Malady (451 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.23 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by earth collapse (View user info) at 2008-07-10 04:45:38 EDT
I was six when it first happened and it would begin with a feeling of Déjà vu that seemed to last for hours. Then there was this pain that I wish I could forget. It was sharp like the point of a blade, and it would run across my skull, dragging back and forth, carving into my brain. I would fall to the floor in convulsions and then everything would blacken out.
It didn't stop there.
Images like sparks would appear and disappear. At first they were indiscernible, colors and shapes being shot too quickly to be recognized. And then they would shift in intensity, twist and warp and slowly fall into focus, all to the quickening thump-thump-thump of my heartbeat.
When I awoke I remembered nothing at first - the soreness of my muscles, a slight ache in my temples, a strange tingle in my extremities would vaguely hint of the episode. But unlike dreams, the clarity would slowly come later, followed by that same strange feeling of Déjà vu.
I didn't understand them and I couldn't comprehend what was happening. My parents were equally as baffled. Once I had bitten down on my tongue, causing my mouth to fill with blood. My father had held me on the way to the hospital as my mother drove, and they had both prayed the entire time.
I was diagnosed with epilepsy and given a regime of prescription drugs, from Tegretol to Klonopin to Topamax to Dilantin, to which nothing seemed to work. The doctor's called the episodes "seizures," and I had two EEG brain scans that provided no clear etiology. Another series of tests still showed no clues to the cause of my "seizures." I realized then that nothing could be done and that I could possibly live with this affliction for the rest of my life.
Besides that, they could happen anywhere and without the slightest warning. This terrified me. But more than the seizures, I felt terribly self-conscious. Children at school would call me "Shakes," and would look at me with a strange, removed disgust. You could say I had a pretty rough childhood, and I wouldn't disagree, because I can't remember a time when I didn't live in a constant state of fear and loneliness.
By the time I reached high school, I was averaging four or five a week, sometimes even twice a day. I had no friends and my parents who had turned to God had then turned to resent me. They were forced to constantly watch, to make sure that I wouldn't bite my tongue off, or crack my skull when I fell. I don't blame them though, there's only so much you can take.
When I was fifteen, I decided to end it. I decided enough was enough.
After my mother had dropped me off at school, I walked back home knowing they'd be gone. I walked into their bedroom and I took my father's 38 that he hid in a shoebox in the corner of the closet. Thoughtfully, I laid down in the bathtub, clicked off the safety like I knew what I was doing, put the barrel to my temple and squeezed the trigger.
And then I woke up.
There was no blood and I wasn't lying in the bathtub. I was on the floor in my parent's bedroom where both of them were knelt beside me. I still had the gun in my hand, and when I finally came to, I realized I wasn't dead. I had never even done it. I hadn't had the chance. I couldn't even blow my own brains out.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2008-07-13 02:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-07-12 13:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fiction.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-10 13:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-07-10 12:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-10 12:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-10 12:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-10 11:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is harsh for any young person to deal with.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-10 10:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Let's watch what happens....
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-10 10:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-10 10:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Real nice little story.
Having a fucking Eppy!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-10 10:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A note about my rating - It doesn't "Make me smile" to know you have epilepsy. Its just that I couldn't give the post a +2.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-10 09:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just got my klonopin refill about 30 minutes ago. My wife takes the topamax though.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-07-10 09:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
failure
Nah, just kidding. This was too well written to have only one review.
Wake up people!
EC took the time to post something, unlike the rest of you. The least you can do is review it.
slackers.
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-07-10 05:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ill leave the nasty asshole comments for those with nothing else to say. Not a bad little short story. Keep it up