (user info) at 2003-08-08 19:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally, I don't whine like this. But this really pissed me off. My few posts on Uber have been at a level that I wanted to keep consistent. Fuck that, this guy just pissed me off.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2003-08-08 19:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Greenhorn refers to young Oxen because their horns are green until they mature.
The saying has been around for over 500 years.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-08-08 19:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop whining and chill out. You're a buzzkill.
Submitted by jake_plummer (user info) at 2003-08-08 19:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
havent read it yet, but +2 for:
"Just fuck off. Just fuck right off.
Fuck. "
jake