They See Me Mowing, My Front Lawn I Know They're Thinking I'm All White And Nerdy (1489 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.31 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I_can_get_you_a_toe (View user info) at 2008-07-09 10:27:33 EDT
When I was 14 years old I had a boyfriend named Ross, We were together for about 3 months - most of our relationship was conducted on the phone, we would spend hours on the phone together each night - with nothing really interesting to say to each other, there was a lot of 'check out channel two, some guy is gonna....'
He attended an all boy's high school, and I attended an all girl's high school just down the road from his.
One night, a girlfriend came round and during my nightly phone calls to Ross; she started talking to Ross' friend, Steve.
Now I had met Steve once before. Steve was ugly. A fact that I had tried to tell her more than once, however she was convinced that because he had a sexy voice - he of course - would be sexy.
A movie date was arranged for the next day. Upon turning up there, my friend realizing that the guy she thought would be sexy, wasn't sexy at all decided to deter his affections.
For some reason she felt that acting like a psycho would be appropriate.
So there I was, with my boyfriend and Steve sitting outside the theatre waiting for the movie to start, when my friend decided to put her plan in action and started crawling across the movie lobby barking like a dog.
Needless to say Steve thought she was weird and nothing ever came of it.
Ross and I were together for about another month when he suggested I wag school and meet up with him on a Thursday afternoon.
I had never done that before - I had been the perennial good girl up to that point, but it had just so happened on the same day I was to sneak out of school and meet him in a park halfway between our two schools, I had had a big bust up with my two best friends, (We had all chosen the same high school to go to together) and had been effectively 'expelled' from the group of girls I hung out with.
Upset, I snuck out the school gates and went to meet my boyfriend - only to find he had bought 4 mates of his to join us. They had a bottle of wine and a joint, and it was passed around to each of us.
Unfortunately, two girls who were prefects from my high school (prefects were allowed to leave school grounds at lunch time) caught me just as I was taking swig of wine, naïve as I was at that time to wagging school; I was still wearing my school uniform.
They took me away straight to the head of school. At first she just talked about giving me detentions for my absence from classes, I cried and said I was sorry. But then the two girls who had caught me came in and told the head that I had been drinking and smoking dope. Then it got serious.
My mother was called into school, and they tried to get me to tell them the names of the boys I had been with (the boys college and girls college were affiliate schools)
I refused to tell them, not out of loyalty to my boyfriend or his friends, but out of loyalty to the 'drug code' I had grown up with it, my dad had dabbled in selling dope on and off - and one thing I learned was that you never tell who you're sources are. Never.
So they suspended me. It was so surreal, ME! I was the girl who always did well - usually top of the class, hardly ever took sick days from school. And they had suspended me.
Once back from my suspension - my group of friends had completely disowned me - rumours were flying around the school about me, that I had been caught having sex with 8 guys, that I was doing drugs and on and on. I had no friends; the school library was closed due to renovations - so I had no choice but to circle the halls at lunch hour, avoiding people.
I once walked past a group of girls and heard 'that's her' I was so astounded as to how I had managed to become so notorious.
One day a group of Samoan girls, who through the rumour mill, had heard that I had apparently 'dissed' them, set on me as I was walking to my English class. I probably didn't make the situation any better by calling them 'Stupid Coconuts', in the end I came out of that with a black eye.
It was a nightmare, then by chance, a high school that I had applied to get into - one of the best in the city (which had denied me previously) started calling my house, they wanted me to attend their school.
My mother, who had never judged me throughout the whole thing, immediately took me out of the girl's college and I started in a new high school halfway through the year.
I took the placement exams, and had been placed in the accelerated class; it meant I would be taking the qualification exams a year earlier than everyone else my age. It seemed like a new start - a good start.
But this school was so anal, In my class, I became the first to get a detention for wearing a toe ring, the first to get sent out of class for 'disruptive behavior'(I briefly chuckled when the teacher stuttered) and the first to get kicked out of the accelerated class. I wasn't trying to be a 'rebel', I didn't know how to be, but the teachers knew my previous history at the other high school, and picked me up on the smallest infraction.
Shirt un-tucked - detention, wearing mascara - detention, standing on the back of my roman sandals - detention, wearing nail polish - detention, forgetting to attend the aforementioned detentions - after school detention. Not turning up to the after school detentions nearly got me another suspension from another school.
That's when I became completely over it, at one school I was suspended for smoking dope and drinking wine in school hours. At the other I was nearly suspended because my shirt wasn't tucked in.
My boyfriend also didn't last long once I had switched schools. We broke up in the clichéd young teenager way, as in he got his friend to call me and tell me it was over. I, of course took the news with grace and dignity, and immediately started going out with his best friend.
Because I'm classy like that.
User Reviews
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2008-07-18 07:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-07-11 23:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope to enjoy toe's particular brand of cunt some day.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sometimes people just need to take a little step back. I've needed 2.
See Toe - I liked "you" - which is to say I enjoyed the calculated offering of words the individual who sits down at her computer and logs into this god-forsaken place took the time to spewed out.
I thought we was cool, yo.
Obviously I was wrong - that happens. I'm sure you will no doubt marginalize my disappointment - after all, that is the standard fall-back position of the asshole around these parts.
"Its ONLY A WEBSITE" you will likely think as you type in your next snide comment - constructed to maximize my potential e-humiliation and, of course, demonstrating your perceived superiority.
So you go girl - obviously there are still a few people out there who enjoy your own particular brand of cunt.
What can I say? I'm just a nurd who had higher expectations than I should have. My bad.
Thanks for your time, now go fuck yourself with something diseased, etc.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-11 12:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Toe bitch, what the fuck are you doing?
You can do better than this shit!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-11 08:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And how sex-related stains show up more than on old sheets.
Then you can be all like 'Yeah! See that? That's your juice, bitch! Sleep on it!'
I'm only kidding, I would NEVER talk to a lady like that.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-11 08:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot the smell.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-11 08:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who doesn't enjoy slipping between some fresh, virginal sheets?
So cool. So smooth. So comforting.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-11 08:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-11 08:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
New sheets?
Fuckin' bliss
---
Mister, I like that you like that.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-11 08:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
New sheets?
Fuckin' bliss.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-11 07:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-11 07:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rob_berg, you are seriously one fucked up person.
Do you really not realise how stupid it looked to make a big deal about 'leaving ubersite' not once, but twice? and then keep coming back?
And to think you wouldn't be mocked for it? Are you really that ridiculous?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-11 07:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well that wasn't even a mildly interesting anecdote
----
stay tuned for my next installment;
'I Bought Myself A New Bed'
Now, I don't want to give away anything, but I will say that I bought new sheets.
NEW SHEETS!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-10 21:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
doodles pwning all below
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-10 20:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Doodles, Doodles, saying "cause" is perfectly acceptable. He writes like people talk!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-10 09:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-07-09 19:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't know what the fuck I did to land on the sandy side of your vagina... or really much care at this point.
I wonder... how many times has someone called you a cunt to your face? Does it soak up your thong to have people around here despise you?
Well mission accomplished - your consistent negative bullshit has finally evoked a negative reaction from me. Congratulations!
I'm sure it ranks up there with your many impressive life accomplishments of late.
Stick it up your vacuumed box and rotate you crusty fucking whore.
=====
hahahaha...
This +2 is for potentially keeping that retard "retired."
Who "retires" from a website? More importantly, how can they possibly have the maturity level required to raise a child?
I'm sure he'll do fine.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-07-10 09:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have the tendancy to be a real sour cunt around here.
I like that.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-10 09:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-10 07:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Saying 'on the reg' in a serious manner makes you
A. have small penis
B. a virign
C. Possibly retarded
D. lower class
==================================
ALL VERY VERY TRUE, except for B, cause I have no idea what the fuck that is.
Its called a proofread you fucking cock gobbler.
---
Fine, I will proofread if you will learn the difference between 'cause' and 'because'
I'll even help.
What you said,
cause
-noun 1. a person or thing that acts, happens, or exists in such a way that some specific thing happens as a result; the producer of an effect
What you meant,
be•cause
1. for the reason that; due to the fact that: The boy was absent because he was ill.
When you correct spelling or grammar make sure you don't make a mistake yourself.
Because then you just look like a retarded jackass.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-10 07:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Saying 'on the reg' in a serious manner makes you
A. have small penis
B. a virign
C. Possibly retarded
D. lower class
==================================
ALL VERY VERY TRUE, except for B, cause I have no idea what the fuck that is.
Its called a proofread you fucking cock gobbler.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-07-10 04:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why I even bother with you people...
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-10 04:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-07-10 04:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to see Wierd Al on tuesday, expect a review later that night!
--
Well Oh My Gawd, I think a little pee just escaped! Can you not do a prematch review just to give me something before the main event? Tuesday is a long way off!
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-07-10 04:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to see Wierd Al on tuesday, expect a review later that night!
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-10 04:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So did you sleep with the ugly dude steve?
Number of times I had 'Demerits' and black marks for the uniform not being 'Uniform' enough.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-09 23:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-07-09 22:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-07-09 19:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't know what the fuck I did to land on the sandy side of your vagina... or really much care at this point.
I wonder... how many times has someone called you a cunt to your face? Does it soak up your thong to have people around here despise you?
Well mission accomplished - your consistent negative bullshit has finally evoked a negative reaction from me. Congratulations!
I'm sure it ranks up there with your many impressive life accomplishments of late.
Stick it up your vacuumed box and rotate you crusty fucking whore.
Aren't you the guy who's about to have a kid? And isn't this the pregnant chick's post?
And you're talking about sand in the vagina?
Holy fuck you're retarded.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-07-09 20:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Love me some toe.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-07-09 20:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shit
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-07-09 19:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't know what the fuck I did to land on the sandy side of your vagina... or really much care at this point.
I wonder... how many times has someone called you a cunt to your face? Does it soak up your thong to have people around here despise you?
Well mission accomplished - your consistent negative bullshit has finally evoked a negative reaction from me. Congratulations!
I'm sure it ranks up there with your many impressive life accomplishments of late.
Stick it up your vacuumed box and rotate you crusty fucking whore.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-09 17:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-09 21:59:01 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toe...........
----
yeaa.....
-----
How u doin ;)
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-07-09 17:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I control f'd anal and was disappointed.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-07-09 17:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could do better.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-09 17:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A toe ring? You rebel.
---
yep, just one more way to stick it to the man
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toe...........
----
yeaa.....
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
yeah me too
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yozz - Bart banned me then reinstated me for some fucked up reason.
I think he's bipolar.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-09 14:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
------------------------------------
Oathy! Where you been?
FYI - I almost used your camwhore in my last post rather than Sicos.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-09 16:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Saying 'on the reg' in a serious manner makes you
A. have small penis
B. a virign
C. Possibly retarded
D. lower class
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-09 15:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-09 15:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lonely loser, with exactly ZERO friends and no chance for future female companionship, below.
========================================
proof that shlongy get some on the reg...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111094
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-09 15:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lonely loser, with exactly ZERO friends and no chance for future female companionship, below.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-09 14:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4'3" Arnold Palmer wannabe below.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-09 14:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What I want to know is...When does Shlongy get to see your hole?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-07-09 13:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A.D.D?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-07-09 13:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-09 13:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-07-09 13:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-07-09 12:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go back to the part where you were getting shagged by eight guys, edit the story a bit to spice things up, add Morgan Freeman as narrator and I believe you have something here.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-07-09 12:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this wasn't a very good post, toe.
kind of bloggy and pointless.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-09 12:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thx for sharing
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-07-09 12:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
People who paint and decorate their feet do kinda creep me out.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A toe ring? You rebel.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very "john hughes" -esque
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well that wasn't even a mildly interesting anecdote
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like how you write.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toe...........
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this wasn't a very good post, toe.
kind of bloggy and pointless.
i liked the closer though, bit of staying true to character there.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-07-09 11:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this wasn't a very good post, toe.
kind of bloggy and pointless.
i liked the closer though, bit of staying true to character there.
---
ugh, you used the the 'B' word!
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound like someone I'd be friends with.
---
you were beaten up my samoans too?! or was it the inadverdant girls are mean / unassuming rebel at high school?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this wasn't a very good post, toe.
kind of bloggy and pointless.
i liked the closer though, bit of staying true to character there.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW LEIK TOTALLY!!!! FOR SURE!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LIEK OMG!!!
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmmmm, I've not noticed you around. May have to read some of your stuff, I liked this.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes To College
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound like someone I'd be friends with.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-09 10:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck me now