Exaybachay! He who talks loudly, saying nothing! (521 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.42 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CATAL (View user info) at 2008-07-07 13:53:58 EDT
Hey you! Yeah you! And you! All of you! Yes, all of you. Don't talk back to me. I have the floor! No! No! No! No! No! No! You're dumb! You're dumb! You're dumb! You're dumb! You're dumb! You're DUMB! You're duuhhhmmmb..!
Nobody! NOBODY'S LISTENING. Not one body. Not one person at all. Nobody listens to me, not ever. And ever and ever. Why is no one listening?! Do you think I just TALK to amuse MYSELF. Does that sound like something I'd do? Does it? Why would such a person do such a thing? For such and such reasons?! Preposterous! Ostentatious! Aurora Borealis! Camel Stasis! Camel Stasis? What in the hell is that?! I'll tell you what it's not! Unnecessary exclamation points!!!
Who reads this drivel drabble nonsense? Who writes it? Why would anyone post this, expecting a positive reception? Not likely! Stop talking. Stop. Just stop. I can't take it any more! Sometimes my mind fills up with so much of so many ideas of so an insane proportion and magnitude that I feel like my head will EXPLODE! Confetti would fly everywhere and a faint burning smell would resonate in the air. Candy would rain down from the sky pelting small children like sugarcoated hail, embedding itself into their skulls and poisoning our crops! Mass hysteria would hit the streets with such newspaper headlines as "CATAL'S HEAD EXPLODES - END OF THE WORLD", "CATAL'S LAST WORDS REVEALED: THAT COLORED ORDERLY DONE STOLE MY TIMEPIECE!", "RACISM, NOT THAT FUNNY AFTERALL, BILLIONS SHOCKED."
The survivors of the Great Candy Fallout would survive off of Warheads, Sugar Daddies, Milk Duds, and Jolly Ranchers. Cavities would rise up in revolt overthrowing society and take control of the government. The Judicial process would be dissolved replaced with an increased sugar ration and deprivation of toothbrushes. Root canals are issued daily in order to quell the Dentist Rebellion. The rebellion will eventually die out and segue into the Sons of Washington calling for mandatory tooth replacement with wooden dentures. Of course this will only lead to the Age of the Termite, which shall last for one thousand years.
Of course by then I will have reincarnated as King Termite, Lord of the Milky Way Galaxy and champion of Zero Gravity Super Death Ball! My opponents will be pummeled to death my super balls bouncing at such high velocities that they can escape black holes and travel through time via a wormhole colliding with my present self's head causing an explosion of such magnitude that the molecules making up my skull and brain will be restructured to that of CANDY!
The End.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-10 12:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
(?)
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-09 21:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I find
Top Keywords Driving Traffic:
how to smoke pot
nigger jokes
horny teens
ascii middle finger
underage girls
to be amusing.
Those words lead more people to ubersite than any others.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-09 21:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It will speed back up come fall.
Although we've lost about aboutr 25% of traffic since this time last year. http://siteanalytics.compete.com/ubersite.com/?metric=uv
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2008-07-09 20:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, what's the deal? I'm not really complaining, but I remember I would post in the morning and by the night it would be off the front page? It took me a couple days to just realize this, if I would hae multiple posts on the front page there'd be like 3 still up.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-07-09 18:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Remember when your post would careen off the front page in a matter of minutes, and if it didn't get most heated you were just plain fucked?
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2008-07-08 21:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate to laugh at my own jokes, but this still cracks me up:
That colored orderly done stole my timepiece!
And racism is indeed funny, that's why I decided to keep the colored orderly around, even if it is in a cage.
Too far?
Well I was just kidding. But about the hating to laugh at my own jokes, not about the orderly.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-07-08 21:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Poo poo. Racism is funny. Jerk.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-08 13:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
really though....dora's cooch prolly smells
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It smells like Molasses Swamp. You lose a turn when you land on it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-08 05:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I enjoyed the inanity of this, but it was annoying, too.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-07-08 04:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-07-07 20:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
damn...i'm a counselor of 5 to 9-year-olds at a camp this summer and I'm driven to insanity by that candyland game
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-07 17:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's because in the entertainment industry a lot of people began using 'segway' or 'segue-way' as a term denoting the transition from one scene or idea to the next. it caught on, as television terms tend to do.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-07 16:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and i've seen so many people use the spelling of that product name in place of the actual spelling of the word 'segue' that it makes me want to slap someone.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-07 16:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, they are.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-07 16:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aren't segways those little two wheeler things people ride on when they don't feel like using their legs?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-07 16:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm +2ing this simply because you used the word 'segue', you used it correctly, and you didn't spell it 'segway'
why can't people spell this simple fucking word properly? has everyone always been fucking stupid and i never noticed because of my dislike of interacting with the humans, or is this a recent development?
i'm so lonely and confused.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-07 16:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Backpack, backpack...... backpack, backpack!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-07-07 15:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I smiled.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tell your head to hurry up and explode already.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the thing is...how is it that Dora and everyone else has a spanish accent yet Boots...does not?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking mexicans taking all my good board games.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-07 14:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
really though....dora's cooch prolly smells
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-07-07 13:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz